Arlan sat on the ledge of the balcony and lit a cigarette, then looked up at the night sky. The stars looked like a sea of diamonds, and the moon was shining like a huge spotlight, illuminating the treetops. For Arlan, as well as other Beings, a night as perfect as this was a sign that a change was coming or that danger was near. Nothing was ever soley perfect, with no conditions.1
From behind her, Arlan heard footsteps. She turned around and saw a woman walking towards her. When the woman looked up, Arlan smiled as they locked eyes.2
"Hi," the woman said once she reached Arlan.3
"Hello," Arlan said. "I'm Arlan."4
"I'm Emley."5
Arlan raised an eyebrow.6
"I mean, I'm Ms. Bradshaw," the woman said with a nervous laugh. "Mind if I join you?"7
"Sure."8
Ms. Bradshaw sat down on the ledge with Arlan.9
"It's so beautiful out here," Ms. Bradshaw said breathlessly.10
"Yeah, it is. I like to come out here and take it all in. It's a good place to sit down and jsut think," Arlan said, then looked at Ms. Bradshaw. "Some nights- like tonight- it's even more beautiful than ever."11
Arlan couldn't make her heart stop pounding. Ms. Bradshaw was stunningly beautiful. She looked to be about twenty-five years old. She was on the tall side and had a slender figure. She had meduim-brown hair that was just long enough to seemingly kiss the tops of her shoulder blades. Her eyes were a honey color with specks of green, and her smile made her entire face light up.12
SNAP OUT OF IT, ARLAN. SHE'S A HUMAN- A FEMALE HUMAN.13
"So you must be the new acting teacher," Arlan said, putting out her cigarette.14
"Yes, I am. I figured I'd get settled in before the school year started so I could get familiar with this place- it's gigantic>"15
"You'll get used to it before too long."16
"I hope so. So what grade are you going into?"17
"Twelfth."18
"Cool. Are you excited?"19
"Yeah, I guess. So what brought you to Saint Mary's?"20
"I wanted to teach at a private school, and my fiance got a job offer, so we moved here. I looked for a job, and here I am. How about you?"21
DAMN. SHE HAS A FIANCE. LUCKY HIM.22
"Let's see... I was in eigth grade when my best friend, Sky, told me she was coming here for her high school years. So I applied here, got a scholarship, told my Baptist parents, and by some miracle I ended up here."23
"Conservative family?"24
"You have no idea. But I'm nothing like them. I'm much more open-minded. I guess you could say I'm the black sheep of the family."25
"Isn't that an old country song?" Ms. Bradshaw asked, laughing.26
"Yeah," Arlan replied, laughing as well.27
Arlan and Ms. Bradshaw talked some more, and before they knew it, a few hours had passed by. Ms. Bradshaw left, and as she was leaving, Sky walked up to Arlan.28
"What was that about?" Sky asked.29
"Nothing- she's the new acting teacher. She was walking by and said hello, and we got to talking."30
"Well, I just wanted to ask you if I could borrow your laptop tomorrow."31
"Sure."32
"Thanks. Well, see you later."33
Sky left, leaving Arlan to sort out her thoughts.34
SHE'S A HUMAN- A FEMALE HUMAN WHO IS ENGAGED AND WHO IS ALSO MY TEACHER, BUT SURELY, I CAN'T LIKE HER. I DONT HAVE A DEATH WISH. DO I?
Is this a good start?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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i like it. its short cute and simple.
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Oh... sounds awesome, Is Arlan as much of a badass as she seems? I do hope so!

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She's just really independent and she is a bit of a badass. lol
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Hm, the caps kind of put me off. It's a bit of an odd technique. Try simply emphasizing it by adjectives to show anger. Also, typo "tall sid" = "tall side"
Other than that, it is a pretty good start, I'd say.
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The caps are what Arlan is thiking. I can't put it in italics so I put it in caps. lol
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Good start
This is good, but there are some problems.
1. You spelling in places, eg alughing. (so close)
2. You over use and sometimes. A comma is just as good as and.
3. You need some more description, just a bit more explaination of what where and why.


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What can i describe more, and where can I sue commas?
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You just have to ask youself, where what when. You say it is night, so where is this teacher and why is it night. Where is the ledge? Things like that.
From behind her, Arlan heard footsteps. She turned around and saw a woman walking towards her. The woman looked up and they locked eyes and smiled at one another
This is what I mean by over use of "and"
Lets see maybe if you do this..
Approaching from behind her Arlan heard footsteps, she turned and saw a woman walking toward her. Their eyes locked, supprised each smiled politely.
Something like that...
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Thanks.
I think I'll get the hang of this. lol
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