Shut up, shut up, get your claws off my brain,
I can’t live on lies, I can’t, I can’t – CAN’T.
No thanks, no thanks, I don’t want your presents,
I won’t live on lies, I won’t, I won’t – WON’T.1
All your sweet words can do is poison me,
And now I can’t stop vomiting. It hurts…
All your apologies do is blind me,
And now I’m running into walls. It hurts…2
That’s your reward for living on falsehoods:
Dirt-black lies and hydrochloric acid.
That’s the real value of your gilded truth,
And I can’t continue to stomach it.3
I don’t want your deceit anymore;
I don’t want malnutrition anymore.
Author notes
Written with the same "structure" as a sonnet, but without the rhyming pattern... I just thought that if I made it all rhyme that way, it would sound really forced. So I left it as it was. Comments are appreciated. ^^
Comments
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Hmm...you followed the structure well, but sonnets tend to be lighter in tune. Then again, you yourself admitted in your notes that you're not exactly following the structure to a T.
This is my personal taste, but I'm not into angsty poetry. I think it's really ironic that the people who write it tend to to be peeps who live ridiculously luxurious and wealthy lives compared to the people in India and Africa. Not that I'm accusing you of being angsty over nothing. I just think this type of poetry is getting old, especially since people have been doing it since the Enlightenment and the destruction of religion...but that's a different connection to poetry altogether. Just read Walt Whitman and you'll get my point. 
...I need sleep.
Good job!
~Chibi
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Thanks for your comment. ^^ Yes, I am terribly well-off compared to people in India and Africa... This poem isn't really stating my own feelings towards anyone, though. If it was, I ~would~ be angsty over nothing. I tend to write short scraps based on random characters I see in my head... And then I pretty much forget about the characters. ...Sad.
Sweet dreams! =) *needs sleep too, but has to stay up to finish homework* >.>
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COOL! Who could be the person you're telling this too? Hmmm...All well! ^^ It was good! XD
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Thanks... I'm not really telling this to anyone in real life. I just started writing it because a phrase popped into my head, and I went with it.
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