the lesser evil (incomplete)

I am one of the lesser ones, one of the servants to the greaters. The lesser ones are not allowed to choose anything for themselves. Once a year they are sent to another's bed not of their choosing to mate. So that there can be more lessers to serve the greaters. Any female who is eighteen or older and any male who is twenty or older must participate until they are too old. I am seventeen now. I am almost eighteen and I regret every day that I grow older. I see the other lesser men leering at me. Each hoping for mating to come sooner. I know I will be eighteen before the next mating and I am afraid. Some of the other girls say it is wonderful experience, but many of the older women refuse to speak of it and call it a necessary evil. When it is brought up, they just look sad.1

Every year we are assigned a task, which we must do until the next year when we are reassigned. My task of the year was to be one of the cleaners of the Greater's hall. It is not as simple as it sounds. You must never be seen by any greater and everything has to be spotless. The lessers use secret passages known only to them to avoid many of the greaters. Without the secret passages, we would be seen all the time. The first time I stepped into the greater hall, I was awestruck. It was a palace bright with color and pattern. Our own, much smaller hall are always a grayish brown. Everything we own is that same color, even our loose tunics that never seem to fit right. This year I was assigned the section of the greater hall that held the bedroom. I am responsible for making the beds and cleaning the halls outside the rooms. I have to make everything in that whole area perfect. 2

I stepped into the first bedroom; I had just completed cleaning the hall. I stood with my mouth open. The bed was huge compared to mine. This bed looked like it could hold at least three, maybe four, people on it. My own bed barely had enough room for me to sleep. It had diaphanous cloth draped around it in a large tent-like way. The bed needed to be made but the blankets looked large and fluff, my own was thin and barely covered me. I walked forward and gently touched the drapes; it was so soft I just wanted to wrap it around myself. I made the bed and when I first touched it, I wanted to jump on it and curl up in the blankets. It felt so soft I just wanted to see what it would be like to lay on it. I imagined it would be like lying on clouds as they drift in the sky. The carpet was soft under my bare feet, like a patch of newly grown grass before it becomes course. Our floors were hard stone, always cold and hard. This floor even felt slightly warm. I went into the bathroom. Our bathing rooms were just metal tubs that we filled with warm water and had to get in line to use. Sometimes, when I did not get to the tubs in time, the water had cooled and looked grey with the dirt from other people. Sometimes I just did not take a bath on those days. 3

The greater's were more than just a tub. It was big enough for two people to lie in comfortably. It had a knobs that, when turned, would fill the tub with water. I had been taught this by the previous cleaner of this section for it was now my responsibility to wake early and set up the bath for the greaters. I turned to the counter that held the sink and froze. I had never seen a mirror before and I stood staring at my reflection. My hair was long, black and in need of a brushing. My eyes were large, full of knowledge, and grey. My skin was pale. I reached out until my fingertips gently touched the cool surface. My lips were narrow and showed that my life had not been a happy one. My nose was small and feminine. I drew my hand back and forced myself to look away. I washed the bathroom while avoiding looking at the mirror. I finished that bedroom and moved on to the next.4

The next room was similar to the first, with the drapes over the bed, soft carpet and large bathroom, only this one had a set of doors that led to a small balcony. The balcony had a beautiful view of the eastern mountains. I imagined watching the sunrise from that balcony and realized that as the sun rose I would have to be filling the baths for the greaters. I sighed and went to make the bed. I was thinking of what it would be like to live in this hall, with the cloud-like beds and perfect views of the rising sun. As I finished the bed, I heard a noise behind me. I turned around to see a greater behind me. I dropped to my knees and pressed my forehead to the floor. I had been seen, I knew that being seen could result in anything from no food to being whipped. Depending on who had seen you. "Please, forgive me for burdening you with the sight of me." It was the words we were told to speak if we were every seen. I stayed bowed over waiting for him to speak, for I had noticed that he was male before I fell to the floor. I felt him standing there over me but he did not speak for quite a while. Deciding my punishment, I had assumed. 5

"Stand." he spoke. I did as he said. I thought that the moment I had stood, he was going to hit me or something but he just stood and stared at me. I finally got a good look at him. His hair was short and dark brown. His eyes were bright green. His skin was not pale but it was not dark either. He was the most handsome man I had ever seen. I felt an urge to reach out and touch his face. Instead, I clenched my hands into fists and held my arms stiffly at my side. He was wearing a plain shirt and plain jeans. Usually the greaters dressed all fancy. I imagined that he might have been out riding a horse or something like that. I looked down at his feet rather than up at his eyes. You were never supposed to look them in the eyes, ever. I wished I could just disappear like a ghost and never be seen again. If only he would speak! Then he did.6

"Continue what you are doing, I wish to watch." I was shocked and did not move. No punishment? Just continue working? I could barely believe it. I had been whipped for someone as so much as seeing the edge of my dress disappear around a corner and he was not going to punish me? He was probably going to punish me after I finished working. I dragged my feet with dread as I completed my tasks in the room. I could feel his eyes watching me as I moved around. I avoided looking in his direction as much as I could. I was about to walk out the door and move onto the next room when he stopped me. "Stop," I froze, waiting for him to say what my punishment would be, "you also prepare the baths in the morning?"7

I had to think before I could answer. Was it a trick question? I could think of no other meaning of the question rather than curiosity. I answered, "Yes, it is one of my duties." I took a step forward and he said nothing to stop me so I hurried into the hall and closed the door behind me. I was breathing fast and I forced myself to slow down. I wondered if he only wanted time to think of a proper punishment. I sped to the next room and began to clean to keep my mind off things. When I was done cleaning the rooms I ran to the lesser hall where food was going to be served for the midday meal. 8

The meal was nothing but plain beef cooked over a fire but I ate it. I really was not hungry after what had happened but I knew that I needed food. No one spoke to me. No one ever did. Everyone else had at least one person to talk to but I was alone. I never knew what made people avoid me so much. Nevertheless, I ate in silence. After the midday meal, I had to go and set up the tables for the greater's midday meal. The greaters had a hall just for eating. It had one long table, which I helped to line with plates and eating utensils. Then I had to hurry out before the greaters arrived to eat. I avoided the kitchen so I did not have to smell the wonderful food being served to the greaters. I wonder what the cooks must feel making all this food and never getting to eat it? The cooks are lessers as I am, but they always do the same job because it requires special training. 9

After setting up for the midday meal, I cleaned the rest of my section, which was the library and any hall that connects to it, which took the rest of the day. Last year I helped set the greaters dinner table instead of the midday meal or breakfast. If I were still assigned that, I would have had to go and set up but instead I walked to our hall for my own dinner. It was the same as the midday meal, as it usually is, only with vegetables and fruit added for nutrition. When I was done with my meal I went to my room. I was one of five girls who slept in that room. none of the others had arrived yet so I curled up on my small bed and thought of sleeping on the of the large soft beds of the greaters. I imagined that I was a greater and could walk around freely and do anything I wanted, wear anything I wanted, and go anywhere I wanted.10