The Joys of Learning

The Joys of Learning1

A Short Play by Aaron Shay2

Scene 13

Setting: A street.4

Enter Cornelius and Maynard5

Cornelius: 6

My good friend and cohort, Maynard, come now.7

The sun is blotted out by yonder clouds.8

And such a day as this will yet allow9

two men, as young as we, to forsake crowds.10

Maynard:11

To what calling shall we attach ourselves?12

Cornelius:13

To study, my good friend, and reading, too.14

For now we should dust off the ancient shelves...15

Maynard:16

And thus forsake a chance at love, so true.17

Cornelius:18

I’ve yet to see your grace in heat of love.19

Maynard:20

My love has many shapes and frames and forms.21

Cornelius:22

I’ve heard such hearts you have yet spoken of;23

Seducéd girls who dwell in college dorms.24

Poems you write, for many ladies ears.25

Yet, run away, with scorn for salty tears.26

Maynard:27

What tears, good friend?  I have not shed one yet.28

Cornelius:29

Thy many loves’ tears.  How soon you do forget.30

Maynard:31

Cornelius, I dare not dwell or think32

upon what evils you have so accused.33

Cornelius:34

Perhaps such is the best way to leave scorn.35

Let us away to house of books and light.36

Maynard:37

Go yet ahead of me, I will catch up.38

I’ll rest my feet, for weary are they here.39

Cornelius: All right, Maynard, I will not go, for now.40

Maynard: So stay a while, and think lightly, somehow.41

Enter Diana and Calista42

Cornelius: Softly, friend!  Some ladies come hither!43

Maynard: Let’s hide away and hear discreet discourse. (they hide)44

Calista: 45

Diana, dear, I heard from gossip’s mouth46

that when the night had fallen on the land,47

a suiter came to you, from further South48

and asked you for your oh so lovely hand.49

Diana:50

Calista, my good friend and advisor,51

you speak a truth much harsher than you know.52

Calista:53

You mean to say, indeed, that there is more?54

Diana:55

Much more, I am afraid to say: it’s so.56

Cornelius: [aside to Maynard]57

Should we stay while pain is so confessed?58

Maynard: [aside to Cornelius]59

Why should we leave?  The game is at its best.60

Diana:61

A foolish boy from regions far too poor62

thought that I had a figure to his taste.63

He came to me and made my smart ears sore64

with language forged of ignorance and haste.65

Maynard: [aside to Cornelius]  Is she not a stellar beauty, my friend?66

Cornelius [aside to Maynard] Aye, that she be, with passion to contend.67

Calista:68

You pushed the boy away for only thus?69

Sounds to me, you put up too much fuss.70

Diana:71

My good friend, what I want is not too dear:72

a man whose wallet does not guide his mind,73

a man who whispers poems in my ear,74

a man who’s love is true, as justice’s blind.75

Calista: You wish for men with minds of richest gold?76

Diana: If only for a moment to behold.77

Calista: A moment, aye, and then he’d leave you cold.78

Diana:79

Do not so mock me friend, were it not so80

that in our youth, you fretted over boys?81

Calista: I fretted, aye, but then I learned the truth.82

Diana: What truth is that?83

Calista: That lovers often lie.84

Diana: Together, yes, they lie and sleep away.85

Calista: And the man leaves, for he would fear to stay.86

Diana: What fear would drive him from his lady’s arms?87

Calista: The fear of losing all his manly charms.88

Diana: You speak for hours and say not a thing.89

Calista:90

No better to be silent, and not sing.91

Come, my friend, for we must now depart.92

Our speech, me thinks, attracts an evil art.93

Diana:94

I’ll follow thee a little later on.95

I’ll rest my feet, and come to thee anon.96

Exit Calista97

Maynard: [emerging from hiding]98

My good lady, I could not help but hear99

as your sweet voice did speak of wrongs so cold.100

Diana:101

Forgive me, sir, if I am not so quick102

accepting your unaskéd forgiveness.103

Maynard:104

What crime have I done to deserve such shame?105

Diana:106

For stealing all our words from our red lips.107

Maynard:108

I would steal so much more from such a vault.109

Diana:110

Indeed?  What bounty would you dare to take?111

Maynard:112

A kiss would be suffice for all the pains113

that I would suffer from scorn or disdain.114

Diana:115

You fear disdain from my sweet, cordial tongue?116

Maynard:117

