Death

Death1

Everyone is born with a certain magic, something uncannily special about them that makes them unique. For some, they go through life never knowing what it is and others go through wasting their talents for personal gain. But a few, a very select few, know what it is that makes them special and just let it happen. That's what happened to me.2

Have you ever woken up knowing, just inexplicably knowing, that something is going to happen? That the piece of news you've been waiting for will finally come? Or the person you've been attracted to for years will finally ask you out? That was how I woke up thirty seconds ago in bed next to my boyfriend. But it wasn't anything so nice or pleasant. I woke up thirty seconds ago knowing I was going to die today.3

A cold, damp sweat covered my body as I panted for breath. I didn't know how or why, but I knew I was going to die today. The room was dark but I could still see my posters. Probably about six a.m. Amazing. I know I'm going to die and I still can't sleep in. Sitting up, his arm falls from my chest. 4

"What time is it...?" he mumbled, groggily scratching his head. His short, curly blond hair was a mess but that was to be expected. It was first thing in the morning. That was when he fully woke up. He had noticed the sweat trickling down my arms and the cold look in my eyes. 5

"What is it? What's wrong?"6

"I'm going to die today."7

He tried hard to hide a sceptical look when he heard that but I knew him too well.8

"I'm not kidding. I'm going to die today."9

I felt his blood freeze as he realised I wasn’t joking. He knew all about my feelings, like how I knew the day I heard I was going to Canada that I would hear that day and how I saw my sisters' cat die three weeks before it happened. I even dreamt of how I would meet him, and that was only a year ago. He didn't want to accept it.10

"Was it one of your feelings?"11

"Yes."12

Silence. He couldn't handle it. Damn. I should have slipped out before he woke. But that's how it always goes in the comics, isn't it? The hero always slips out without telling their partner and when the partner learns they can't speak to each other. They feel betrayed. It's better he found out now.13

"I'm going to take a shower."14

Silence again. He couldn't comprehend, couldn't absorb it all. My manner was cold and he didn't know how to handle it. Neither did I.15

A blisteringly hot shower later and nothing had changed. There was an electricity in the air that hummed with the anger, resentment, sheer force of the feelings between us. He hadn't even looked at me. Was it cowardice to sneak out while he was in the shower? I didn't know. Felt like I was betraying him, slinking out when he was not looking. I couldn't think. Returning an hour later, I couldn't even remember what I did. I walked. That was all. And he still couldn't look at me.16

"Look at me."17

No reply. No outward sign he even heard me.18

"Look at me. I'm going to die today and I am not going to go out not speaking to you."19

A single, solitary tear ran down his cheek. I wiped it away. I didn't know how much more I could stand. He hadn't even said anything.20

"Have you eaten?"21

Nothing. Damn. Why was he doing this? I should have been spending my last day alive living it to the max alongside my boyfriend, not having problems speaking to him. Again, this happens so often in the comics that I should have seen it coming.22

"I'm going out. If you're not going to speak to me, I'll find someone else."23

I reached the door before he said anything.24

"Have you told anyone else?"25

"...No."26

Silence again. I stood there for a minute waiting and as I started to leave:27

"What are you going to do?"28

"I don't know."29

"This is stupid. Why are we fighting? Are we fighting? I just can't -- won't accept that you're going to die. But if you are, I want to be with you."30

"Thank you."31

The next few hours blended into each other as we did all the things we could together, savouring the last few moments when we were together. Just as we emerged from the restaurant, I saw him. Dan. Homophobic jerk. And look, he's brought friends. Our eyes locked. He wanted this to be a confrontation. The conflict. Hero versus villain. I led us in the opposite direction, through alleys and back streets in a desperate attempt to get away. It's not that I was afraid for me. I was afraid for him. He had to get away.32

"Keep going. I'll hold them back."33

"What? Hold who back?"34

Great. He hadn't even noticed.35

"Dan and about five other guys. They want to kill us. They're homophobic. Very. Now go. I can take them."36

