the interesting thing about bob and martha

The interesting thing about bob1

Bob: a bob is a person who floats through life never seeking anything more than the statuesque. Bob’s may have remarkable gifts, but they must never use them to make their lives bearable. Bobs can usually be seen at job’s that require little or no creativity, which means that bob’s are everywhere. 2

bobs almost always have some one or something that can make them complete. Most times bobs never find their missing components, and they end up spending the rest of their lives in a haze of: what would have happened if…3

Once there lived a bob, an irrelevant dribble in a sea of bobs. In most ways Bob was the same. His hair, clothes, daily routine, all bob-esq, but his eyes held the thoughts of a man who was certainly not content in being a bob. Bob wanted out of his bobly existence; he wanted to tell his surprisingly un-bob-like story in a un-bob way.4

On the day of Bob’s break from the mass, which happened to be on July fourth, he performed his routine as always. He woke at 6:00am unusually jovial. He brushed his teeth and took a shower. Then he proceeded to the kitchen where he made his common bob breakfast: two eggs sunny side up; four strips of slightly burned bacon; and a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice. After eating bob went back to his bedroom where he got dressed for work; a freshly pressed white shirt, a pair of black slacks also pressed and tie. The tie was the only thing that changed from day to day. On this particular day Bob wore a weenie the Poo tie that depicted Poo helping Eeyore build a house of discarded twigs; with a tiny butterfly, in the top corner, preparing to destroy Eeyore’s new home. Bob had hundreds of ties, but this was the only tie he had that told a story. As soon as bob was dressed, he was out the door and on his way to work.5

Bob worked as an assistant deli manager, at a grocery store called the food wizard. He made decisions concerning what meats to cut, how many loafs of bread to bake and what announcements to make on the intercom. His biggest claim to fame was suggesting that food wizards roasted chicken, go on sale every Friday. His announcement for this rang clear, as a dinner bell for staving children. “Chicken, chicken, chicken and more chicken. Ladies and gentlemen it is chicken Friday here at your local food wizard. Come try our roasted chicken half priced but wholly cooked, only on chicken Friday.” 6

Bob walked into the store through the sliding automatic doors. He made his way to the time clock and punched his self in. then he walked passed the registers and to his deli stand. On a normal day bob would have done the same thing, but bob was not normal on this day. Instead of preparing the oven for the bread or the slicer for the meats, bob walked straight over to the intercom and began to speak.7

Hello food wizard customers and employees, my name is Bob, and this is my story. 8

For what ever reason, curiosity, boredom, or both, the entire store fell silent and gave bob their full attention. 9

I was born in a small town about twenty miles outside of New Orleans. My mother and father died before I could build lasting memories of them, but I imagine they were good people.10

I spent most of my life in an orphanage. It was in this home for the parentally challenged that I met Hanna, the most beautiful five year old I had ever seen. I was six at the time, in case you were wondering. We became fast friends, sharing similar interest such as finger painting, picking our noses, and hide and go seek. Soon we were doing every thing together. Homework, chorus, crafts; our tears always formed the same puddle and our laughter always occupied the same wave.11

As time went on our interest as well relationship became more mature. By ten we were full fledged best friends. Two years after that I asked her to be my girl friend. The years just passed, as if greased by my happiness.12

Before long we were living together. Hanna went to college while collected my dreams and tried to decide what I wanted to do. She supported me in every endeavor; which included: rock star, comedian, police officer, bum and Plummer. Finally I settled on the one thing that had been apart of my life since before Hanna, writing. I tried the college thing for a while but it didn’t really work for me. 13

I was never successful. I got jobs here and there but I never made enough to support a wife and child and soon that would be a necessity because Hanna was pregnant. I put my writing to the side and focused on building a savings for my bran new son who was about to be brought into this world. 14

Our love grew more as a married couple. As her pregnant belly grew the smile on my face widened. Soon we became that newly married couple that puts the sickened look on the faces of the public as we passed. We lived apart from worry and crisis able to conquer any dilemma. I still wrote my stories and she read them all. She laughed in the appropriate places and cried when necessary. Her eyes gave purpose to my work and she always wanted more. 15

It’s amazing how things can change with out warning or compassion. Thing that you always wanted to stay the same can be taken away from you. God has a special way of fucking everything up with a simple trip to the grocery store. 16

It was snowing out side and Hanna made a trip to the store. It was only five minutes away, when she wasn’t back in thirty minutes I began to wonder. I waked out of the apartment and to the highway. I saw the flashing lights, I saw my beautiful wife, I saw the blood, and then I ran through the snow, a foot deep. I ran to her, with every step losing my mind, losing my forever. When I reached her they took her away and held me back. It took hours to hear anything; Hanna was fine the baby was gone. She would never be the same. On Christmas the next year Hanna took her own life.17

The presents sat under the tree for two weeks before I could open them. There were seven boxes for me from Hanna. I knew what they were; she gave me the same thing every year. Ties, a shit ton of ties, stuffed in six different boxes nearly thirty ties in all. The seventh box held the very same tie I am warring today. A tie she had given me every Christmas sense our first Christmas; A tie that I had always returned, a tie that I fucking hated with all of my being. 18

