Things Left Unsaid

The bartender sat another vodka shot in front of me before turning to Scarlet. “Are you sure that you don’t want anything?”
“No, I better not, thanks anyway.” Scarlet turn to me as he walked down to the other end of the bar. “How many of those are you going to have?” she asked gesturing to the empty shot glass I just sat back down.
I felt the vodka burning it’s way down my throat as I started to answer, “As many as it takes.”
“As many as it takes to what? Vondella you’re not going to get her back by drowning yourself in vodka all night.”
“I just don’t want to feel anymore.” I couldn’t tell if my eyes were watering from the vodka burning my throat or my breaking heart. “I mean I’ve never ever felt pain like this. Jade was my life, my heart, my fucking soul.” The tears flowed freely now.
“It’s going to be okay, pain makes us stronger,” leave it to Scarlet to downsize even the biggest of problems.
“Maybe you’re right…”
“Oh of course I am,” she cut in.
“If this doesn’t kill me I’m going to be stronger than the Great Wall of China,” I half laughed.
Scarlet just kind of looked at me, “Well I guess that’s half the spirit.”
This was why she was my best friend. She could rationalize any and everything, and make me laugh no matter what. “So what do I do?” I was in desperate need of her sage wisdom at this point.
“I don’t know it all depends what do you want?” Scarlet asked the same question I’d been asking my self, but for some reason I was able to answer her.
“I want her back. I want her to love me like I love her, but I don’t see that happening.” Why was it that Scarlet could make everything so simple?
“Well first off getting drunk isn’t going to help you any what so ever,” she replied as the bartender asked if I wanted anything else.
“No I’m okay thanks.” Scarlet, my voice of reason, I would be lost with out her. “What do I do?” I asked again.
She was quite for a moment. Then, “Well have you told her exactly how you feel?”
“You mean that she is my everything?”
“Something along those lines, yes.”
“Then no I haven’t. I told her that I loved her, but not that she was my life.” How could I not have told her that at some point I thought realizing just how I had let her slip through my fingers like sand in a strainer.
“Well that’s what you do, you tell her.”
“That’s a little hard to do, she won’t answer me when I call her.” Now that I thought about it she was acting strange I hadn’t done anything at least not that I was aware of, and she had broken up with me, with no explanation.
“Then you’ll have to talk to her in person, but you have to talk to her, cause that’s the only way you’re going to get her back.”
“You’re right,” I said as I wiped the tears off my cheeks. “I’m going to wash my face.”
“Okay,” Scarlet said as I stood up and headed toward the bathroom. Once I reached the bathroom, which lucky for me was located right by the door, I glanced at the mirror I looked horrible. My hair was flying every which way, my eyes were read and puffy, and even I could tell that I reeked of vodka. The only plus was that I hadn’t put on make-up yet.
Cursing myself for leaving my purse sitting with Scarlet I splashed cold water from the sink onto my face. I pulled my hair back into a ponytail so that when I turned back to the mirror I at least looked presentable.
I still smelt like liquor, and had no make-up on, but I would have to deal with out make up and the gum that I had in the car. Pulling the keys from my pocket I walked out of the restroom, out the front door, and to my car. I quickly unlocked the door and slid into the driver’s seat.
I saw Scarlet rush out of the club as I pulled out of the parking lot. I turned the radio on in hopes that it would calm my nerves. It did a pretty good job of it, but I couldn’t calm down completely until after I talked to Jade.
When I pulled into Jade’s driveway my heart jumped into overdrive. I parked behind her 1968 mustang, and killed the engine. I was trying to calm back down when the door opened and Jade walked out onto the porch.
Every cell in my body was screaming in panic as I opened the door and walked up to the house.
“Vondella? What are you doing here?” I felt myself melt as she spoke my name.
“I need to talk to you,” I was amazed that my voice held steady.
“Well come in then,” she said as she walked back inside. I followed her trying to figure out what I was going to say next. All that I knew was that I wasn’t leaving with out her with me.
We walked into the living room were she turned off the T.V. and sat down on the couch. I hesitated for just a second before sitting down in the recliner.
“Well?”
A deep breath and then, “Can I ask you something?”
“You just did, but yes you can ask something else,” her sense of humor was still there thank god.
“Okay very funny, but seriously,” I paused. Why couldn’t I wrap my tongue around the words? “I want to know why you broke up with me.”
The expression on her face flickered for just a second, so fast that I almost missed the pained look that crossed it.
“Why?” she was looking for ways to not answer me.
“Honest answer?”
“Of course.”
“Because I’ve been driving myself crazy trying to figure it out. What did I do, or not do to push you away?”
“It’s not something that you did.”
