Feel Everyheart Beat

“Are you sure that this is something that you want?” he whispered hotly into her neck. 1

“Yes,” Kalysta uttered through nervous, labored breaths. 2

Daniel’s fangs become prominent and began to protrude from his mouth. “I love you Kalysta,” he whispered.3

She swallowed down, and nervously nodded. Her body was rigid, adrenaline rushed through her veins setting everyone of her nerves on end. 4

This is what she wanted, to be with him forever. But why was she so nervous?5

Deep down she didn’t know if she wanted to say goodbye to her human life. The warmth of the sun, the taste of food, her friends, her family, everything., she would have to give that all up for him. But he was her whole world. He made the sun rise and set her. He was the only thing in her life that really mattered. He was here everything, but there was still a small part of her that didn’t want to leave this behind, the part that still wanted to be human, that didn’t believe that all this was real. 6

But she didn’t care. That part of her was so small that it didn’t even matter anymore. Right here, right now, was all that mattered to her. She was in love with Daniel, and she had him wrapped around her finger, and that was all that mattered to her right now. She was going to spend the rest of time by his side, regardless of what her mind was screaming at her. Her heart had already decided.7

“I’m ready,” she whispered, noticing that he was hesitating. 8

Daniel opened his mouth wide, revealing his elongated fangs., before he brutally sunk them into her neck. 9

The feeling was like two white hot rods, entering her flesh at one hundred miles per hour. She gasped in pain, but his hand moved up and muffled her scream before it could escape her mouth. She could hear the sound of her blood rushing forth from the wound. She felt the blood run down her neck in a small stream. The feeling of pain, did not leave, like she thought it would, it merely gradually increased.10

But before the pain become to much, he pulled away, and turned her to face him, looking her square in the eyes. His iris were burgundy now, instead of the usual crystal blue, a slight trail of blood escaped the corner of his mouth. “You know what must be done now right?” he asked, his breathing now just as labored as hers was. 11

She nodded, shutting her eyes and looking down. He raised his wrist, and drew it across, slicing open the veins, letting the blood flow forth freely. 12

Kalysta stared at the blood, stuck in a strange sort of trance. She had never seen the blood that flowed in his veins before. His blood was a dark violet, not black like she had expected it to be.13

He moved his wrist up to his mouth again, and began to drink forth from it. Kalysta stared at him in confusion, she thought she had to drink his blood in return for the transformation to occur, not him to drink his own. 14

He moved the wrist down and away from his mouth, but he never swallowed. Daniel suddenly pulled Kalysta in towards him, and brutally crashed his mouth into hers. Her forced open her mouth, and she felt the warm blood slip into her mouth from his. Even though it was a strange and unconventional sort of kiss she kissed him back, putting all of her passion into it, the passion that she had been holding back since she had met him. She let it all out, the pain, the frustration, the burning desire, but most of all the love she had felt. She threw herself into the kiss never wishing to have to end it. 15

Daniel drew away, looking her deeply in the eyes. “It is only time now,” he whispered.16

Kalysta felt the blood running through her veins, and through out her entire body, coating every inch of her. It was changing her some how, making her like him. A vampire. The undead. The damned. The immortal. 17

Author notes

THis is a short prose that I wrote one night.
Arabella Lindsay
Ich liebe alles



A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 23 of 23

  • AleMor
    September 26

    Edit | Reply
    "P3-"Daniel’s fangs (became) prominent..."

    “I love you(,) Kalysta,” he whispered.

    P4-"...setting everyone of her nerves on end." "Every" and "one" should be separated.

    P5-"But(,) why was she so nervous?"

    P6-"He made the sun rise and set (for) her.

    "He was (her) everything..."

    P11-"But before the pain (became) (too) much..."

    "His (irises) were burgundy now..."

    P15-"(He) forced open her mouth..."

    P16-"and (throughout) her entire...

    Kalysta is a really pretty name. This was good, cliched, but good.


  • XxSceneTristanxX
    September 26
    Edit | Reply

    (:

    Wow. The first sentence pulled me in. Will there be more? Hmm, very good.

    Good Luck!

    ~Tristan~


  • StarOfDreams23
    September 15

    Edit | Reply
    wow very good! It showed much of the story, even how short it is! Great job! You showed the emotion perfectly and had the character's feeling so good that it felt like I was her! Great job! Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest!!!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.