"No, I won't leave you to this. You always face everything buy yourself. Not this time."37

"Go. Now."38

And he does. The cold look in my eyes must have been the one. The one that freezes the blood. They were here. Turning, I surveyed the opposition. Yep, six of them. One knife, one boxer from the looks of it. The rest were unknown. Probably no real threat. No words. But then the fight scenes are always the least worded parts of the comics, aren't they? 39

Knife swing just caught my t-shirt. Punch only just skiffed my chin. Another fist connected solidly with my cheek. Ooh, one of the others had finally joined in. Now I could claim self defence. Fist in knife-boys stomach put him down. Elbow smashed number two's nose. Oh, boxer-boy had got me in a chokehold. Stupid. The back of my head smashed into his nose sending blood splattering everywhere. And look, Dan had finally stepped up to take a shot. Too tangled up with boxer-boy. Wind punched out of me by Dan's fist in my stomach. His foot in my face. Needed to get my bearings. Needed to get it together. The knife. He was coming. Knife lashed into his shoulder. That was going to leave a mark. The other two must have vamoosed. Just me and him. C'mon, you idiot. Say something. Make me lose it. The hero always gets the second wind. Always because the villain goes and says something that really angers the hero.40

"We're going to play a little game here, queer. I call it 'kick the queer'."41

Thank you. You just made my day.42

"No games."43

No thought, just action. Right hook across the chin spun into a left elbow in his cheek. Comboed into a double spinning kick followed by a sweep. Advancing on him. He saw his mistake. One last waste of energy on his part resulted in his arm being broken in three places and a roundhouse knuckle backhander which dislocated his jaw.44

"Did you like that, Dan? Because I can still go a couple of rounds. You see, this is why I don't lose it more often. Because someone will get hurt. Now leave before I really hurt you."45

"Wow..."46

I had told him to leave. He had been watching from the corner since the fight began. Dan slunk past him toward the street. Why had he stayed? He knew if they had finished me then they would have gone after him.47

We stood there questioning each other while Dan stumbled out onto the street. Lights. Bright lights. Heading straight for him. I saw them. He was about to get run over. I should have let it happen. Not many people would have missed him. I mean, I could save him. I knew I could. But was it worth it? How many people had this loser brought misery to? How many more would he bring misery to? I should have left him to face his fate... but...I couldn't. I had to at least try to save him. I ran. Fast and sure, I leapt. Pushed him out of the road. That just left me. And then a thought occurred to me. This would be the heroic sacrifice, wouldn't it? Sacrificing their life for their greatest enemy. Was this the way I went out? In a blaze of glory saving someone else's life? Even if it was this arrogant git? Was I ready for that...? 48

Hell yeah!49

Author notes

There is a continuation in 'Living Death'

A contest entry

Have you read "Living Death"?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 53 of 53

  • Sonic Banana
    August 28
    Edit | Reply
    What..... ...................... Why did you make them gay? I feel like that ruined the tone... sigh.. the writing is excellent, story idea is amazing


  • Justin-M-Bernard silver member
    June 28

    Edit | Reply
    It was first thing in the morning. That was when he fully woke up. He had noticed the sweat trickling down my arms and the cold look in my eyes.

    I had to reread this paragraph to get what you meant. At first was confused about him fully waking up, and I wasn’t sure when ‘that’ was. Was ‘that’ referring to the first thing in the morning, or his hair? Upon reading it over I realized when ‘that’ was. Ultimately it refers to the moment that the following sentence occurs, the moment he notices the sweat and the eyes. Maybe it was a brain fart or something but perhaps other readers may find that unclear or confusing. I would recommend rephrasing or using punctuation like an em dash or semi colon to link the two sentences together.

    "I'm going to take a shower."

    It’s not evident until two paragraphs later who said this, and yet you still don’t tell us directly. Only by context does the reader know who would have said that. This I like. It makes the reader think rather than spelling everything out for them.

    Most of your dialogue seems disconnected from your narrative, chock it up to writing style or whatever, just making a note.