Not from your tongue, the home of my life’s song.118

Diana:119

You desire to woo me for loving wife?120

Then answer me some questions I desire.121

For what did Othello take his own life?122

For what was Judas cast into Hell’s fire?123

And can you say, my boy, what man did write124

about the Congo, heart of darkness true?125

What author (in his days he was a knight)126

wrote of a detective, opposite of you?127

You have no mind to educate your soul.128

I think you have not yet quite understood129

that you have made an ignoramus’s hole,130

and there, you stand stronger than any could.131

Your mind and heart are strongly intertwined;132

because of this, your heart is wholly blind.133

Exit Diana134

Cornelius: [emerging from hiding]135

My good sir, it seems you have played the fool,136

becoming her enjoyment and her tool.137

Maynard:138

I was weak for but a moment, friend of mine.139

But how her words electricuted my spine!140

Cornelius:141

Come, think not of her and her spiteful ways.142

Many ladies more are still to come.143

Maynard:144

To thee, I say, I will not let her go.145

It would be folly to lose such a prize.146

Cornelius:147

Say how much would you want to change148

about yourself, that she would love you back.149

Maynard:150

I would change it all to have her in the sack.151

Cornelius:152

Comrade, your love is ill met and too weak.153

I’ll say its lust, or else I’ll never speak.154

Maynard:155

Then cut out thy tongue that abuses my heart.156

Cornelius:157

I’m not such a cutter, and I’ll not start.158

Maynard:159

Oh, stop your wayward speaking, stupid friend.160

My mind wants to dream of that Diana,161

whose avatar doth follow me, e’en now.162

Oh, was she not a superb maid?163

Her voice was silky, sweet, and bright.164

I’ll never meet her like elsewhere.165

She breathes in me like a beautiful wind.166

Cornelius:167

Wind to be broken, you horny fellow.168

Maynard:169

My ally in the hardest times of pain170

And associate in unrest and in woe,171

Will you help me seek what I want to gain?172

Will you aid me and bring yourself in tow?173

For if you help me into love’s favor,174

I promise what I have not yet giv’n:175

A love so sweet you’ll have to stop to savor176

The taste of life, that is made for the livin’.177

Teach me all that history has learned,178

Educate my soul in Shakespeare’s art.179

For, if you teach me, and my love’s well earned,180

I’ll find thee girls who will unsheath your - heart.181

Come now, to study hall, and teach me there,182

and treat my intellect with gentle care.183

Cornelius:184

Me thinks your aims are ill and quite adverse,185

but I’ll yet teach thee, for better or worse.186

Exeunt187

Scene 2188

Setting: A library and/or house of study.189

Enter Maynard and Cornelius190

Cornelius:191

No, you foolish heartless brainless comrade,192

‘twas Washington who led America193

out of the first revolution, okay?194

Maynard:195

Was it not Benedict Arnold, then?196

Cornelius:197

No, it was not, nor has it ever been.198

Enter Professor199

Professor:200

How now, what do we have in this great hall?201

Two students (not of mine) who seek to learn202

into the latest hour, until the dawn?203

We’re closing now, until the sun hath shone204

over the horizon, now, please, begone.205

I want no trouble in this early morn’.206

Maynard:207

You speak with crazéd tongue, you professor.208

Did you not say ‘tis late and early morn’?209

Cornelius:210

Quit thy foolish banter: it is the night.211

Night is made for sleep, and so we shall.212

Maynard:213

I have not time for sleep, Cornelius!214

What if my lady gives her hand away?215

I would never dare to forgive myself,216

nor would I ever dare to forgive you.217

She haunts me like a terrible, sweet dream.218

Professor:219

What say you, there, young student?220

I’m sad to say, my ears are not so tuned221

as well as yours, well tuned with youth.222

For a lady you would educate yourself?223

Maynard:224

Aye, my good man, I would do such a thing.225

Professor:226

‘Twill not happen in a single night.227

Great learning takes too long for love to hold.228

Maynard:229

Once I see my fair Diana’s delight,230

I’ll never again this dark hall behold.231

Professor:232

Foolish youth.  You can not pick and choose233

when you so wish to learn and when to not!234

