She looked out onto the horizon.1
The fire-reddish-golden sun emerged from the depths of a crystal blue ocean.The blue hues above tinged with pink, as the first sunbeams kissed the sky good morning.2
Against the glass French window, lemon-gossamer silk draping her curvaceous form, she stood, angel-like, ethereal.3
She loved dawn.4
It always filled her heart with joy.5
Smiling, she glanced over her shoulder.6
He was fast asleep, the endearing smile from the night before still sparkling on his face.7
She remembered the joke he had told her while massaging her foot at midnight.8
A low laughter, just like the gurgling of a mountain stream, escaped her.9
He stirred a bit, but didn’t wake up.10
She looked back out to the shore.11
Then, very silently she tiptoed out of the room, down the spiral staircase, onto sandy beach, barefoot.12
Stretching out her arms, embracing the morning, she wriggled her toes into the cold sand while the morning breeze played with her hair making them fly in all directions.13
The wavelets danced around her ankles as she moved deeper into the water.14
Stopping, when the water was just below her knees, she kneeled and splashed some cold water onto her face. Then walking back to the shore, she sat on the coarse sand, stretching her legs in front of her, enjoying every moment dipped in serene beauty and freshness of early morning, thinking about everything and nothing.15
***16
The once fire-red of the sun was now a bright yellow. She had been at the shore for almost an hour now. While the sun rose from the horizon and decided to traverse the vastness of the sky, she decided, on an almost childish impulse, to build a sand castle. 17
But she didn’t wanna do it alone.18
She stood up and dusted the sand off her dress.19
“Should I wake him up?” she thought aloud.20
Closing her eyes, she pictured his sweet face, with that ever-more-endearing smile.21
And the very next second, arms around her waist, he lifted her off her feet and swung her around!!22
She squealed with laughter, joy dancing wildly in her eyes.23
Then putting her down gently, he waited till she caught her breath again.24
Holding her hands, entwining his fingers with hers, he looked lovingly into her eyes, smiling mischievously.25
She blushed, looked away, wondering what was on his mind.26
He pulled her closer and whispered in the quiet of the morning,27
“Let’s build that sand castle, shall we?”28
She laughed: a pure, merry chuckle and he laughed with her, child-like, real and innocent.29
With love and care, they made the sand hold together.30
With innovation and patience, they decorated it with shells.31
With trust and understanding, they protected it from the naughty wavelets.32
And together they built the most beautiful sand-and-shell castle ever.33
Author notes
Hi everyone.
This is a piece which is very intimate and very close to my heart and is the first non-fiction that I have written.
I have added on certain fictional elements to it though.
Please be constructive in your critical analysis.
Do drop in your suggestions and comments.
Luv n good luck
Pia.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Do I have anything bad to say about this? Uhh...no. I love the concrete detail and beauty of it. It's an interesting non-fiction piece of writing.
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With love and care, they made the sand hold together.
With innovation and patience, they decorated it with shells.
With trust and understanding, they protected it from the naughty wavelets.
Just loved the these lines ..a story within a story to me. Excellent job -
God! Ya..it does have a personal story as an input...!!
Thanks anyway for reading and commenting on my piece.
I am glad you enjoyed it.
luv n good luck
Pia -
no wonder this came out beautifully and heartfelt - it HAS a beautiful heartfelt input, perhaps even a personal story
throughout the whole time i read, i could vividly imagine and picture each action and description thank you so much for this piece
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A very inlightened and tribute piece you've penned. It is fabulous, a very wonderful piece you've weaved here ....Wonderfully penned...
The imagery and the metaphors, wow. I was left breathless, This is a really cool poem, and the flow is terrefic. At many times it feels just very loose and round like it floats off the tongue, Excellent write! So much of this poem just felt right reading it if that makes any sense, this is a very very beautiful piece of poetry I was captivate dby your words, you have done a fantastic job with this, thanks for sharing it.
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Superb
This is a great piece. I love your nice deeply crafted words. It has a good base of reality and reason and yet invites the imagination to a feast. Also reminded me of being in love. -
Thank You.
I am glad that you liked it.
Luv n good luck
Pia. -
A beautiful write!!! This is a wonderful poem you have penned here. The imagary was terrific. Thank you for sharing this wonderful heartfelt poem. It was a pleasure to read. Take care, Sandy
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Wow. This was so sweet and really enchanting! It made me just go awww... Wonderful job! It was so descriptive and beautiful. I loved this.
enchantedtears -
Thank you for taking out the time to read and appreciate my work.
I am glad you liked it.
Thanks once again.
Loadsa luv n good luck
Pia. -
It's wonderful. It's almost like in between poetry and prose because it uses long sentences while the words flow together. I love the description in the beginning. It creates the atmosphere for the rest of the story. When the reader is reading the rest of the story, they have a picture firmly cemented in their mind. I like your careful choice of words, they fit together perfectly while creating a smooth rhythm.
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very beautiful and descriptive i love it!
great job!!!!!!!!!!! -
I really like this!! It's very sweet. I think that sometimes going from a very descriptive group of sentences to a group that are "plain" can be a difficult transition, but I like both.. I don't know how to give you a suggestion to make it better. I like what you have done, but sometimes I got bogged down with the wording I guess. But the descriptive really, really helped visualize what was happening. Again, very good job. Keep it up!
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i'm glad for you, that this is non-fiction! very well written, although, in parts, i thought that there was a bit of an overload of adverbs. maybe taking some out would make it even more powerful?
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EXCELLENT READ
This is such a beautifully written poem. Your words painted an amazingly descriptive story - so much so that I felt as I could have been there. The emotion and affection is so real and passionate. I LOVED IT!!!
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