    The ending was great, giving this short piece some definite weight to it.

    `J


  • Marisalyn13
    May 22
    Edit | Reply
    goooood job


  • HaydenLautner
    May 3

    Edit | Reply
    No I haven't but I will read it. This was really good, I love the whole sacrifice for the enemy thing. Is there a continuation to this chapter?


  • Cupcake14
    March 8

    Edit | Reply
    That was...unexpected.
    no, and i don't wish to, if your hero is going to die anyways. *sob sob*
    Best of luck in all your contests!
    By the way..why didn't he claim self defence before?


  • SoundInkMusic
    March 7

    Edit | Reply
    No, I haven't read "Living Death," but I liked this piece well enough. I enjoyed the main character's outlook on things, his acceptance in the face of what he couldn't change, and his willingness to go in against so many people on the day that he knew he would die - that took guts. On the whole, this didn't stand out to me -that- much, but I did enjoy reading it.

    Thank you for entering, and good luck with the contest.


  • iPoopAThug
    November 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Nope

    Wow I like this though. I like the premonition and the fight. The way the fight felt disjointed actually fit the situation and I liked that. The last part made me laugh a bit though with the going out as a heroic sacrifice. Good write.


  • Dassy
    November 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    That made me smile. You did a great job with this, and it was truly captivating and vivid. Excellent job, and good luck in the contest!


  • On.Cue
    September 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    No comment. Lost for words =)


  • YaoiQueen Killa
    August 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    XD

    I loved it, thanks for entering it and not making it long winded


  • rockin.reader123
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I loved the whole sacrifice for arch enemy thing. It was brilliant! And how when they were fighting you used short fragment sentences to convey how your thought process really works when your in a fight (or so I've heard) My favorite part was the whole "We're going to play a little game here, queer. I call it 'kick the queer'." That was hilarious!
    However, rule #5 was in the notes you had to say your favorite movie and you did not, but I think it's a silly reason to be D.Q.'d for not telling me your fave movie. And I'm willing to give you a second shot. Message me by the end of the week and tell me if you put the movie in.


  • lexiconsthedevil
    July 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    so cool. thats all that need be said. but little side note. the fight scene was a little confusing but i figured that might just be the style. anyways...great job@


  • Springs gold member
    July 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Lol. I'm sure I've commented this before; it was in one of my old contests, but I just saw it in another newer contest and I wanted to come back and say how much I loved it should've got a better place in my contest.


  • Tarja
    June 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I was left to intrigued by this I had to go and read the continuation. This is a beautiful story with a very strong message. I think it was wonderful. Everything from beginning to end was pieced together so delicately. I think you have a lovely story here. Well done and good luck.


  • whatami
    June 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    D4mn,

    You made me cry. Feel good now? XD I hated the ending. Hated it so much I loved it. Great beginning, it swallowed me whole. Loved it all. No, but I'll be sure to read "LD". Great job, and good luck.


  • checkmate-
    April 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Hmmm... I love the storyline, but I am just sort of- I dunno - I just am not a fan of how it kept being brought up that Dan was a homophobic. However, I love your characters, and the twist at the end! It was very suspenseful. Good luck, keep writing, and thanks for entering my contest!


  • J.R. Coleman
    February 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It was good, intense and suspenseful. Not really my kind of reading, but I still enjoyed it. The narrator's last thoughts were perfect for the outcome. Well written, especially the fight scene. Good luck in the contest.


  • OkapiShomapi
    December 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "what it is and others"
    I think you may want a comma between is and and, just to help comprehension with the complex sentence.

    I like the comic book part. Nice way for the narrator to reassure himself.

    I also like how the narrator's boyfriend reacts to his proclomation. It seems...real. It seems masculine and feminine at the same time (he gets angry like a man, then ignores like a woman) and that's perfect, because it means everyone can relate. Nice writing.

    Dude, where did this guy learn all his fighting skills?!

    Oh, his last thoughts are perfect.