“Then what is it that I didn’t do? What did I miss out on that was so important to you that you would leave me the way you did?” I could feel tears forming, but I willed my self not to cry.
“I just, I got the feeling that we felt differently about each other,” tears were rolling down her cheeks now.
“What do you mean?” this had suddenly twisted on me.
“I love you! That’s what I mean. I love you with every fiber of my being, but you don’t seem to feel the same,” she was sobbing now.
Seeing her crying I lost all control. Tears pouring from my eyes, I moved to sit beside her on the couch. “You have no idea Jade,” I said as I pulled her into my lap and wrapped her in my arms.
“How do you mean?”
“You have no idea how much I love you do you, but of course that’s my fault for never showing you.” John Michael Montgomery suddenly filled my head. “I see the questions in your eyes I know what’s weighing on your mind but you can be sure I know my part cause I’ll stand beside though the years you’ll only cry those happy tears and though I’ll make mistakes I’ll never break you’re heart,” I recited.
“I swear by the moon and the stars in the sky,” Jade picked up were I left off. “I’ll be there, I swear, like the shadow that’s by your side I’ll be there, for better or worse till death do us part I’ll love you with every beat of my heart…”
“I swear,” we both finished.
“Did you think that there was no meaning to that?” I asked.
“I…I just thought that…I don’t know what I thought,” she admitted.
I laughed, “Well here I’ll make sure there is no question. Jade you are my everything, my life, my heart, and my soul. I love you with every piece of my scared up heart, and I don’t ever want to let you go.”
“I love you too.”
“So, will you give me another chance? Will you forgive me for not realizing that you need to hear it because I don’t show emotions the way that I should?”
There was no vocal response, instead she turned to face me, and I felt I could see straight into her soul through her eyes. Placing her soft hand on the side of my face, she tilted her head slightly and the next thing that I knew her lips were on mine.
Smiling, I slipped my tongue into her mouth, completely forgetting that I was bound to still taste like vodka. She seemed to hesitate at the taste, but put it aside and kissed me like it was the first and last time she would ever get the chance.
I pulled back from the kiss, to see a questioning look in her eyes, “What were you drinking?” she asked.
“Vodka.” I answered with out looking her in the eyes.
“And you drove?” she half screamed.
I couldn’t speak so I simply nodded.
“What were you thinking?” she asked as I met her gaze again, and rather than anger I saw worry.
“I was thinking that you were slipping out of my grasp, I was afraid I was going lose you, and my heart couldn’t take it. I had to talk to you, and you wouldn’t answer me when I called…”I was cut off by the doorbell.
“Who could that be,” Jade asked as she stood up. I followed her to the door.
“Thank god,” Scarlet exclaimed when Jade opened the door. “What were you thinking? Oh hi Jade. Seriously Ella are you crazy?”
“Wait, hold on what did I miss here?” Jade asked, looking from me to Scarlet and back again.
“Ella here had me worried sick, she went to the bathroom and when I turned around again she was walking out the front door. I followed her to see her pulling out of the parking lot of John’s,” Scarlet explained.
“Look I’m sorry Scarlet, but I had to talk to Jade.”
“I would have drove you.”
“But I had to do it alone…”
“I could have sat in the car, good lord, anything, but there was no need for you to be driving after the vodka shots.”
“Look I’m sorry, okay, but what’s done is done and no one was hurt, me or anyone else. Also incase you didn’t notice I can still walk in a straight line and everything,” I said.
“Amazing in it’s self considering you had what six or seven shots of pure vodka,” Scarlet returned.
“Will you two just stop it okay. Scarlet you’re right it was dumb. Ella you’re lucky no one was hurt I say it’s because of you’re high alcohol tolerance but please promise me that you won’t do that again?”
“Okay, I won’t if you don’t want me to,” I answered glad that Jade wasn’t mad at me.
“Good,” Jade kissed me on the cheek. “Scarlet would you like to come in and watch T.V. with us cause I don’t think that Ella needs to drive home tonight.”
“Sure, but one thing first.”
“What?” we both asked her.
“Are you two back together or what?”
I just grinned and nodded like an idiot while Jade answer her, “Yes, it was simply a little bit of miscommunication, or lack there of, I guess would be the correct term.”
“Well I’m glad to hear that one,” Scarlet laughed as she started to walk to the living room. Wrapping my arm around Jade’s waist we followed her.
Jade and I pilled up on the couch. Everything felt right in the world as I wrapped her in my arms as Scarlet turned the T.V. back on and started channel surfing before finally putting it on Logo. At some point Scarlet got up and left, I vaguely remember the rumble of the car as she drove off, but I didn’t wake up fully, and Jade didn’t stir in my arms.