The Fry Cook and the Go-Go Boots

Once there was a Mighty Pimp. He had the most beautiful, kindest prostitute as his wife. They had a beautiful baby girl, named Layna. The wife contracted HIV and soon died. This left the Might Pimp and Layna with only each other. The Might Pimp's fellow pimps urged him to take another wife. It was about this time he met Shanay-nay and married her, since she soon became pregnant. Soon after their marriage, baby Keisha was born into the cold, cruel world.1

Shanay-nay was a kind and loving step-mother to Layna. But as the girls grew and developed, Shanay-nay realized Layna was much prettier than Keisha, this made her jealous for her own daughter and in turn she grew hateful towards Layna. As time passed and Shanay-nay's jealousy grew, the pimp was forced to travel away in search of new prostitutes to add to his ever-growing collection. While he was away Shanay-nay was left in charge under the title of 'Head Pimpette', this gave her complete control over the household.2

One day she approached Layna and walked her to the front door, opening it. "We need more sexay clothes for the business, so we took a vote and decided you need to go work at McDonald's. Have fun!" And she pushed her out the door. Layna worked dutifully, providing extra income for her father's business while he was away.3

This went on for about a week, then one day Bill Gate's Jr. was in the electronics store. He was looking at the new Dell computers, "I could make better stuff with a old toaster and a mattress spring!" He then notices his stomach is growling, so he decides to go to the McDonald's to get a cheese burger. While waiting in line, he watches Layna cooking fries in the back, he can't take his eyes off her. He steps over to the Manager and asks, "Who's the hot broad cooking fries in the back, dude?" The Manager looks towards Layna and shrugs, "That's Layna, she's a newbie." Bill eats his cheese burger and waits around till Layna gets off. As she's walking out he runs up, short of breath from the small sprint and grabs her elbow. She turns to smack him but doesn't. He asks, "Wanna go get a milkshake?" She nods and they go get a milkshake and talk for awhile. She leaves for home awhile later.4

The next morning he gets out of bed, puts on his cardigan and glasses and jumps in his Lamborghini, going to the mall. As he's walking by Hot Topic he spots a pair of white, yellow-poke-a-doted Go-Go boots. He pays the sixty dollars for them and then goes to wait for Layna to get off work. He presents the boots to her and she ADORES them! She puts them on and hugs him. "Oh Bill! Thanks!" Bill gets the feeling his soul now belongs to Satan at this point. She spots Shanay-nay over his shoulder and turns him loose, taking down the escalator, toppling over people. During the mad rush, one of her boots is lost. Bill sees this and starts wigging out, "I pad sixty bucks for those!" He runs and scoops it up, running after her. He isn't able to catch up, but follows them home. He walks up to the door, boot in hand and knocks on the door. Shanay-nay answers the door and looks him over, chewing her gum. "So what will it be, a thick one, a skinny one, or maybe a REALLY big one?" He thinks about it then realizes what she's asking him and shakes his head furiously. "No, NO! I want the girl with the matching Go-Go!" He shoves the boot at her. She takes him in and leaves him in the living room. She rounds up all the girls and grins. "Wear your best Go-Gos, girls!' She grabs Layna locks her in the closet, then gets Keisha and cuts her big toe off with a butcher knife, sticking the boot on her foot. Keisha wobbles into the living room and sits on Bill's lap. Shanay-nay holds her hand out for the money and Bill just blinks, in shock. JUST then!, a little midget mascot bursts into the room and runs around screaming, "Layna is in the closet and the Ho's toe is in the freezer!"5

Bill pushes Keisha off and runs to the closet and gets Layna, dusting the dust bunnies off her head. Layna pushes Bill away and stalks over to Keisha and slaps her, "Give me my boot back, you toe-less hag!" Layna proceeds to kick Keisha's butt and they all live happily ever after in Bill's mansion.6

*Disclaimer*7

No ho-ho's were harmed during the reenactment of this story. No one had their toes cut off, and lastly the characters names and careers where changed to protect their lack of innocence.8