Crimson had eyes that matched his name. Ink black pupils surrounded by the pooling vivid red color that astonished everyone who dared look into bright scarlet orbs. Those, eyes blended with his lean muscled body, sharp features, shaggy black hair, and cold stare made it easy to assume that Crimson was dangerous. And perhaps he could be, but only if you were his enemy, as a friend you could guarantee a safety on your life, although it was rare that he let someone get close enough to him to consider them a 'friend'. With Crimson trust wasn't easily given. The walls surrounding his emotions were strong, built up over years of independence. A lonely savage world can do that to a person. 1
A branch snapped in the distance, it was a sudden and shattering sound in the silence. Crimson's eyes darted to scan the immediate area, paying special attention to the direction the sound had echoed from. There were only two possibilities of what had made that noise; the predator or the prey. Crimson tightened the grip on his bow, he'd only need one shot to dispatch of the intruder be it the hunter or hunted. His eyes and ears strained to catch any more noise, to distinguish the presence, conclude if it was human or animal. 2
For day's now he'd known the Trackers were on his trail, each day getting closer. He wasn't gaining ground, he spent more time hiding then running. Capture wasn't an option, capture meant death, and death wasn't even a reality as far as Crimson stood, he was determined to be a survivor. Unfortunately, there weren't many like him, or perhaps there were too many. The numbers of rouges and renegades had steadily increased, maybe they were becoming a threat to the High Order, maybe their ranks needed to be thinned. Maybe that's why there were more and more Trackers around. 3
Crimson drew back into the branches of the tree he'd taken refuge in. He was hoping his dirt stained complexion and dark clothing would blend into the shadows of the pine. Most thought he was ruthless, a wild untamed killer. That wasn't the case, as much as people played him up to be he was not invincible, not immortal and there was only so many Trackers a person could battle single handedly, armed with only a dull blade and a half dozen misshapen arrows. 4
He still knew not what creature lurked just out of his line of sight, an animal meant food, a human meant an eventual fight. He was already tired from several days of running and hadn't had a proper meal or rest for the same amount of time. Trackers were known for their relentlessness. Several more minuets passed, slowly, and Crimson's trained eyes searched for the evidence that he wasn't alone. Sweat trickled down his neck and continued down his spine between his shoulder blades. He was sore and tired from the cat and mouse game. A brief hope that it was the Trackers passed through his head. He was hidden, he had the advantage. They were only a small group, five or six at the most, if he was quick and quiet about it he might be able to take out two maybe three before they could conclude his position. His bow and arrows would make them easy targets, it was the hand to hand combat on the ground that would trouble him in his weakened state. But wouldn't it be better to be rid of his stalkers? Whether they realized it or not they were cutting off his supplies by limiting his time to scavenge for them, his water was running low, and he'd been rationing it. He gritted his teeth, not knowing what he wanted to see more, a big deer or the pack of Trackers.
Author notes
Just something I've been woring on between writer's blocks.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Nice. An interesting world you got there. Reminds me of Stargate Atlantis, and the Wraith/Runner relationship. Of course, I don´t know if you have any idea what I´m talking about. lol.
The writing is nice, giving just the right about of background info, coupled with action - or at least the anticipation of action. I´m thinking though, if you couldn´t do without the first paragraph, work the info that´s in it into it in some other way, so we can get straight to the action, so to speak. Also, the last paragraph is a bit long.
Those are just suggestions though, don´t let that fool you into thinking I didn´t like it, cause I liked it
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Interesting
I like where this is going but I do have a suggestion about the writing style. I think that this would be a much stronger piece, in the perspective of Crimson. As of right now it's like an omnipresent perspective. I like th eidea of this being strictly in Crimson's point of view because then you can really play up his fear about being captured, you can really ellaborate on what is making him so unique too. Like for example why he hasn't been re-captured yet. For example you could write something like.
** The air is cold on my skin and the branches make me itch as I hide from the Trackers high in the thick fir tree pricking me with it's sharp needles without remorse. The aroma of pine filling my nose until I thought I might heave. They are relentless in their pursuit of me and I stink of fear, not as if they can sense that. I didn't look back when they grabbed the others that were traveling with me. They couldn't cut it. Thankfully I had my bow and arrows, making some of these bastards easy to pick off in the darkness. **
You had a lot of, "He did, He saw, His water, He gritted, He wanted...etc" I'm sure you get the point. It's more fluid, if you pick a perspective and I think a pursuit is a good way to practice that. It's always more interesting in the runner's head what's going on. There's more emotion, more urgency, more to hook your reader. Good Luck!
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Thanks, I wrote this just kind of as a spurr of the moment thing and I use third person due to the way it's written later, I bring in more characters and split up the story line. I can't write one part in first and another in third it's an OCD thing I have and when I write in the same story in two differnt firstperson perspectives I tend to lose one or the other sometimes.
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I realy like it so far. The story is captivating and you described Crimson right off the bat. You are doing a great job so far!
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Several more [I HATE YOUUUU!!!!! LOL] ***minuets*** [I HATE YOUUU!!!!!!! LOL] passed, slowly, and Crimson's trained eyes searched for the evidence that he wasn't alone.
oohhh,,, very nicee, more please, NOW!! haha, keep up the writing, great job, want morreee =DD haha -
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I'm sorry, I just automatically write it that way. I have typing issues.
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I like it! Continue!
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