Madam Lorraine's Class for Vocal Training

Madam Lorraine's Class for Vocal Training1

A tattered sign proudly displayed the six words written above, not counting the apostrophe and the letter s. It hung in front of a small shop, and inside the small shop was a staircase that led up to the class. There were three people, one fairy and one animal in the class. The first one was Madam Lorraine, a poor, but kind-hearted woman whose only fault was that she had warts and frizzy hair. Then there was her cross-dressing boyriend Adam, who would have become Eve if it weren't for the fact that he was straight and had no interest in men.You might wonder why he didn't just become lesbian, but Lorraine was straight too. There's another long explanation involving a demented surgeon that you don't want to hear. The third person was a guy called Morgan. Morgan was a slacker who didn't enjoy doing anything with the notable exception of singing, at which he sucked. The fairy's name was Tinkerbell. Tinkerbell was feeling very depressed because her crush, Captain Hook, was eaten by a crocodile on a brave expedition to the Amazon, and an obnoxious boy called Peter Pan had married an obnoxious girl called Wendy, but that's a different story. The animal was a polar bear. His throat was jammed with ice, and he needed some help in moving his vocal cords.2

The room in which the class was held was formerly used for giving geography tuitions, therefore a map of Africa still hung in the room. Every day, Lorraine would make her students memorize all the countries in Africa and then sing them in the 'Doremi' tune. This was an exhausting experience, as Africa has the largest number of countries in the world, and at the end of the day, Lorraine's warts would burst, and Adam would change into a pair of jeans,they both would make love, Morgan would actually go for his job as the bellboy in this dingy hotel that belonged to Prince Charming and his third wife, Tinkerbell would call up "Agony Rapunzel" on the radio, and the polar bear would catch the boat to Antarctica. Then later they'd return, more determined to learn singing then ever. That was what kept them going:a determination to complete every task they were given.3

One day, Lorraine ordered a water cooler. There was some confusion to what it was-a device for cooling water, or a device to make the room cooler. It turned out that it was both a device to make the water cool and a device to make the room cool. The water given out by the cooler was very sweet to the tongue, and soon the students realized that it gave them magical powers. They decided to test it the next day-and woah-they memorized the map, managed not to collapse in exhaustion, and they sang beautifully. But the trouble is they sang too beautifully. Their voices reached higher and higher notes, and suddenly, unable to bear the noise, a gay couple strolling on the street threw a stone at the classroom, intending to break the window. But Lorraine had foolishly left the door open so the stone hit the polar bear in the head.4

The polar bear grew very angry and went downstairs. His classmates followed, some amazed, some terrified, some angry, and some remembering visions of them and Captain Hook dancing together(But that's another story).As soon as he stepped outside, he angrily cried,"This is unfair! This is a slur to animal rights!" The couple, who were vampires, bared their fangs in return. "This is unfair! This is a slur to gay rights!" They soon started fighting about what was right and what was wrong, when suddenly, the polar bear pushed one of the vampires onto the pavement. As he fell, open-mouthed, his teeth landed on the pavement with a thud. The other vampire gasped. "Damien, you didn't tell me that your teeth were false!" The other vampire replied,"Well I'm six hundred years old! Spare me the grief!" Meanwhile the students stared intently at at the teeth. They were stuck on some Stride chewing gum a person had carelessly spit out on the pavement. Leaving the vampires to extract it they went back to their class, feeling quite excited with the day's events.

A contest entry

Thank you to Kevan for the prompt.

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Myryca
    May 7

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    That was so random, I almost didn't know what parts to read!

    But seriously, this isn't exactly a fairy tale. Definitely not a traditional one. There isn't even a plot. Some bits were funny and the narration works well for this kind of random thing but at the start I felt you were just cycling through each character to explain a bit about each of them.

    Well done on being totally random. I liked some of the references to other stories. I felt some gave a bit too much detail though just to have you say "but that's another story".

    Thanks for entering this anyway. Unfortunately it's not the kind of thing I was after.


  • CallMeWhenUrRich
    April 29

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    Well, it's certainly different. Quite random too.
    But funny.
    I enjoyed the piece throughly.
    Good luck in the contests.


  • Lady Eventide Greeters member
    March 14
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    I really liked this piece. Although there was no dialogue involved, it held my interest until the very end. I especially laughed at the argument about rights.

    This piece was so...random.

    Brilliant piece you have here, although not quiet what I was looking for in my contest.


  • Patchwork Comedy
    February 4

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    this was ALMOSt too random for me... yes, for me! but it wasnt, I laughed and.. kinda followed it... kinda... but it was funny, and I love how you referenced peter pan.. that was one of my favorite films when I was little... bonus points good job! keep up the good work!


  • WritersEffigy gold member
    January 6
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    I... I have no idea what happened.
    But I did laugh.


  • angellove silver member
    January 3

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    This was very random, but I liked your unique portrayal of characters. It's kind of like one of those stories where each character is a stereotype rather than a specific character.

    Thanks for entering my contest.

    Write On!

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 4.


  • wolf-storm
    January 1
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    good story thanks for entering.


  • comandercrazymonkey
    December 14, 2008
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    Um... that was interesting.


  • Kevan gold member
    December 2, 2008

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    This is quite interesting, and quirky, and humourous all at the same time. I think it was pretty cool how you based it around fantasy, and used both vocal lessons and a map of Africa within your story.
    I think this story could go somewhere, whether you add a sequel, or just enter it in a number of contests. Good job, and keep up the great work.

    Hoping all is well,
    Kevan.


  • masked-face
    November 29, 2008
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    wow this is really good and i like the way you make it really busy and add in fairy tales

1 - 11 of 11