Once a Soldier...

My hand reached out towards the boat, the boat drifting slowly away from me into the fog, into the fog never to be seen again.1

The boats cargo was my wife, my wife and my child, my child of four years.2

Drifting into the distance away from this country, this country where war is at prime.3

Into forien land they traveled, forien land of who's language was not understood.4

A grenade make me duck, made me duck under the crates, the crates containing imported guns, guns to be shot, shot at the living, the living soon to be dead.5

War is evil, evil thoughts, thoughts of murder, blood-shed and misery.6

  ~~*P.E.A.C.E*~~

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments


  • Tiggie-Tiger
    December 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Thanks

    for your comments!
    Like seeing how i can improve ^.^


  • KiwiGurl
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It didn't flow quite right, but the thoughts were all there. You could have made this much longer. Judging by this piece, I know you can, actually. Keep writing and good luck in the contest.
    -kiwi

  • Caterell
    November 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Interesting

    Interesting, but a bit jumpy and a bit repititive.
    Good.