After Spanish, I had gone to Jazz Ensemble, where I was greeted by way-too-excited girls who could not stop ba-do-ba-do-bop, ba-do-ba-dee-doing, AP Euro, which the mystery boy and two other kids I recognized were in, and Brit Lit, where I had the pleasure of sitting next to Ashley Granoth due to that awful method of alphabetically ordered seating.
I was relieved when the bell rang for lunchtime, because I felt that if I had to listen to one more world of Ashley talking about how fabulous all the shopping in London is and how gorgeous all the boys in Chelsea were, I would have come very close to driving myself to Disneyland and let myself be run over by a roller coaster.
I checked my phone for a text message from Sarah, and indeed I had one: grl, go 2 lobby (main office) and look 4 us. u will c my leprekan hair w. @ least 4 other grls. hurry! we want a good seat
I quickly texted her back, and then headed for the main office. Immediately, I saw Sarah with about six or seven other girls. She, saw, me, too, and stood on her tiptoes (which wasn’t necessary with her height) as she waved to me. She grabbed my hand and led me over to the other girls. “Hey, guys, this is the girl I was telling you about! Kate, this is Angel, Lauren, Nicole, Layla, Belle, and Meg.” As she said each name, she would motion to each girl and they would give me a friendly smile, which I would return. “Everyone, this is Kate. She moved here yesterday.”
There were three choices of seating: the cafeteria, the plaza, and outside. Sarah, clearly the leader of the group, walked outside as we all followed. We took a seat at a picnic table. I was in between Sarah and Meg, who later told me that her name was really Megan.
About half of us took out our lunches, while the others sat and talked. Sarah was one of the ones who simply sat. I knew it couldn’t be a money issue, all of these girls were clearly more well-off than I was. I figured they may have forgotten their lunches, but then why didn’t they just go buy one? I didn’t want to tell myself the obvious as I took out my slice of cold pepperoni pizza and bag of chips while I noticed the girls with lunch took out tossed salads, with no dressing. I suddenly knew that I didn’t belong here. These girls were all so nice to me, but they were so superficial. Sure, it would be fun to be friends with them, but I felt like if I did, I would become one of them. They weren’t mean Reginas, but a few of them definitely seemed like Karens and Gretchens, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that.
As the girls talked about the sale they were going to on Rodeo Drive and the new Marc Jacobs bags they had received as a first day of school gift, I took a shy bite of my pizza and realized I couldn’t take it. I got up, said, “Sorry, guys, but I just remembered I had to go…” I fished for a realistic excuse. I couldn’t find one. “Do something. I have to go do something.” I looked at Sarah and she nodded, so I knew that she understood.
I threw the rest of my fatty, calorie-filled lunch into the nearest trash can and walked briskly into the school. The only thing I could think to do was go to the bathroom. I took a quick look at myself in the mirror with disgust. I was fat, ugly, and a coward. I was so close to being with the In Crowd, and what did I do? I threw it away. My hands grasped the edges of one of the sinks and I bent my head forward as I felt tears start to come. I stopped them, though, knowing that crying would only further ruin my first day at this school.
“Hey, you okay?” I hadn’t noticed that there was a girl in one of the stalls, and as she washed her hands, a concerned look crossed her face. She was petite, also with labels everywhere on her clothing. With her soft curls framing her sharp face, she had an exotic appearance. I nodded, whispering that I was fine, like I always did. “No. You’re not. I’m Jenny.” The name fit her perfectly.
“I’m Kate,” I replied quietly. “And I’m really fine. Well, I will be.” I hated getting pity, so I was reluctant to give her my number when she asked, but I relayed it nevertheless.
“Cool. Hey, I’m actually in class right now, so I should probably get back. But feel better, ‘kay?” She gently touched my shoulder, and I nodded. As she walked out, my phone buzzed: hey u done yet? I responded quickly, saying with wat? rnt u in bathroom? we all throw up once n a while, but some of us have switched 2 nt eating at all lol. wat class u going 2 nxt? I was shocked. Were eating disorders really that normal here? No wonder Sarah was a total stick! I sent back a message saying I was going to study hall, and I was informed that none of the girls with her were going there. It was fine, and I left the bathroom to go walk around, but I didn’t know where to go. Suddenly I remembered I wanted to join the soccer team, so I went to search for the Athletic Office.
