Do Unto Others

Missing image
I met Alisha at the museum of fine arts at the university.  She had been looking at a painting that was abstract. It looked like a man's face with a sword sticking in the eye, but it was all distorted and the colors were inhuman. Judging from her expression, it had to be the strangest picture she had ever seen. It wasn't until later that I learned that she had planned to run into me at that moment at the museum.1

“I'll always love you,” Alisha had told me time and time again. I was always skeptical.2

“But I'm not good looking. I'm overweight and I didn't even graduate high school. Why do you love me?”3

Alisha was a beautiful young woman. I loved her silky, light-blonde hair. Although she dyed her hair, it was still lovely. Her blue eyes were amazing, like the color of the ocean when the sun is bright and the wind still. Her figure, wow, was absolutely fantastic! She'd make models envious. She was poised, blessed with natural grace, and well educated, a masters degree in business administration.4

“It's your spirit, kind and gentle,” she'd reply. “And I've grown to love every pound of you.” She always smiled, so appealing her smile was to me.5

I was certain that she knew I was well-to-do and I wanted to be certain that she wasn't after my money. I didn't discuss marriage and she didn't bring it up. After a month of seeing her we began having sex. Making love with her was great. She indulged my every fantasy. It seemed obvious that she enjoyed every moment. 6

Moving in with me after six months, things became even better. Sex was always a delight, usually morning and night. She liked to go fishing, play pocket billiards, poker, and she loved football. She even offered to give me half the money she made toward her end of the expenses. I accepted her offer. 7

After a year of living together, I bought her a new, cherry-red, Mercedes sport convertible. “Oh, Anthony!” she exclaimed. “How can I ever repay you?”8

“Look in the glove box,” I told her smiling.9

She found the black felt ring case, opened it, saw the three-carat engagement ring and quickly put it on her finger. “Oh my God! It's so beautiful!”10

After a moment, she looked at me with those ocean eyes of hers and asked, “Are you sure?”11

“Positive,” I replied.12

She jumped into my arms and we kissed. We went to our bedroom and played out my favorite fantasy, the cheerleader routine with the coach. She would pretend to seduce me, the unwilling coach. God! She was hot!13

Everybody seemed to be pleased with our decision to marry. We waited three months and invited all our friends and family. Most of them came, plus some of my company employees and some of her business associates. Alisha bubbled over with happiness, or so it seemed at the time.14

We went to Acapulco, Mexico for our honeymoon. We spent hours making love, enjoyed the native music and dance, pigged out on the delicious foods, and walked along the beach both night and day. Although hardly possible, our time together seemed more blissful than before. It continued that way for a year.15

I loved her. I truly loved her and I believed fully that she loved me. We had talked about children and we were trying to get pregnant. We saw fertility specialists. Both of us tested fine, but for some reason we weren't having any success. It wasn't for lack of trying. I didn't really worry greatly about it. I figured we had plenty of time. “What did your doctor say?” I asked her.16

“He said we could try in-vitro fertilization.”17

“No Darling, I'd rather try to do it naturally,” I told her.18

“Me, too,” she said.19

We'd been married for a little over a year when the truth surfaced. 20

“You can sleep in the guest room tonight,” she told me with a look in her eyes I'd never seen before. 21

“What do you mean?” I asked with surprise, not understanding.22

“Get used to it, you fat turd. I never want you in me again.” 23

“What!?” I exclaimed.24

“Shit for brains,” she spat. “Did you really think I put up with you all this time for love? You must be dumber than I thought you were.”25

I realized what I saw in her eyes was pure hatred. She hated me. All this time she'd been pretending.26

“You've been using contraceptives, haven't you?”27

“I sure as hell wouldn't want to bear your child, dumb ass.”28

After a few minutes, when I was composed enough to speak without crying, I asked, “What do you want?”29

“I want a divorce. I'm going to take you for every cent I can.”30

“On what grounds?” I asked. It was still slowly sinking in that our life had been a charade. It had all been a lie. She had made a complete fool of me.31

“Mental cruelty, if you really want to know,” Alisha said laughing. “Ever since we married I've been telling my friends the despicable things you say to me and the disgusting things you make me do. They think you're a real jerk-off."32

“You planned this from the beginning?”33

“What better way to make an easy twenty-million dollars. I expect to get at least that much from you.”34

“Alisha, do you really hate me so much?”35

“The only thing I've ever liked about you is your money. I had a thorough investigation done on you before we started dating. I knew I'd have to wait. I knew I'd have to let you call the shots, but I knew that you were enough of an idiot that you would wind up thinking with your dick and sooner or later I'd get what I wanted.”36

“You've just wanted my money all along,” I stated, it wasn't a question. I was just finally accepting that I'd been completely used.37

“What other possible motivation could I have had?” she asked as though I was an imbecile.38

“None, I guess. None.”39

I was feeling numb by then. It had hurt so deeply at first that I felt my heart would quit. Being overweight, I was at a high risk of heart attack. However, what I was feeling after realizing just what an idiot I'd been, was just a lack of sensation.40

The silence was thick. Finally I asked, “When are you going to file?”41

“I think I'll see a lawyer tomorrow.” She seemed so proud of herself, so satisfied. “Now get out of my room. You can move out in the morning.”42

“Move out!” I shouted.43

“Yes, you can't expect us to live under the same roof any longer.”44

“But it's my house.”45

“Not any longer,” said Alisha.46

I knew that she was probably right. A good lawyer would probably win the house for her and at least the twenty-million she was expecting.47

It's funny how ugly a pretty person can become. She was ugly in her now obvious aversion to me. It was astonishing the change that had come over her. I went to the guest room and laid down and cried.48

I must have dozed some, because I woke about three in the morning. I had a dream and I had come to a resolution. I got dressed, went down to the garage, got a concrete block, and put it into the trunk of my car. I got an extension cord out of a kitchen drawer. I stuck it in my back pocket. I retrieved my automatic from the safe. I went upstairs and opened the bedroom door. 49

It had occurred to me that once she saw an attorney, he'd probably be able to get a restraining order against me. So if I were to act, it had to be quickly. Once divorce proceedings had begun, I'd be a logical suspect in her disappearance. I was no longer numb, I was cold inside, deadly cold.50

I turned on the light. It's harshness almost startled me and woke her. “What in hell do you want, fuckface,” she yelled at me. 51

I pointed the gun at her and said, “Let's go down stairs.”52

She laughed. “You couldn't kill a mouse.”53

“On the count of three, you'll find out,” I told her calmly.54

She sat there with a daring expression on her face, contempt in her eyes. “One,” I said. “Two. Thr....” 55

“Okay, okay,” she said. “This isn't going to help things, you know.”56

“Oh, I don't know,” I told her. “You might be surprised. Now let's go down to the office.”57

She was wearing only a flimsy, silk nightgown and she slipped into her house-shoes. Although I followed her with the pistol pointed at her back, she walked with an air of confidence that almost made it seem that the idea was hers. She went inside the office and I said, “Sit.”58

She sat at the desk.59

“Write a note to me, saying that you are leaving me for your lover,” I commanded.60

“I will not!”61

“One. Two....”62

She opened the draw and took out a piece of stationary. She began writing. “You expect me to leave quietly with nothing?” she asked. “You must be stupider than I thought.”63

“I'll agree that I'm pretty stupid,” I admitted. “I believed in you.”64

“Well, there's your note, but I'm not going away.”65

“Let's go back upstairs,” I told her.66

“What in heaven's name are you doing?” she asked.67

Back in the bedroom again, I said, “Take off your nightie.”68

“If you shoot me here, you'd never get away with it.”69

“I'd be willing to try, Alisha. If you don't do what I tell you. Do I have to count?”70

Alisha took off her nightdress. “Lay face down on the bed,” I demanded. “Hands behind your back.” She complied.71

I took the extension cord and tied her wrists together. I then turned her over. “Now we're going to fuck and you'd better make it as good as you can.”72

“I've had about enough of this silliness,” she said. “If I fuck you, will you stop this nonsense?” It was clear that she was becoming less certain of herself.73

“You don't have an option. You're going to have me in you whether you like it or not.”74

“Okay, you've proved your point,” said Alisha. “Let's get this over with.”75

I fucked her slow and hard. I knew it would be the last time and I intended to enjoy myself. I suffocated her with deep kisses and she responded as though eager.76

When I had finished, she said, “Are you satisfied now? Untie me.”77

“Stand up,” I told her.78

She got to her feet. “This doesn't change anything, you know,” said Alisha.79

I got her long raincoat out of the closet and wrapped it around her and zipped it up. “We're going for a ride.”80

She walked downstairs, into the garage, and I helped her into the car. I fastened her safety belt and locked the door. She was unable to open it. I drove to the marina at the lake. Once at the marina, I lead her to my boat. “Shit, it's cold out here.” she complained. “This has gone far enough.”81

I helped her into the boat and went back and got the concrete block and some rope. I returned to the boat. “If you think you're going to bluff me into changing my mind, you're crazy,” she said.82

There was no one around the dock to see us. Still a couple of hours before dawn and too cold to interest most fisherman, we seemed to have the lake to ourselves. I had hoped as much. I set out for the middle of the lake. By now Alisha was cursing me like a sailor, rather poetic under the circumstances.83

When we got to the center of the lake, I killed the engine. She grew silent as I tied the rope around the concrete block. I secured the other end of the rope around her neck. She said as though amazed, “You're really going to do this, aren't you, shithead!”84

I set her on the edge of the boat. “Okay, already. You win! I'll stay with you. I promise.”85

“Too late for that, Alisha. I can never trust you again.”86

“You God damn fuck! Go ahead and do it then!”87

I pushed her over the side and tossed the block in after her. Quicker than I expected she disappeared under the water. I took the boat back to the dock, got in the car, and drove back to the house.88

When I arrived at the house, I got a pair of gloves. I packed two suitcases with her clothing and a cosmetic bag with her toiletries. I put them in the trunk of her car. I took her purse and took out her keys. I put the purse in the passenger seat and drove her car to the south side of town. I left the keys in the ignition and called a cab.89

At first people would ask where Alisha was. I explained simply that I didn't know, she had left me and didn't say where she was going. I have no idea what became of her car. Over time, people quit asking about her. I filed for a divorce. I vowed never to marry again.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 75 of 75

  • Love-BabyGirl
    February 9
    Edit | Reply
    WooooooooooooooooooWW!!!!
    That was amazing.. You created a great story and I'm glad he killed her.
    Rae


  • Maxxym Neovalerious
    January 14

    Edit | Reply
    It is simply amazing, you seem to capture scenes inside your head and turn them into words just greatly

    It was something really enjoyable to read, I loved the way you developed your characters, it is something you do really well. The flow of the story and the plot were excellent written as well!

