Chapter 11
I just got off the phone with the coach of the team “The Killer Bees,” They have an amazing team that has won the Softball Little League World series twice! (That’s really good…) My team “Chaos” has never even made it to the LLWS! I am my team’s best pitcher. My coach is my dad, so he puts me in a lot. 2
Today’s Friday, and I have a test in 3 subjects! Right as I open my locker, my best friend, Gina, screams in my ear, “OMG!!! Guess what?!?!”3
“What?!” I yell.4
“Riley just asked me out!”5
“Seriously?! He’s like…the HOTTEST guy in school!!”6
“I know! That’s why I’m still screaming!”7
I am about to tell her my good news, but then Riley walks up to us, and takes Gina away… I have always thought Gina was really pretty, so when Riley asked her out, it was no surprise; I just wanted to be “happy” for her. Gina has golden long, wavy hair, and is really tan. Unlike me, who has dark brown hair and freckles.8
The first bell just rang, so I have to get to my first period class, Reading. 9
“Hello class! How are you all today?” Our teacher, Mrs. Jordan, asked. 10
“Good…” We all replied in an exhausted tone. 11
Luckily though, our teacher gave us new seats, and Greg (my secret crush) sits in front of me. As I doodle in my notebook, the bell rings, so I am set free!12
Gina leads Riley, and they both sit across from me. My other best friend, Ali, and I are talking about when our next softball practice is. (We are both on the team by the way…) Gina and Riley interrupt us by giggling so loud, everyone turns to look at our table. 13
As I eat my delicious chocolate-peanut butter sandwich, Greg brushes his arm across my back when he was walking. I turn to look at Ali, and she is rolling her eyes.14
“What’s so great about him anyway, Lucy?” Ali asked me.15
I sigh and say, “Everything…”16
Chapter 217
I get home and go on my laptop to check my e-mail. I have 6 new messages, 3 for some stupid college offer (even though I’m in 8th grade). One of the other three is from my pen pal, Lily, who lives in South Dakota. I met her in a chat room on BigChat.com. Actually, in the summer, I’m supposed to meet her at the airport near me! Unfortunately, summer is 5 months away… Message number 2 is from Ali, telling me to reply with all the great things about Greg. 18
I do, telling every little detail I know about him. Then I open my last message, which id from Gina, asking about the good news I couldn’t tell her because of the bell interrupting our conversation earlier today. I type and tell her: “OMG!!! The coach of The Killer Bees called me, and asked me if I wanted to try out for their team next year! =D I of course said yes, and he told me I will pitch a lot!!! Isn’t that great??!! – Luv u lots, Lucy”19
Since I have no more messages, I log onto BigChat.com, and Gina, Lily, Katie, Heather, and Ali are on! Gina is the first one to message me. 20
Chat room 18321
Sftbllgurl03: how could you?!?!?!22
Lucy_lou_42: what??? Oh…did you get my email?23
Sftbllgurl03: um…YEAH!!! What’s gonna happen to our team, Lou? We’re gonna lose cuz ur the best pitcher like, EVER!!!24
Lucy_lou_42: Uhhhh…..idk, G. Get a new pitcher? =)25
Sftbllgurl03: yeah…w/e…. =P26
*poof* sftbllgurl03 has logged out.27
Soccer_4_life: heyy! Wats up Lucy???28
Lucy_lou_42: eh….not much. Ok here’s my story: the coach of The Killer Bees called, and he asked me to try out for his team in the spring, but Gina’s all like ‘What’s gonna happen to our team?!?! Blah…blah…blah….’ So I told her to just get a new really awesome pitcher, and now she’s super upset at me…29
Soccer_4_life: wow…that sux Lou.30
Lucy_lou_42: omg ik…I wish I played soccer like u Katie…there isn’t a pitcher in that game…31
Soccer_4_life: yeah, but the goalie is really important too!32
Lucy_lou_42: yeah…I guess33
Soccer_4_life: yup! Well, I g2g Lucy! Cya l8r!!!!34
Lucy_lou_42: kay, byez!!! 35
*poof* Soccer_4_life has logged out.36
Lucy_lou_42: okay everyone else…I have to go help my mom make dinner…bbl!37
