Love Isn't Always What It Seems.

The windows were steaming and the car was filled with laughter,but that laughter was taken away the next day after all his friends came and asked her for what she had given to him....the one thing she thought he deserved. Amber was 15 years old and thought she had the best boyfriend in the world,but obviously not.They had been goin out since 7th grade...it was now 10th.She thought he had grown up from his childish years,but once a boy always a boy she thought.She broke up with him...but it was 2 weeks later she was back in his arms.1

She didnt' realize he was crippling her for life.Zach was...tall,dark and handsome, and a complete sweety but this sweety had a dark side,an angry side....one so bad once you unleashed you'd regret it for life.One cold and foggy night she got into a fight with her parents and called Zach on her cell phone."Hunny,Can you come pick me up?.....Who is that in the back ground? IS THAT A WOMAN?!" Tears began to glide across her cheeks one after another.As she sat there on the phone....she could hear a blood curdling scream.2

"WHAT WAS THAT?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" he replied " Im gonna come pick you up." "NO Zach...you stay away from me...i dont want to talk to you anymore i want NOTHING to do with you anymore....Im going to the cops...GOODBYE ZACH!" "YOU STUPID BI.." She hung up before she could hear him threaten her. She didn't know what she was getting herself into like I said...Zach had a bad temper.Hanging up on him after telling him she was going to the cops was that horrible sharp turn down life's road NO ONE wants to take.3

As she walked to the police station....she was walking towards a dead end. There waiting two blocks from the cop station was Zach leaning against his silver F150 pick-up truck, smoking a Camel."Zach...",with a quiver in her voice,"What are you doing here?" As she said that his friends Mark,Danny and Matthew came out of his truck. "Well suga' I thought you wanted me to come pick you up?" he said with a smirk acrossed his face. "Zach...if you think I was gonna go to the cops I wasn't I was just scared I was on the street all by myself and I thought someone was coming and...I just got scared Im sorry hunny!" It didn't matter Zach was pissed...he put out his cigarette.He walked toward her and stopped.She was crying.4

"WHAT ARE YOU CRYING FOR BITCH?!" Zach was yelling in her face....SMACK!Amber was on the ground and bleeding from her mouth."Zach baby please Im sorry...I...I..." He kicked her in the gut....what they didn't know....is that he just killed new life.Amber gasped for air...the guys went wide eyed and they couldn't believe what Zach had just done.They couldn't believe he was hurting her this bad."Man Dont do that!" Mark said but as he was about to say more Zach turned around and said "HEY!SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" The guys got scared....Mark turned away and started walking to the cop station "This shit is bogus man im not in this im goin to the cops" but Mark never got the chance.....he took two steps and was on the ground...lifeless.That gunshot went thru all the guys as well....they never thought they would see one of their homies dead due to another friend.The Danny and Matthew had enough of this. Zach was still hitting Amber.Danny knocked Zach in the back of the head and told him to stop but that only made him more pissed off.5

He picked up Amber and put her in the truck."Get in the car now!" Danny and Matt were aw-strucked,but Danny wasn't intimidated "Why are you doing this to her? She told you she was just scared earlier!"Danny started to yell...but Zach pulled his gun on him."Get in the fuckin truck now!MOVE!"They did as they were told,but Danny wasn't gonna take him hitting Amber.Danny liked Amber she was a sweet girl,but Zach treated her like shit...he couldn't understand why she kept going back to him.So Danny took control....right when Zach was next to the police station.He looked at Amber and unlocked the door.She understood what he was telling her to do he wanted her to jump out.So she did...it stung her feet but she started to run.Zach stopped and punched Danny.6

She was only 5 feet away from the door....but Zach caught her.He threw her back into the truck and threatened Danny."IF YOU EVER PULL SHIT LIKE THAT AGAIN...ILL FUCKIN KILL YOU!" Danny wasn't scared of death if he had to die for Amber he would do it. They got Danny's apartment where there were two women waiting for them to come back.Amber didn't even look at them or bothere to ask who they were.She knew that neither of them were Matthew's,Danny's or Mark's.7