    Just one error I found (I am not so good findind complicated errors), you wrote in line 22: " “What do you mean,” I asked with surprise, not understanding." It would be better to add an "?" at the end of the sentence.

    Great story! I like the way you capture life in your stories, they are excellent and really realistic!

    Good job, and good luck with my contest!

    -Mâxxym Neovalerious


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      January 14
      Edit | Reply

      Hi there!

      I'm very pleased that you like this story. My object in the story is to make the reader feel sympathy for the killer.

      I'm glad you like my characterization.

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, finding the mistake, and for all the applause.

      I hope you have a great contest.


  • Cherry Lips
    January 14

    Edit | Reply
    Simply awesome! This was a great read. I enjoyed it from beginning to end. Thanks so much for entering, and good luck!


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      January 14
      Edit | Reply

      Hi CL!

      I'm so very glad that you like this story. Poor little(well, perhaps big) rich guy, he can't find a girl that isn't after his money. Oh well, there are methods of dealing with it cheaper than divorce. I wonder how many of his former wives are in the muck and mud at the bottom of that lake?

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and all the applause.

      I hope you have a lot of fun with your contest!


  • Equal Opposite
    December 31, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    This was great, I especially LOVED how he totally took over and even though murder is illegal, I'm proud of him. Anyways, Good luck and thanks for entering.


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      January 1
      Edit | Reply

      Howdy!

      I'm very pleased you like this story. The goal of this story was to create sympathy in the reader for the killer instead of the victim. I'm glad that it seemed to work with you.

      Thanks for hosting!

      Andy


  • Matthew Dalzell
    December 7, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    On a side note from our many conversations, I sure hope the best of fortunes for you in this contest. You seem to have already garnered quite a few awards for you work, so, I don't think you should have too much trouble being a finalist here! Congrats!

    I appreciate your agreeing with my suggestion of a more positive attitude in your work, as well, Andy. Like I said in my first note here, you are a very good writer; you just need to have a little light in there somewhere.


  • Matthew Dalzell
    December 1, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    In true literary masterpieces, the dialog, plot, and grammar are only a small part of the real value of the tale. Now, my views here are personal and critical with regard to this; and though it is likely that I will be dismissed as old fashioned, I ask you all to please hear me out on this matter.

    I was personally appalled by the content. I know that this fact will not sit well with a lot of you, but be patient! See,writing is sacred; it is one of the highest forms of art that man has at his disposal by which to set forth his thoughts. It has been used for thousands of years as a tool and teaching agent to help others through their problems; to entertain and inspire the thoughts of readers; to cause others to think deeper; to bring readers to a greater understanding of any concept; to aid religious groups in their worship; and to provoke the public to act on an issue of great importance. This is how writing has been used throughout the centuries to help and teach mankind. to the point, I felt that the story above did absolutely none of the things mentioned. Because of this fact, I asked myself a question:

    If the story here does not enrich, teach, instruct, entertain, or admonish, what then, does it do? The answer is nothing.

    Answer me this, Storywrite audience: what does this story do for you other than give you a terrible, voyeuristic view into a killer's mind? How is that "entertainment?" Does it cause you to come away with any lasting knowledge? Any lesson learned, an uplifting treasure that you can visit in your minds again and again? In short, all this story does is "thrill." It does not teach. It does not help. It is a sordid look into the crime of a demented man and his ugly wife.

    Now, I admit that this kind of event has happened thousands of times throughout history. That is just the way our sinful world and the criminals in it opperate. But just because this kind of deed occurs in our real world every day doesn't mean that our writing should reflect and expose what sick people do.

    Of the better things to be done, wouldn't it be far more edifying if this story was about something uplifting? Or have we decended into the rot that surrounds our society so much that every project, every thing we do is filled with putridity and injustice? Why must our art reflect the corruption that exists in our cities and the hearts of evil men and women? Why cannot our works mirror the heroism and greatness of which we are capable? I will tell you why:

    Because history has shown that mankind's art ALWAYS reflects what the condition of his society and heart is. When people are driven by goodness and selflessness, art mirrors those values. But when man's heart is given towards selfishness and injustice, his art reeks with his own deeds.

    Doubt me? Just take a walk through history. Why was the generation of the forties and fifties so peaceful and innocent? Because people were busy marrying, having children, and leading selfless lives. Porn, violence, and smut was nowhere to be found because it was not tolerated anywhere! No one ever had a fascination with death, violence, and evil. But now we do. We are drowning in the disgusting mire of our evil thoughts and deeds. THe movies, bookstores, and malls are filled with hateful things. People talk worse than sailors of the 18th century! F-words, debauchery, and perverseness is everywhere, and this story, though well written lacks the most fundamental element of all: peace and goodness.


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      December 1, 2009
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Matthew!

      I write for two reasons: For self gratification and to entertain. I accomplish both. Therefore, I'm successful.

      I write in many genres for ages seven to adult, but most of what I write is horror and/or crime erotica. This story really has no erotica.

      Many readers find those stories entertaining. So these stories do indeed entertain. I'm not trying to write anything to make literary history.

      In regards to your comments. Humanity has been fascinated with sex and death since it began. Literature does reflect that. The period of the 40s and 50s saw WWII and the Korean War.

      The expression of sexual and violent themes has always had a lot of appeal. Intellectually and emotionally exercising them without harming others is very healthy. Keeping them trapped inside and denying them is not.

      Old fashioned, I would not call you. Living in your own fantasy world, yes; I would say that.

      All my stories are categorized. This one stated 'Adult and Crime' among other categories. It was not intended for children and it is about crime. If adult topics and crime are not your interests, you shouldn't read so categorized material.


      • Matthew Dalzell
        December 2, 2009
        Edit | Reply
        Andy, first of all, thanks for the response. I appreciate your willingness to discuss your work with me.

        Now to business. . . .

        Excellente on the statement that writing is something you do for self-gratification and entertainment. I write for the exact same reasons and agree heartily with those thoughts. I do, however, believe that your work struggles to entertain. If entertainment today includes material that is just plain shameful, than I defy that is even entertainment. Why, I ask you, should people (especially adults) find this subject matter as a form of entertainment? That, to me, is a statement of how voyeuristic our culture has become in finding something worthy about grisly "adult" subject matter. Yes, I agree with you that many folks out there find this manner of story entertaining. But should they? I find that our culture has blurred the lines between the things that are truely decent and things that are just dispicable so much that we are now finding entertainment in areas that we should be leaving behind at the front door.


        Yes, Andy. Humankind has been finding something entertaining and fascinating about sex and violence since we came into existence. And liturature has reflected that through all ages; but some have been more permissive than others. WIth regard to the 40s and 50s, you had to go into a back ally and into some deserted pawn shop or liquor store to find porn and smut. Now you can go into any Barnes and Noble and find horrid, marriage breaking material right on the front shelf beside Martha Stewart Living. Has something changed in our society? Yes, it has. Infact, magazines that were forced by law to be sealed in clouded slips so that their contents would remain hidden are now changing. All around us the perversion is edging nearer and nearer. It is at such a personal level that it scares me.

        I think that are interest in sex is wrong. We are the most over-sexualized generation in hundreds of years. And history has shown us that whenever a culture embraces sexual behaviors and perversions it crumbles. You have to look no further than the Roman, Etruscan, Corinthian, Carthaginian, and (most importantly) Grecian nations to prove that issue; they literally rotted from the inside because of corruption. Now were there other issues besides the one mentioned here in my last letter that caused them to fall? Of course there were. But make no mistake, you just have to read through any college text book about these cultures to know that an over fascination with the sexual caused them to crumble.

        I am not living in a fantasy world, Andy. Do I begrudge you for implying that? No. But if I am living in a fantasy world - one full of innocent people who are balanced and utterly moral in all they do - than I would say that the make-believe I feel existed before the dawn of modernism is far better than the corrupt society we have jumped into today.

        Am I offended by reading your work? No. I am bothered though, because I see it as a sign of how morally bankrupt we have become as a people. Can you really say that the America of old was intended to become what it is today? Crime cannot be stopped, and the sin of mankind cannot be completely irradicated by us. But I think that the pure intensions of our Forefathers have been ruthlessly squandered by our greed, selfishness, and our ways of "entertainment." We have sacrificed the greater good for the current; the lasting for the momentary. And we don't even see what we are doing.

        Was your work well written? Yes, I think it was. I agree with the others here who have praised your work for its fine tale-telling ability. But it is ultimately well written dispair. A tale without hope and full of senseless revenge without redemption. And why of all things must we be so interested in that?

        In conclusion, Andy, I knew that it was "adult;" I read it because I knew that you were a forum member on Storywrite and that your story happened to come after mine. I read it because I merely wanted to see what others were submitting. I will leave you (for now; thanks for bearing with me!) with a thought: in the novel Crime and Punishment, this famous work deals with terrible and amoral issues much as your work does. The difference is that, despite the perpetration, there is redemption and justice, not open-endedness and hopelessness. In a time of unparalleled evil, I think we owe it to our world to be uplifting. Goodness knows we need it. Thanks for reading so patiently.


        • Andy Stephenson gold member
          December 2, 2009
          Edit | Reply

          Hi Matthew!

          I suspect that the United States and the rest of the 'Modern Nations' will probably go on long after I perish. Although many toy with their dark side, which I believe is very healthy, most of humanity seems to strive for good.

