Wait

She sat, she stood, she paced. Her phone lay silent on her coffee table. She lay quietly on her tweed-upholstered couch, laptop propped propped against her knees and stomach, monitoring her smugly infertile inbox. She laid her head back on the armrest of her and took in her surroundings.1

Her satin top was crushed. Her shoes, bought the day before, lay on the floor next to her, no longer fresh and pristine. Her hair was mussed from dozing. She felt her lipstick bleeding onto chin from when she'd chewed her lip while watching the clock, her eyeliner smudging at the corner from the single tear she hadn't expected.2

Her head came up slowly as the denial receded and reality dawned. She set her laptop next to her, deliberately closing the top as she stood. She went to her kitchen table, reached behind it, and unplugged the phone. She picked up her cell phone, preparing to turn it off. As the truth of her situation stung her again, she flung it against the wall instead. She swore, and relished the hard consonants that always made her feel better.3

She moved into her bathroom and looked into her own eyes, studying herself. Shame in her eyes, a shiny tear track on her cheek, expensive pants wreathed in creases. 4

"So this is what it looks like to be Damien's girl." 5

She put her hair up and scrubbed her face clean. She changed into her favorite pair of boxers, a pair he had bought her, decorated with characters from Peanuts. She put on a very old, well-loved tank top and padded into the kitchen. She pulled a Corona from her fridge and twisted the cap off, staring into her backyard. The lights around the yard cast rays here and there, softly lighting the shadows on the trees and casting colors on the mist that danced off the water from the fountain.6

She went outside and laid in her hammock, taking a deeper swig of wine. She lay for a while, examining her feelings, then pushing them away, and again. A rustle was heard, then a face appeared. The joy she had anticipated feeling leaped to her face only to be replaced by a string of emotions. Finally, the anger he had expected surfaced in her eyes. He could read her so well.7

"Wait," he whispered.8

She loved his face then, his eyes, and the feeling in them, the one word he whispered, the way the mist of the fountain tickled her arm, the sting of wine in her throat, the tinges of it playing with her brain, making her giddy. But she didn't want this to show. She stood, resisting the temptation to stay, to drink more wine. It would be too easy to repeat last night; a tangle of limbs and tongue and inebriated minds.9

"I did," she told him in the same quiet tones.10

He loved her face back, her eyes, and the feeling in them, the two words she whispered.11

"You--" He started forward, stopped himself, his hand going to the back of his head and tugging on the soft, dark hair there. He looked back at her. She was watching him. Impulsively, he leaned forward and caught her lips with his.

Author notes

Demi Levato

This is the photo I used http://i405.photobucket.com/albums/pp135/annishabell/KISS.jpg

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Elvenfairy
    January 13

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    I would harldly call this erotic You did a good job here in displaying her emotions though. You also did a good job describing her wrinkled clothes and her messed up face. Cute story

    beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 1, ending: 1, dialog: 1, characters: 1.


  • Sgs
    January 9

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    Okay...I like this a great deal. But it is such a tease! I guess you left me wanting a lot more, which is good sometimes. However, for my contest I was looking for some serious erotica. Thank you for entering!


    • beezy92
      January 10
      Edit | Reply
      That makes sense (: I've ever written erotica before and I don't think it's something I'm completely comfortable doing (just because I was raised by a prude ) but it was worth a try (: Thanks for reading and commenting! (:


  • Vampiric souls
    January 5

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    This is a great story with so much emotion and descriptive detail that it makes for a good read.. I found it a good length and it went at a great pace... Great Job........ Thanks for entering


  • So Strange Greeters member
    December 30, 2008

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    Cool. You followed all of the rules... yay! I enjoyed this story... short, simple and well written. I don't usually like stories under 2000 words, but this was really good to be this short. I enjoyed it and can't wait until I judge this contest... you are a finalist. May you have lots of fun writing in your life and don't stop unless you want to--which I don't want to happen.

    Keep up the great work. I look forward to many more stories of yours, and hope you the best in your aspirations--whether they be writing or something else.


  • whenever love dawns
    November 28, 2008

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    thank you for including the picture that you used. (i'm beginning to notice that a lot of people used that one..) lol now on to the review:

    the pain that the woman felt was made blatently clear. i almost wanted to give the guy a little punch. i loved how you summed it up and tied all the loose ends very neatly. You proved to me that a good romance doesn't have to be novel length. overall great job! and good luck in my contest.


  • Seachelle
    November 15, 2008

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    Bee!!! I don't quite have a lot of time, but here I go

    I really liked your descriptions, as always. However, what Gary down there said was actually a bit accurate. There should be more to the story than her waiting and waiting and getting disappointed. Although, somehow, since it is a short story, it fits. I'd love to see this turn into a novel because your writing style just keeps getting better and better... You're doing great

    I wish I had more time to go over this with a fine-toothed comb, but that isn't the case. I just want to let you know that I read this, loved your tone, and can't wait for more

    Take care Bee

    love Ana


  • Gary Alexander silver member
    November 13, 2008

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    ADD A FEW LAYERS...MAKE IT UNIQUE

    Ok. Happy ending. But where was the conflict...what was the point (theme) "Hope springs eternal?" Not enough. And if it IS the theme...do not state it (particularly in its cliche form) at the top of the story. Don't do this. Let the reader figure it out. (It's not all that profound!)
    And listen, although you have some nice touches in this little tale...it occured to me that the word "her" was inordinately repeated to excess. In fact, more than 25 times in the first 5 paragraphs. Find another word...or a different way to express what you wish here. (It does become a little tedious.)
    Also, we get the wait...the disappointment. No need to repeat and repeat this sentiment. Try adding something additional to the "story" lest it becomes rather one-dimensional. Give her an added emotion...like "even if this guy shows up...she's gonna give him "what for!" And GIVE her a reason FOR her feeling like this. Make it interesting! Just watching the clock...or hope, hope, hoping...tick, tock, ticking isn't quite enough.
    G


  • masked-face
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i like this and the way the man only says wait. i cant get the picture up though... oh well loves it!

1 - 9 of 9