Changed

I liked challenges, I reminded myself. I didn’t like things to be too easy. I wanted obstacles in life, I had a desire for things that tested my physical and mental limits. Didn’t I?1

That’s what I kept telling myself. I’m not lying; it used to be true. In some cases, it still is. However, as I’ve discovered the hard way, when it comes to learning things that I’ll be using for the rest of my life, grueling and difficult is not the path to choose.2

Sitting here on the damp ground, I regretted my request for a challenging mentor deeply. Then, I couldn’t have begun to imagine the hell that I would have to endure before my training was over. I’d only been thinking of my strange infatuation with things that were difficult. How could I have been so stupid?3

The mentor in question was towering over me, an evil glint in her eyes. She was the proud holder of an obsession with torturing her poor, young victims—namely, me. As soon as she’d taken me under her increasingly hard and unloving wing, I understood why she’d never taken to apprenticing before.4

She gave a wolf-like snarl. It did not intimidate me as I’m sure it was supposed to, as I knew it was against our laws to hurt a mere apprentice. Disappointed by the result, she ordered in her gruff voice, “Do it again.”5

I groaned. Just the thought of Changing again made my head throb and forced an annoying white fog to invade my vision. I kneaded my temples in a futile attempt to drive the headache away, letting out little moans of discomfort at random intervals. Zoltaria—that was, of course, her name—gave a little smirk of mirth, triumph, or an inhumane mixture of the two, and waited impatiently for me to follow the command. I had no choice, of course. She was the mentor, I was the apprentice. Life was so unfair.6

I lifted myself painstakingly from the ground. I took great care to dust myself off meticulously, partly to annoy Zoltaria to her last nerve, and partly to prolong the limited amount of time I had before I had to endure the pain of transforming once more. Later, Changing would no doubt get easier for me, but for now it was one of the most painful experiences I’d had the misfortune to undergo.7

Trying to calm myself, I closed my eyes, attempting to concentrate over the quiet—but noticeable—sound of Zoltaria’s impatient breathing. I tried to push my throbbing headache out of my thoughts so I could accomplish the clear state of mind needed to transform. It was much easier than I’d expected, and soon my mind was free of any thought whatsoever. It should only take a few seconds now…8

The allotted time came and went. I remained erect.9

Slowly, my eyes opened, revealing the confused look that was in their depths. Zoltaria, on the other hand, gazed at me with an unhidden contempt. I flinched at the smoldering glare; this was a hateful high even for my evil mentor. I could feel the poison of the glance flowing through my veins. It was almost a physical pain. If looks could kill, Zoltaria would be charged with murder.10

“What’s wrong, Tira?” she asked, her voice dangerously low.11

“I—I don’t know,” I admitted, taking great care not to meet her eyes. “I was trying, I got the state of mind and everything, but…” I couldn’t find the right words to finish.12

“How long have I been teaching you?” I could tell by the tone of her voice that the question was rhetorical, and made no move to answer it. “You should be able to Change like that.” She snapped her fingers for emphasis. I nodded forlornly.13

She heaved a long, exasperated sigh. “Let me show you.”14

I lifted my eyes from the ground to watch her presentation. Though I despised it, a small thrill traveled through me at the thought of watching an experienced Changer transform, even if it was one so repulsive as Zoltaria.15

She closed her eyes just as I had. I tried to quiet my breathing, to give her easier passage into the clear mindset. I kept my eyes locked on her—if I averted them for a mere second, I might miss the main attraction.16

In an unusually quick time, the blue tendrils of powerful energy that marked her transformation appeared and began to revolve around her, as if she was their personal sun. Zoltaria knew nothing of them, but she could, of course, imagine from what she’d seen of her fellow Changers’ transformations. I watched in awe as the wisps multiplied rapidly. With each string of energy the pace of their circling quickened, until they had formed a cocoon of sorts that was in perpetual motion. The strange cage was hypnotizing—I couldn’t take my eyes off it.17

Gradually, the spinning brightness slowed. As their speed lessened and the tendrils dispersed, the silhouette of a huge, lithe, four-legged creature grew less and less opaque. By the time the last wisp had dissolved into the air, the form of a colossal wolf had taken its place, snarling, eyes blazing.18

However, this was no ordinary wolf. Her sleek fur was a wintry, silvery blue, which seemed to glitter in the moonlight. Two interlocking circles adorned her forehead, almost reaching down to her sharp green eyes. Her tail was much longer than was traditional for a wolf; it dragged on the ground, dusting the damp road with a light frost wherever the two touched. The venomous hatred that burned within them went perfectly with the low growl that resounded from deep in her throat; it filled me with a fear that I hadn’t known possible.19

