Masochist? Me, I'm Not!

"So, you scripted my life?" she stars into me with her amethyst cat eyes. She has that Glock to my head, her glare fixated on me with such intensity. "You programmed this horror I've been through?"1

I can't say a word. I'm not sure who was sweating more, who was shaking harder. The tip of her firearm feels like it's vibrating against my skull, I'm so afraid she won't contain herself. Is this really the girl I imagined?2

"Answer me!" she cries out, a solitude tear slides down her pretty face. I can't believe I'm looking at MY Zera. My mouth opens unconsciously.3

"I... did, Zera," I say, with such a stutter to my voice that I've never had before. "I-I... imagined it all. Every bit of it."4

She deserves to know that.5

"You... You're no better than he was!" She screams at me, her finger wrapped around that trigger, fighting itself not to pull, to pull. She grabs my unkempt hair, pulls me off my seat, and tosses me to the ground with ease. I know I can't fight back, everything she is is something I could never be.6

She steps back, bringing her hands to her face. The tears are getting thicker and I can tell she's emotionally losing it. Even now it's as if I'm programming her, every action just as I would have imagined it. I know she's not going to kill me, not yet, but my fear is no ruse. She drops on both knees and I hear her sobbing, I hear the death that I've scripted inside of her, the emptiness, the abyss. Such a strong woman...7

Physically, she looks just as I'd imagined. Toned, but not chiseled. Her long hair flourishes in its messiness around her, dropping just under her shoulders. I watch her, eyes covered, face to the ground in her arms, pounding. I know exactly what she's supposed to feel under that tough-girl trench coat full of gadgets. Exactly.8

"She's right, you know." HE says to me. The one I should really fear. Before now, I hadn't seen him, hadn't expected to hear that cruel voice, that demon.9

"So, that which gave me my name to take as his own," Zixaphir said to me, his sharp face staring me down with powerful, yet empty, eyes. "How was it? You know, turning me into a berserker and having me kill my parents. Oh, and let's not forget about father and mother's final little fight. How was that in you head? A nice plot twist, was it?"10

Everything about him echoes that insanity I could never quite give him. His eyes are sullen, yet so sharp, his face is emotionless, yet full of fury. His entire body is awkward, but his stance is full of authority, of power.11

"Zixaphir, I..." I try to say, knowing full well how useless it'd be.12

"Oh, don't worry, "Zixaphir"," he overpowers me. "I have no intention of hearing your side of the story. I've already lived it."13

He will strike me! I know it! Oh, who of all my creations could save me? I've tormented all of them, not one is coming to mind who would be able to help me. I watch Zixaphir raise his hand to strike me with a blow that would kill me, bluntly, yet effectively.14

"No, no!" Zera cries, crawling over. "No. I... I want to see him. I want to see his fear, his agony."15

"Zera, I swear--" I try to say16

"Shut up!" she screams at me. "Just shut up, dammit!"17

I see the tears streaming down her face, the unsure look in her very soul. Even in my fear, I want to hold her. Even in my suffering, I want to explain how sorry I am, but I can do neither. She raises that gun again, and I find myself staring down that barrel again.18

I spasm. I can't control my muscles, I can't control the fear in my eyes, my own tears for fear of death. I want to beg, but my mouth won't move. I want to cry for forgiveness, but my soul won't let me. I wouldn't deserve it.19

"Stop, fools," I hear the raspy voice of the one I've harmed most, the darkest of all of whom I've bore. "Cease your idiocy, your divine sense of self-gratifying, self-mortifying justice."20

I see her, and all the hopelessness within me turns to pity. Kim, the final Cotdo, the ravaged, the weak, the queen. Her thirst for power led me to give it to her, the only apology I could provide to the one I'd tortured in my mind a thousand times, the only one of my ravaged to become villain. Kim.21

And now she's saving me. I play it in my head a few times, about why she'd do such a thing, and it hits me. Her thirst for power meant she'd drunken right from my hands, and she knew it. Of all my persona, she was the last I'd ever think would come to my rescue, but now, as I play it in my head, I completely understand why.22

After everything I've had her world do to her, in the end I gave her more power than she could imagine. I remember every scene I'd scripted of her crying in happiness as she felt strength ooze through her veins, ever teardrop full of glee that her previous pains were meaningless in the face of her newfound glory.23

"I'll kill him myself," she says, and with one extended fingernail, proceeds to rip me open.