          In fiction and fantasy, I write things you would regard much worse than this. Without a significant change in your mindset, I'd strongly recommend you avoid them.

          I find in writing and reading material, like mine, a release of stress, anger, and sexual frustration. I feel it offers similar benefit to those who read my such related material. I don't believe that it encourages such behavior in the vast majority, but instead helps people to better understand and relate with others. I know that in my case, I better understand people and feel closer to them than I did before I explored my own dark avenues. Consider throughout history the acts of the 'righteous'.

          Almost every war sets the 'righteous' against the 'righteous'. Most often, the 'righteous' have little tolerance and are far more dangerous than the sinners. Remember, Jesus preferred the company of sinners.

          On the topic of sin, I don't regard writing adult fiction nor fantasy sin. I regard breaking a vow or harming someone a sin.

          This writing does have some value as mentioned above beyond just entertainment.

          Many people write happy endings. I usually don't.

          If you feel that humanity is as hopeless as you state, that's unfortunate. I completely disagree.

          Interest in sex and violence is not new, what has changed is the vast ability of various media to distribute it.

          I was a Southern Baptist minister, evangelizing, trying to lead people to God according to the Bible as I believed I had been led. I discovered that God doesn't need people guiding people to God by well-meaning, but misinformed means. God's not in the Bible nor does the Bible reveal God.

          People choose to do as they do and most of their choices are neither good nor bad, just choices. On the whole, I see humanity improving. You see it falling apart.


          • Matthew Dalzell
            December 2, 2009

            Edit | Reply
            Hey, Andy!

            Yes; the United States will probably continue beyond your lifetime, but how long after? I guarantee you that our country's days are waning. The twentieth century has ushered in the darkest era of this world's history ever. Period. In this and the last century, we have witnessed more deaths as a result of leaders murdering their own people than any other time in history. The 60 million killed at the hands of Stalin, the Pol Pot rebellion, the "cleansings" in Sudan and Cambodia, or the 70 million Chinese killed by Mao Tse Tung's regime all are indicative of the fact that empires are now killing their own citizens. In past times, nations were fighting against eachother for territory and wealth. Now, countries are slaying their very own. Society has not been getting better; it has been slowly degrading.

            Take the Second Law of Thermodynamics as an example: Things around us must either remain in a state of low entropy or evolve into greater or "higher" entropy. Therefore, while things always begin simply and in order, they often devolve into greater chaos. Take a vase sitting on a mantlepiece. As it sits there it remains in a state of very low entropy, i.e., it is its most ordered. If it falls and breaks, it has just evolved into a state of high entropy, or brokenness. So, then, it would seem logical to conclude that things around us are constantly increasing their entropy or disorder in the universe.

            The universe itself is a perfect example as well. It does not become more ordered but becomes increasingly disordered in its symmetry.

            Humankind, Andy, is like this, too. How many times have you heard alone in your life about how advanced the ancient civilizations were in comparison to our modern world? Though the ancient Egyptians did not have ANY of the knowledge of scientific forces like we do today, they were able to accomplish wonders that we struggle to understand. This principle can be repeated a thousand times over with the preceeding generations, as man was able to build and lay out elements that defy our knowledge today.

            We are in a constant state of devolvement. Humanity does not seek for the good; they search to gratify the selfish. Most people today are driven by their own desires and not the greater good of mankind. Though they will say that their persuits are righteous and for the prosperity of the world, they are ultimately serving only one force: themselves. You admitted that you find writing about erotica and crime/erotica a form of release of frustration and sexual issues. Might I ask you then: do you think that writing about death, perversion, and evil are healthy ways to deal with life issues?

            And what about your statement that reading and writing this kind of material actually helps people relate to one another? Gee, I can think of no better way to get closer to my fellow man than to read about a guy murdering his wife. Go talk to any councilor worth his/her salt and they will tell you that to "connect" with your darker side only hurts and harms those around you. Getting in touch with our base desires and natures is not right by any measure, and I will explain why:

            In truth, Andy, you are partly right; you and I can do anything we want, whether it be exploring our "dark" side, some passion we have within us, a fantasy, a longing, a good deed - or stealing, raping, murder and sado/masochism. Technically speaking, we bear the right to make any choice for ourselves in absolutely any matter, be it worthy or disgusting.

            But let's step aside from our rights for a moment. We admittedly (and often) make choices against our own personal "can dos" because we know that it would be devastating for others and society around us. You and I would never steal or rape someone because we know that to gratify our "right" we would be eternally harming someone in the process. In deciding against ourselves, we are therefore making a "moral" decision, putting our will behind that of others. In other words, we sacrifice for those around us, whether it be something as simple as taking out the trash for Mom instead of playing video games, or suppressing a desire that we know would harm a loved one.

            So though it is your right to explore the dark side of yourself or your writing, consider that it might not be good for others. And who said that the host of fans out there who enjoy this kind of writing are right, as well? It sounds to me that anyone who has to plumb the depths of perversion in the human soul instead of the goodness of which we are capable is serving a selfish need and is not doing anyone a service at all. If you think that you are helping people to relate to eachother then you, my friend, are wrong.

            In response to what you deemed the "acts of the 'righteous,'" there needs to be clarification. It was a gross over-generalization on your part to say that "most of the wars have been between the so-called righteous." Let's take a look at one war in history:

            Hitler himself believed that he was fulfilling a righteous duty to annihilate the Jewish nation, as well as other "barbaric races" like the Poles and Russians. He, of course, was delusional. But would you equate Hitler's "righteous" acts of war to the response of the allies who, though they embarked upon a war that cost hundreds of millions of lives, fought for true righteousness? They gave their lives for the races under attack, and that, Andy, is not some obligatorily "righteous" act. There is a huge line between what madmen think is righteous and what is true righteousness. You cannot put it into numbers. You cannot make a graph or chart of it. But it is there and burned into the psyche of every human that has and will walk this Earth. Some, like Hitler, stifle it within themselves; but true righteousness is there none the less.

            Though many so-called righteous people have had horrific influence on society, I contest your statement that righteous people are narrow minded and lack tolerance. If tolerance means that I have to put up with whatever someone conceives of doing at any given moment, then where do you draw the line, Andy? Sure, it always begins simple: you want to write about this kind of stuff and I disagree with your motive and reasoning. But what starts small and harmless always becomes more disorganized and polluted, just as the Second Law of Thermodynamics states.

            Right now there are groups lobbying in Sweden and other Scandinavian countries who are attempting to get the government to recognize beastiality as a legal form of sexual behavior. Currently, most contries have zoophilia marked as a federal offense because it utilizes cruelty to animals. But if we are tolerant as you posit, then we must encourage recognition of this dispicable practice.

            Tolerance ultimately has sever limits. If it does not, lawlessness and wickedness invade. To me, moral responsiblity comes before tolerance because it is the former that decides the well-being of people. Tolerance has only allowed us to serve ourselves under the legality of the state and public opinion.

            And as you said, Jeusus did spend most of his time around sinners. But spending time does not mean that Jesus tolerated the sin of the masses. As Jesus said to his deciples: "I did not come to save a healthy world, but to minister to the sick and needy (paraphrase)." In no way did Jesus accept what these often misguided and wicked people did. He spent most of his time around them because they were the ones who most needed his salvation.

            If this piece written above has any value, even in the entertainment, one must ask why. Why, Andy, should this kind of writing be a form of entertainment at all? If, as you say, you rarely end stories with "happy endings," then I'll be a monkey's uncle if there exists any shred of uplifting potential in this story.

            Now, I will admit that the world is a pretty bleak place out there. And while fairytale endings are perfect for naive children, I understand that the real world is far more grim. There cannot always be the simple "happy ending" as it relates to childrens books. In fact, a great amount of life is as you pictured in your story above. There are pains, tragedies, and evils that cannot be wished away by a general happy ending; indeed, they are far too complex for that.

            But what still remains is the moral responsibitity to which we are bound. Though I would never censor the issues of the real world, I would yet insist that they still be measured through a higher realm. The happy ending of children's books suits the level of the dilemmas faced in those kind of stories. Similarly, the dilemmas in adult life, though often dark, lack no less hope. The ending as well as the manner in which the issues are presented demand maturity. And there should always be hope and never darkness without an end.

            Contrary to what you have believed for some time, Andy, the choices we make on a daily and eternal level are not just "choices;" choices are never devoid of moral implications. And whether you see it or not, there belongs a care and general goodness in writing and every facet of our world. We are better people than to digress into debauchery.

            If I decided to go and break into my neighbor's car tomorrow, would you categorize that choice as just a "choice," Andy?


            • Andy Stephenson gold member
              December 2, 2009
              Edit | Reply

              Hi Matthew!

              Your paraphrase of Jesus reminds me of nothing I've read that he's credited as saying. In any case, I don't think salvation comes from Jesus nor that individuals are in particular need of salvation.

              You definitely have a poor view of your fellow humans. I wonder where you get it.

              I write about awful things as a form of dealing with awful things in life without doing them. I explain to you that it has helped me to become closer to other people and you reject that, yet; on what basis? You can't be inside me to judge. I suggest, and it seems to prove true, that those who don't explore their darker side, are more inclined to harm others than those who do. I find it helpful as well as beneficial writing dark stories.

              You look at the bad things that happen and say, 'BAD! BAD!', but do you understand them? Hitler didn't rule by himself and many in the United States supported him until and after the attack of Pearl Harbor. His people followed him, believing they were right(righteous). If Germany and its allies had won, history would probably have remembered Hitler as being a hero and just.

              I find no wars just.

              Murdering people no matter who does it, is never right.

              "The God of this world is money." I believe the worship of money will protect most people in the long run. If there is massive anihilation of people, there will be loss of property and profit.

              However, the United States has been in or supplied almost every war since we fought for independence. We're warmongers. We try to force other nations to accept our customs and form of government. In WWII, our manufacturers were happy to supply both sides and our government was assuming the position of isolationism. We attempted to help the opposing sides blow themselves away while we made a profit.

              There wouldn't be much profit in major destruction or the collapse of America and the distribution of material primarily for entertainment sake is world wide. The attitude of allowing others to pursue self-gratification encourages a respect for the desires and interests of others as well as a better understanding of each other.


