The Passage to Manhood

Mike rolled his window down as he pulled out onto the road homeward. The clock on his dashboard showed just after 3:00 AM. The cool desert nighttime air blew refreshingly across his face. He smiled. It had been quite a night – one he had never expected when he received his routine orders for this evening. Now, however, he could return home to his wife and children with a sense of satisfaction he had searched for for years, but only found this night.1

Throughout Mike’s teenage years he had come to admire the heroic, but he never really thought of it as heroic. He had been taught how a man provides for his family; how a man is to react under pressure; how a man strives for professionalism; a man sets his own personal safety aside when called upon to do so and always does the right thing. As he reached maturity finding these qualities within himself became a driving passion, but the hardest questions remained unanswered. 2

With high school graduation behind him, Mike joined the military. He saw in this an opportunity to accomplish something difficult, and an opportunity to prove that he was a man and no longer a boy. He did not feel he needed to prove this to anyone else, but the questions of maturity and manhood burned within him and must be answered for himself. He departed in search of this proof first in the army, then after one enlistment he moved to the Air Force hoping for a more technical career.3

In Mike’s mind a man never did anything half way. A man put himself fully into everything he did. With this drive Mike became a “burner” – someone who was promoted on the first cycle of eligibility every time. Along the way, he also married and threw himself fully into the roles of devoted husband and now into the role of the father of his two young children. 4

His performance in these roles helped, but the deepest, and most burning question of manhood remained unanswered. The deepest question was not one men talked about much, so there was no way to know in how many of his colleagues this same question burned, but it burned deeply in Mike: A man puts his own personal safety aside and does what is right when that is required. Those words were easy to say, but how would he really react under fire? He knew how certain Peter was that he would even face death with Jesus, but when the time came, he denied Jesus. With this story in mind, Mike made sure he never boasted of what he would do under fire, but deep inside he hoped he would be like the Peter of later years instead of the Peter on the night of Jesus’ trial. In his mind, however, his manhood would never be certain until he knew the answer to this question: What will I do when I am the one under fire? Will I freeze up? Or will I carry through and do the right thing?5

This past week, Mike had sewn on his Staff Sergeant stripe. With this new rank, his duty section scrambled to give him new responsibilities commensurate with this higher rank. One such duty for people working in the weapons storage area was convoy advisor or tech rep for alert change-outs. These were usually routine, but due to the nature of the weapons transported and changed out, security was extremely tight and every detail must be performed perfectly. He had been a team member on several alert change-outs, but now he would be the senior for the first time.6

The night began as any routine change out, except this time Mike sat in the security forces’ vehicle as the convoy rolled in the late night. 7

“Control, Dragon1,” he spoke into the hand-held radio commonly nick-named a “Brick”.8

“Go ahead 1.”9

“Check point alpha.”10

“Roger 1. Check point alpha.”11

Each check point was subsequently called into Munitions Control until at last the convoy arrived on the alert pad in front of the new alert aircraft. Quickly, the team of 4 unhitched the trailers and presented the loaders with the proper paperwork for signature. Upon receiving the required signatures, the crews climbed back inside their 2 ½ ton truck (nick-named deuce and half) and coleman tug and drove to the gate of the alert pad to await instructions to return to their duty sections and subsequently to home. Mike joined them and waited for the routine instructions.12

“Dragon 1 control,” Mike’s brick crackled. Mike smiled and brought it to his mouth expecting the awaited notice that all was secure.13

“Go ahead control.”14

“1, we have just received notice of a real world situation. We have a bomb threat on the aircraft where you just dropped those weapons. This threat named the tail number of the aircraft and was very specific about the bomb being located on the fuselage. If the threat is real, we have about 5 minutes before the bomb detonates. We have to secure those weapons. Do you think you can go back in and evacuate those weapons to the evacuation point?”15

Mike’s heart jumped. Never had he been on an operation where the trailers were loaded and moved in 5 minutes or less. He glanced to his right – in the distance was base housing. In the second row of base housing his own wife and children slept peacefully – not suspecting any danger. 16

He looked at the alert aircraft lined up closely in a row. With the weaponry on those aircraft, if a bomb did in fact detonate and involve the fuel, then a blast would be created that could do much more than just break windows in base housing – or for that matter in the surrounding city. “They won’t escape it,” he thought to himself as his mind raced over his situation.17

Mike looked at the 4 crew members on the convoy. They all stared somberly at him awaiting his answer to the question.18

Suddenly, anger began to burn within Mike. “That should have been an order! Not a question you spineless son of a …” Mike caught himself just before he spoke. He could not lose his cool in such a critical situation with the crew looking at him. If he must answer, then he could not show any doubt about his answer.19

He kept his eyes steadfastly fixed to the crew as he brought the brick to his mouth and pressed the key. “Control, we’re gonna give it our best shot.”20

