Indecision

I felt like my cheeks were on fire with the harsh blush that flowed to the edge of my cheekbones. He looked up at me again, over the tepid coffee that perched itself precariously on the edge of our table. His fingers slid it from side to side as he contemplated what to say next. I had never been at a loss for something to say- I always had one smart ass comment or another to make about the price of gasoline, the inconsolable weather, or at the very least a mutual friend. Even gossip was escaping the release of my lips, though it was probably better this way. He didn't seem like one to enjoy much gossip. 1

His dark chocolate eyes raked over my face once more before he muttered incohearencies to me.2

"It's coldoutside, yeah?" He mumbled gently to me, so I could barely hear him over the raucous manner of the awkwardly located Starbucks. He was beautiful. The way his almost-too-long hair fell in front of his swirling eyes, the flex of the muscles and veins under the thin shirt he was wearing. I was caught off guard at the normal-ness of his question. How could someone so perfect be worried about something so trivial? 3

"Yeah, I suppose it is, but it's Oregon, right?" I replied with as much sincerity and openness as I could manage. I wanted him to keep talking to me in that silky smooth voice he had, I didn't care if I couldn't hear him or he didn't make sense, the soft lull of his voice was enough to keep me rooted in my seat. We passed some more time in an agreeable, yet somehow strained silence. "Well, I suppose I should get going" I reluctantly stated after a long silence. I didn't want to keep him too long, just in case he didn't really want to be here anymore. Trust me to have insecurities at a pivotal moment in the birth of my new love. Not that I knew it then. He walked me out to my car, a little slower then I would have moved if I had been on my own, but not annoyingly so. The time seemed to go by too quickly. He let out a small sigh as I reached my car and turned around to say goodbye. I don't think I was supposed to hear that. Oh well. I looked expectantly up at him- no one had ever take me out and not tried (at least) for a kiss. He wrapped his strong arms around me in a comforting hug. It was nice. He held on a little too long for it to be a strictly friendship kind of thing, but released me with trepidation that seemed wholly removed from our current situation. I could see his seconds of deliberation, the negative coming ahead, the eyes cast downward. Why wouldn't he kiss me?