It's Not My Time

There is another girl.1

Pink hair, emerald eyes. I can see how she would stand out in a crowd. Her head looks like someone regurgitated bubble gum on it. And though I have to admit it's different, I don't see how one could find it attractive. But he does, of course. I wonder if I should dye my hair pink...2

No, that would be far too obvious. Sometimes I wonder if I should just tell him, like people do in books. But half the time, the people in the books end up getting their hearts broken and turning into misanthropists who disappear into the depths of their mansions and never come out again. I don't want that to happen to me.3

I'm not criticizing mansions or anything, but they're just not for me. Uchiha Sasuke lived in a mansion, and look how he turned out. A definite bad egg. I'd rather have a nice little house anyways... A nice, sturdy little house. Emphasis on the sturdy... I wouldn't want it to fall apart too soon.4

~Thwap!~5

Something smacks me on the side of my head, and I punch back without checking to see who it is.6

"Ow!"7

Yes, my fist made contact. I can feel the impact of it ringing through my hand.8

"Jinsei, you don't attack someone unless you want to be attacked," I tell my elder brother. "Baka."9

He smirks patronizingly and pats me on the head, purposefully mussing up my hair. It's because he's a full head taller than I am, and he likes to rub it in.10

I would mess up his hair in return, except that Jinsei stores most of his chakra there, and the milkwhite locks almost have a will of their own. I'm not messing with that... Even if he is an idiot, he has a pretty large chakra reserve. And isn't fully under control, so touching it is a definite no-no.11

I resort to ignoring him, since our father threatened to make us help him with his "research" if he catches us at physical violence again. Most people know him as Ero-Sennin, but I can call him Ero-baka and get away with it. Well, they don't call him that for nothing... And I am ~not~ getting involved with that crap he calls literature.12

Jinsei taps me on the head a couple times, and I shut my eyes, trying to block him out.13

"Kaori. Bubble Gum's leaving," he says.14

Now ~that~ gets my attention.15

My head snaps up, and sure enough, the girl is walking away. I feel like I'm floating on clouds until my eyes catch the wistful look on Lee's face. Why is he so obsessed with her?16

"Why are ~you~ so obsessed with ~him~?" Jinsei retorts.17

Oops. I must have said that out loud.18

"I guess this means you can get out of the bush now," he reminds me, poking me in the shoulder.19

I hasten to follow his advice before anyone else can see that I have been hiding in a bush. They would think I'm a stalker. And the sad thing is, that's not far from the truth.20

"You can stop babysitting me now," I hiss, wishing he would just get lost. "Don't worry, I wasn't in the bush because I was planning to murder Bubble Gum or anything--"21

"Ah, so you admit it. You do hate her."22

"What the heck?" I snap, but then he's gone.23

Good riddance, that's all I have to say.24

"Oh, Kaori-chan!"25

Crimson floods my cheeks, and I am suddenly very glad that Naruto is not here. He would probably tell me that I shouldn't be out of bed when I have a fever. I can't help blushing, though. Lee's voice does that to me.26

"Is that your headband in the bush?" he asks, pointing.27

"...Hai," I admit, turning even more red. How did I not notice when it fell off? Did Jinsei pull it off my head on purpose?28

"..."29

Awkward silence is the worst. I could tell Lee was pondering the obvious: what I could have been doing in the bush. But he was too polite to ask such a question, because it was clear that the answer would be a strange one.30

"...Thanks for reminding me. I had forgotten about it," I say finally, embarassed. I grab the headband and tie it around my neck like a scarf.31

"You're welcome." Lee smiles, and it feels like the whole world is smiling.32

His smile is so innocent, like a small child's. That is the rarest thing among shinobi -- innocence. Thrust into a world of blood and words that cut like kunai, ninja are forced to grow up before they are ready. It is not a welcoming experience. That is why such innocence, so devoid of corruption, makes me completely melt.33

It's not fair that he would show me that in his smile when it's all for that nameless bubble gum head... It's like offering a starving man bread, and then eating it right in front of him.34

"So who were you talking to just now?" I squeak, inwardly groaning at the way my voice comes out. My voice always squeaks after I see that smile... It's like an allergic reaction.35

I don't like my question, either. I know perfectly well who he was talking to, even if I don't know her name. I know her by her pink hair and her emerald eyes, and I know that she makes fun of Lee's eyebrows. I also know that he will never break out of his infatuation with her, no matter how many times she sticks his heart in the blender and derives amusement from watching it be diminished to shreds.36

I hate her.37

"Oh, that's Sakura-chan," Lee replies.38

There's a new warmth in his voice that makes the roses in my cheeks put those of the Hyuuga heiress to shame. That warmth is never there when he talks about anything else. It's never there when he addresses me. But I'd bet my life that he uses it every time he talks to her.39

She doesn't deserve to be fawned over like that... She's so unperfect, despite what Lee thinks. And me? I'm not flawless either, I'll admit. But at least I wouldn't make Lee hope every flippin' day, only to break that hope over and over again, thousands of times.40

Besides, Rock Kaori sounds so much better than Rock Sakura.41

In a way, I can see how my mindset mirrors Lee's. I love someone who will never love me back, but the fact doesn't faze me. Just as he does.42

But there's something about Lee that I will never have. It's his boldness, his courage. He has the strength to tell Sakura his feelings, fall, break every bone in his body, and get back up from that to jump off the cliff AGAIN.43

Yet I can't even jump the cliff once. I will never be able to tell Lee that I love him, because I don't want to take the chance of falling of the cliff.44

It's not my time. That's my excuse. I know that if I get myself broken now, the damage will be fatal and irreversible. So I bind my mouth shut, hold my tongue, and wait. Wait for my courage to be born. Wait for the day when it ~will~ be my time.45

The day that will never come.