Don't Start the Movement...Be the Movement

"She is hopeless. She is condemned. She is ugly. She isn't perfect. She will never live up to the standards of others. She is a failure. She is hated. She is lost. She is alone. She is unloved. She cuts. She bleeds. She cries. She is just another girl. She is NOT a beautiful and unique snowflake. She is a fraud. She is living a lie. She is a disappointment to her family. She is surrounded by false friends. She will never be what you want her to be." The pen falls to the floor as I abruptly stop writing. I am the unloved. The failed. The lonely. And I will be the revolution.1

This is what goes through my head each day. I struggle with depression constantly. I hide my tears with a broken smile. I hug myself at night. I feel alone in a crowd of people. I am miles away from what I need, with no way to get there. I am lost, pathetic, self-loathing, self-pitying, undeniably over-emotional, bi-polar, angry, and uninspired. This is me. This is who I am. And I'm doing everything I can to overcome it. 2

They think I can't do anything. I know that I can. They think I am a failure. I know I'll rise to the top. They think I'm spiraling downward. I know I'm just trying to find myself. They think that I'm not special. I know that I am. They think I won't reach for the stars. I know I'll land on the moon. They think that I am just another face in the crowd. I know that I am a beautiful disaster.3

Conflicted: Yes. On one hand I feel worthless, and ashamed to be living. On the other hand, I know that I can do great things. I know that I'm special, and unique, and wonderful in my imperfections. But sometimes I just don't think it's worth it. And sometimes I fight to go on. 4

So this is me. Unique, but exactly the same as everyone. Lonely, but surrounded by people who care. My family hates me, but I have friends that take their place. I cut myself, though I know it's selfish. Take it or leave it. This is me. Period. Imperfect, beautiful, horrible, terrible, amazing, and alive. I am a revolution waiting to happen. Watch me soar.