...stole my star [dos]

When he walked into the room, she didn’t even feel it. Her perception was undone with the thought of him. The lights flashed color to the kick of the bass. His rough, but friendly exterior was more than inviting to the stares of the crowd; a slender, almost female physique working through the bodies. They surrounded her; a wall separating their feelings. He touched her elbow, and ducked behind an onlooker. She turned, expecting a friend, an enemy? Her eyes were met by none. He was a coward. 1

Two steps behind her, his feet tapped out beats to which her heart started to dance. She turned, a risqué scene killed her vision and she backed out quickly. A doorknob to the left was in her reach, and she stumbled outside to choke out the vanilla air. He followed her scent; amber and lime. 2

She sat on the dirty alley concrete, hugging her knees with her head resting low. This is how her mind perceived her self-esteem daily. Since He left. 3

He closed the music inside the warehouse, caging its faux-hate. His fingers fumbled inside his suit pocket, while his right hand jerked loose the tie that was currently strangling him. His cigarettes; where were his cigarettes? “Fucking addictions”, he mumbled under a cough. She heard him, that voice. Her head shot up, and spine went rigid. 4

Her words caught in her throat. What was there left to say?
His vocal chords tied. Where was he going to start? 5

“I told you that I would be back for it”, he said clearly for her. She involuntarily looked at her wrist. It was there, like it was everyday; an hourly reminder of their last parting. She unbuckled the watch and threw it at his feet, then returned to her previous position. He let out a quick breath, and watched her brown hair fall over her jeans. Plain brown, nothing flashy or too dark like his other conquests; not like the people she surrounded herself with daily. He picked up the watch, his one favorite material possession, and slipped it into his coat pocket. 6

He knew she wouldn’t accept an apology. She was too stubborn for an easy route to happiness. “Impossible”, he thought and said at the same time. Her head came up again. She mumbled. She spoke? What did she say? “You have no idea”, she repeated as if reading his mind. She was always amazing at it.7

He lit up his addiction, and waited for another word; a word that wouldn’t come without force.8

Five minutes passed them, the band set changed inside the warehouse. Was it time for hers yet? By the way she was dusting herself off, he thought so. He pulled the metal door open, and took one last drag, then followed her inside to the mass of sweat and body heat. 9

“Mic check, 1, 2. Mic check. Alright, it's good. Let’s go.”10

He took his spot to the side, never directly in her eyesight, but close enough to see every one of her facial expressions. He always paid attention to details that only meant something to the world in the moment that they happened. Some he remembered afterward, some he didn’t. The way she worried about him; he would never forget her sore eyes and strained voice. 11

“Rest assured that with a heart that’s pure
we’ll be victorious and not let our hate
get the best of us!”12


MOVE.13

She’d captured the crowd in under three minutes. This girl was a whole new being.
His little pixie had finally grown into her wings.14


She spoke to individual strangers like they were family as she belted out lyrics and gyrated to fast beats. [CRASH] cymbals were a favorite of hers, he could tell. Why did he ever choose to miss this for lesser people? The people who drifted and fell off his earth. She would never fall, without knowing it she was the axle it spun on. 15

“This song goes out to everyone who has been taken advantage of…
and to those who have taken advantage of…
stay true to the ones you love.”16

Their eyes met, and she saw it; they clearly said, “And I still love you.”17

After the set, he stood back and watched her get little ‘good job’ pats on the back, one hand slid down her side and lingered too long above the small of her back. He took that as the opportune moment to walk up and congratulate her as well. The hand slid off, and joined the others that no longer existed in his world. 18

She walked off at his touch, playing a little harder to talk to than he had thought she would. She’d grown so much more than he gave her credit for, she new more about herself and her boundaries. He wouldn’t trap her like before, this time the feelings would be mutual. Wouldn’t they? She could always flip the cards on him. 19

“Yeah, we are going to Venice for a little bit tonight, a friend of a friend is spinning and I promised I would go”, she was talking to the drummer of another band. He forgot the name of them; it wasn’t one of those important details. She was going to a rave club? Since when was trance her style? He had to re-learn this girl. He was going as well, he couldn’t be too out of place there; well not as much as he was at the moment. Suits and old venues didn’t cooperate, but they did make for some odd laughter from the local “musically uninformed” kiddos. The dye was going to their brains; the world was out for a shock. 20

Her little black civic was easy enough to follow. She ducked through a side door with another girl. They were let in by a male with stars tattooed on his arms. The man looked not all there, but was nice. He could feel the rhythm pulsing inside his throat already. 21

She bobbed around the crowd, smiling at kids with glow sticks busted all over them. She cracked a blue one her friend had given her at the door. She moved as she felt the beat, doing whatever she liked. The freedom of not caring what others thought was refreshing. She was a stranger here. These people were a whole new crowd, another set of memories to recycle into her mind. 22

His hand caught her now naked wrist, and spun her into his pelvic bone. She jumped, but calmed when she saw his face. It was familiar; he could tell she liked him being there, near her. 23