Lil_Lily: kay catch ya l8r!38
Alimazing99: byez my homie dawg!39
Crazy_4_JoBros: bye!!! Cya tomorrow, right?40
Lucy_lou_42: lol yeah! C u all!!!41
*poof* Lucy_lou_42 has logged out.42
Chapter 343
“Lou! Hurry up! This chicken can’t cook itself!”44
“Yeah, yeah, I know Robby!”45
Robby is my little brother; he’s 7. I also have an older sister, but she’s in college. 46
I am amazingly a really good chef. I always watched my dad cook, and I always helped him too! Then one day, my parents got a divorce, but I guess I got over it *sniffle* not really. 47
So once I went into the kitchen, I did what I had to do; make dinner. We had chicken, mashed potatoes, and green beans, which is my favorite! 48
Now it’s 7:02, so I have to do my homework. I have this phone shaped like lips in my room. I got it for my birthday last year! Speaking of phones, it’s ringing now, so hold on…49
Thoughts: Hmm….that’s weird! No one answered! That’s okay, I can’t talk anyway. Let’s see…I have History, Science, English, and French! Great. Let’s see….”Que faites-vous aujourd'hui?” means… Okay I will do this later! Moving onto Science! Who first discovered the cell? Okay that’s easy! Robert Hooke discovered the cell. Whew! It is 10:37, and I have a huge test on Monday. That’s okay…I guess I can study tomorrow night. Oh shoot! I’m going over Heather’s house tomorrow! How could I forget? That’s okay I guess, I’ll jut study on Sunday night. Wait…I’m going to see some people I don’t know ice skate. Geez, why am I so busy? I guess I could just—50
“Lucy! Get up! Hurry! You have to come look at this!!”51
Of course that was Robby. It’s probably some stupid bird feeding her babies. 52
“Lou!!! Come on, it’s so cool!”53
“Okay! I’m coming, Robby.”54
“What is it, Lou?”55
“Oh. My. Gosh. It’s a caterpillar getting out of its cocoon!!! Wow! I should get this on tape, then sell it on E-bay….hehehe”56
“Are you sure you’re a human?”57
“Yes, Robby, I am sure. Now go get yourself some cereal.”58
“Yes ma’am!”59
“Dork.” I said that under my breath so he wouldn’t hear it. 60
I guess he can eat himself, so I can get on my laptop! Mom is on a business trip until Tuesday, so Dad is coming to our house until then. 61
Okay, I have 2 new messages. One is from…wait! Who the heck is this? Little_drummer_boy76 is who it’s from… Well, I guess I could read it. Here it is:62
Hey Lucy! 63
Umm…I know you don’t know who this is, but that’s okay for now! I have always kinda liked you for about 3 years, but I was never brave enough to ask you out. If you could just meet me at the park on Friday at 6 o’clock, that would be great! See ya in school!64
~Your Secret Admirer 65
OMG. That is HIGE news!!!! I can’t wait to go to that sleepover! Heather, Ali, and Katie will be so excited! I know Gina won’t because she hates me for a stupid reason.66
Did you think it was okay? I am not done by the way...
Comments
-
Well, I just typed this up one day because I as bored, and I didn't really care about the spelling too much... My friend told me I should put this up...so sorry about the spelling mistakes!
-
I really aggree with what Oblivion Kitty said, This is way too much like a teen drama, Big issues of mispellings of very common words. Text speak or chat speak unless you say they are using this to communication you should avoid using it. Which yes I see you did but I see it else where where it's not being used.
-
Don't use "chat-speak" (phrases such as OMG) in a story. It takes away from the qualitity. Write out the words.
Also try to steer away from the overusage of punctuation. It's distracting and drains the story of life.
That and a handful of spelling and grammatical errors are the biggest issues. This feels (and is) a typical teen drama. No offense, but it's not my kind of story. You have a grasp of high school hijinxes, so I have not doubt that you could write this genre with ease.
Good luck with your endeavors.

