over

You said we could be friends,
but things being as they are,
we won't make it to the end,
we'll never make it far.1

We won't win this race,
find somewhere to call our own;
we'll never find a place
in this world.2

I've always wondered why
the wind blowing through the trees
seems to sound like a sigh,
like it's calling to me.3

Telling me to let go,
that I can't hold on;
letting me know
that it's over.4

Whatever we had
isn't here anymore,
but I will be sad
for a while more.5

Sometimes good things
in life have to end,
the joy someone brings
runs out.

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Clary--Selene--Tayy gold member
    July 4
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    aww nice.


  • crystalsycamore2
    March 29

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice. You had a couple great lines that were really blunt and honest - I loved that. There's somewhat of a rhyme scheme, but you break out of it at certain points, and I think that was a good decision - especially for the ending cos it really serves as a good way to abruptly stop the piece, which kind of mirrors the way relationships can end out of the blue. I like it. Fabulous job and good luck in my contest!

  • To Heart
    March 26
    Edit | Reply
    A touching poem.



    Although it is kind of sad.


  • Artificial.Smiles. gold member
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    this is a really nice poem! I thought every line was great, and it all fit together nicely!

    Good Luck in my Contest!!=]


  • NiteEnjoysGolfBalls
    December 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    or maby a mudhead?


  • NiteEnjoysGolfBalls
    December 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    is this also about a hooked nosed moron?


  • Atticus Unanimous
    December 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You have a few bits of really nice imagery though your rhyme scheme and meter leave much to be desired. Instead of ABACDED blah blah blah you could try something more like AABAB or AABAC or something along those lines. By having such consistent patterns like that you begin to bore the reader. Not all poetry has to rhyme. In fact, poetry that rhymes is considered a very dated style. Sure some of the greats used it, but unless you are writing something like a villainelle (which I can't spell) or a requim, rhyming is not as necessary as you might think.

    Nice meaning in your words though, a very common and difficult subject.

1 - 7 of 7