Me an mommy are happy, and we're not running anymore. We don't have to hide fom daddy, and I didn't forget Ms. Sunshine at our old, mean house.1
Our old house isn't mean, but daddy is. He hit mommy and made her cry.2
No! thinking about daddy to long makes me be falling, falling down a deep, dark, scary, forever long blak hole.3
But mommy's right there, and she's reaching down to help me. She pulls me up and we run from the hole,but it starts to swallow up my whole dreamland.4
I'm screaming so loud in my dream I know I'm screaming out loud. I know I'msleeping, but I can't make myself wake up. I'm gonna scar mommy again. I start crying a'cause I'm so mad at myself, I don't like to make mommy cry.5
I'm breathing very very hard, like after you run a very long time. My heart goes:6
Thump, Thump. Tha-tha-thump.7
I take deep breaths in and hug Mr. Bear close, and try to go to sleep. 8
But I can't, so I cry until I think my eyes wil run out of tears, but the teas keep coming.
Author notes
I'm learning to fall, I can't hardly breathe, When I'm going down, Don't worry 'bout me
A contest entry
- What do your characters dream about? by EphemeralStyle.
650 points, ended January 2, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Hovers between very nice and truly wonderful. This is actually saying a lot because I have a special kind of hate in my mind reserved for typos. I really liked the falling part, it had a lot of influence on my rating, I was quite happy when you continued with that idea for a bit.
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You wrote very convincingly in a child's perspective (meant to be a compliment, lol)
and you gave me a good impression of the character's life in few words. A few typos that you might want to edit out, but it's all good.
Good luck in the contest!
Eph
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