It was only when, I'd snuggled deep down into my duvet that wonderful memories swiftly passed through my mind. Even though the memories were mental, I could see them as clear as ever. The stitchings on my new school sweater, the faint freckles on my cheek, the felt-tip pen pricks on my hand. It all made my heart melt, I wanted to be back there again so badly. Just to feel the warmth from my best friend, Hannah's, hug when I had fallen over. The sound of footballs being kicked around on the playground. 1
One memory that stood out from all the rest, was when me and Jenny were filming ourselves acting out our script, that I had wrote. For our little club. CT club. We'd play around and be silly, not even getting anything done. She'd show me her pixel chix 6 storey house and I'd get jealous because I'd begged my mum and she didn't let me have one. 2
I snuggled even deeper down into my duvet, so far, I nearly reached the end of my bed. But that way, I felt safe. 3
Safe, warm and happy.4
Author notes
I don't know why I wrote this, but I was lying down in my bed and then I started thinking and the words stuck in my head 'It was only when I had snuggled down into the duvet'. I knew I had think on and make some more up. I started remembering all sorts of memories. Then I sort of combined it into a short story. This is all true. Every single bit of it.
I know it is very short, but is it good?
Comments
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Good
It is a bit short,but it's good and meaniful. A couple of typos though.
In line one,(I had) should be(I'd)
In line six, just put a comma after(Hanna)and not put a comma after(freind)as well.
In line 8 pg2, (me and Jenny)should be(Jenny and I)
In line 9,maybe a comma after(club
instead of a fullstop.
Overall the story has potential. Maybe you can expand it.
Keep on writing
Julie
beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
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Um. OK. What about me! I mean, i am a very good memory!
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