As I watched the frighteningly majestic wolf, the thought of humans entered my mind. What would they think if they saw the beautiful creature before me? More importantly, what would they do? They led stereotypical lives, shunning anything that was out of the ordinary or peculiar. Since our kind had surfaced and made ourselves known a mere century ago, we had been branded as dangerous and vicious, therefore cast out of society, forced to be confined to the dark alleyways, coming out only at night to avoid being threatened and sometimes even hurt by the humans who wished to exterminate our entire species.20

What was it they called us? Oh, yes. The wolf that wove in and out of their outrageous legends, that was what they referred to us as. Werewolves. We WEREN’T werewolves, of course—we were a sort of branch of human, though many of our kind found that term repugnant. We didn’t bite and set our genes into humans to reproduce; we had lives similar to theirs. Love, marriage, children. The only reason we appeared to be nocturnal was because they had forced us to be that way. Also, unlike their fictitious werewolves, we could change at will—with a little practice, I added ruefully. Another difference was our unusual powers.21

There were two types of our kind, Ice and Fire, and each was unique. The Ice Wolf—which was Zoltaria’s type—possessed the ability to freeze things with one gentle breath…or, as was usual the case, a very exasperated breath—though my mentor was an extreme, most Ice Wolves were cursed with a frosty attitude; many of their statements were coated heavily in sarcasm and they often preferred their own company to that of their peers. However, like any ice, they can melt if you get to know them well enough, so thus they do have friends, even of the opposite sub-breed, though that was rarer than relationships within their own sect. The Ice Wolves were also able to bear extremely cold temperatures, even in their human form. 22

I, on the other hand, was a Fire Wolf. When I Changed, my orange-red fur glittered iridescently, and let off an aura of heat. My eyes blazed a deep brown, and I had two interlocking diamonds emblazoned on my forehead. Fire Wolves possessed the power to run like the wind, and to shoot sparks out of our eyes—literally. In our human forms, we’re able to survive unbearable heat; we’d probably be right at home in hell. Just as Ice Wolves’ personalities correspond with their names, as do ours: we are quick-tempered, and when we get angry our ire is like fire—burning and scathing. Yet, just as the Ice Wolves, we have our good points as well. Like fire, our warmth spreads to all who are close enough to feel it.23

At the moment, however, I was not thinking about any of this. As Zoltaria began to Change back—it went almost exactly the same way as the first transformation had—I felt a strange tingling feeling seeping into my veins. After a moment, I realized it was…anticipation? Excitement? A mixture of the two, I decided. Finally, just as the last few misty tendrils of blue energy dispersed, I figured it out: Was I EXCITED about Changing?24

I barely had a chance to notice Zoltaria’s haughty and triumphant expression turn to surprise as before I closed my eyes to obtain that hard-to-get state. I pushed away the strange, giddy feeling, pushed away the memory of Zoltaria’s many harsh faces. I pushed aside the clutter that was jostling for attention in my mind, filling my thoughts with a blackness. An emptiness.25

In an unbelievably short amount of time, I felt fingers of comfortable heat playing over my skin. I was forced gently onto my knees, then onto all fours. I felt myself growing taller, longer. Though I longed to lift my lids, I knew better: on my first partly-successful attempt at Changing, I’d made that mistake and been blinded by a fierce dark orange light; the color of my respective cocoon. So I kept my eyes closed tightly as the Change took place.26

I un-scrunched my eyes as the subtle red light faded from the darkness behind my lids. The first thing I did was look down to see two impossibly huge paws where my feet should be. Experimentally, I scratched the ground, sending a shower of sparks into the air and making a screeching sound as my unsheathed claws raked the pavement. Quickly, I drew the sharp needles in, though I was amazed by the sparks and wanted to make more.27

The strangest thing was the lack of pain. The other times I’d Changed, the pain of it had been unbearable and I hadn’t been able to sustain the canine form for more than about two minutes. Now, however, the only thing I felt was adrenaline. I wanted to run for miles, relish in the cold wind that blew into my face and immediately heated up when it entered my little atmosphere. I could run so far in this body. I wouldn’t tire until I was out of the country. So far, so fast…28

I was suddenly very aware of Zoltaria’s presence, struck in one of her rare mesmerized moments. I looked at her with my piercing brown eyes, snapping a mental picture of her expression, as it was one that I would most likely never see again. I wanted to laugh, so I tried. It came out as a bark, making my mentor jump. I grinned internally, but didn’t express my amusement with another bark.29

