The sound of squealing tires as I felt the car spinning out of control. The sound of blaring horns as we spun past. The sound of crunching metal, when we had finally stopped. I could faintly hear the sirens coming closer and closer as my forehead and back began to feel wet, and then everything went black. That is how all the nightmares end. My mother died in that car accident; we were hit by a drunk driver and went spinning out of control until we smashed against a tree.1
I have been having nightmares almost every night even though it had been four years since the accident. I pray and pray for the nightmares to go away, but they never do. I, Alexis Swan, have my mother's blood on my hands. If I just didn't ask her to take me out that day, or if I just didn't beg her to take me out. It wasn't even necessary. I feel like I'm going to have to live the rest of my life with the guilt that I helped kill my mother. 2
To be continued.....
Comments
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Chilling piece.
My goodness! Horrific! (I'm hoping this isn't autobiographical!) Written quite nicely...realistically...and in a unique, articulate way. You got ME hooked! (The first few sentences are very engaging and stylistic without the subject verbs!...and the line referring to your forehead and back feeling wet was VERY strong! and real!)
I have a few little suggestions: You might consider a new paragraph after "went black" starting with "That is how"
In P2...I think "has" is more correct than "had" in the first line...since your initial "have been having nightmares" indicates an ongoing situation.
Also, you need a comma after Swan (those commas come in pairs...and you have one after "I."
Place a period after the second "take me out" then make a new and separate sentence of: "It wasn't even necessary." This is much stronger than tacking it on to the other thought. It's more of a sorry , guilty afterthought...and seems so much more pathetic and dramatic!
Meanwhile...it's all very nicely done...realistic...and very effective!
Keep it going! Don't stop!
Good luck,
GA
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Yippee! Your first story on here! It's really great! I honestly can't wait to read more of it. I know you're busy so I'll TRY not to nag you... but I can't make any promises.
I spotted two weensy type-o's in the second paragraph. "If i just didn't ask her..." (I). And "I fell like..." (feel). I think you'll make a great writer. Keep 'em comin'!
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