Can You See the Moon?

I was walking home with only my shadow that mocked my every move; feeling stalked as I try to keep calm as the neighbors stare at me unlocking the mahogany door. (I don’t really appreciate being the middle of attention.) I slam the door into their whispers.1

“How was the movie, sweetie?” I jump and try to calm my shaking. Dad sits on the old sofa reading a book.2

“Fine daddy, ‘nite.”3

I tip-toe upstairs to my room and lock the door, inhale and exhale slowly, grateful that it hadn’t happened tonight. I don’t see how I could face telling another lie to anybody the next day. I walk onto the roof and watch the sky take it’s time to change colors, admiring how the bright moon and tired sun replace their places, wondering if other people enjoy the painting like I do. 4

Why didn’t it happen today? Why not? I was expecting it to… but it didn’t? I was ready, I was numb with fear and it didn’t happen? 5

When the sky went black and the stars started to smile, I made my way back through my small window and went to bed. I rested my head on the silk pillows and snuggled under the chocolate brown blankets, relaxed and uncertain what would happen tomorrow. And that scared me, I want to know what will happen and be ready for it. I hate being startled and awkward if the surprise behind the corner is too big for me to handle. 6

The next morning I woke up groggily, I just wanted to lay there in the warmth and soak up all the sleep I could. But I knew Mother would never approve, so I eventually talked myself to get ready. I dressed in my favorite red cotton dress with the white lace collar and matching one-inch black high heels. I brushed my straight, dark brown hair which most people comment way too much on, and meet Sadie at the bus stop barely a block away from my house like we do every school day; my common routine. 7

“Hey Roxy, how was the movie last night?” Sadie had pulled up in her blue Corvette Roadster, or how she likes to call it, “Maxxie.” 8

Everybody calls me Roxy, even my teachers. But my real name is Roxanne Alexandria Adams, two first names, not a middle name. When I was born that was when my parents had started thinking about what to call me, but couldn’t pick between the names Roxanne and Alexandria. So they chose both. Unfortionaly they didn’t think it was to long. 9

“Yeah, it was fine. A strange ending but it was all right,” I sighed, stepping into the car. “We gonna pick up Chris today?” I ask, trying to make conversation. 10

“Do you mind? He doesn’t have to work today and I’d hate for him to walk. What if somebody would jump him?” She gasps. “I bet daddy or momma both wouldn’t even pay the medical bill.” 11

Chris Carter, a sweet-loving 15 year old boy who only wanted to finish high school was being neglected for being a greaser, a hood, by his own parents. I felt guilty; thinking I had it bad. But at least my dad knows I’m there… in a way. “Of course I don’t mind. You don’t have to ask, I love your brother like he was mine.” I admit with a slight smile in my voice.12

“Thanks. So are you still thinking about getting a dog?”13

“Yeah, I think so. It’ll give me something to do, you know? I might get one of those Collies that the Johnson’s’, our neighbors, dog is going to have soon.”14

“How you gonna pay for it?”15

“I don’t know, I’m still thinking about it. Don’t forget to take the turn up here!” I scream about 5 feet from the turn she was supposed to take. The simple dirt road, that had weeds on the outside, blended in with the small trailer houses with swing doors and at least two windows for each wall. 16

Sadie and me stepped out of the car and walked onto the porch with the sound of crunching gravel at our feet, and knock on the door. “Come on in!”17

I open the creaky door and follow Sadie into what seemed like a living room. If anyone could see the floor it would be a miracle. There were week-old pizza boxes, crumbs, beer bottles, cigarette packages, milk cartons, and even comic books everywhere. I bet if they saw an inch of the wooden floor, they’d put some kind of trash in that spot to cover it. It was like walking into a dump without any guard dogs. “ARF... ARF... grrrr….” (I stand corrected.) A huge, gigantic Rottweiler with a deep scar over his left eye and sharp teeth a jump right on top of me, and clobbers me to the ground. He was gigantic alright, but he was so gentle. He had the sweetest eyes and licked my face to the bone. In a second he was pulled off of me and I managed to pull up myself off the ground with the help of a good grip. 18

“Thanks, um?” I had no idea who he was, but I liked him immediately. The 5’ 8”, 4 inches taller than me, boy was well-built, had reddish-brown eyes, and deep brown silky, straight hair that was pushed back with grease and a comb shined in the light with a stunning glow.19

“Hi, um… I-I-I’m…” the beautiful bad boy was stuttering, and couldn’t seem to remember his name. I couldn’t help but giggle. “My name is Gator!” He remembers motionless. “Everybody calls me Gator.” 20

“It’s nice to meet you, Gator. I’m Roxanne.” I shook his hand gently and couldn’t seem to let go, but eventually I did, “Ok! We ready to go?”21

“Nah, not yet. Chris is still taking a shower. Ya’ll go wait in the car and I’m gonna eat something.” Sadie gives me a wink, an action I quite understand.22

Gator… and I… alone, was super nerve racking. I knew we weren’t going to do “anything.” But still! He was gorgeous; I had to think of something to talk to him about. He climbed into the back seat and stretched out his legs as I sat up front and crossed mine, on over the other. “So… um, is Gator your real name?”23

“No,” he chuckles once. “My real name is Levon.”24

“That’s a pretty good name. I like it.”25

“You do?” He looked shocked.26

“Yea, I think it fits you better than “Gator”. But that’s a neat nickname. It’s unique.”27

“Hm, I guess it is.”28

“Why do they call Gator anyway?”29

“Ya know? I have no idea.” He lifts his body up to kneel on the leather car-sofa, gained his body on his knees and comes inches to my face. “They’ve been calling me that since I was literally born.” I just nodded my head which followed with a silence. “If you want,” he said. “You can call me Levon. I don’t mind.”30

I give a little, polite smile, and he gave one back and chuckles again. “So was that your dog?” I ask. “I’ve always liked big dogs but my dad thinks I should have those small snobby, yappy dogs.” He chuckles again.31

“Yea, he’s mine. His name’s Mack.” He responses with a smug smile.32

“I love him! He’s adorable.”33

“Well he got some other chick dog pregnant. Maybe you can sneak a puppy into your house.” It was my turn to laugh.34

“Maybe,” I roll my eyes. “So…”I wanted to keep our conversation… but what do you say to someone you don’t know?35

“Yeah… Not much to say, is there?” He pointed out.36

I look up at him with curiosity. “How come I’ve never seen you before? I’m over here at least five times a week, for nearly a year and I never even heard your name being brought up.” 37

“Well… um…” Levon was trying to hide something, as it seemed, but why? I decided it didn’t really matter.38

I lightly put my hand over his that lay on top of my seat, “Levon,” I waited until he looked up to my gaze. “You don’t have to tell me. It doesn’t matter right now.” I start to slide my hand away, but he reaches over with his other and puts my hand back on his. He holds it with intertwined fingers, “It does… It does matter. But I’d rather not tell you the whole story… I just… I was in jail, Roxanne.” 39

My face stayed calm and reasonable, as my thoughts were the same. “And?” His face went blank, and then confused. 40

“What do you mean ‘and?’” His tone was outraged, but his gentle touch soothed me. 41

“I don’t care what you did, Levon. It doesn’t matter right now.” I gave him a smile.42

His look changed now, transformed into nothing I’ve seen before. Okay, scratch that, I have seen that look. But it was only in movies, and explained in love stories I have read. Love. Oh! Oh no. 43

I give out a small giggle to change the silence, “Why are you looking at me like that?”44

His expression doesn’t change, he shrugs with a gorgeous crooked smile, “I dunno.”45