“Blow my whistle.”
They laughed. They actually laughed together. Dancing like the idiots in their heads, they moved with the mass of bodies. She had glowing residue smudged on her face from a near by boy who was covered in it and glowing brighter than almost anyone else. Her face must have rubbed against his shoulder. She kept dancing. And he kept having a feeling in the pit of his stomach. That feeling. 24

Their dancing got a little more intense. She couldn’t look in his eyes. His face just hurt her too much. She moved her body with his, one hand on his left hipbone, his left hand pulling her closer by pressing on the small of her back, reclaiming the spot that the hand earlier had tried to take. The music then stopped blending, and turned into just an original song; an out of the ordinary one for a ‘club’ at that. 25

“Your Guardian Angel” played clear and clean through the drug infested room. He pulled her close, kissed the top of her head and lingered there while he began to lead her in a slow, waltz-like dance. She breathed him in, every memory, every good and bad time, and every kiss.
And then she looked at his face like he was the only one in the room.26

"You're my...
You're my...
my true love
my whole heart.27


Please don't throw that away."28

She sang into his chest. Gentle breathing and a hint of a tear left her body. He could feel the weight of each letter. She didn't look up at him, but his eyes never left the top of her head. 29

Trance took over once more, and their bodies molded into one slick form. He pulled his tie off over his head and put it over hers. It looked good, mixed in with her everyday t-shirt with “Fidelis” spray painted onto it. Nothing she wore made much sense together anyway. He loved that she liked to mix colors; she after all was a very colorful girl. He grabbed the tie and pulled it to him, wrapping the slack around his hand. She was on her toes, still swaying with his hips. She stepped up onto his shoes, balancing somewhat and he picked her up in a spontaneous hug. She felt good, alive in fact. She had missed him. That night was four months to the day of their fallout. Well, his fallout, her breakdown. 30

Before either of them had a chance to mutter a word to one another, the light came on and the last song ended. Three AM hit hard. She wanted to talk, but knew his house wasn’t where it needed to happened. Her house would do.
“Follow me to my house, ok?”
“Will do.”
He kissed her on the head again.
“Your hair smells good.”
She smiled. He always commented on the way she smelled, and she liked it. 31

The fifteen minute trip passed by happily, with upbeat Spanish ‘Musica‘. He laughed at her, because he could here the music from inside his car. He had the windows down, just so he could hear it a little better. She had an eclectic mind. In her driveway she informed him that she had been listening to the Kumbia Kings, and that he should get off her back about it. He laughed and hugged her; just like he used to. 32

She unlocked the front door and went straight for her room: the only place in the house that really felt like she belonged. So what if it was small, so was she. All 5 feet and 2 inches of her loved the room. He immediately sat on her bed, a spot that no doubt he had become comfortable laying on. That was in the past. They both pushed it out of their heads. 33

“I missed you”, he whispered into her shoulder as she stood in front of him. She sat on the bed beside him, and let him put his hand around her waist. What was left to say? Nothing. He changed his mind. He was back, wasn’t he? ‘Cherish right now‘, her mind kept screaming at her heart.34

“I am a pirate,
you are a Princess.
We could sail the
s e v e n
seas. “35

It was their upbeat lullaby. Her head rested on his shoulder as he talked through the music. Every sorry, every explanation, every hiccup; everything spilled out of his lips. The motion of his heart beating slowly, slower than an average male kept her head together. His scent had changed. It wasn’t the same smell that stopped her in her tracks when another boy dared to pass her while wearing it. This new, alien scent was better: A comforting hint of him wrapped into a man; not a weak boy. 36

She didn’t cry, the time for that had come and past a month ago. She just took in all of him.
The words, the smell, the feel… she put all five senses to the test.37

They fell asleep holding each other. Both felt a much needed release afterward. The next afternoon she awoke to find herself alone. He’d gone sometime that morning. She cursed herself for being a late sleeper. A glance to the right revealed an envelope safety-pinned to the pillowcase. An orange highlighter smile was her good morning. She took the short note out. It was written in pencil. He never wrote in pen, if he could help it. He hated pens, too permanent. He was never able to stick with one thing for very long, unless it took something out of him. 38

“Good afternoon, sleepy head!
I had to go into work earlier. Please don’t think I freaked out and left.
I’m not scared anymore. I’m off around six; so be home.
See ya.”39

She looked up. He didn’t run away like usual. Then again, who knew what his usual was these days? Certainly, she had no clue. He was staying this time around, but for how long? 40

Her 93-or-so CDs were in alphabetical order next to her laptop. She closed her eyes and ran her fingers over the plastic cases. iTunes was a whole lot more convenient, but she didn’t want to sift through hoards of music to find something that fit her mood. Leave it to chance. Chance was her friend now. Her hand stopped over the eighth CD from the left on the top shelf: Anberlin - Never Take Friendship Personal. Beautiful.
A Day Late was the song of the hour as she sang until her throat felt like melting.41

“I’m not who you recall anymore,
but I must confess
you are so much more than I remember.
Can’t help but entertain these thoughts,
thoughts of us together.” 42

Her phone buzzed in the pocket of her jeans. “Hungry?” read the screen.
She smiled. “Of course”, she typed back. 43