              • Matthew Dalzell
                December 2, 2009
                Edit | Reply
                Hey, Andy, thanks for responding so quickly to all that I said!

                THe verse that I paraphrased comes from not one but several texts. Check out Matthew 9:12, Mark 2:17, and Luke 5:31. You may also wish to back up before the verses I gave you to get the context of why Jesus said what he did. You may wish to investigate Luke 19:10. There, Jesus makes a statement along the same lines as the other verses.

                On a side note, I am curious as to why you don't think that Jesus is not the Savior of mankind. I would appreciate a background as to what caused you to arrive at this conclusion.

                In the world in which we live, there is hardly anything good about it. Some folks strive for hte good, but the vast majority of people are interested in only themselves. I find it interesting and just a bit hypocritical that you find the world a good and wholesome place while so ardently condemning the US. That puzzles me, and smacks of just another American ashamed ot be an American.


                I have a solution for you with regard to your statement, "I write about awful things as a form of dealing with awful things in life without doing them:" why don't you take that logic a step further and omit writing about depraved, fantasaical actions and just deal with the problems? That way, you won't have to do or write about them at all! Awful things happen in life; we don't have to resort to less than stellar means to release them.

                I myself have an enormous amount of temptation in a single day, but I have never needed to write about them because I dispose of them the moment they enter my mind. I have found the best way for dealing with unwanted fantasies or the fear of committing evil deeds is to just go and do something constructive, not to sit at a computer screen and meditate on them all the more while writing.

                If the exploration of your inner darkness has gotten you closer with mankind, then a more constructive method for entering into relationships is needed. Seriously, Andy, if that is the best element that you can conjure up so as to gain an understanding of you fellow man, that is tragic. It also brings into question what kind of people you are interested in developing an understanding of. Because in my mind, when you act or write out darkness, the only thing it brings you is a fellowship of darkness. Tell me for one minute that you could understand a really good person with the stuff you seem to enjoy writing and I will eat my hat.

                Think just for one minute of the sweetest, kindest, most innocent little boy or girl that you have ever met with which you have the privelege of becoming a friend. Add to that a knowledge of the kind of "release you gain." I can guarantee you that the child in question will go running from you. Or how about an exceptionally moral young adult who has never been in a compromising situation and has led a very pure life. Try getting into an understanding with them and they will flee you. Anyone who possesses a true moral compass runs from those who pursue darkness and any inclination of evil. The Bible even says that we are to flee from those who manifest an amoral lifestyle.

                Your idea, in short, does not hold up - at least with those whom I would count true friends. Darkness breeds darkness, not light. You get a dolphin from a dolphin. Your claim that writing about the material you favor gets you closer to mankind is a fallacy.

                Do I NOT understand bad things? Of the two of us, I think I do! Hitler didn't rule by himself early in his career after prison, but he sure did when his fascist party gained control of Germany in the mid thirties. He removed from his path all who opposed him (sounds like he was seeking to rule alone, don't you think?) and removed, exiled, imprisoned, or murdered any threat to his NAZI organization. That is why he instated the SS so early! He had a treaty with Russia early in his Polish campaign which he promptly revoked so he could take over Russia. He had relations in almost every country in Europe that he went back on so he could gain power. Every treaty he claimed to make he broke; all competitiors who were not 100% allied with his will were disposed. Yes, Hitler had advisors. . . who were constantly stymied when their boss failed to act after they provided raw intel into all his campaigns. That is why he lost the Russian invasion: he was so busy perusing the sky for astrological signs that he ignored the real tactical facts! Now, I bet Hitler was doing that because he was told to. . . .

                Just because a lot of Socialist politicians in Washington were aligned with Hitler in no way means that he ruled together with others. He was even ignoring his "ally" Benito Mussolini during the war many times, opperating more as one unit than as the dual force originally intended. THe reason Benito remained a power for as long as he did? Because he agreed with Hitler. You don't seem to understand dictatorship, Andy. Dictators do not tolerate competitors; yes, they will be apprenticed to someone early one - that is the way most begin - but once they gain a little power, they immediately remove any obstical from their way to world domination. Hitler was single-minded in his goal.

                Sure - history would have eventually recognized Hitler as a hero. Or would they have? Depends on the person. Now, if you happened to be a young German HitlerJund or just someone who was indoctrinated by the evils of NAZISM, of course you would believe taht Hitler was a hero. But I guarantee that the rest of the waking world would have fought him to the last, because the majority of people out there knew what Hitler really was: a madman. He would never have had a peaceful reign. There would have been revolutions (probably sparked by Winston Churchill), ambushes, and who knows what. But there would have never been a complete lying down and saying, "Hitler: hero of the world!"

                Find no wars just? OK, I'll just tell that one to all the victims of 9/11. Yeah, we went to Afganistan for an unjust cause. Pearl Harbor was attacked. We had absolutely no right to go to war. The British invaded the US in the early 19th century in an attempt to reclaim what had been theirs. A provoked war that we had no business fighting I guess? I suppose, then, your stratagy would have been to just stand and watch the Capital burn because, HEY! We had no right to fight a war since all war is unjust! I guess then, that Francis Scott Keys was utterly wrong in penning our national anthem because he was doing so for a nation that had won its independence from a tyrannical government bent on one thing: monetary pursuits.

                And as to money, it is a shame that you feel money should be the god of our world. You know what money brings? Greed, selfishness, corrupt power, and a host of other terrible national illnesses. What should drive any nation is morality! It is through the pursuit of godliness, wholesomeness, and selflessness that brings true prosperity and happiness. When did you ever hear someone say that they were happier with money?

                I hear the words of John D. Rockefeller return. When he was asked if he had made enought money on his deathbed, you know what his response was? "Could've made just a bit more." When the god of a world is money, no one is joyful. If they are, then they only delude themselves with a passing fancy that only brings dissatasfaction and grief in the end.

                I agree with you that America has, since her independence, involved herself in way too many wars. Great powers often begin to "police the world" after they have risen to power, engaging in every skirmish across the globe. We did not need to go to Bosnia; we did not need to really go to Iraq.

                I don't know what philosophy you are persuing, Andy, but if you think that selfishness and selfish pursuits brings a greater understanding and care for humankind, you are incorrect. Better understanding of eachother comes from SELF-SACRIFICE and a willingness to put away our own needs for the sake of others.


                • Andy Stephenson gold member
                  December 2, 2009
                  Edit | Reply

                  Howdy Matthew!

                  Well, your paraphrase was rather poor. It implied that all need salvation while Jesus' statement indicates that there are those who are righteous. I don't feel that God is disappointed in existence nor with anything living on planet Earth.

                  There are many things I don't accept about Jesus, the Bible, and the Christian, Jewish, and Catholic interpretations. I don't feel that much of what is written about Jesus happened. I don't accept the virgin birth, the resurrection, nor the ascension. I don't believe in heaven nor hell.

                  I'm ashamed of our warmongering, but just like any person I know. There are things I like and things I don't. I care about them, anyway. It doesn't seem to me that you appreciate our planet nor the people on it. I'm happy with what God has provided me.

                  I lived a life of trying to be sinless as a Christian. I tried to lead people to God, but that God wasn't real. I lived in delusion. I didn't know God, I didn't know others, and I didn't know myself.

                  I choose to be a kind, generous, and loving person. I have no fear that I'll harm anyone. I have no fear that I do something wrong nor any desire to do anything wrong. I don't consider writing adult fantasy or fetish stories wrong. I believe they're a healty exercise of one's mind and emotions. I believe denying those thoughts is dishonest and unhealthy.

                  I hope you don't choke on your hat. I've discovered that those embedded in the Bible are far more dangerous than those who aren't. They are misled and mislead. The Bible has many myths, a whole lot of useless information, and most of it is not relevant to modern times. God's not in there. Jesus is credited with saying 'Love God and love others as yourself. In so doing you obey all the law.' I believe it comes down to that and I find that easy to do. Do you?

                  A leader can always be removed by his people. A man without followers is no leader. Hitler had a lot of support as you pointed out. He also got Germany back on it's feet after a world wide depression. WWII actually did a lot to bring the world out of the depression in a tragic way.

                  Bush violated law after law, but the people didn't stand against him, either. Nearly a million Iraqis have died as a result and Iraq did not harbor terrorists, have weapons of mass destruction, nor participate in 9/11. What they did have was oil and a leader Bush didn't like. The dead because of our invasion exceed the dead because of Saddam.

                  "Money is the God of this world." was in quotation marks because it's a quote from both Jesus and St. Paul. It's a paraphrase. I didn't say I worship it. I allow money to have very little influence on me. However, you'll find you can do little without it. I don't think it should be the God we worship, but to deny its power is dishonest.

                  My philosophy is the pursuit of happiness without harming others. It's constitutional! I also believe in freedom of religion, and just about everything in the constitution, but the right to bear arms. I think the time for that has passed. Did you know that the ERA has not been passed? I'd like it passed.

                  I'm sorry, but I've viewed things from your perspective and I was blind. I didn't know people nor God as well then as I do now.

                  Obama plans to send thirty thousand more troops. That will create a sufficient number of insurgents to cause a need for even more troops. They are defending their customs, religion, land, and lives. The more Muslims that feel threatened by us, likely, the more they will fight. It began with a few terrorists, now we've got large numbers opposing us in two countries, but financed and supplied by other Arab countries and perhaps other nations. A pretty bad situation. Escalation is probably not the solution.

                  A person should love themself first. If they sacrifice themselves beyond good sense, they'll become useless in the future. A person should love others next. A person should always be aware that God is all and is in all. Without God there is nothing. Without oneself, there is nothing.


                  • Matthew Dalzell
                    December 3, 2009
                    Edit | Reply
                    Hey there, Andy. Thanks for the response. I appreciate your sentiments.

                    First, I would like to start by agreeing with some things you said!

