Savin' Me

Prison gates won't open up for me1

This line seems pretty obvious to me as I am currently incarcerated and shall be for 5 years and 2 monthes longer. So these gates shall not opening for me anytime soon.2

On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'3

I have always been a strong and dominant person with a great deal of pride. But being in this situation has made me crawl...and had me on the floor more than once.4

Oh, I reach for you5

Although I am locked off from society and humanity I am allowed internet access and luckily for me...I have found someone whom I can reach out to and who offers me love and support in return. I have in all actuality found several good mates as well as an adopted family to help me through this time.6

Well I'm terrified of these four walls7

At night when I am locked in my cell for the night I do become scared...not so much of the walls themselves but what they hold within them. Me.8

These iron bars can't hold my soul in9

At the same time even though I am held in this cage my soul flies free because of love and because of my own imagination and inner strength that will not be held down.10

All I need is you11

I see this as a line that relates directly to the person whom I love the most. As long as I have her in my life then I shall be alright in the end. 12

Come please I'm callin'13

There are those times that I feel myself in despair and I call out for a bit of love or just some sort of light...14

And oh I scream for you15

...and I may not be able to scream aloud for to do so would surely land me locked in the psych ward but inside I am screaming indeed.16

Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'17

To me at this point falling means giving in to my inner demons...the ones that drive me toward hurting myself in some way or even considering suicide as a means of ending the torment that I find myself in at times. 18

[Chorus:]19

Show me what it's like20

To be the last one standing21

I do need guidance in my life...I admit this now. I used to think I had all the answers and that I was the wise one...the Master who could do no wrong. But now I know better.22

And teach me wrong from right23

I have a lot to learn...I clearly need to learn wrong from right as I have done wrong all my life and it has only caused me heartache and grief.24

And I'll show you what I can be25

I am learning as I go along that there is so much more to me than what I have been showing the world or even myself so far...26

Say it for me27

Say it to me28

Say that you love me and that you will love me no matter what...29

And I'll leave this life behind me30

I have two thoughts on this. The first being to go into my suicidal thoughts. If you do not love me...then I will just leave for good. The second one tis...if I have your unconditional love that I so seek and desire...then I shall leave my old life behind and create a new and better one.31

Say it if it's worth saving me32

I have often asked my loved one if she feels that God tis trying to save me through her. Am I worth saving? 33

Heaven's gates won't open up for me34

All my life I have had religion shoved down my throat and all my life I have felt I twas not good enough for God and certainly not good enough to be in Heaven. So I decided I would embrace Hell instead...35

With these broken wings I'm fallin'36

If I twas ever an angel...then my wings are surely broken...and once again I am falling. In fact I have fallen many a time. 37

And all I see is you38

The person whom I love the most tis certainly an angel. There are many whom I love but she tis the one ...when I close my eyes and think of what I want or who I need...whose face I picture. 39

These city walls ain't got no love for me40

The city that I come from...Belfast...tis not one I have ever felt any love for. I am away from there now as I am incarcerated in another place. But I do not have any desire to go back there once I am released...41

I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story42

Once again...back to suicidal thoughts and feeling as if I should just end it all and be done with it...43

And oh I scream for you44

Come please I'm callin'45

I turn to her...the one I love and I feel her love which gives me the strength and desire to keep going.46

And all I need from you47

Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'48

Even when I cannot talk to her and tis just my mind and spirit calling out for her...I can feel her presence wrapping around me like a comforting blanket.49

[Chorus]50

Hurry I'm fallin'51

All I need is you52

Come please I'm callin'53

And oh, I scream for you54

Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin'55

How many times have I fallen in my life? Too many to count but...I feel as if being caught this one last time tis all that matters. 56

[Chorus]57

Hurry I'm fallin'58

Her love and her faith both in me and in God tis what I need to see me through this tough time. Her love and that of those who are my true mates and have not turned their backs on me...tis what shall indeed be "savin' me" in the end. 59