An education never ends until235

you sleep six feet beneath the soggy ground.236

Maynard:237

And when I rest in that dark, vile place,238

Diana, aye, will share with me that ground.239

Professor:240

Again I say the study hall is closed.241

Come, say, tomorrow, and learn thyself then.242

Maynard:243

Again I say that I will not yet move.244

Professor:245

Go to, go to!  I will call the police.246

Cornelius:247

Come, Maynard fool, we must be off tonight.248

Exit Cornelius, Maynard, and Professor249

Enter the Custodian250

Custodian:251

What a ruckus those silly men did make!252

And what a mess they left for me to take.253

Well, its my job, and I’ve accepted that,254

I must now clean, and keep away the rats.255

[looks at the books Maynard was studying]256

What fool was here that left his silly words257

upon this book, so neatly, tightly bound?258

It was a fool whose mind was for the birds:259

a mind unfit, a mind unsound.260

Here, he left verses for a lady love261

(Lord knows what kind of lady holds his heart).262

He uses words best never spoken of.263

‘Tis obvious that he’s foreign to art.264

How ignorant today’s youth have become,265

their minds eroded by the TV screen.266

All they eat is the cheapest bubble gum;267

and Twinkies are a meal to today’s teen.268

Is there not one youth under this bright sun269

who will read a classic book, only for the fun?270

Exeunt271

Scene 3272

The house of study, many days later.273

Cornelius:274

I simply can’t go on, Maynard, it is too much.275

You can not learn unless you have the head276

to hold all of the information, dude.277

Maynard:278

Will you give up on me, my only friend,279

after these nights we have studied ‘til late?280

Three weeks have passed: have I not grown at all?281

Am I the same man that existed then?282

Cornelius:283

Aye, you are the same.  You have not grown284

in intellect, but lust-wise, I’d say more.285

Maynard:286

Will I lose this sweet, lovely creature then?287

Cornelius:288

Afraid I am that you will be obsessed289

with that “creature,” who has you well possessed.290

Enter Custodian291

Custodian:292

What boys have we here, that fear the sun’s sweet rays?293

You’ve been here many nights and morn’s and days.294

Maynard:295

Custodian, leave us alone today.296

Cornelius:297

His lady love is lost for now and always.298

Custodian:299

Is all this learning for your lovely lass?300

Maynard:  Aye.301

Custodian:302

I’ll say your girl is nothing but an ass.303

Maynard:304

Don’t insult my sorrow, little man.305

Custodian:306

But men like you are made to be the tools307

of others for their merriment: you’re fools.308

Cornelius:309

Make some sense or go away, poor jade.310

Custodian:311

I’ll give you my honest, sincere advice,312

for it seems you are in need of help this day.313

You both are skating on love’s thinnest ice,314

and all for nothing, for which you’ll dearly pay.315

Maynard:316

Continue, yet, if a point draws closely now.317

Custodian:318

A point I have: I will get there, somehow.319

Your lady Diana is married, boy.320

Maynard:321

What?322

Cornelius:323

How did this great event slip from us then?324

Or should I ask how you knew whom he loved?325

Custodian:326

‘Twas not hard to read all your friend’s verses327

to that lady, who was named many times328

in yonder books, where he wrote on the page,329

and left for me to clean and then replace.330

Maynard:331

Oh, I am fortune’s greatest, puny fool!332

Cornelius:333

It seems I’ve failed you in your vain attempt.334

Custodian:335

Oh, be not so sad, young hearty gentlemen.336

You are not yet so old to understand337

the nitches of your heart’s deep, inner den.338

It takes much more to gain a lady’s hand.339

Their must be a great sacrifice for both340

of the parties in love’s great business deal.341

Not one for all, young men, but both for troth,342

is how to make a love true, blue, and real.343

Go to, my boys, the day is young for you.344

Maynard: Aye, that’s enough for me to comprehend.345

Cornelius: We’ll go find wiser loves to that we will woo.346

Exit Cornelius and Maynard347

Custodian:348

And so it seems, this story’s at its end.349

Young girls and boys, please harken to this tale350

when love seems to be work with no avail.351