    I really like this piece. I think the other one is better, maybe because it leaves more to the imagination, but I think this one definitely gives a sure message (one for all the homophobes out there). The fight scenes got a little long, I think, but then I'm just not too interested in those so I shouldn't be judging them.

    Um... yeah. I don't really have anything critical to say, other that what's above. I love these characters, and I'm sorry the narrator had to die. That's a compliment to your writing.

    thanks!

    annye







  • Dark Wanderer
    December 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wow, nice twist

    Hey, thanks for entering my contest. I like your story, found it funny, and amusing, and simply loved the way your character questioned the things around him.

    Also, that was one hell of a twist at the end. For a moment there I thought he would survive the day...until he sacrifices himself to save his enemy...hahaha, simply wonderful. I wonder if I'd do the same if I were in his shoes...

    Good luck for the contest. Keep writing well!


  • still yours
    December 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like it. I like how he knows that he is going to die and wants to spend the time he has left with his boyfriend. I also like how he sacrafices himself for his enemy. Good luck.


  • shadowed.love
    August 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    FUNNY!

    I like how u add emotion into the script
    And u made it humorous
    Good luck in the contest

  • Springs gold member
    August 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Nice beginning, makes me want to read it.
    Good use of questions; they involve the reader.
    I liked the twist at the ending, very nice.
    Anywho, this is a short comment, which people don't usually realise means that I like the piece so much that I didn't concentrate on any mistakes or other such things.
    Very good.
    I've also taken note of how many good comments you've receeved for this.


  • Nickolasjames
    August 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Nice twist at the end...I was expecting something totally different


  • xxxWhisper-Sorrowxxx
    July 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this one. The short sentences in the fight scene really brought out the fast paced action, and I like the way you had me thinking for a moment that the homophobics were going to be the cause of the main character's death. Then the story turned around, which I actually didn't exactly expect. Just one thing, though:
    "like how I knew the day I heard I was going to Canada that I would hear that day and how I saw my sisters' cat die three weeks before it happened." This sentence seems a bit long and confusing; I had to read it abut twice to understand it properly.
    Other than that, this was excellent!


  • Saej silver member
    July 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I've commented on this before, and as I said, I liked it. The idea you've put into the character, that he actually knows he's going to die, just doesn't know how, is amazing to me.
    To quote a movie I saw once. "A man who knows he's going to die and can stop it, but doesn't... wouldn't you want to keep that kind of person around?"
    I love that he realized right before he was going to die how he was going which he didn't when he woke up that morning. I believe, in that moment, he could've stopped, or prevented, his own death. The fact that he didn't, definetely says something about his character.

    But wait... does he actually die?... hmm... Guess I really do have to read the next one.

  • On.Cue
    June 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was interesting
    I liked the beginning
    Erm, you had an apostrophe mistake and spelling mistakes.

    Other than that, good job =)


  • mydarlinghamburger
    May 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This was good...

    Could u jst IM me which option or Options u want me 2 place it in??

    I really enjoyed it. especially the way it was written like an internal monologue

    Keep up the good work

    Thanks for entering my contest

    Good Luck

    Frm MDH


  • Saej silver member
    May 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    That was one interesting read. I guess I'll have to go read the next one. lol. It was good, I liked it.


  • Kevan gold member
    May 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is great. I'm sure it wasn't just me who thought he was going to be killed by the group of homophobic jerks. And then he died saving one... I wonder what they all think now. Anyways, excellent job and I look forward to seeing more of your work in the future. Good luck in my contest and thank you for the entry.
    ~Kevan!~


  • asthray.heart
    April 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    What an ending but then he said he was going to die...I guess he did. I will look for the next part.

    Good detail fight scenes are the best. Was this based on a comic, comic scenes came up alot in this.

    Wishn you well my dear and hoping you hav luck in the contest.

    Lady Madeline.


  • creativediva
    April 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is great, good luck!


  • Holey Pastry
    April 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this story, it was cool how you kept refering back to comics, something anyone can relate to. Awesome write, kudos!