I tried to kill myself five times and failed each time. I tried a gun but it broke. I tried pills but they weren’t strong enough. I tried a toaster in the tub but a fucking possum got caught in the power lines and blew up the transformer, seconds before I dropped it. I tried a bag over my head but the bag had holes. Finally I tried stepping out in front of a bus, but the bus hit a patch of ice, in the middle of July, and caused a six car pile up in the lane adjacent to me. Needless to say I gave up suicide and decided to live a miserable life working here at your neighborhood food wizard. I have worked her ever sense. I hate this job and I always have. It has nothing to do with the people or the work; it has to do with accomplishing something new, now that the only thing I wanted is gone. Just because I’m not dead doesn’t mean I’m not succeeding in killing my self. Recently I finished my first novel and I am leaving to see what happens. I just have one more thing to say before I leave.19

chicken chicken and more chicken. Ladies and gentlemen it’s chicken Friday at food wizard. I quit.20

With that bob walk out of food wizards sliding automatic doors and was never known as bob again.21

good luck martha22

Martha lived in a nursing home and she hated it. More than anything in the world, she wanted to be free. Free from the tyranny of medication schedules and early bed times; which she hated the most. Martha was above all else a night owl. When the lights where all out and the rest of the home was fast asleep, Martha would sit awake and dream. She would imagine a life loose from the constraints of old age, a life apart from the suffering of natural causes. She would think about her husband Larry, who was now dead, and her children Lisa and Ricky, who never came to visit. She would imagine them young again, and of course alive. She would remember promises’ made by Larry before he died, Promises of travel and adventure. Her reminiscing came to only one result; regret for all the things she did not accomplish. 23

It was well known with in the nursing home that Martha was a ferocious reader. She devoured every word every page of every book she ever read, which was probably hundreds if not pushing a thousand. Reading was her only release from the world that she so desperately wanted to change. It seemed to her that she could be younger, stronger, faster; infallible. This is why when she picked up the new book that she got from library she couldn’t put it down. It had everything she wanted; love, lust, murder, justified homicide and above all else purpose; some thing that even the most divine creators have yet to achieve in their work. She loved it because every character got what they wanted in the end. That’s not to say that every ending was happy, but if a character set out to achieve a goal, he or she always followed through to the last page. This spoke to Martha’s need to stop bitching and do what ever it was she had to do with the rest of her life.24

As I mentioned before; she got the book at the library. It sat just eye level on the very last shelf where no one ever thinks to dust. It was a strange looking book; it was covered in dust, but very much untouched. it was spiral bound and completely unedited. The top of the cover page read; the collected works of god knows who. When Martha took the book to the front desk the librarian told her that there was no record of it at all. She told Martha that she could keep it if she wanted. Martha was happy to keep such an interesting looking book. She took it back to the home and opened it to the first page. An envelope fell at her feet the front of the envelope read: 25

if you are reading this envelope, you will most likely be reading this book. I ask one favorer of who ever this is, if you ever come across a man who needs to read this book. Give it to him along with this envelope; he needs it more than you will ever know.26

Hanna.27

Martha read the book, then took its advice and devised a plan to live. She spent weeks on the internet and in books trying figure out a way to get out of her nursing prison. She came up with nothing. She sat for weeks more thinking on her own and finally came up with a plan that might at least get her away for a couple hours or so.28

The conditions had to be perfect. She decided to make her attempt on her birth day, which was only three days away. Birthdays gave the patient three hours outside of the hospital to do as they pleased. They could bring friends, but the whole outing had to be supervised. Martha went to her friends and told them the plan, they were thrilled to help in anyway they could. Then she requested her supervisor.29

Fat Joe was not only fat but he was slow. He could barley out run a turtle let alone a 75 soon to be 76 year old woman in an electric wheel chair. With Martha’s friends creating a diversion it would be easy for her to gain some type of lead, before being noticed. 30

On the day of her break she picked up her book and waited for the bus to arrive. The movie she decided to see ended at five o clock just enough time to catch rush hour traffic. When the bus arrived she and her friends entered on the wheel chair lift. Fat Joe sat at the front of the bus counting heads, very slowly. Then he put the bus in gear and drove to the theater.31

The movie let out a five on the dot. Martha and her friend started rolling to the doors, already leaving Joe behind. They slacked a bit to let Joe catch up. Then they went through the doors and every lady took a different direction. Joe ran after one at a time trying to round them up like a dog would herd sheep. by the time he gathered the bulk, Martha was rolling on the highway with a mile of traffic behind her, and a weathered middle finger sticking straight in the air. 32

She drove that wheel chair full speed ahead (three miles an hour) until her battery started to die. She pulled into the parking lot of the food wizard and drove through the sliding doors. She arrived just in time to hear a man’s voice that sounded familiar even though she had never heard it before. Then the man said the name Hanna, and she shook her head and put two and two together. This was the man that needed to read the book she got from the library. She waited for the man to finish and leave. After he left she got up out of her chair and walked out to the parking lot, calling to the man as she limped. “Sir, sir please stop I have something for you, I think.” the man turned around to see the old woman teetering on the edge of passing out. The man ran to her and grabbed her by the arm and walked her to his car. 33

Martha handed the man the book she found. When he opened it the envelope fell out and he read the inscription. he opened the envelope and began to read.34

I love you more than you could ever know. That being said I can’t bare living with the thought that I killed your son. I tried so hard to get better, but the guilt got the best of me. I’m so sorry. You are a man of limitless potential. Do big things with your life, don’t quit. I will always be here for you. Make your life complete, chase your dreams. I put this book in the library stacks because I knew someone would get what I got from it. I hope he or she knows how much this means, but I’m sure if they read it, they do.35

Love always, Hanna.36

The man dropped the piece of paper and began to weep. Martha put her frail arms around the man’s neck and the two of them wept together, until Martha’s bus pulled up. As Martha got on the bus she turned around and asked the man his name. He turned to her and said; “god only knows. Good luck Martha”. the two never saw each other again, but in their hearts they knew that the other was doing fine.37