                    It is the best thing in the world to attempt to become a calm, kind, generous, and loving person. Those are admirable goals of which to go in search, and it is to your credit that you want to be a good person. I believe in the same ideals, too, but for different reasons and through a different medium. Harming people is never a good thing and prospers no deed. And, whether you or I like it or not, we will still harm others despite our best efforts because we are given to selfishness and sinfulness.

                    I am also ashamed of the war-happy behavior of the United States, but without the same broad scope that you, I think, have. Generalizations must never be made upon war because it involves so much, both in human and national resources. Instead, it must be examined carefully before things are said in its judgment. I, for one, am very unhappy with the war in Iraq, but not for the same reasons you are. There were issues with the said country, not the least of which was Saddam's barbarous behavior to his people, his flagrant disobedience of UN sanctions, and the weapons of mass destruction, but we have been there for far too long and are weakening ourselves to another attack on home soil. We were saying years ago that we were getting the people of Iraq ready to take back their country, but I can tell you for sure that we are now doing more harm there than good. We are trying to teach a nation how to be democratic that has been ruled by dictators and clans for thousands of years, and are risking becoming the new enemy who won't leave.

                    Obama plans to send how many troops? I was enraged. Was this the same man who promised during his campaign that in his early days in the White House he would bring thousands of our men and women home? Sounds like the ghost of Bush still lingers in the Capital and needs to be exorcised from the building. And like you said, Andy, more troops will only bring on more insurgents and more escalation. . .in fact, we are sending these new troops into the most dangerous part of Afghanistan yet: the exact same place where Russia tried to win the war and lost. Our efforts in Iraq and Afghanistan have come to an end, and we are unwilling to admit it because we don't want another Nam.

                    Correction Andy! There is no way that the death toll of Iraqi citizens at the hands of US troops is a million. Try 94,349 - 102,949. If we have killed a million, then we are either employing biological or nuclear warfare - both of which we are not.

                    Iraq did not harbor terrorists? I think that is a very presumptuous statement to make without access to any kind of raw intel.

                    Another correction. I have really eaten my hat if the death toll of Iraqi citizens at the hands of US troops rivals the murders of Saddam Hussein! Considering just the known casualties by the madman Saddam, the estimates are around 500,000 - at the least. And that is not counting the dead he left in the countries he invaded or attempted to invade plus the tens of thousands he buried in mass graves to hide his atrocities. American fault in the deaths among innocent civilians in Iraq are even less than the figures I gave you earlier because you have to figure in the car bombings by their own insurgents as a part of the gross numbers.

                    Well, I am grateful for the clarification on your statement "the God of our world is money."

                    Hitler sure got Germany back on her feet - for all of the wrong reasons. Getting back on track is not the issue; its the immorality and evil done in the name of success that created the problem of NAZISM. And in case you don't know, right after he got Germany on its feet they went crashing into the ground again during the Communist regime. It was partly saved only at the hands of the West and Willy Brandt.

                    Money is a very powerful - if not the most powerful substance on Earth. It has helped and harmed more than any other thing I can think of, but probably harmed more than helped. I would never deny its power (I think anyone who does is living in a hole), but in my regarding its power, I feel more apprehension than admiration.

                    Andy, I appreciate our planet and the people in it, but not with the blind ideas that you seem to follow. You accuse me of partaking of a religion that you feel is narrow and subsequintly purged yourself of, but I see that you replaced it with something that only fools you. In the pursuit of your dark fantasies and fetishes, you only bring harm to yourself. I think it is particularily tragic that you find your actions along those lines as healthy. You don't seem to see that the investigation of things you felt were "repressed" in your early life is dangerous.

                    In my experince, the things that pose the greatest threat to our happiness are those that appear safe in the beginning: How long does the child admire the flickering flame in the fireplace or upon the candlestick and think it safe? Right until he strikes the first match and burns himself. Before that moment, he had no knowledge whatsoever of the danger fire posed him. No matter what his parents instructed him, no matter what those who loved him said, it looked so beautiful, lavish, and good. How could it possibly harm him? But the fire did harm him. He failed to see it.

                    Or the boy who is warned of drugs by his parents who, in their age and experience, know better than he does the consequences of one dose. He does not listen to them. He abandons reason and throws himself into what he sees as a release kept from him unjustly. In his mind, the boy reasons that he has desires and a right to try what he sees as worthy of himself. Only after he does the drug that he realizes his mistake.

                    Andy, I find your situation to be like the examples I have given above. I don't know your history in the church or about your personal life, but it seems to me that you replaced a bad situation with a worse one. I am not going to pretend that Christianity is pure and sacred and immune from mistakes. We more than any other religion in history have had more factions and denominations that have actually led people astray. Christians have been blind throughout history by many things, and great men have accomplished wicked deeds under the name of Christ. But the fact remains that the pursuit of evil by what ever means only leads to destruction. Evil can use anything as its vehicle - even so called Christian beliefs. In that case, the evil done under that name in my book is no longer Christian but pagan.

                    To assume that I find the world hopeless just because I talk about the enormous wrong in it is incorrect. Identifying vast quantities of sinfulness in no way implies a lack of hope. I have enormous hope for the world. That hope comes through the Jesus you have put aside. Ultimate hope does not come from man, friendship, or anything else except a God who cares about the condemned world. While goodness done towards fellow man does count for something, it does not completely solve the predicament that our world faces. We need soveriegn power to correct a problem that is beyond us. I think the pessimism that you hear in what I say comes from my insistence in the fact that our world is heading down a slippery slope. So it is not so much my thoughts on the matter as much as it is my view that the world is totally corrupt and doomed to destruction - unless it rescued by someone above us - that bothers you. I think that you believe the world really isn't that "bad." Your solution is to just get in touch with your darker side; then you'll be able to relate to the world better than ever before.

                    It is the worser thing to assume that a person should start by loving themself first. If anything, history has shown that those who love themselves are the bane of society and LACK touch with their fellow man instead of gaining understanding. You know what has helped the world scene the most? Caring people putting others' lives before their own. It was Jesus who said that hte ultimate sacrifice was to lay down your life for another. That is NOT putting yourself before others. If that were the case, you certainly would not risk dying!

                    See, Andy, by your own admission you said that you strive to live a kind, generous, and loving life. I suspect, then, that those ideals mean that if you saw me being murdered by some gang and you alone had a chance of thwarting their attempts, you would do so. Well, by definition you would be putting me before yourself. That does not fit your credo however! Yes, Jesus said that we must love ourselves as much as our neighbor, but only because our "self-love" should keep us from the wrong of self-hate.

                    If, then, by self love, you mean something that keeps you positive about yourself and aware of those around you, I would say that I agree with you; but if by self-love you mean putting yourself before others, then you are wrong. Our respect for ourselves is supposed to drive us to do one thing: serve others. Jesus was God and loved Himself - so much so that He went to a cross to save the world. And that is not putting Himself before others. It is JOY - Jesus, others, you.


                    • Andy Stephenson gold member
                      December 4, 2009

                      Edit | Reply

                      Hi Matthew!

                      It's not just an attempt, I am kind, generous, and loving.

                      We can toss around biblical examples to prove almost anything if we want, but God is not in the Bible and Jesus is not God. You can wait for a second return of Jesus, or you can work to make change yourself. In Revelations, John wrote of tribulations that some believe have come, others believe will come, and I believe are not relevant.

                      If you believe that tribulations and or hell is destined for anyone, as a Christian you should offer your prayers and effort to see than none go through the tribulations nor be condemned to hell. Most of the Christians believing in hell and tribulations don't take the Jesus approach of trying to prevent people from going through such things, but revel in the idea that some might. I do not. My belief is that we should strive to save all, which is also biblical. God wills that none will perish, Jesus teaches to seek God's will, and at the same time there are predictions of mass condemnations. Go figure? If God can't have what God wants, then God ain't all-powerful nor all-knowing.

                      It says in Genesis that what God made was good. Humanity, like any species, can be no more than it is. Do you condemn a species for being itself? Well, yes you can; but is it fair or right? I kill mosquitos, because I don't like them. Domestic animals are sacrificed for my appetites.

                      I can see the good in humanity and understand its evil. For the most part, humanity, like any other species, serves its own interests. In so doing, it is for the most part wiser to protect and do good toward one another. Of the nearly seven billion humans on Earth, that's what most do. We seek our own interests and permit others to do the same. That's not a bad thing.

                      A handful of terrorists killed around three thousand people in the United States. We attack not the terrorists, but two countries. Our losses from our attacks are well over five thousand, not including permanently injured, not including those of our allies, not including the American and foreign contractors. Perhaps there have only been a hundred thousand Iraqis killed, there's no justice in it. We invade and the people fight back. That's not surprising. A handful of terrorists become thousands, but are they terrorist when defending their lands and customs, or patriots? They aren't attacking us on our soil, they're defending theirs. Will they strike back at us? Given the chance, they damn well might. Did we get the ones responsible for 9/11? Who in hell knows and who will? What's clear is that we've fucked up.

                      Saddam apparently, according to the Bush Administration, did not have WMDs nor direct involvement with 9/11. I believe Bush explained it as faulty intelligence. I fully agree. I've always been more impressed by his deviousness. The United Nations did all they could to convince Bush not to invade. Bush violated international law and with his allies, invaded anyway. Some of those allies have withdrawn their support. Canada was the first. Our media is censored and information about Iraq and Afganistan has and is being kept from the public. We're losing in Afghanistan, or more troops would not be needed, would they? If we're losing in Afghanistan, can we be doing well in Iraq?

                      At a Republican meeting I attended, they referred to the United Nations as the Useless Nations. Well, without our support and the support of our allies, it may be that way now, but those nations represent a lot of people and power that we've been alienating. If we don't help make the United Nations real, American won't be able to maintain its control, and the United Nations won't be able to help us nor want to. The United States cannot remain top dog. We have neither the resources nor people. We're bankrupting ourselves with skyrocketing health care, insurance that won't pay, and wars that can't end. America and most of its citizens are deeply in debt. This has been the result of primarily 'Christian' leadership, though not following Christian practice.

                      Sooner or later, we'll have to turn to the rest of the world for help. We're going to be forced to trust other leadership, perhaps enslaved, if we're not careful. Actually all these trends are in motion. The real problem is that Christians just ain't very Christian.