Zoltaria was inching toward me at a snail’s pace. With each small step, however, she quickened, and in a few moments’ time she was standing in front of me. She outstretched her arm as if to touch me—I shied away from her hand. She had never touched me in any way before, not even a slap as I was sure would come at some point. I was scared now, partly because I was afraid that the touch would be violent, and partly because it was something I couldn’t understand. Why, now, would she extend her hand to me? Was it just because I’d Changed so quickly and painlessly?30

She looked hurt when a backed away up against the wall. Her eyes told me that she hadn’t wished to inflict pain on me, but I was still dubious. The same questions were buzzing through my head.31

“Tira, I’m not going to hurt you. It’s just…that was so amazing…” I could tell she was inspecting me for fraud, just to make sure I was a real wolf and I hadn’t somehow faked it. As if that was actually possible!32

I shook my head. I wanted to voice the smorgasbord of thoughts that were traveling at impossible speeds through my mind. However, that would require Changing back, and I wanted to enjoy this painless experience while it lasted. I may not be able to achieve it again. So I was frustrated when Zoltaria’s awestruck expression persisted. I gave a little snarl, only a fraction as intimidating as hers had been, but the best that my lack of experience could come up with. My mentor backed off, her expression turning from amazed to scared, for reasons that I couldn’t comprehend. She could Change in a matter of seconds, and when she did, she was much stronger than I was. The source of her fear remained a mystery to me.33

Her fright ruined my ferocious façade, and while I was confused, she began to advance again. I sensed her coming and responded by walking backwards. There was a strange look in her eyes, as if…as if I was some sort of science experiment that she wanted to show off to her friends.34

I supposed it had been building since the first time I set eyes on this insane person. At this moment, however, I realized it. 35

I could not, under any circumstances, stay under her hawk-like gaze a moment longer. Now that I was in my wolf form, I felt the need to move. To leave. So I did the only rational reaction in this situation. I ran.36

Zoltaria’s pleas for me to return were only faint background noise. I hardly noticed it. My thoughts were already occupied with something much more enjoyable—the feel of the wind in my fur, the sound of it rushing past my ears, the sights and smells that rushed by me at speeds that deemed them an invisible blur. As I ran, I let out a howl of pleasure. This was bliss!37

After a few moments of giving in to my adrenaline, I slowed. My feet had instinctively steered clear of the human-inhabited places, sticking to the dark alleyways that our kind were more accustomed to. However, howling and running recklessly was a dangerous business, even in this, the most obscure part of town, and this late at night. It was almost impossible that a human would be awake at this time, but if I was found here, so close to them, I would probably be shot, regardless of my young age. They would never know; I would have no time to Change back.38

A fear came over me upon this realization. My howl earlier had been very loud, too loud. What if someone had heard? What if they came looking? I was stronger than a human, but I didn’t want to hurt them, even if they tried to kill me. I wasn’t that sort of person. Also, it would prove to them that maybe we WERE nothing but dangerous animals, and deserved to be locked up. I shivered at the thought of the trouble and possible war that would be the definite result of my careless attack. An outright battle between the two most powerful species on the planet—and it would all be my fault.39

So submersed in my depressing thoughts was I that I didn’t hear the sounds until they’d been going on for a while. When I did detect them, it took a moment for me to identify them. My acute wolf ears were able to pick up subtle sounds that I could never dream of hearing in my human form. I cast about with my sharp canine eyes—another thing that was improved when I Changed—and was only able to single out obscure shadows which, in turn, disappeared. However, I did pick up on the general message.40

Someone was following me.41

As soon as I made this discovery, I got to work trying to figure out who it was. It couldn’t be Zoltaria, I knew her scent. Besides, her pleading state would have worn off by now and she’d be angry. If she was looking for me, she wouldn’t bother being sneaky; she would just find me, and probably kill me.42

I couldn’t really think of anyone else who might be looking. My parents thought I was with my insane mentor, so did my friends. They wouldn’t come searching. So who…?43

And then it came out. It showed itself.44

Actually, I could see now, “it” was actually a “he.” As he stepped from the dark shadows of the overhanging buildings, I got a better look at him.45

The boy was probably just a little taller than I was in my human form, and looked to be about the same age. He had brown eyes that were almost as deep as my own, but not quite. His eyes went with his dark hair, tousled and messy, though I couldn’t tell whether it was intentional or not. He was well-built, not too skinny and not overly muscular either. On his face was an expression of curiosity.46

I hardly noticed any of these trivial details; there was only one thing that really caught my attention and held it in rapt and frightened attention.47