All four members of the crew sprang into action even before Mike could finish speaking. Every one knew his place, and every one knew the extreme urgency of the situation. Every one moved accordingly. Mike leaped into the back of the Deuce and half and rode toward the weapons from which they had just unhitched with total disregard for the usual 15 mile per hour speed limit. In the distance ahead, they could see the loaders now scrambling to get the weapons back onto the trailer.21

Mike leapt from the back seat of the deuce as the driver began his turn to get the back of the vehicle pointed to the tongue of the munitions trailer. The adrenaline was now flowing freely and every muscle tensed.22

“Popa!” he barked at the short Hawaiian man who had leapt from the tug backing up to the adjacent trailer. “Forget that tarp! We’ll throw it in the deuce! Just get that trailer hooked to the tug!”23

He turned to the tall slender blond man who had exited the deuce with him. This fellow paused momentarily as he looked at the loaders still working to lower the weapons in place.24

“Todd! Get that deuce back to the trailer!”25

“The loaders aren’t finished!” Todd protested.26

“They can finish while we’re hooking up! This isn’t a normal operation!”27

Todd quickly straddled the towbar and began signaling the deuce driver to back up. Mike moved quickly to grab the tarps and throw them into the bed of the deuce, then gave one quick go ‘round on the trailers as the air lines were hooked to their respective vehicles. Popa grabbed the heavy wooden chocks that blocked the wheels of their trailer, threw it on the back of the tug, released the brakes and scrambled inside their vehicle.28

“Stage at the gate!” Mike barked at the tug driver as he pointed to the gate of the alert change pad. With a security vehicle accompanying, the tug roared out toward the gate.29

Mike ran to the trailer behind the deuce, now feeling the pressure of time more than ever. He picked up the chocks from the wheels and tossed them into the back of the deuce. The loaders sped off – now the only people that remained at the aircraft was Mike and the two men with the Deuce. 30

“Get in!” Mike shouted at Todd as the pintle hook was locked into place. Without questioning, Todd ran to the front of the Deuce.31

“Oh crap! The brake!” Mike thought as he started for the deuce. He stopped, and turned back to the trailer. Quickly, he released the lever holding the brake. The crank swung wildly from the sudden release of the tension. 32

“Go!” Mike shouted.” The driver of the deuce put it into gear. Mike looked around, the security vehicle had already left! His ride was leaving without him!33

As the Deuce just began to groan into motion, Mike ran between it and the trailer. His left foot sprang onto the towbar connecting the trailer to the vehicle, and his hand grabbed for the top of the bed. With one leap, he lifted his adrenaline charged body up over the high top of the bed of the deuce, and onto the tarps he had thrown into the bed just moments earlier. 34

The deuce roared out from the aircraft. Every inch helped their chances of survival. Mike’s muscles became more and more tense. Every second seemed like an hour. Every fiber of his being strained as if he could help to move the vehicle faster. He lay on his back, and looked upward, the overhead crosspiece for the alert pad passed overhead.35

“We made it,” Mike gasped, but nothing would relax…there were too many aircraft on that pad, and too much fuel and armament. He could not yet relax.36

The deuce pulled around behind the blast berms into the evacuation area. Air screeched from the brakes as the driver slowed to a stop. Mike leaped from the back of the deuce onto the ground between the vehicles. Every vein in his body bulged from the extreme dose of adrenaline that had been administered. The other members of the convoy jumped from the vehicles, steel pots still on their heads, and shotguns still slung across their backs. 37

“Yes!” they shouted as they slapped each other’s hands in congratulations, then Mike remembered.38

“Get down!” he said with slightly less urgency than he had in the alert area. “We’re still under threat.” All members of the crew jumped onto the near side of the blast berm and lay close against it. The Security officers followed suit. 39

Minutes passed…no report. More time … almost an hour, but there was no sound, and no explosion and no word.40

Finally, the radio began crackling with activity as the veracity of the bomb threat began to be doubted. Bomb crews entered the scene and robotics were used to search the area around the aircraft, and eventually, the aircraft itself. Dogs were brought in to sniff for explosives, but nothing was found. 41

After several hours, munitions control finally sounded again.42

“Dragon 1, the aircraft has been cleared, but they don’t want the weapons back over there tonight. They’re going to prep an aircraft and try the change out again later. Take the weapons back and store them.”43

Now, as Mike drove home, he finally had time to replay the events in his mind. He remembered the fear as the first announcement came and the desperation as he looked toward base housing and realized his family and other families were sleeping there. There was the uncertainty in the faces of his crew, and thanks to an uncertain request from Munitions control there was all the weight on his shoulders as he raised the brick to his mouth. Years of questions lay at the back of his mind as he pressed the key on the brick to speak. 44

He spoke…yes…and …question answered. Manhood achieved. He smiled at the feel of the cool breeze through his car window. After these years of driven behavior in pursuit of the answer to one burning question, now, at last, he knew. Maybe the other members of his crew never spoke about such drives within themselves, but after this night they all had their answer.45