                      We're becoming a global community. The United States is not always right. We must accept that other powers will replace us as the leading nation. Probably both China and India before long. They have greater resources and population. They are also more industrious.

                      Personally, I don't believe nor encourage belief in the decline of humanity. I don't feel that as a whole we're getting worse. You do. I'd say you don't see what's in front of you.

                      God is everywhere and in me, but that doesn't mean that God knows everything nor is all powerful. Simple observation shows that's not so.



                      In any case, I'm vascillating. We both are. There's an opportunity for growth and clearer understanding. I find myself on many sides of the issues we discuss. We'll just have to see where it goes from here.

                      The greatest gift a writer possesses is the ability to put themselves in any circumstance from any point of view and hopefully get a clearer vision of themselves, others, and the world. Perhaps then, share it with others.


                      • Matthew Dalzell
                        December 4, 2009
                        Edit | Reply
                        Greetings, Andy. I really liked the wolf icon under your name! Very handsome and intriguing. Where did you get it?

                        Vacillating? Well, you might be but on my part, I have not been shifting one way and then the other. I think you also used the wrong word.

                        Yes; when God created the world and the beasts and plants in it, He said it was all good. You are correct there. But you forgot to mention one thing: man has a mind of his own and has seen fit to undo the perfection God intended. You sounded to me when I read this early this morning to have the right idea. . . just the wrong reason for it. God did not intend to make for Himself a creation and a world subject to His every whim; He desired to give his creation freedom. And He gave free will to mankind so that He could choose to do anything he pleased - be it for good or ill. You stated in some of your last notes that you are aware of man's corruption and depravity throughout history with regard to wars, "righteous" acts, etc. To me that implies that you admit there is evil in this world.

                        If there exists, then, in any amount a grade of evil and corruption in this world, I guarantee you that it is beyond our ability to correct. As humans, we each seek our own way and often disregard others in our process of self-gratification. You rightly said that many Christians do not follow the teachings of the Jesus they claim to obey and hope for the condemnation of the wicked instead of praying for their redemption. But I can assure you that there are more folks out there doing wrong and harming others than just the so-called Christians you seem to relish critiquing. More people than you are willing to admit search for the selfish desires within their hearts and never pay attension to the hurting and struggling beside them. The world you see as mostly good with "people who just make 'choices'" is full of evil that you refuse to observe.

                        Yes, there are many devious Christian groups who delight in watching the wicked be judged, but that is not ALL of Christendom, Andy! Look beyond your apparently (to me) narrow view of the Christian faith to others out there who do extreme good! There is Prison Fellowship run by Chuck Colson, a man who was indicted during the Watergate Scandal, went to prison, and returned a changed man who has helped thousands of men and women in prisons across the whole world.

                        There is Family Life with Dennis Rainey, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ that has impacted tens of thousands of hurting families who are in need.

                        Focus on the Family, a ministry run by James C. Dobson and Jim Daly has been going for almost 30 years, helping families across the world with Biblical advice as well as practical medical and social teaching that has built strong households all over this country. Jim Dobson's ministry alone has reached millions of people, many of whom devoted their lives to Christ - not the wrong "Christian" ideals you constantly badger me with.

                        Then you have Insight for Living. Whatever you believe, even if it is not what this oraganization founds their ideals upon, you would have to admit that what they teach is right. Just tune into Chuck Swindoll's radio programme for on day and I will garantee you that you will come away without a doubt in your mind as to the intensions of this man for the world.

                        Are you getting the point? I could go on for a VERY long time naming group after group and individual after individual who have changed the world in the name of Christ. Now, you may not believe that God is in the Bible or that any of the Christian beliefs in it are true, but these men and women have made millions happy and healthy with the love of Christ.

                        So what is Christianity, Andy? If we go by your definition, then it is a hopeless, ignorant religion full of narrow and hypocritical worshippers who want the world to burn in Hell while they revel at God's table in Heaven. The truth of the matter is that you never judge a religion by its worst side! Every system of belief - even your own I might add - has "wackos" who care for nothing else than their selfish desires. They often wreak havoc on society with their coldness and harshness, doing harm under the banner of "good." But that analysis would be a gross generalization of what that religion taught.

                        Just as it would be heinous to assume that Islam is a religion of Suicide Bombers and radical women-beating fiends just because that is the only thing we hear about in the News every day is equally as wrong as your assumption that Christians are depressed, accusative gluttons. Before you condemn Christians, I suggest that you look a little harder into the subject. You might be surprised. If you aren't, then you have not looked hard enough.

                        But that's the problem isn't it? People like you who have in some way been jilted by the Christian faith spend the rest of their lives finding ways to avoid the truth. Sure, a great amount of what you said about this religion is sadly true. I wish it weren't, but we are depraved like everyone else out there. But it surely does not describe the religion on the whole! If you read the Bible carefully and with an open heart, then the Christians you have regularly named are really not the ONLY Christians by any stretch of the Bible - because a Christian by definition is someone who has a personal relationship with Jesus and immitates Him to the best of his/her abilities. People who receive Jesus and then hurry back into their safe, secular rabbit holes are Christians in name only and do little for the name of Christ - on the contrary, they humiliate it. I wish that these kind of Christians would not be around, but because of human free will, they have the choice every day to either obey of disobey - they choose to disobey. That is not God's fault. It is their own.

                        When Jesus and His Father created the world and proclaimed all within it to be good, they were right. But proclaiming something good and it continuing along those lines are two different things. See, Andy, God had two options when creating the world:

                        1.He could ensure goodness by making "robot" races, that He would bind with His Laws so that peace would always reign. They would never have any choice in the matter, because with choice comes GOOD AND EVIL.

                        2. He could start a good world, but give the men within it freedom to do whatever they pleased. That way, they could choose on their own to obey Him - what a happy thing! - or they could choose to commit sin. With free will, they would not be bound by a dictitorial set of Laws but could live in their own way as free men.

                        Now, which do you think is more effective?

                        God created something good alright, but man has thwarted it many a time. You and I have free will, Andy. Every day we make our own choices for good and evil. And though you would like to think that you always make the best decisions, I can assure you that there are many instances in your life that you look back on with inner regret. God, as you said, wishes that none should perish, but as we have seen throughout history, it is man whom rejects God's wishes. God did not make a mechanical society that would always obey Him. He made one that could choose to obey Him.

                        No, Andy. God does not contradict Himself. The reason there are predictions of mass condemnation despite the perfection and goodness offered are because God also knows how evil blinds the mind. Men are given to their own ways and choose to drift from Him, thus condemning themselves by their own hands. God "having what He wants" is not the correct statement. Man prevents God from having what He wants because man wants his own way.


                        • Andy Stephenson gold member
                          December 4, 2009
                          Edit | Reply

                          Hi Matthew!

                          I believe you called me a Wacko! I have my own religion and I have and want no followers. Further, I've never known and don't believe that two people have the same relationship with God. I also don't believe that God is only male nor female, but that God encompasses all and is in all.

                          We agree that humanity has free will, well; did God not expect humanity to exercise it? Do you punish creatures for being what they are? I already agreed, that yes, we as humans do. It is fair? No. Would God be just in so doing? No. Will God judge us short because we are what God made us? I think not, but I really don't know.

                          I served God for quite a while. As a Christian, I dedicated my life to God, forsaking all else. I know from the inside and out that what little Christians do for the broad sake of humanity is far less than what they take for granted from God. It doesn't really matter the religion, when they get organized, most the time they focus inwardly and offer little outward assistance. Go to a church for help, if your not turned away, you likely will get little assistance and treated as though you deserve your lot or worse.

                          Organized religions tend to store up for something, but rarely give much to anything. You can find exceptions, perhaps they are impressive, but I believe you'll have to agree that they are still the exception. I'll grant that most religious look after themselves and I believe that's wise.

                          I quit being a Christian when I realized the inconsistancies in the Bible, it's lack of common logic, and the fact it's just one track of humanity's evolution in their response and recognition of God. Not God, inspired, yes; but inspired only by the revelation of existence.

                          Anyway, I quit because I didn't believe it anymore. I care more about people since, when I help others, I'm more effective than I was as a Christian, and anytime I pay attention, I'm amazed at God's presence. I'm surprised others don't see it. However, my relationship with God now is that I act when I want in the aid of others, which is often; but my choice. Of course, it's always our choice. The difference now, is I don't feel people I help are beneath me and I above them. I really respect and care about people.

                          As to the fantasies I write about. They're hardly worse than the realities recorded in the Bible by 'Gods' people, nor the history of humanity. You find the Bible a good book. I find it's a misleading book fall of myths, fallacy, and much that simply is not relevant. That's my honest appraisal. I read it four times as a believer in four english translations. The New Testament I've read many times and simply don't know how many times. I was trying to memorize the New Testament as a form mind control or as I see it now, brainwashing. The idea, of course; rather than run the risk of an uncontroled thought, have my mind filled with 'God's' word. If you can't see a branch of huumanity's religious evolution when you read the Bible, it's you who doesn't understand it.

                          When you study the means by which it's assembled, you should be even more skeptical. Add to that the way religious leaders interpret holy books for their followers, it's no wonder that people involved in religions are so inept. You mention some good ministries, there are many decent people in religions, but most of them have no real ministry skills nor leadership. They are still pretty decent people.

                          You'll also find that almost everyone believes in God and makes an effort, though; perhaps poorly conceived, to worship or honor God. Most people have moral codes in additon to trying to obey the laws of society. It's not the charities nor churches the take care of the people, it's their governments, if they're blessed with a good one and their country has the resources to sustain them.

                          In every war, there's always a healthy dose of religion heaped on the masses to persuade them to do the bidding of their leaders, that and coercion.

                          People are getting fed up with dying for stupid causes. However, with enough religion, nationism, and coercion; they can be driven to it. I'm aware of no holy book that teaches war, but the leaders always manage to find it in those books somewhere while they serve their personal agendas.

                          Fantasizing about sex, fantasizing about killing, even writing about it, is no sin in my bookds. Acting out inappropriate behavior, hurting people, killing people or supporting those things, that is sin; if you want find it.