This boy was human.48

The second thing I noticed after this important fact was how he kept inching forward, much as Zoltaria had done just a little while ago. This I could react to. I sank into a protective crouch and growled menacingly. Though I’m sure even my mentor—who had strangely found me frightening—would have found the snarl intimidating, the human backtracked.49

I expected his momentarily scared expression to change to one of violence, and he would begin shouting at me that he would go to the government saying I’d threatened him. What did I know of human young? Perhaps they were only miniature adults.50

However, he did not raise an alarm of any sort. What he did instead surprised me even more. He was still standing just a few feet from me, even with his backtracking of a moment before. Instead of coming forward brandishing a tether, he crouched down till he was relatively the same height as me. Our faces were level, though they were about five feet apart.51

He was close enough that I could hear his whispered words. “I won’t hurt you.”52

They sounded genuine, but I was wary nonetheless. Humans were probably practiced liars.53

His next inquiry surprised me. “Please turn back.”54

I was so taken aback that I let a bark escape my lips. If I were able to slap my hand across my mouth, I would have.55

The bark gave him a start, but he did not retreat. He stayed persistently in his crouch, his face still calm. “I want to talk to you, and I know you can’t speak when you’re a wolf.”56

Now it was my turn to have a start. How could he know that? It seemed logical, of course, for a wolf not to be capable of speech, but what with all the other myths the humans believed about us, I wouldn’t put it past them to add verbal abilities to the list.57

He grinned. “Yeah, I know more than the average human. Could you please Change?” His face became pleading. “I’ll close my eyes.”58

That was too much. There was no way he could know that. It was common courtesy to avert one’s eyes when a fellow wolf was Changing; the only exception was when a mentor was demonstrating for their apprentice. There was not a probable way that a human could know of our custom.59

I had to speak with this boy.60

I nodded to signal that he should shut his eyes. He did so. I closed mine, too, and searched for the clear state of mind again. It was more difficult, this time, because of my jumbled thoughts about this mysterious boy. Eventually, however, I was able to cast out the questions and finally felt the electricity coursing through my veins. The Change began; I felt my tail retracting, felt my fur receding, felt the litheness leave my limbs. The wonderful adrenaline left me; by the time the torrent of orange energy had subsided I was just a small, thin girl down on all fours, her auburn hair cascading in front of her eyes, both of which were locked on the mysterious boy before her.61

I pushed the wild strands of hair from my face, then arranged myself into a cross-legged sitting position. When I was ready, I turned my attention to the patient boy in front of me. I took a deep breath, then told him, “You can open your eyes now.”62

As his lids came up, his eyes widened slightly at the sight of me. I passed it off as shock that…that I’d Changed so fast maybe. Or maybe that I was so young. I didn’t know. I kept my face blank as he spoke.63

“What’s your name?” Was his first question.64

I decided that telling him my first name was safe. “Tira.”65

“It’s a nice name. Does it mean anything?”66

“Yeah. It means fire.” I chose not to elaborate, but asked a question of my own. “What’s yours?”67

He grinned, showcasing a mouth of surprisingly white teeth. “I’m Jake.” When I didn’t respond, he continued. “So you’re a Fire Wolf, right?”68

Again, I was surprised and suspicious at his knowledge. “Yeah, I am. How do you know so much about us?” 69

Jake smirked. “You may not believe it, but there are humans out there who take an interest in your kind. They write reports in the less-visited corners of the Internet. You’d be surprised at what they know.”70

“And you’re one of those humans?”71

Jake’s smirk morphed into a grin again. “You got it.” Then his face was serious. “But why are you here? I thought you stuck to your land, and we stuck to ours.”72

I sighed. “Usually we do.” I didn’t meet his eyes, tracing a winding pattern on my arm. “But…well, see, I have this really terrible mentor. She’s just indescribable. Well, every time I’ve Changed before this it’s been a really painful experience. This was the first time it wasn’t, and when I got into wolf form…I just kind of lost it. I ran away from her.” I took a deep breath. “And now I’m here.”73

I raised my eyes to him, and he was staring at me with a befuddled expression. I mirrored it, and he voiced his questions. “Why was it painful? Why was this the first time it wasn’t? What do you mean, mentor?” I raised my hand to silence him before he could continue, so I could speak.74

“No one knows exactly why Changing is so painful for beginners, but it’s believed that the lack of experience has a lot to do with it. I really have no idea why this was the first time it worked perfectly for me; I’m still pretty inexperienced, I’ve only been in apprenticeship for a few months—you start when you’re fourteen. A mentor is someone who guides you and helps you learn the ways of our kind, all the little rules and he or she helps you learn how to Change smoothly. Normally, they’re supportive and kind, but I guess I just have bad luck. Although, it is partly my fault—I requested a challenge.” I heaved a sigh.75