Xach told the guys to wait out in the living room while he went into the bedroom with Amber.She was still crying.She was terrified and Zach liked it...he knew by the horror in her eyes he was the one in charge here. "Strip!" He commanded....while unzipped his jeans. "WHAT?!" she repiled. "STRIP!!!!" Her eyes went wide and she did as he told her for she was scared if she didn't he would kill her.She layed in bed while he had sex with her and did whatever he felt like.She did not make one sound.She did not move...not did she breath.8

"Baby?!....",he shook her but she was limp,"wake uP!!!!"The guys came in and as soon as they saw her they looked away Danny was crying and Matt didn't know what to do nor say. Danny clenched his fists...and went and beat the crap out of Zach. As he punched Zach in the face he screamed "YOU MURDERER YOU BASTARD SHE DIDNT DO ANYTHING TO YOU ..YOU SICK FUCKER WHY WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT!!!!!" and Danny just went quiet.He grabbed his gun and shot himself. The last thought that went through his head was "I Love You Amber!" He did this because....he killed Zach that night.He did it for Amber...He did it for her peace...so her spirit could rest easy. As for Matthew....he went to the cops and told them everything....then he went insane.He went skitzo and some how killed himself in the mental hospital.9

So the point of this story...Love Isn't Always What It Seems.10

What did you think? Please comment!

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • TrackAndy
    June 3, 2007

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    It didn't matter Zach was pissed...
    ha that made me laugh.... i don't know why but it killed me.
    and i laughed when it was like... SMACK!
    i'm against hitting women but i thouhg it was random i don't know lol

    Ok now to buisness....
    The dialouge ESPECIALLY needs to be broken up more it gets confusing
    When you say he killed a new life she was pregnat? when did this happen please give more background.

    I was confused about who shot who and what was
    going on in the fight scene please fix it.

    Detail would make the story much more enjoyable aswell.

    I thought the ending was weak. Everybody killed themselfs and it was very quick. Maybe you could follow through with it more.

    The ideas for a story is here you just need to put some meat on it. I'm not saying you are a bad writer but this is just some harsh critisism, I hope it helps you improve as a writer. Just keep working hard with your writing and it will all slowly come together.


    • Lafayette Sunshine
      June 7, 2007
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      yeaa

      uhm i wrote this in 8th grade;
      i was a terrible writer hahaha;
      my skills have definitely improved;
      and also thank you for the harsh critisism;
      i really much have someone tell me whati need
      rather then saying "oh heh; i kinda like it"
      =]]
      Thank you;
      Mysti

  • Shadow Rule
    October 27, 2005
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    Yo Mystical i read this when i wasn't a member, but know that i am i can now say that i love this story, i told you that before and i'll tell you know.

  • CrypticRoses
    June 29, 2005
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    DAmn that is just awesome! I really love this story. It puts chills in my spine. Please don't ever stop writing. And keep up this good work. Yes for being a first time, this is really great. I agree it needs some more explaining but damn, its still GREAT! Luvs and Huggs. Blessed Be -Rose

  • SierraHaven
    May 13, 2005
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    For a first story you did pretty well. It could have been better. It seemed really choppy and it jumped around alot and left alot out. but good job anyway, I would ahve liked to know how Zack killed Amber. I didn't want gory details on how he raped her, i am not into that. But it would have been nice for you to say that he eithered had her mouth covered therefore he sufficated her or that she did it to herself. Something to that effect. To better understand how she died. And you could have esplained a little more in the beggining how bad zack was as a boyfriend. Good job.

  • Lafayette Sunshine
    April 24, 2005
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    This is my first story i understand it is not that good most of it doesn't add up but i wrote this at 5:00am it took me an hour and 41 minutes lol to write it...well i gtg love ya'll back home and here in parkers and anyone who reads my poems.

1 - 6 of 6