  • LostSoulOfRage
    April 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    thnx for entering and im so srry for the late comment, it was my computer.
    anyways i loved this story. it was very well written. good luck and keep up the amazing work.


  • Vietbabe909
    April 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    i like it...

    i dont care if this story is gay or straight. whatever. i like this story, what i didnt like was you didnt explain who was talking in the dialogue. overall the story was good. thanks for entering my contest!


  • kenddrraaa
    April 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Well, i don't quite get how this has anything to do with love and hate, but i still enjoyed reading it. Thanks for entering the contest, good luck.


  • robert davidson
    March 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    very good

    A premonition of his death and he goes to his death to save an enemy. A very moving story. Thank you for entering my contest.

    Robert Davidson.


  • Hopeh
    March 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    very interesting. Well written


  • kelseyo
    February 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i meant concept, not contest, by the way

  • kelseyo
    February 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very interesing contest. However, I must protest as you broke my one rule, less than 1000 words. Nonetheless, great story and good luck in my contest.
    xoxo
    Kelsey


  • Kari gold member
    November 18, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This write is really good. Congrats to your win in the contest. I can see why it won.
    Kari

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Cly
    February 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    It was an awesome write. Congradulations on winning the contest! I think your character has...oops, had...a hero complex. It was good! Bye! Happy Dadsvnlasortl!

    ~Cly~


  • flipflopinTM
    February 23, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    i would avoid using oohs and ohs, they draw attention to the author which you want to avoid.
    arrogant git? spelled wrong. Very good i like the comics references.

  • Jinxgirl
    February 21, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    really an interesting story idea, and told in an experienced manner. I liked the uniqueness of the couple and their personal quirks. different way to die too. overall an engaging story.


  • WiltedRose0777
    October 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This was very interesting. It was cool that you made the main character kind of psycic. That would have to suck knowing that you're going to die in a day. I liked how the couple resolved their problems and spent the last day together. However, you may want to make it more clear in the biginning that it is a homosexual couple. I got a little confused. But other than that, good write.

  • Cold4ever
    October 9, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is great, kept me interested the whole way through, great write.
    -K-


  • Rain86
    October 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Wow this was absolutely interesting. Thank you for entering my contest and I wish you the best of luck!

  • Indrid Cold
    August 3, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I rather liked this story. Kind of a bad ass feel to it. Very good and very interesting. I will be waiting for the continuation. No mistakes that I saw.
    Wonderful job, and keep up the good work.
    Dominik

  • pozo
    August 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this was a very powerful piece I'm not sure about a sequel/continuation, though, as I thought he was going to die at the end
    There's one small spelling error here ('buy' instead of 'by') but apart from that it's perfect. It has great description of their love and also a powerful description of homophobia
    Keep writing and thanks for your enty
    All the best,
    Pozo


  • tieed
    August 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow, very passionate! You wrote this with such emotion, it's great. I loved the narrator and his attitude, and the ending was just so good! You're very talented!


  • Rose Of The Night
    July 20, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    AWESOME! Oh man I loved this. Yey for male love for one of his own gender. This was an awesome story. My favorite line has to be "The next few hours blended into each other as we did all the things we could together, savouring the last few moments when we were together." One word, awwww! I know how it is to be in love and how it feels to make the most of those rare moments, amazing!

  • John Thorne
    July 20, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I must agree with those above posts. I enjoyed reading it. I do think it will be interesting to read the rest of it, and I wish you luck in this contest.

  • Why not i ask
    April 29, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I liked this story too! Good write. One thing though, I didn't know that they were a gay couple until you said that Dan was a homophobe, but other than that, a very good write. It hit quite close to home for me, because I am a bisexual with a number of gay and bi friends and we all have to endure a large amount of abuse from homophobes. Especially seeing as until recently me and my friend Josh's greeting wasn't just saying hi, we always kissed on the lips as a greeting. Dunno why. He's just cute.

  • archraphael
    April 27, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Very odd, yet good story. The rest of this is going to be very interesting from the looks of it.

1 - 53 of 53