Jake’s next question surprised me. “So what about you?”76

I was taken aback once again. “Huh?”77

“What about you? I know about your kind, now what about you? What are you like?”78

“Er…” I racked my brain for good information. “I’m fourteen, and I’m a Fire Wolf.” Idiot, I thought. He knows all that already. “Um…I Changed for the first time when I was eight years old, and I was sick in bed for weeks afterward…” And I launched into my entire life’s story. Jake waited patiently, though I’m sure he was bored to death, laughing, smiling, and inserting comical side comments. I found myself almost slipping up and revealing a crucial and utterly confidential information, I was so comfortable around him.79

When my story was finally done, it was his turn. Jake was not short on information—he confessed to me a love of poetry. He told me that he enjoyed horror movies. I learned all of his quirky imperfections, all of his strong points, I learned about his favorite book, I heard all of the misadventures of a young human boy. 80

“Wow,” was my articulate response to his extensive tales. I continued my musing, “I never realized how different our worlds were.”81

“But they aren’t, really,” Jake contradicted. “I mean…we’re both people, and if you compare our childhoods, they’re not that different. We both learned the same lessons.”82

I didn’t even try to follow that deep a contemplation with a well-spoken sentence. “Yeah, I guess,” I replied, my eyes on my hands.83

I raised my eyes to him, and he was staring at me with a strange expression in his eyes. “What’s wrong?” I asked, bemused.84

Jake shrugged. “It’s just…well, I didn’t really know what to expect when I found you. I was afraid you would kill me, at first.” He smiled. “But you’re just like me…sort of,” he amended quickly.85

“What did you THINK I’d be like? Some kind of freak?” I was strangely outraged, though I didn’t know why. “I’m still a PERSON! Were you lying just a second ago?”86

He looked really scared for the first time. “I know,” he said quietly, his eyes locked on my blazing ones. “And I like you…as a person. I know you’re not just an animal. I realize that.” 87

I was touched. I couldn’t have known Jake for more than a few hours, but I felt like I’d known him for years. I knew more about him than I did about some of my own kind. 88

It was ironic, I thought. My closest ties were with a human. Of course.89

I was still looking at Jake, almost analyzing him. My inspection paid off—it was at that moment that I noticed I could see his features better. Though I’d already memorized his face over the past hours, I could now see the colors more distinctly. They were sharper, and not as pale as they had been for the past time.90

I gasped and glanced up at the sky. It was a pale gray color. A pre-dawn color. The sun was rising.91

Neither of us noticed which profanity slipped from my mouth as we both jumped to our face, making the realization at the same time. However, us standing hardly made a difference—we both knew we need a proper goodbye but neither knew how to go about it.92

Finally, Jake began, “Goodbye, Tira. It’s been amazing talking with you. I don’t know if I’ve had a better night in my life. I’ll miss you.”93

And he closed the short distance between us, swooping down to give my lips a swift peck.94

I was frozen in shock. He was walking away. I didn’t want him to. I found my way out of my confused but blissful oblivion to call after him, “Can you meet me again?”95

He turned, a smile lighting up his face. “Yes,” he said. “Do you think you could find your way back to this spot?”96

I shook my head numbly. “No, I came here by accident.” I thought for a moment. “Let’s meet right at the border between our lands. You know where that is?”97

“Of course.” It had been an obvious question, but in my state I was having a hard time even forming coherent words. I was impressed with myself. “Next Friday, twelve midnight?” He waited for my response.98

I nodded my head. “I’ll be there.”99

Jake flashed me one more perfect smile, then he was gone.100

I preformed my second successful Change to run home. Though I’d been in a mindless state when I ran here in my madness, I was fairly certain that I could find my way home again. After all, it seemed that tonight—or, rather, this morning—anything was possible.101

As the sights, sounds and scents of the town flashed by me in a blur, there was little doubt in my mind. I knew that I would see Jake again, next Friday. A little thrill went through me as that thought zipped through my mind. I knew that I would have to face Zoltaria’s wrath very soon—that one I wasn’t quite as ecstatic about. I was aware that I would have to come up with a story about where I’d been tonight. And, above all, I knew that I could never, EVER tell anyone about this situation.102

But, at this moment, none of that really mattered. My thoughts were consumed by thoughts of my strange encounter with Jake, his face, the feel of his lips on mine…103

Our relationship—for that was, hopefully, what it would eventually morph into—would not be an easy one. It would be hard, it would be heartbreaking.104

But I reminded myself of the simple fact once again.105

I liked challenges.