Pudding for Dinner!

He moved around slowly, sniffing at the air, even though it was the ground he was supposed to be paying attention to. Finally he found it-rich and luscious mud, like liquid dark chocolate. He scooped some into his bucket, and then said the magic words. It immediately turned into a soft brown pudding with a heavenly smell. He felt like eating it up himself, but then he realized that impatient customer waiting at home. Feeling quite irritated, he stomped off, intending to visit his friend Tinkerbell first. Tinkerbell was a sad little fairy whose boyfriend was more interested in crocodiles than her, and who had a perverted neighbor Peter and his girlfriend Wendy harassing her, but that is another story altogether.1

As soon as he pressed the bell of her house, he was greeted with a wooden club that nearly missed his head. "Go away you idiot!" cried Tinkerbell, and she made another swipe. "I'm Merlin, you fool!" he cried. "Oh sorry," she said and apologized. She led him into his house and he plopped down onto the couch. "It's the Customer again, right?" He nodded his head. "Okay, tell me, how did you even marry her in the first place?"2

"I never wanted to marry the customer. She forced herself onto me, and how she spends her time whining about how I never do anything. She says I'm ungrateful, and if it weren't for her parents, we'd be poor, homeless, dirty, naked and absolutely wretched. Which is perfectly true, but I don't know why she keeps making threats to leave me. I don't know why she just doesn't leave me and go away like she always says she will."3

"She thrives on your cowardice," said Tinkerbell knowingly. "She knows that you aren't as ungrateful as you seem to be. Honestly Merlin, why are you always kissing up to her? Just let her be okay? Leave her alone and go somewhere far, far away." He nodded his head. "Of course I will," he lied, stashing it away in his mind. Thanks to her advice, he’d run away from the academy, let a snotty boy called Arthur become his boss and force him to make cupcakes every day, and married a fat lady pitying her because no one ever wanted to date her. No children.4

He went home, along with his precious mud cakes. He wouldn't give any to her. She ate them the whole day, licking her fingers, her cheeks chomping down on them, chomp, chomp, and chomp. He found it quite disgusting, but no matter how much he wished, he couldn't take them away. But this time, he would not be kind to her. He would just not give her any of the pudding. But as soon as she opened the door, his resistance faded away. She was a gigantic woman, and he was a thin one. She didn't notice the bones jutting out alarmingly, and the blue veins running on his hands. She simply snatched the bucket away, and, as an after thought gave him one spoon of pudding.5

She sat on the sofa and switched on the TV to watch a soap opera. He abandoned the spoon, and sat opposite her on the armchair, watching her eat. It was a revolting, but fascinating process. First she would scoop up the pudding, letting some of it slip through her fingers and fall on the floor. She was so greedy and hungry for the pudding, that she would bend down and lick the fallen pudding, an act that would make anyone's insides churn to butter. She would stuff it into her mouth, letting out loud moans that gave an outsider the impression that someone was having a hot lovemaking scene going on inside the house. Finally, she would gulp it, licking her lips, and go to wash her hands and mouth, and pat her belly. It was as if she wanted to fill up her barren stomach with chocolate since she could not have a baby.6

He watched her, and even though he despised her, he couldn't help but feel a strange sort of love, a sort of pleasure, that despite his lack of financial support, and his inability to conjure giant feasts out of the air, this woman still loved him, or rather his pudding. She was still dependent on him for her daily pudding-eating fantasy. He admired her voluptuous figure, her domineering nature. She wasn't the woman he desired, but certainly the wife he wanted.7

Suddenly, she started vomiting. She promptly ran to the bathroom and emptied all the contents into the basin. Her hair grew wet and sticky and pressed onto her back. Alarmed, he held her hair back, but it could not stop her. Slowly, her stomach grew flatter, and she grew taller. She started mutating right in front of his eyes, changing from giant to woman, from woman to some alien creature he could not recognize. He looked, terrified, at her looks. She had gained many unwanted facial features, and was now rapidly advancing towards him, her eyes bulging out, and her body growing biceps bigger than the Hulk. In one big gulp, she swallowed him and digested him. 8

Feeling quite satisfied, she sat down on the couch and viewed the TV. They were showing the resurrection of a long-gone heroine in the soap opera. She patted her stomach. So much better than those stupid puddings he made. And neater too. Suddenly, the serial was interrupted by a news flash. "RADIOACTIVE WASTE FOUND IN THE LAKE!" the newsreader proclaimed. The TV went back to showing the heroine's Easter.9

Author notes

Thank you to WritersEffigy for the awesome prompt!

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • SageSyren Greeters member
    May 16

    Edit | Reply
    I laughed. I don't know if I was suppose to, but I did.
    Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
    Brooke


  • perfect paradox
    May 13

    Edit | Reply
    Haha! Some grammar issues but I love how it ended. Perfect! (; Thanks for entering my contest!

    peace,

    .PP.


  • vamplover22907
    May 5

    Edit | Reply
    This was good. I feel sorry for poor Merlin, well at least he didn't eat enough to be eaten himself.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Valkyrie silver member
    April 30

    Edit | Reply
    Merlin as a henpecked husband? HAHAHAHA! Excellent! And mud into pudding...awesomeness! I wish I knew THAT spell. Thanks for entering my contest.


    • Cupcake14
      May 2
      Edit | Reply
      The credit for the mud-into-pudding should be given to WritersEffigy, he's the one who prompted me!


  • Siibillam
    April 9

    Edit | Reply
    Very good, very funny, and I must tell you I enjoyed your ending a lot

    I was gonna point out some grammatical point but it looks like it's already been done


  • Patchwork Comedy
    April 6

    Edit | Reply
    uhh... am I the only oe that found this slightly disturbing? in a hilarious way? lmfao, this was great, had me rofling the whole time ^^, thanks for entering and good luck!!


  • Neomaxizoondweebie
    February 4

    Edit | Reply

    Haha!

    That was great! Very entertaining, and I loved the ending. It was very unexpected. This short story was amazing, and I found little mistakes.

    "Finally he found it-(-)rich..." (there should be a second dash).

    "...but then (remembered) that (he had an) impatient customer waiting at home..." (just a suggestion for a sentence tweek )

    "...was more interested in crocodiles than her..." (this sounds like she's interested in crocodiles too, maybe change it to "he'd rather spend time with crocodiles than his own girlfriend", or something like that).

    "...married a fat lady(,) pitying her..."

    Other than that though, this was a very cute read! Keep up the good work!

  • Persona Dificil
    February 3
    Edit | Reply

    lol

    thats a very interesting ending you have there...


  • Darkhearted
    January 30

    Edit | Reply
    what a horrible women. That last part was really wierd but whatever

    thanks for entering,
    chey-bear


  • Dovina
    January 5

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, very interesting. Poor Merlin, wasting his life away with such a hateful woman, only to be eaten in the end. it made me laugh though.

    Thanks for your Entry!


  • ForestFaery
    December 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this was different but hilarious i liked it thank you for entering


  • WritersEffigy gold member
    December 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I must say. This was different.
    Different how I don't quite know yet.
    But... but different.


    • Cupcake14
      December 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Maybe because you'd never read such a revolting story before.

1 - 14 of 14