                          You have given me pause, though. You're correct. It's possible that I could write something more redeeming, but you fail to recognize that to explore that dark side of oneself helps to understand the dark side of others. It doesn't necessarily make you darker.

                          You have a very dim view of your fellow humans and seek a miracle to save them. I see the majority as trying and improving. Your only hope seems to rest on a miracle that I don't believe is coming. I believe God is in us and surrounds us and through God, we definitely do improve. Bear in mind, there are sex stories and descriptions in the Bible at least as pointless as 'Do Unto Others' and I felt there was a sort of justice in it. Pornography has been around forever and men and women have been impressed with their attributes. Is is wrong, or natural? As humans, most of the time we demand obedience to the law and social custom. Jesus supposedly said that to lust was to commit adultery in your heart, certainly; but I think a little lust is healthy. Jesus also said supposedly to love your enemies, well; now that one comes pretty easily for me. I just really care about people.


                          • Matthew Dalzell
                            December 4, 2009
                            Edit | Reply
                            Hey, Andy, thanks for the reply. . .

                            Oh Andy. . .

                            I believe your going on a tangent!

                            I am sorry that you feel that I called you a wacko. That is not what I implied, and I did not say it directly to you if you recall. You don't seem to have read my comment very well, so I will post it again:

                            "So what is Christianity, Andy? If we go by your definition, then it is a hopeless, ignorant religion full of narrow and hypocritical worshippers who want the world to burn in Hell while they revel at God's table in Heaven. The truth of the matter is that you never judge a religion by its worst side! Every system of belief - even your own I might add - has "wackos" who care for nothing else than their selfish desires. They often wreak havoc on society with their coldness and harshness, doing harm under the banner of "good." But that analysis would be a gross generalization of what that religion taught."

                            Okay, now what does that say? It states that with every form of religion comes certain members who behave poorly or irrationally (even downright wrongfully) in the name of "xyz" religion, i.e., there are "nice" atheists and "ugly" atheists; "nice" Christians and "ugly" Christians; "nice" humanists and "ugly" humanists, etc. Now, I already know from the many things you have said that you are a very nice, intellegent, engaging person to debate! I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are not some ignorant, crazy, out-to-hurt-people sort of person. My statement - which is accurate by the way - implicates people of which you are not. I think you either read that part quickly and decided to take the term personally or made a deliborate choice to go on a tangent. Your argument, in short, is irrelevant due to the context of what I said. Your own system of belief (I'm sorry if I don't have a name for it; you haven't specified any type of name for your worship) DOES have ill-intensioned, extreme and cruel people who have joined its ranks. I referenced you in no way at all. I am sorry if you feel I did, but my words above prove that I did not do so.

                            Moving back to the point that started this off in the beginning. . .

                            In short, when I read this story several days ago as I perused the contest entries among my own, I saw this one and decided to read. It was below mine by a few other prewrites, and I read it in keeping with my current behavior of checking the latest entries every few days. What I read was a story of tragedy, violence, and lawlessness of which you and I have opposing views as to the appropriateness of the content. Ultimately, all arguments aside, only time will tell, Andy, if your declaration of "exploring your fantasies" will have serious consequences in the end. It may cause your no harm now, but as far as I have seen with others around me (and what I have heard through the news, and other friends) the damage caused will eventually return. It may not affect you right now, but it will not help you later. Though you have disagreed with me on my reasons for this (insisting that your actions actually cause you to help and love others), I feel strongly that the decisions you have made with regard to exposing your darker side will end up not helping you someday. Plus, I see that your actions could possibly influence others out there who might not know your intensions. Because actions speak louder than words, as you know. Though you might try your hardest to get folks to see you only mean well, the ideals expressed in your works have the strong capability of drawing others into crime and terrible lifestyles. You yourself admitted that you "don't believe that" your works encourage[s] such behavior in the vast majority [of people]." Vast majority? Doesn't "vast" imply "most?" If that is the case, then, by your own admission, you know that your work WILL influence someone in less than stellar ways. Wouldn't it be far better if your work didn't influence others in unsavory manners at all? That is what putting others before yourself is really all about.

                            I agree with you, Andy, that you have a right to express your darker fantasies. As a person with free will, you have the God-given right to do so. But if you follow that road, it does not garantee that you will be following God's will. It does not mean that you will be doing the best of things for yourself - regardless of God's viewpoint - either. You have a choice that comes with all of that free will. Not just one choice. If you can indulge your fedishes and illicit crimes in your stories through free will, don't you also have the choice to not do so? If some from that "vast majority" will be adversely affected by your admittedly lickerous works of crime and gross erotica, wouldn't it be better to make the choice to not write about such things?

                            Yes, I understand more than you know about passions and desires raging in the body. I also know about ideas and fantasies that roam around in the mind. Suppressing them sounds wrong from your viewpoint, which even appears right at first look, but when you examine the implications of your choice, it seems to bring results that are not desirable at all.


  • CutsThatDontBleed
    October 14, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    Wow this was good!


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      December 1, 2009
      Edit | Reply

      Hi there!

      I was just replying to another comment and noticed I hadn't replied to yours. Sorry!

      Thanks for reading me. I'm glad you like this story.


  • whichcraft Greeters member
    October 13, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Your story ending surprised me but I understand where he is coming from. No one should be taken advantage of like that and if he needs to get rid of her that way, then why not (in fiction of course!)

    I enjoyed your story and I read it from top to bottom!


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      October 13, 2009
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Jenn!

      I'm so pleased that you like this story. The prompt in the contest for which it was originally written was that the host sympathize with the killer rather than the victim. I'm glad that you did.

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it.

      Andy


  • LaVieBohemme
    October 6, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. Didn't expect THAT!!

    Plot: 5
    Language: 4
    Theme: 4
    Brownie points: 3

    Total: 16

    Great job on this!! Keep it up, and thanks so much for entering!!


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      October 13, 2009
      Edit | Reply

      Hi there!

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm so very pleased you like this story.

      I hope you had fun with your contest.

      Andy


  • IntrepidFantasy Greeters member
    September 19, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! This story really did blow my mind. I love how he got revenge on that evil bitch for what she put him through. The poor guy, I felt so sorry for him there. I can see why he did what he did. She deserved it too, in my opinion. Excellent write and thank you so much for entering my contest!!

    Joann


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      September 19, 2009
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Joann!

      I'm glad you like this story and very pleased you liked the killer better than the victim. That was my goal in this story. I tried to make the reader sympathize with the killer.

      His solution was much better than the one she'd planned!

      Thanks for hosting and for reading, commenting, and all the applause.

      Andy


  • MelissaluvzSheila silver member
    September 15, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    This was very interesting.Enjoyable too read. Thanks for entering and best of luck to you in the contest!

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      September 15, 2009
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Sheila!

      I'm very pleased you like this story. Thanks for hosting and reading.

      Andy


  • Schnitzel
    September 12, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    A good read but i must ask, how old are you? this is a contest for children but in the side bar it says,age 56.

    anyways, if a kid wrote this then its really quite good. but if your an adult I'm sorry but I'll have to remove it from my contest

    Schnitze


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      September 12, 2009
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Schnitzel

      I'm very sorry. I must be blind. I didn't see the age restriction when I entered.

      Thanks for hosting a children's contest:

      http://storywrite.com/story/300250

      Children at Storywrite are considered fourteen and under. You might wish to change your age restriction a year, but you wouldn't have to. Also, if you want your contest to appear in 'Contests for Kids' in the drop down menu for 'Contests' at the top of the page, you need to put the contest in the 'Children' category.

      Andy


  • lavanya
    September 11, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Hi Andy!
    This is simply chilling story...i seriously hate her,how ugly her inner being was...ur narration was bit plain in biginging but slowly u ooked me i think this another good story of urs and i enjoyed ur romance,lust,hatered and anger ...disappointment too.
    Well done Drew, keep writing and smiling too.


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      September 11, 2009
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Lavanya!

      Thanks for checking out this story. I'm glad you got into it. The story worked as it was supposed to. It was intended to make you like the killer more than the victim.

      I hope to do some writing. I haven't done much, lately.

      Andy


  • UsagiDreams
    August 7, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    I have read some magazine stories like this. I like stories like this. Good luck in the contest!


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      August 7, 2009
      Edit | Reply

      Hi!

      I glanced at your page. If you keep after it, you're bound to improve and may become famous.

      It's very hard to come up with an entirely new idea or plot; they're usually just variations of similar themes. The purpose when I wrote this story was to try to get the reader to sympathize with the killer instead of the victim.

      Thanks for hosting.

      Andy

  • graybeard gold member
    August 5, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Hey Andy,
    Being somewhat familiar with your work I knew someone was going to die. At least this time the pretty young thing had it coming. Throwing her overboard while still alive seems particularly cruel, but probably gave her time to reflect on the error of her ways. Says a lot for prenuptial agreements. Very good write
    Steve


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      August 7, 2009
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Steve!

      I really felt like I replied to this comment. Even now I feel as though I had, but I see no reply here, so I guess I only imagined I did.

      Well, I chose the method of her dispatch so she could be cursing him right up to the end. I wanted her to be a spiteful bitch. I hoped the reader would sympathize with the killer instead of the victim.

      I've written a lot of crime and horror stories with women victims more often than men. Their deaths are usually fairly quick, some more humane I suppose than others, 'humane' as though killing is ever humane. Drowning is not an easy way to go, but it's relatively quick. It's the way our local animal shelter puts down skunks.

      Thanks so much for reading me. I appreciate you taking the time as you've read me much more than most.

      Andy


  • gerifitzsimmons gold member
    August 5, 2009

    Edit | Reply

    Good Morning Andy, well at least the heroine didn’t get gobbled .

    Good story, hope it didn’t come from personal experience. The plot is an unusual twist on ‘Gold digger’ theme, with the scheming female getting her just dues instead of a big payoff.

    The shift from nice to naughty Alisha was a bit abrupt and took me unprepared .

    I like the way you didn't protray her as I weepy willow at the end.