  • Len Shadow
    July 21

    Edit | Reply
    Very different. At first I was afraid it was Twilight, but then I saw how different it was Talk about paranoia!


  • Love Dreamer
    July 20
    Edit | Reply
    Really good it was very different and you should indeed continue.


  • Caradoc
    July 17

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice. As others have said the kiss was unique. Great way to go about the Turning. And it wasn't badly written either. I can easily see how this won some golds.


  • sberendt gold member
    April 27
    Edit | Reply
    Nice short scene. I like the fact that you had some things different than normal vampire stories. Originality! There were a few mistakes, but they weren't grammatical, just some words wrongly placed and whatnot; nothing major. I'm sure you'll find them if you read through it again.

    I liked the kiss part of it and how piece as a whole wasn't rushed; it had a nice flow and "timing" with the things that happened.

    Thank you for entering my contest!


  • Neolittlefish
    April 8

    Edit | Reply
    I liked the part with the blood and the kiss, I also theliked the way it was short but also very visual and well described. Well done and thanks for entering my contest.
    Neo


  • Five-By-Five
    April 5

    Edit | Reply
    that was awesome, i loved that daniel kissed her transferring his blood into her that was a beautiful moment i liked this story there were a few minor mistakes but hey we are only human right? well most of us anyway lol


  • WhiteHorse17
    March 30
    Edit | Reply
    He moved the wrist down and away from his mouth, but he never swallowed. Daniel suddenly pulled Kalysta in towards him, and brutally crashed his mouth into hers. Her forced open her mouth, and she felt the warm blood slip into her mouth from his. Even though it was a strange and unconventional sort of kiss she kissed him back, putting all of her passion into it, the passion that she had been holding back since she had met him. She let it all out, the pain, the frustration, the burning desire, but most of all the love she had felt. She threw herself into the kiss never wishing to have to end it. 15

    wow!!! descriptive


  • snoble
    March 28
    Edit | Reply
    intresting story. i did like the idea of him giving her his blood in a kiss thats nice. very much like i think a changing would be like good story

  • DeathByChocolate
    March 28

    Edit | Reply
    I think it was great, yet it seemed to be lacking something. You never described where they were, or what Daniel or Kalysta looked like. Overall I liked it a lot. I really like how his blood is violet, and its interesting that he actually has blood. I think it would be great if you continued writing about her life as a vampire


  • blue-bear
    March 28
    Edit | Reply
    that was so cool


  • Reaver Greeters member
    March 18

    Edit | Reply

    Finalist

    Very creative way to take the bite and change the average to something fun. Enjoyed reading.
    Thanks for entering,
    Rian


  • xMoonlightxDreamsx
    March 16

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this. I like the imagery and description in it.
    Congratulations, and good luck!


  • Rose Hathaway
    February 14

    Edit | Reply
    This was very short but at the same time I loved it! Very well written. I can't find the right words for it other than WOW and can you write the next chapter?!?! lol Thanks for entering!

    --Nessie--


  • ThisIsMyWonderland
    February 7

    Edit | Reply
    Although short, I loved it. It was exactly the size it needed to be. It flowed well and I loved your emotion you put into it.

    I also love the name. It's almost like, she was born to become a vampire. (Plus its weird like mine)

    You had me hooked the whole time, and from what I saw, there were no obvious errors.

    Thank you so much for entering into my contest and good luck!


  • Frozen Angel
    December 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love this. You do not know what this story means to me. Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to read this. Thanks for entering my contest.

    *Frozen Angel*


  • islekine
    December 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful story!

    Thanks for entering...best wishes in the contest.
    Write on!

  • Lady Michaella
    November 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is fantastic. I highly congratulate you on this, excellently written!!
    x


  • LivingDeadGirl56
    November 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful. Truly. Regardless of the miniscule grammar and usage mistakes, this was really good.


  • Bells Kelly
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    really well written.
    great discription and immagery although there was some spelling/ grammar errors in a few of teh top paragraphs.
    great job
    cheers Hunter~


  • Lover of Jonas
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was described and such really well. I love how you described her hesitation and then her love for Daniel.
    Overall this was amazing, thanks for entering.

1 - 23 of 23