how I met my father...

I was getting disheartened, it's been a month since I wrote him a letter and I haven't had any reply from him...I've decided, I am not going to hope anymore. Atleast I've done my part and that's it. I told myself feeling hopeless. And by the fact that he never tried to find me, added more to my hopeless feeling.1

I grew up with my grandmother...she has become my parent...so I call her Mama Nene...I also lived with my uncle and I call her Papa Yeye...no pun intended if they rhyme. His name is Arniel although, back when I was a kid, I can't pronounced his name so instead of Arniel, it was Yeye...only when I grew up a li'l older, then they told me why he has that name...I christened it for him .2

I was on my first grade, I remember, coming home from school, showing them an artwork of a mother and a father, and they had their names on it since the theme was "who are your parents?" I showed it to them, and they were laughing. My lola [grandmother] told me that, they weren't my parents...and that made me confused. She told me who were my real parents are. I know I am calling someone Mommy over a phonecall, although I had no idea of the concept about the name Mommy...3

I cannot remember when my lola told me about the story of my parents...but it goes like this. They were still staying then at Olongapo City, Zambales where Subic Bay is the US Naval base. She and my Mom are working as a money changer...and there he met Dad who is a U.S. Navy...so that explains enough. 4

Only then when my Mom left and went to the US to marry another US Navy when I was three, and then we moved to Pampanga. I guess, I've asked my lola why they separated but it felt like a riddle. But, she told me they were separated the very day of my natal day. Geez! and that's Feb 10, 1978...just for the record.5

My uncle explained to me why he became a U.S Navy. He used to study at the University of the Philippines and took up Philosophy as his pre-Law course...yet he was an activitists during Martial Law. He was the founding father of well-known fraternity: Tau Gama Phi formerly known as UP Triskelion, here in our country. And since, it was the Martial Law era...It had caused some clamor, and he was sent to the U.S. by his parents and there. I am going to leave a link here to explain further about this story.6

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tau_Gamma_Phi7

...those were my random thoughts about my parents when I was a kid, and then I grew up, I realized, things are not the way they seem to be. Back in gradeschool, it wasn't a big deal but when I got into highschool and College...not having my parents have had a great impact back those days. It was every Christmas that I felt the need of them. I had to spend my Christmas with my relatives...and I felt like an outsider eventhough they let me feel so welcome.8

I end up studying at Philippine Women's University at College. One school day, I was with friends, loitering around the school campus on our freetime...and then, my friend saw the bulletin board, and saw a name of a guy with the same lastname as mine. She asked me, if I know the guy and I shrugged and said "no," although I couldn't get the name off my mind. I had this gut feeling, that he can be a relative.9

I grew up in Pampanga, and studying at Manila wasn't my choice. It was my Uncle's decision that I study there. I prefer just to study in Pampanga for practical reason. We can't even afford to pay my tuition fee back in highschool, and so the more in College plus I am not used to Manila's very hectic lifestyle...but I was able to adapt...the Oh my goodness! adaptation of staying there.10

I go home every weekends as much as I can because I have to be with my grandmother, she's alone when I am at Manila. I told her about the student who has the same last name as mine. We talked about it...and then had forgotten about it...or I thought so.11

And I was on my sophomore year in College, I have a unit in Economics...and oh well I haven't learned anything except for one thing, if I could call it serendepity, an odd lesson on Economics, so to speak. My professor is the kind who just get our attendance
and leaves a take home test, how about that?...and then class is dismissed.12

Atleast, I found the guy who I share my rare lastname was my classmate. And everytime our name is mentioned by our Prof, we stare at each other...the kind of look...of hmmm same last name, are you thinking of what I am thinking thoughts. But since our class starts and ends with hellos and goodbyes. I haven't had any chance of knowing him really. I was really very timid...One thing I know he is a campus heart throb and her girlfriend is the reigning Ms Pidabs...or Ms PWU...and that fact made me even more shy to approach him.13

My grandamother surprised me with her visit at school. I was happy since living alone in a very hectic city is really depressing especially I have to stretch my one-week allowance that most of my richly-rich classmates could spend in just a day. With a happy and excited voice, I asked her why was she there. And then, we headed to our the Registrar's Office. My lola's sister is our College Registrar and they have checked his profile...and found out he is my cousin. What an amazing coincidence, I don't know but it felt that way. I felt like my life is such a cliche of a soap, but the only difference is, it is fuckingly real. I always dream of finding my father and I never thought it would happened this way.14

We met at my grandmother's office, and we were introduced...and it was nerve wracking seeing him...and when he smiled, I felt at ease. I asked him questions about my dad, and he answered every querry I gave him. We went out the Registrar's office and we chat. He told me stories about my dad and my sibs. And we kept contact, we meet after class, we talked, now as cousins and with him, I felt I had a family, from my dad's side. He gave me the address, and he's in Everett, Washington. 15

On another meeting with Kuya Marvin, my cousin, he gave me the pager number of my dad and told me the news that he was here. I went to a payphone booth and left him a msg. I was inviting him at my capping ceremony. Still, I have no message from him.16

July 2, 199717

Capping Ceremony18

I went to the Phil Am Church early to meet my classmates. I was walking on my way to church. It felt odd, two men were smiling at me... adding to it, is that it feels like they were taking photos of me. I thought maybe, I was just over imagining yet I had this feeling that I am being photographed. As I went inside the church and met my classmates, we were fuzzing about lipsticks and make up. My adviser, approached, and told me, someone was looking for me. That might be my grandmother, I thought. But she had a different smile on her face...Strange but it added more to my odd thoughts I've been having.19

And then I was searching, and I suddenly stopped and there stood a man wearing grey slacks and a peach Lacoste polo shirt, smiling at me. And God, I was just looking at him and so in awe. I knew he was my dad and he haven't even told me yet. And he broke the silence, and asked, Are you Anna Lee? I just nodded not knowing what to feel or how to react and then the revelation of him telling me, I am your Dad.20

For a moment, I was silent...and then finally managed to speak and I said I know...and smiled. That was the most awkward moment I have felt. All the cliche lines I had memorized in case I meet him. I forgot all of them...I thought there would be anger, there would be drama and there was none. I can't even explain but I felt childish, longing for a dad. And then I joked just to break the ice,"I never thought you'll be the first one I'll meet," I told him. "I haven't met Mommy yet."21

We talked, and he told me about my sibs and showed me their photos. I was smiling cause they are another version of me. He asked for forgiveness for not being with me for 19 years. And it doesn't matter to me anymore, I was just happy I met him. And after the capping ceremony, we took some pictures for mementos.22

And it was time, he leave again. He made a promise to come back though. He went back to the US July 10. And then, I haven't heard from him again. [note: I just realized my love ones have left me on this date, July 10, my grandmother died July 10 whew!]23

Back at work, I made the feeble attempt of looking for him at Whitepages since I was working at a Call Center and then luckily saw his number although I never tried calling him cause I thought, what for? I could just easily dial those numbers but I don't know why I can't. And after 10 years, I tried searching for him again online...googled him and saw his friendster account. Now, atleast I get to see what is going on with his life, but we really don't talk the talk as father and daughter. I don't know...I guess, there's too much awkwardness now. Maybe in God's time. it'll happen.24

I just wrote this because it was his birthday. November 14,25

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