    A few things to look at;

    Although it hardly seemed possible, our time together seemed (was instead of seemed he’s not guessing yet grin and seemed echoes.) more blissful than before. It continued that way for a year.15

    “Me, too. (,)” she said.19

    “On what grounds?” I asked. It was still slowly sinking in that my life (our life together since he had a life before her) had been a charade. It had all been a lie. She had made a complete fool of me.31

    “Mental cruelty, if you really want to know,” Alisha said laughing. “Ever since we married I've been telling my friends the despicable things you say to me and the disgusting things you make me do. They think you're a real jerk-off.(“ 32

    “Okay, okay.(,)” she said. “This isn't going to help things, you know.”56

    Back in the bedroom again, I said, “Take off your robe.”68 when did she put on the robe? I thought it was just a nightie.

    “If you think you're going to bluff me into changing my mind, you're crazy.(,)” she said.82

    Geri


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      August 5, 2009
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Geri!

      This was, as are many of my stories, written for a contest. The prompt was to make the host feel sympathy for the killer instead of the victim. It was one of those challenges I couldn't resist.

      Thanks for catching all the mistakes. I fixed them.

      I hope you like this story.

      It was rather a shame that her meat went to waste, but I guess it wouldn't be good if all my characters were cannibals or people eating monsters.

      Andy


  • artaq
    August 1, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Great Job as always... Guess she pushed him a little to far. She would have been better off trying her hand at making money acting....

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      August 1, 2009
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Artaq!

      She wanted the easy life, the easy way, but there was a price to pay. You know how I usually am, somebody usually has to get 'kilted'.

      The idea of this story is to make you feel more for the killer than the victim. How did you feel?

      Thanks for reading and all the applause.

      Andy


  • jauhar
    August 1, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Well the name suits the setting. everything fitted neatly and flowed smoothly except for this line. i think it need a negative.

    “I sure as hell would want to bear your child, dumb ass.”28

    beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 5, characters: 4.


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      August 1, 2009
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Jauhar!

      Yes, I'll have to fix that sentence. Thanks for catching it.

      I hope you like this story. Although I write in a lot of genres, I tend to focus a lot on crime and horror erotica.

      I see that you've joined the groups I recommended. I hope that you like them.

      Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause.

      Andy


  • GrimDeath
    August 1, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Great job, I loved the raw emotions and descriptions. Great plot and story line. Great job and god luck in contest


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      August 1, 2009
      Edit | Reply

      Hi GD!

      Haven't seen you for a while. How goes everything?

      I'm so very pleased that you enjoy this story. I wrote it for a contest with the prompt to make the reader feel more for the killer than the victim. It's a bit difficult, but I had fun trying.

      Thanks for reading me.

      Andy


  • Tricia3 gold member
    July 31, 2009

    Edit | Reply

    Very good story

    She managed to keep up the charade for a long time. I figured that was what she was up to, but most of them are too greedy to keep up the farce that long.
    Sounds like she got just exactly what she was deserving of.
    Trish

    beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 3.


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      July 31, 2009
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Trish!

      It's nice of you to drop by. I'm glad that you like this story. The guy decided his phony wife hadn't earned what she was planning to take him for. It's dangerous to try to rip off rich men. They're experienced with getting things their way, legally or otherwise.

      Of course, since it was one of my stories, you didn't really think everyone would live happily ever after, did you? Actually, on an odd occasion, I do write happy endings.

      Andy


  • anasela
    July 27, 2009
    Edit | Reply

    awesome story!

    I liked it! Thanks for entering!(:


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      July 27, 2009
      Edit | Reply

      Hi!

      I'm so glad that you like this story as well as you do. Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading. May you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • vamplover22907
    July 7, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    Ah bad@$$ed she was asking for it. Good luck.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      July 7, 2009
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Vampy!

      I was trying to get the reader to sympathize with the killer in this story. Was I successful? The lady here was just a gold digger.

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and all the applause.

      Andy

  • Cavalier gold member
    May 20, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    I loved how the guy turned out to be just as cold and calculating as the girl. It was a very good read, so thank you very much for entering my contest.


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      May 20, 2009
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Cavalier!

      My intent in this story was to try to make the reader like the killer more than the victim. It seem that you found them to be about the same. Did it seem anything like a romance at the beginning?

      Thanks for hosting the contest and for the honorable mention.

      Andy


  • May-Kingston silver member
    May 17, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Yes! I love it!!! Go, chubby guy. I love this... how the good guy wins in the end. That hardly ever happens anymore, you know? So this was a relief to read, although it wasn't quite as deep as I had hoped for. Still, I really liked it. Thanks for entering!


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      May 17, 2009
      Edit | Reply

      Hi!

      Hmm? I wanted you to side with the chubby guy, not because he was the good guy, he did after all kill her coldly and premeditatedly; I wanted you to side with him because he was the bad guy. Granted, she was a bitch, but did she really deserve execution?

      Oh well, in my writing I often kill off completely innocent women in horrendous and agonizingly painful ways for no other reason than they were young, innocent, and pretty. They're almost always pretty.

      Thanks for hosting this cotest and for reading and commenting.

      I noticed you borrowed my kitty!

      Andy

  • LucidLakes
    March 21, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    This was a very interesting read. I enjoyed it very much. I would never have expected that the beautiful woman was so heartless. Her attitude towards him changed so abruptly in one instant, as if she was bi-polar or something. I loved the foul language they used with each other, especially the woman. It's funny, because in the beginning they wer so lovey dovey with each other but it changed once the woman showed her true colors.

    Well done (:

    Good luck in the contest (:


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      March 21, 2009
      Edit | Reply

      Howdy again!

      That was the purpose of the story. The contest required that I write a story about a killer and a victim in which the sympathy was for the killer rather than the victim. I did my best. I got silver. I even edged tallblondie.

      I'm very pleased that you enjoy this story. Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. May you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • Vampiric souls
    March 19, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very interesting idea and you wrote it really well!!!
    Thank you so much for entering!!
    Souls!!


  • Sick Atticus
    March 8, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    I liked this but it became all too obvious he was going to kill her when she states he wasn't to sleep in their bed anymore. However, I liked his methods of murder (though I think there would definitely be some hesitance first) and the simplicity with which you presented them. Not overly flowery language but not one diminsional.

    You did pretty well with mood and characterization and so forth but there were a few errors in spelling that could use correction. I'd point them out but I've forgotten where they were. Besides, by reading it aloud or by having someone else read a hard copy to show you these things, you can probably have them fixed.


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      March 12, 2009
      Edit | Reply

      Hi!

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I'm very pleased you like this story. I'll have a look over it for spelling mistakes later. I don't usually make many spelling mistakes, may have been drunk when I wrote it.

      May you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • alb9137
    March 8, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    that's sorta exciting but not much.


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      March 12, 2009
      Edit | Reply

      Hi!

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading. What sort of stories do you like?

      Andy


  • amanda vampiress silver member
    February 14, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! This was really well written. I enjoyed reading your story, and I am glad that I stopped by.

    The flow was almost perfect, and the story kept my attention from beginning until the end. The characters I could picture as if they were here in my living room battling it out. The plot was rather interesting.

    I love a good domestic dispute and murder story any day of the week. The ending did take me by surprise. I suppose that was because of the man's disposition from the beginning that I was unsure if he would really go through with it. Secretly, I was happy that he offed her. *evil*

    Over all, great story! I always enjoy everything that you write, so I read this story with high expectations and believe me, I wasn't left unsatisfied! Keep up the excellent work!


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      February 15, 2009
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Amanda!

      Thanks so very much for reading and commenting. It's always nice to get such a glowing comment. I'm very pleased that you like this story. If you like longer works, gerifitzsimmons and I are working on a novel, 'The Devil Came East'. Although Geri has done most of the work, it's the best story I've been involved in writing. It's a murder mystery/thriller. If you'd like, I'll give you the link to the list.

      I'm glad you were happy he wasted her. The point of the contest I wrote it for was to create a killer that the reader would feel sympathy for.

      Andy


      • amanda vampiress silver member
        February 15, 2009
        Edit | Reply
        Ohhh, I would love to get my hands on that story if you would be so kind as to send me the link. Murder/mystery/thriller stories aren't my favorite types of genres, but if its anything like the both of you write on here I know I will be intrigued. So lay it on me!


  • RxxSpiritWolfxxJ
    January 2, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Whoa. Awesome story - I really didn't see that one coming. You continue to amaze me with your storied and their twists.
    Kudos, Andy, and good luck in the contest.

    RJ


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      January 2, 2009
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks RJ

      Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it. I'm glad that this story surprised you.

      I expect the competition in the contest to be stiff, but maybe I'll get lucky.

      Andy


  • WritersEffigy gold member
    December 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Fat millionaire gets no love.


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      December 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      Thanks for hosting and all the applause. I'm fat but no millions. I don't even get a woman who pretends.

      I hope all your entries are good.

      Andy


  • MoonRoseWolf
    December 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply



    That.was.brilliant. I haven't read the other yet, but this was a great take on my first option-you certainly made me side with the murderer on this one! I love how in such a short story you twisted both their characters as well, Alisha's obvious nice-to-ugly change, and the main characters happiness to a man of cold calmness,-'“On the count of three, you'll find out,” I told her calmly.'

    This flowed so well, I only meant to have a glance, but it ended up drawing me in to the end (I should be getting on with work, but what the hell? ). It was a great idea, written in an original way, and the language also really fitted it well.

    Usually I sigh and roll my eyes before clicking off the page when I see there is sex in it (not because I don't like it, or I'm a prude, just because most people include it, and then go off on a blurred tangent of bodily fluids and limbs which distracts from the story), but you wrote it in in a way that showed it was needed in the story, but not overdoing it.

    Overall, I thought it was a great story, very refreshingly written, and I enjoyed reading it. Good luck in the contest!

    Miranda xx


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      December 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks Miranda

      I enjoyed writing this story for your contest. Thanks for hosting and for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it.

      I'm very pleased that this story was able to draw your sympathy for the murderer. That's a bit tricky to accomplish.

      May you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy

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