Catchy Opening

I definitely liked the first part best, it was short but gave a good feel to the characters and the situation without being lengthy or too descriptive. Plus action in the beginning is a great hook.1

The second part I might have liked more, only nothing really happened to Balion, just thinking about how he wants to compete in the bow competition and such. Good descriptions though, and I couldn't see much of anything in the way of errors.

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  • tony333
    November 21, 2008

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    Undertsand

    Thanks I am glad you liked the beginning.

    I can see where your coming from about the beginning of the chapter. But this is going to be a fairly large book, and I'm just starting the actual writing.

    I can tell you that something will happen to get things rolling at the games (as you no doubt guessed) , but i wanted a calm base to build from. To give a little more understanding and depth to my main character.

    Thanks again