I.1
To my wife Mary.2
I have sexually abused our child intermittently for the past six months. I can no longer control my lust and I cannot live with the guilt of having done the terrible things that I've done. I can see no solution other than suicide. I'm sorry.3
Please understand, I wasn't like this when we got married, or even by the time we conceived Michael. It started properly long about two years ago.4
When I first felt those desires I was scared. I was afraid to talk to you about it. Michael was so young, I was afraid you'd hate me for it. But now, there's no way you won’t hate me for it. If it's any consolation; I hate myself too.5
This is all my fault. I'm sorry.6
Goodbye my love,7
Gabriel.8
II.9
[Not addressed to anyone]10
I am taking my life because I have done things to my own son that no-one should ever be forgiven for. I'm truly ashamed of what my lust has led me to do.11
The act of paedophilia is a disgusting thing to anyone when they are sober of the lust. I can't imagine any paedophile, anywhere in the world, not having, at the very least, a few introspective moments everyday where he realises what scum he is. Paedophilia is worse even than rape. It is raping the most innocent of people.12
After I had committed it for the first time, and the unnatural desire had subsided, I realised that what I had done was tantamount to murder. I would have taken my life that very night had I not believed that I could change.13
But changing was so hard. I couldn't talk to anyone. There was such a stigma surrounding my problem. I had no-one to confide in or who could listen without judging and offer help and support. Maybe if I had gotten some, then I could have changed and things would have turned out different.14
Nevertheless, I know that I can't justify my actions. Nor can I change myself at this stage. It’s rooted in me. I can't get rid of it. There is only one way out.15
I'm sorry everyone. This is all my fault.16
Goodbye,17
Gabriel.18
III.19
To my son Michael,20
I’m sorry.21
I cannot apologise enough for what I’ve done, and for what I'm about to do. I don't expect that you'll ever really forgive me.22
When you get older and are let read this I hope you'll understand that it wasn’t me; your father who did those things to you, it was someone else. I'm sorry.23
Please remember that your father always loved you.24
Goodbye,25
Gabriel.26
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Hm. I think I might take that advice.
But on the other hand, while I don't know too much about the psychology of rape, I think that given the prevalence of sadism as a sexual desire, that a lot of rape would be motivated by sexual desire rather than agression and anger. -
I do not know if this matters but apparently the statistics show that the incidence of biological fathers abusing their children is very low. It is usually a step father. That may lend a greater air of believability to your story to make it the step-father.
I didn't like that this story propogates a myth that rape is motivated by sexual desire rather than agression and anger.
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wow, amazing and incredible. it's haunting and chilling-i love it. great write!
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wow, wat an emotional write. i actually enjoy letters. confessions especially. they are personal and work better than words when some of us refuse to listen. good job
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Oh my god these letters sound so real, that is kinda scary. I never could imaigne this when i clicked on this poem, but I gald i did. This poem s awesome. A lot of people when they write stories/letters (unless these letters are true)they don't have a reality to them. But you have so greatenly caught that. Awseome Job
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i like it but it sounds very true.. is it?? wow well done, very touching x
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this was a little wierd. but i liked it. it gave me chills. great job keep it up.
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Well, I'm glad it wasn't from personal experience, but I suppose everyone knows how they feel about a peadophile, but they dont know really how the peadophile feels, this was agood way to put it into perspective, while I still think it is probably the worst thing possible, after murder of course, I think that it defenitely allows us to look into the mind of those who we never expect to fall into such a habit and then do..
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it was good and all but i think it trys to make people feel bad for the pedophile. I mean he deserves alot more than just a suicide with an apology. He deserves a pison gang rape with a castration ending in him choking on his own testicles. but thats just the way i feel toward pedophiles. its only my opinion but i dont think its wrong. I mean whos gonna actually agree to pedophila being a good thing???
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Worry not. This originally started out as a musing on the nature of responsibility and free-will. I'm an 18 year-old. So it's certainly not past experiances.
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disturbing
the real scary part about this is... what inspired this?
im lost for words... brilliant job -
such a chilling write, it literally sent shivers down my spine. there are no excuses for child abuse, two of my closest friends were, as children growing up into young women, robbed of their innocence and childhood. it has taken one friend to finally over come this terrible experience, but now, as the person who sexually abused her has been accused of abusing her younger sister too, the whole world has been put into a very different perspective. paedophilia is a mental problem, which cannot be explained. or excused.
anyway, this was indeed well written, yet spine chillingly disturbing x x
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