Too Much Pain

"Can I open my eyes yet, Derek?" I asked. "Where're you taking me?"1

"You'll see," he replied. I could see the smile in his voice.2

"Are we almost there?" I asked, for the thousandth time. This time his answer was different,3

"Yeah. Almost there. Just you wait."4

I giggled and nearly tripped over on one of the many stray branches littering the forest's floor.5

Derek caught me and laughed.6

"Don't die on me," he teased. I could feel the heat coming into my face.7

And then, finally, something I wanted to hear came out of his mouth.8

"We're here. You can open your eyes now, Sunny."9

I blinked. The sunlight was blinding after being in the dark for so long. And then it hit me. It was the place where we first met. I squealed and tackled him to the ground. He laughed.10

"How did you find it again?" I asked breathlessly, laying my head on his lap. He brushed his fingers through my hair.11

"I'd find anything for you," he whispered. I closed my eyes, remembering the memory.12

About two months ago I was really depressed and, in my frenzy, somehow ended up here. I walked around the sandy floors for a while before tripping over something and I screamed. Very loudly. Derek followed the scream and...rescued me, if you wanna call it that.13

"I love you, Sunny," he whispered into my ear. I opened my eyes. My heart pounded in my chest, but a smile creeped over my face.14

"I love you, too, Derek," I whispered. He closed his eyes.15

"Just what I wanted to hear from my favorite girl."16

He leaned down and kissed me full on the lips. When we broke apart, he was grinning so widely I thought his face would split in two.17

"Happy birthday, Sunny," he told me. The sky was starting to turn orange. We locked hands and watched the sun set slowly into the ground.18

"Wanna go home?" he asked.19

I nodded and stood up.20

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-21

About four months later I went to go to his house. His front door was open so I went inside.22

I couldn't find him anywhere, so I decided that he was out since his parents' car was gone and that someone had forgotten to close the front door.23

Just as I was about to leave, I heard the back door open. I silently walked to the back.24

Derek and another girl were holding hands and laughing.25

I didn't know why, but I walked toward him. He stopped laughing.26

"Sunny?" he asked, a little confused.27

"Oh, it's the loser girlfriend," the other girl sniffed. Then she smiled and kissed Derek. "I'll be in the kitchen."28

"How could you?" I choked out. "I hate you; I never want to see you again!" I ran out the front door, crying. I heard him call after me, but I didn't turn back. It hurt too much.29

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-30

He called my cell phone about ten minutes after I had reached home. I looked at the caller ID and nearly burst out crying again. I let the phone ring. It grew stiff in my hand. But he kept calling over and over again until I lost my patience and I opened the phone.31

"Sunny," he said breathlessly. "I'm so sorry-"32

"Don't," I whispered. "Just go have your happy ever after with that other girl."33

"She could never match up to you," he said desperately. "Please, Sunny. Give me another chance."34

I hesitated. I loved him, but I didn't want to get hurt again.35

"I can't," I choked. "Derek, don't do this to me. I'm going to hang up..."36

"Please," he pleaded. "Don't hang up. I love you, Sunny. I didn't know what I was thinking."37

"You knew what you were doing, and you did it anyway," I said, suddenly angry. "How could you do that?"38

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "Just give me a second chance and I'll never do that to you again."39

I hesitated again. I wanted to believe him. I closed my eyes.40

"Okay."41

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-42

He lied again.43

I hated him so much, but the love side gave in again.44

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-45

After six months, I'd had enough of my heart breaking. The 'sorry's and 'I love you so much's weren't cutting it anymore. But...I loved him. And I wanted to believe him. So...I lied to myself.46

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-47

After school one day I caught him around with some of his friends that I really hated. I listened in to the conversation since I knew he'd be staying there for a long time, and I wanted to wait for him.48

"Hey, how's that girlfriend of yours doing?" one of them asked Derek. Derek snickered.49

"She's such an idiot," he admitted. "She keeps on giving me these chances. All I have to say to her is 'I'm sorry' and she'll let me back in again."50

The other guys howled.51

"What a moron," one of them hooted.52

"Such a suck-up."53

"You're right - she's an idiot."54

I listened to the insults a bit more before running off. He called me that night. I picked up.55

"Hey, Sunny," he said happily.56

"Go play with some of your other friends at school," I snapped. "You can call me some other things while you're there."57

He grew silent.58

"You heard?" he asked weakly.59

"Yeah. And I never want to talk to you again."60

I hung up.61

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-62

I gave him another chance.63

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-64

If a doctor gave me an X-ray and looked at my heart it would probably be cracked in two.65

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-66

Why can't he just stop?67

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-68

I gave up on him.69

It was too much pain.70

I wished I'd never met him.71

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-72

He called again, asking for my forgiveness. After all this time of feeling good about myself...I was trapped in another corner again.73

I didn't know what to say so I hung up. At school he kept shooting me glances. I turned away every time he said my name.74

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-75

Too.76

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-77

We got back together. I don't feel the same way about him anymore. Every time he kisses me, I can't wait to pull away. Every time he holds my hand, my heart pounds...but it's not in happiness anymore. It's in fear. Fear of being hurt. Fear of being the one he talks about behind my back. Fear of him breaking my heart again...78

Even though it was already broken before.79

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-80

Much.81

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-82

Dumped him again. I hoped it would be the last time I saw him.83

Just as I was beginning to forget about him, he called me. I didn't pick up, but it hurt for another day.84

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-85

Pain.