She shivered, sqauring her shoulders against the brunt of the rain. A dull roar approached from behind and she glanced fleetingly at the passing car. Her hopes rose for moment as the car appeared to slow, but these were promptly dashed as the car splashed through the deepening water lying on the road; spraying the already saturated young woman with the icy substance. The girl sighed to herself in grudging resignation that noone was coming to rescue her from the inner demons that plagued her existence. 1
She shuffled briskly along the side of the road; uncaring of the mud that stained the hem of her dress and the pillars of emerald grass that clawed at her feet. Internally, she reflected upon the arrayed misgivings of her life, her thoughts flowing with the rthym of the pounding rain. She allowed the wind to completely overpower her, taking her where it would. 2
Her umbrella was all that she carried, aside from her small sack handbag, which she hugged close to her very being. The umbrella represented her current state, flimsy and vulnerable, completely exposed to the will of things greater than herself. Her steps were slow and purposeful, but in quick succession. However, her direction remained vague as she absently wandered the length of the straight road. 3
Several more cars passed her; however, like the first, they remained seemingly oblivious to her presence. 4
Against the morbid gray of the sky, her umbrella was vibrant in colour. Red as the pain of spilt blood. Red as the passion of true love. Red as the flushed cheeks of a bashful woman. The umbrella was more than just an umbrella to her. It represented all the emotions that coursed through the fibres of her being. It represented all that it meant to be her. 5
She observed the roadsign overhanging the forthcoming bridge. Her thoughts dwelt upon the purpose that all those who traversed this route supposedly possessed. And it saddened her. To think that this straight road held meaning for some, where she held it as insignificant, inconsequential. In the eyes of others, this was probably how she herself was perceived, she presumed. 6
Despite the straightness of the road, it held no purpose for her. She meandered haphazardly up this road, occasionally backtracking and straying onto the slick surface of the black strip. The wind took her where it would, granting her no sense of direction. 7
Then, out of nowhere, a car appeared; speeding over the bridge. It was headed straight for one of the railings and the woman realised that if she did not stop it, the car would shoot off the bridge. She resolved to intervene. She stepped in front of the car and finally realised her purpose. 8
....9
The red umbrella floated downstream with the current, upturned. It was stained with the crimson of fleeting existence, a life lost. But it had served its purpose and now searched for a new reason in life.10
The wind took it where it would.
A contest entry
- Rainy Day (pic prompt) by LoneWriter.
450 points, ended December 5, 2008, 12 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Aww.. this is sad =(
I hope life's purpose for me won't be the same as the girl's. I want to help people, maybe even save lives, but not by becoming a vehicle's stopper x.x (sorry for putting in the humor, haha, I just am like that
)
I love your idea. Sometimes, our purposes (for one hour or that day, or for being in that place) come from really weird thoughts, or made clearer by vague things.
As I said, your idea is amazing.. yet, in some places though, I just feel as if there are so many thoughts in one sentence. An example would be:
Her hopes rose for moment as the car appeared to slow, but these were promptly dashed as the car splashed through the deepening water lying on the road; spraying the already saturated young woman with the icy substance.
one sentence alone used splash, spray, and saturated - which may be used synonymously with each other (depending on how it is executed). Also, used with "icy substance," it sort of becomes too much of a recurring in a single sentence.
The same sentence may also be cut in 2 sentences, or simplified, something like:
Her hopes rose for a moment as the car appeared to slow [down], but these were dashed as the car [plodded] through the deepening [puddle] on the road[,] [saturating/spraying/splashing] the young woman with [iciness / icy mud?].
*sqauring - squaring?
I hope these were helpful, even in the slightest way =)
Thank you so much for sharing this ^_^
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I quite enjoyed your rich descriptions in this piece - it brought to life both the character and the setting, as well as providing the colour of the umbrella perfect juxtaposition, first, in realtion to her emotions, and then with her death. The umbrella also formed the focal part of the story - the red vibrant against the grey tones of the rain and the setting. I found the impact of this was set up well and delivered with force - especially utilizing things like differing sentence structure to hammer home the abruptness of the change in circumstance.
One grammatical error I note was the incorrect semi-colon use in paragraphs 1,2,8 - in each of these cases they should be replaced with a comma for what they separate are not two complete sentences, but are pauses in complex sentences.
I wish you the best of luck in the contest
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Wow, the ending took a real shocker for me. And you are the only person so far who's realized that the woman was walking on the side of a road/highway.
You painted such a clear picture on my mind, I thought it was just beautiful! At this moment I wish it would rain..
My favorite part was the last paragraph, so perfectly summed up, and it made me feel like I was looking back at something, though I don't know what...
Good Luck In My Contest
~LoneWriter
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