Sometimes when I lie in bed1
I think about what could have been,2
What I could have been, but no.3
I didn’t go to college,4
I didn’t do what I wanted too.5
Instead I’m dead inside.6
I’ve just realized I’ve become nothing.7
Nothing.8
Not even the dust in the air.9
Just look at me, 10
Look at my life now.11
I don’t think it could get any worse than this.12
Comments
-
Do NOT Give up!
This isn't all that bad.
Aside from the poetry...first allow me to say that:
Although someone once said "It's Later than ever"...I might add it's "EARLIER THAN IT EVER WILL BE!"
Simply envision just what it is you wish to do...envision how to get there...and then set about achieving this, IT IS NOT TOO LATE!
You can do this.
As far as the poem goes: It is a good, candid, effort.
If I might suggest: Try not to repeat words and phrases once your thought and meaning is conveyed...and you SHOULD be able to do this without repitition! For example: In line 3...the word "what" is unnecessary...as it repeats the word "what" in line 2! (Better for the meter also.) Remember, poetry leans toward brevity...the SUCCINCT!
In lines 4 and 5...you repeat: "I didn't." The second "I didn't" is unnecessary. Just say: "I didn't go to college...do what I wanted to" (BTW...too=to)(too means also)
In fact, you do not need either of those (to or too)
It isn't too late to go back to school...NOW! Try a creative writing class! Who knows?
Best of luck,
GA

