The Knight slouched as he pulled himself up the hill. His scabbard created a small trench where it made contact with the ground. Today the fighting was cold. Today the blood ran hot.1
He reached the top of the hill, loosened his gauntleted hand that still held tight the hilt of his sword. Letting it fall to the ground. He dropped the standard clutched in his other hand,2
reached up, removed the helm which covered his face.3
He surveyed the blood soaked battlefield, wiped the sweat from his forehead, looked to the sky and then he began to sing:4
I have won today, a field.5
With valor and sword-point sting,6
I have stood beside my countrymen7
To fight, to save our King.8
For what is gained in battle9
Is achieved with dignity10
For King, for God, for country11
Will be free.12
I have drank from raging rivers,13
I’ve gazed upon the sea,14
Climbed its mighty mountains,15
Slept amongst the trees.16
I’ve tasted dirt in battle17
To breathe its jubilee18
For King, for God, for country19
Will be free.20
God look upon my brothers21
Who sleep with you tonight.22
God, please give me the strength I need23
To fight another fight.24
And when my time is over,25
And heaven comes for me,26
For King, for God, for country27
I will be free.28
The Knight reached down and picked up his sword, wiping the still-wet blood off in the grass. Then, returning it to its scabbard, wiped the remaining sweat off his face, smearing dirt across his forehead. Retrieving the standard, and in one hard thrust burying its end deep in the ground, letting the flag with the double serpents whip in the breeze.29
Carrying his helm, the Knight walked down the hill. Standing straighter, he reached the bottom. Lifting himself into the saddle of his mount, the Knight turned his back on the field and spurred his horse into a gallop away from the hill…30
Peace Abel31
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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you have a very well consrtucted style.it remined me of tolken. the song was great. i can tell you're a very developed writter and admire this delightful piece of work. i hope you expand upon it and add some more provocative themes.
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the only other piece of writing i've read of yours are the Victims poems, and this is completely different, yet it is still very good, although i can't help but think of...
There was a decorated General with a heart of gold
That likened him to all the stories he told,
Of past battles won and lost
And legends of old
A seasoned veteran in his own time
On the battlefield he gained respectful fame
With many medals of bravery and stripes to his name
He grew a beard as soon as he could to cover the scars on his face
And always urged his men on
But on the eve of a great battle with the infantry in dream
The Old General tossed in his sleep and wrestled with his meaning
He awoke from the night to tell what he had seen
And walked slowly out of his tent
All the men held tall with their chests in the air
With the courage in their blood and a fire in their stare
and It was a gray morning and they all wondered how they would fare
Till the old general told them to go home
He said: I have seen the others
And I have discovered
That this fight is not worth fighting
And I've seen their mothers
And I will no other, to follow me where I'm going
So
Take a shower, shine your shoes
You got no time to lose
You are young men you must be living
Take a shower, and shine your shoes
You got no time to lose
You are young men you must be living
Go now you are forgiven
But the men stood fast with their guns on their shoulders
Not knowing what to do with the contradicting orders
The General said he would do his own duty but he would extend it no further
The men can go as they pleased
Not a man moved their eyes gazed straight ahead,
Till one by one they stepped back and not a word was said
And the old general was left with his own words echoing in his head
He then prepared to fight
He said: I have seen the others
And I have discovered
That this fight is not worth fighting
No, And I've seen their mothers
and I will no other
to follow me where I'm going
So
Take a shower shine your shoes
You got no time to lose
You are young men you must be living
Take a shower shine your shoes
You got no time to lose
You are young men you must be living
Go now you are forgiven.
Go now you are forgiven
Go now you are forgiven
Go now you are forgiven, go
~ "The General" a song by Dispatch
very good -
Oh am I glad I came a cross your work, I love the poem with in a story concept, both captivated my attention. That poem made me want to stand up and puff out my chest, i could feel how proud he was to be fighting for his country. Unbelievable work here, consider yourself bookmarked.
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sweet action
i did enjoy reading your story/poem/work of art...it was one of the best things ive ever read on AP...besides my own work...haha...great write and i hope to read more like this from you in the future -
thank you for the comment...i just wanted the reader to get the feel that it wasn't this knights first battle...something that the older code knights might sing...maybe i'll change it to "i've"...Peace Abel
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this is a strong read which could be made stronger with a bit of tightening. For instance first stanza line 3 does not need the have. It could read: I stood. Little things like that would make this a great read.
mary -
Your really brought me back to the medevil times with this one, and I was slain by it's wonderful traits.....Great write
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Good use of imagery. I could see it all playing out before me. (though the picture was a help too!)
Also, the song was well metered. So all in all, it was a good piece. -
I think that what i like most about this one is the fact that
it comes out of nowhere... like a scene out of some great epic,
one that allows the reader to be dropped in to hover over it
all...if that makes sense. While reading it, i felt like i
was surveying this chivalrous Knight...watching him...and i
almost felt as though i could hear his heart beat...and know
just what he was feeling throughout.
Now, in my head...i have been filling in the blanks of how the
"story" may have begun...and even moreso...where it might go.
Whether you add new installments on this one or not...i loved
how you allowed my mind to wander to places i would not think
of going otherwise. You do that to me all the time, you know.
You write these words...no matter if they are your children's
stories...your dragon riders...your slices of life...or your
love songs...and i can truly feel them...become a part of them.
THAT is a gift...and something few can do to me when i read
them...there is magic in your fingers...
and you write good too
hahaha.
Excellent, as only you can pen.
Ann
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Excellent
Oh, Abel, this is a magnificent piece, so exceptionally well-written! As others here have said, the imagery is fantastic and the writing flawless. Can't get any better than this!
Love and hugs, B♥nnieQ
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I liked the visuals. I could see a knight in my head doing this. The picture really helped. One thing I didn't like was the color of the text. I had to highlight it with the cursor in order to read it. I also liked the way you ended it with "...". Keep it up.
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I oved the unique style, the language was great and it was all topped of by that beautiful picture!
All in all, a write to be proud of.
nice one
*PrettyLikeDrugs* -
Perfect Piece!
Such meaning, so poetic, and the way you seperated it, like a story write, and then the poem, just great thinking on your part my brother, and I like the way you have displayed your words upon the page as well, very captivating with the picture and all.... Great work my friend!
Thanks for sharing, and pen on poet, pen on!
Amazing write, really, excellent!
-Timothy The Poetic Weaver~~~~~~~~~~~
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