Gerald almost didn't see the note as he thumbed through the circulars and magazines for house number 1074. Its stark whiteness blared against the mahogany door. In a neat hand the paper proclaimed:1
"Call the police, and help yourself to the contents of my fridge."2
Gerald didn't own a cellphone, he'd survived 67 years without such a convenience. He stared at the note for a few seconds, and for the first time, he wished he had one.3
He turned quickly, searching the sidewalk for anyone who could help, but the street was empty. He noticed a car parked in the driveway of the 1074's suburban home. On the outside, there was no sign of forced entry. He had no idea if that was the case inside. Wondering what the fridge had to do with any of this, he shook his head.4
Puzzled, he couldn't ignore the urgency of the situation. Suppose someone needed help? Shutting out all objections, he tried the doorknob. It turned easily in his hesitant grip. He eased the door forward, only opening it an inch before he stopped.5
His hand shot back and he stepped away from the door. The dark gap ceased to widen and he cursed himself for being so stupid. He might have contaminated a crime scene. 6
The note stood silent, urging him. Maybe he wouldn't get in trouble if he just went in to check. The note did give him written permission to go in. The time, according to his wristwatch, was 10:37. If he didn't do something quick, he scolded himself, he would be late for his next route. 7
He pushed the door open and was surprised by the brightness inside. From the porch, he could see a long hallway opening into a dining room, complete with a mahogany china cabinet and matching dining set. He swung his foot onto the wooden floor, lingering over the threshold for only a moment before he swung the other foot over.8
A low pounding began in his ears, and his small chest rose and fell with his shallow breaths. After taking a few steps forward, he noticed the door off the right of the hallway was open, and that it lead to a living room. From his position, he could see a leather couch, and the next step, a mahogany coffee table.9
One more step, and he saw the mahogany end tables. When he stood in front of the door, he dropped his bag and fell back into the wall, knocking a picture to the floor. His eyes darted to the mahogany rafter before he scooped the handle of his bag from the floor and scuffled back to the porch, his breathing painful and broken. 10
He thought of the rafter, pictured the rope hanging from it, and most of all, he thought that the man affixed to that rope matched not one bit. He felt very queasy as he read the note for the third time. "...and help yourself to the contents of my fridge." 11
Author notes
Edit 12/22/08:
For the spoiler:
This is dedicated to David Foster Wallace, who, had his wife been out of town during his suicide, might have arranged this very thing. I, personally, would be very mad if my husband left me to find his dead body. If you can't wait until I'm on a business trip, at least buy me a ticket to somewhere tropical during that week!
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Interesting. There wasn't anything leading up to finding the body and had I not read it twice I would have wondered what was actually going on.
I didn't know why the person would be sorting through the mail. Didn't guess it was the mailman until he picked up his bag.
didn't guess it was a suicide...not even after the mailman entered and still as he got to the livingroom.
His eyes darted UP to the mohagony rafters might have been a good clue. For those who aren't familiar with what rafters are or where they are located in the house.
'he thought that the man affixed to that rope matched not one bit'
compared to what?
The story is a good one and While I enjoyed it but, had to read it twice to get the general idea of what was going on. Normally, a bit of mystery is good in a story but, not if it has the reader wondering what was supposed to have happened.
I think opening the story with the mailman making his rounds and coming to this house and seeing the note would have been more feasable....as if so-so was making his daily rounds, it was 10:37 a.m. and...continue from there...
It was pretty vague the lead in and the ending ended in the same fashion, had it not been for the A/N I wouldn't had guessed that a suicide had ocurred.
He saw the mahogony tables and fell back against the wall in surprise and then looked up to the rafters... It would have been better if he had seen the tables and looked up then been surprised by what he saw...
it's a good story but, you did it an injustice by being too vague and cutting it short too quickly, the sentence structure is quirky and leads to confusion.
These are just suggestions of course, it is ultimately your story and reads well enough although leaves the reader out of the loop as it is written, and fails to engage the reader who would have an uneasy feeling that maybe, the writer had written it for his own benefit.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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Love it!
what a curious note...I'd have to look too.
I was only briefly confused because I apparently cannot read, instead of "knocking a picture..." I read "kicking a picture..." Nice one, I know.
Poor Gerald, even in this short a story, I grew a little attatched. He was so adorably concerned and then he had a surprise like that.
as far as your author's notes go: I agree. Send me away, dont make me find that. Leave a note for the mail man, and certainly tell him he can have his pick of the contents of our fridge.
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wow - this was very good. i liked the simple descriptions that gave a lot of effect, and it was a lot better than i though it would be. it was great. i especially liked the humourous little message in the author notes and the inclusion of the 'help yourself to the contents of my fridge' eerie, myseterious and overall good.
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Excellent
wonderfully eery and disturbing, the real contemplation is that the man in all vagueness over the thought of suicide could not see there was anything strange in offering the contents of his fridge, the last thing anybody who found him would even consider doing. well written
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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It was a cool story.
language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 3.
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I liked the story up until...One more step, and he saw the mahogany end tables. That is when it just cut off on my browser window. I think I am having a glitch on these storywrite pages. I willattempt to come back later and read the rest. hope it is there. Good story so far!
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very curious short story!
i would like to know a bit more about the man who hung himself.. unless not knowing adds more to the effect.
it's a good read but i'd suggest adding a bit more in the last paragraph, describing the scene because it's a bit confusing.
other than that, good job! -
Going from the description, I assume Gerald is a 67 years old mailman.
I also assume the note was pinned to the door, placed there by the occupant before committing suicide (or maybe by someone who murdered the occupant).
I enjoyed this short story for the simple fact it had me guessing all the way through, wondering what was going to happen, which means good writing.
A lovely little story with a very good beginning, middle and end.
Well done and thanks for sharing such an enjoyable write.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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Weird. What was the story exactly about, I couldn't understand. Like why he was so interested in house no 1074. Strange. And there was nothing about the fridge either. Planning to extend it? No spelling or grammar mistakes.
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