Around 7, they met in a café filled with orchids. She was in awe of the beauty. Orchids were her favorite flower. The most complex flower and that fit her personality well. 44

“I’d love you forever if you could find a blue orchid for me.” She grinned and pressed her face to his neck. She’d gotten close to an ’I love you’ before, but held back. She would keep teasing around the words until it was certain that he would stay near her this time. “I’ll start my search right after we eat then.” He was being a little sarcastic, but the way he held eye contact for that brief second said much, much more.45

A cover of “Tamacun” was being attempted by the band of the week at the café. She grabbed hold of his arm and pulled him up. She told him that they would only dance for a couple songs, or maybe until the food made it to the table. He could only think of holding onto her. They swayed, and she never left his reach. Catching their breath at the end of the last dip, he leaned down and kissed her cheek and then let her back up. People were staring. They were the only ones dancing. It was like it was an alien thing for them to be doing. What exactly were they doing; would the crowd write it off as ‘puppy love‘? Was it any form of love? They weren’t good with titles, probably never would be. Whatever this new fling was, it made them both happier. And this was just Day One.46

“I want you staple-gunned to my side
all of the time.
---
Do I have to spell it out for you?
or scream it in your face—
Oh,
The chemistry between us could
destroy this place.”47

She sang to him on the way home. It was quite exciting to not be alone anymore. How this would end, would be the odd part. Exactly how long would this last; a week, a month …years? She had one more year of school to go, before she was cut loose on the world. He had finished school the previous year and took off on his own. Doing what he pleased; leaving her to fend for herself, against herself. 48

They made themselves comfortable on the couch of her living room to watch Across the Universe. Her favorite movie and one he had refused to see before. She was curled up in a blanket beside him, playing with the idea of holding his hand. She fought herself though. Was this too much, too soon? He made the decision for her by making her hand relax and mold into his, fingers intertwined. She was too happy. She fell asleep; and dreamt another dream of them dancing. She’d had many in the past, but in this one he kissed her while he held her to him. It was a nice change. Longing was gone, hoping was replaced. 49


-xXx-50


Each day seemed to make them learn more about each other. Sometimes, it was good habits, and other times, she would lie awake at night, wanting to snuff out his breath. No matter what though, when they awoke and saw the changing colors in their eyes, they knew that this was something more than expected. 51

Juggling between their jobs, and an occasional outing with a friend, they lived together. He taught her off the wall recipes that only a madman in a chef hat would try. She taught him various little phrases to open his mind to new forms of expression. This was the harmonic perfection that he promised the night he fled. 52

He actually opened up to her, sometimes so much that her heart would start breaking again. She only had to have his arm around her to know that what was done was over. She trusted him. She trusted him like a child trusts her mother and father to stay together. He decorated the wings that he had first given her. The wings that only came out when she was doing what she loved. They were now a permanent fixture on her body. She was stronger than ever before, and he was right beside her, pumping in hope like gasoline. 53

…Like dirty gasoline.54

Something churned inside of her. The need for change was hitting hard in her mind. He had no idea of how to give it to her. He wanted to only be a barrier, a protector. Her chainmaile armour was the only thing he was accustomed to being in her time of need.55

So, she wrote.
And sometimes, he read.56

Her journal was fast and rigid, laid in orange, with three little letters on the cover. 57

10/16/08
“I need change.
I feel the need inside my head,
rushing all my old thoughts away.”58

He thought he had given her everything. He came back. He was her change.
Why was this so difficult for her?59

10/08/08
“My chains still weigh three tons.”60

No, no; this couldn’t be happening. He was all she needed. He held himself high. He was her enigma, but also the thing that made her. He was her soul. Why couldn’t she see that?61

62

10/09/08
“Why do some live for others,
while the ones being lived for
tear the good ones apart?”
What was this all about? She spoke her mind so clearly a few weeks ago. Now, she’s back to her cryptic ways. The Evil Days were unleashing themselves on her again, and he was her Hell God. 63

And then one night, he showed her what love could be like. She gave herself to him in ways she could never get back. Her change had taken place. But was this really how she wanted to end up? He had nothing to stick around for now. No more unconquered places of her mind or body. Everything had a perfect order and she wasn’t a mystery.64

10/15/08
“I’ve changed;
permanently altered myself for life.”65

For better or worse, no promise came over his lips. A smug grin met her grimace. 66

10/19/08
“My logic is flawed.”67

Her sadness hit harder than either one of them could keep up with. It started out easy enough. Simple bad days, but nothing he couldn’t fix. She’d lost everyone else, but him. Who cared anyway? …She did. The people who had once been her everything, were now left in shadows: His shadows. She hadn’t taken the time to secure the ties on her bridges.68

Details lost their meaning and as she fell, only the ground met her, to break her skinny back. Food was a legend, and being hungry was a faery tale. The weeks turned sour each day they were together. He promised he’d leave if she didn’t snap herself out, but it was all she could do to hold her chin up.69

He worked later into the day.
She stopped going at all.70

People took notice, but said nothing.71


-xXx-