I found it about five minutes later, and saw that the roster for soccer was almost full, with two spots left, a handwritten note saying that although practices and tryouts had commenced two weeks before, they were in need of two more girls. I scanned the sheet and saw that Ashley Granoth, Meg, Sarah, and Jenny were on the list. I didn’t know what to make of it, but I signed my name and wrote down my cell phone number nonetheless, because I would rather know some people than none at all. I heard the scratching of a pen behind me. I turned around to see a boy writing his name on the boys’ soccer list, which didn’t call for anymore players but he apparently disregarded it. I looked at him, but he didn’t see me. I reminded myself that I was invisible. My phone buzzed again, and I noticed I had missed two messages, one from Jenny and one from my only friend in Hickory, Katherine. Jenny was asking if I was going to Chemistry next, which I didn’t even take, and Katherine was asking me to return, saying her life was awful without me. I missed her, but was tempted to remind her that she had gotten along fine without me for the fourteen years I hadn’t lived there.
I slowly walked up the stairs to my study hall. I signed in, took a seat alone, and took out my iPod, touched the choice of “Shuffle Songs,” and closed my eyes as my favorite ballad came on.
The next hour went by slowly, partly because I had no work to do, and partly because I had no one to talk to. I was relieved when the class ended, and as I stood up and checked my schedule, realized that I was already in the Physics room I was assigned to. I, disappointed, sat back down.
As students filed in, my stomach sank. Everyone knew each other, so by the time the bell had rung for class to start and the teacher stood up, I was the only one without a lab partner. I twirled my pencil, uncomfortable. However, alphabetical order saved the day. Calmed, I went to the front of the room with the rest of my class. My teacher, Dr. Allen, began to call out names. “Karen Allen and Jimmy Brown, table one.” Karen’s jaw dropped, and the boy I assumed to be Jimmy laughed.
“Hey, baby!” He said as he took his seat next to her. I laughed as well, and heard my name called. Since I wasn’t completely paying attention, I didn’t know if I was the first or second seat, so I waited to see where my partner would sit.
“Ms. Clark, you’re lab partner isn’t here, so just take your seat to the left.” I tried to hide my dissatisfaction, but sat down with what I hoped looked like a smile. It took about fifteen minutes to get the class settled, and then we went over the rules of the classroom for the remainder of the hour. When the bell rang, he told us we could go walk around until the second session of the class started. As everyone left, I chose to stay, considering I would have no one to talk to and wanted to look like a loner around as few people as possible. As I took out my planner to write down my assignment (get the Rules of the Classroom sheet signed by a parent), I heard Mr. Allen.
“Kate Clark…how come that name sounds familiar?” I told him that I was new, so I wasn’t sure, and he dropped it, without even a welcome to California. I crossed my ankles over one another, and started to write a letter to Katherine…
kat. you want me to come back. i want to go back even more than you want me to come. i hate it here. it’s only the first day, and i guess i should give life here more of a chance, but it’s just so different. every single girl i’ve seen is either wearing a juicy hoodie, true religion jeans, or betsey johnson flats – most are wearing all of that at once! i can’t do it. i’m not gonna get by here with less designer things than years in my age (that might not make sense – I’m not getting by with less than 16 designer things, haha).
of course – I couldn’t finish, class was resuming.
The last hour of the day was awful, full of note-taking and quizzing. I answered every question I was asked with perfection; I had taken a course on Introductory Physics over the summer so I was out of the house when our stuff was being packed. I sighed with happiness as the bell rang, and closed my notebook, putting it into my backpack with content.
I tried my hardest not to run out of the school, and was stopped by Sarah. “Kate! You play soccer?” I confirmed that fact, and she continued. “Well, we have practice from 3:30 to 6:00 every weekday, and Varsity also has that on Saturdays. Are we gonna see you at the fields?”
She seemed so hopeful. Maybe she wasn’t as superficial as I had originally thought. “Yeah,” I answered, “except I don’t know where the fields are…”
“That’s fine! I’ll pick you up! What’s your address?”
I hoped she wasn’t confused as I told her I didn’t have one yet. “We’re at a hotel right now, we move into our house in two weeks. Do you want me to just go over to your place and you can bring me from there?”
“No!” She said, almost too quickly. “I mean, we’re just having some people work on our kitchen and I’m not allowed to have anyone over. I’ll meet you at your hotel at 3:15, okay?” I wondered what she was hiding, but agreed.
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