Mother

I sat on the toilet regarding my mother, who stood in the doorway focusing vacantly on a patch of wall just to my left.1

“I hate that it has come down to this, Mother,” I said, finally catching her attention. 2

She turned her head toward me and grunted. The milky-white membrane that stretched over her normally pristine blue eyes disconcerted me for a moment, but after seeing them like that for maybe the third time now, it didn’t disturb me nearly as much as it did the first time.3

Nature hadn’t come to call. I merely sat on the closed toilet seat and, unusually enough, I cradled Dad’s favorite Remington double barrel shotgun in my lap. Beside me in the bathtub were other supplies: fresh bottled water, some snacks that I’d managed to hunt down, and several boxes of cartridges for the shotgun.4

Mother dearest again lost focus and began clicking her set of falsies in her mouth and rocking side-to-side in the doorway. I wondered, for maybe the tenth time that hour, if her dementia had prevented the worst of it.5

My lovely Mother began losing her mind several years ago. First that went were her earliest memories, and then she’d forget where she had left things or the route she took to drive to the shopping center, and finally she forgot her family.6

When the new treatment had been offered, as it had to hundreds of thousands of other people for a range of degenerative ills, I had jumped at the opportunity. They had told us that the success rate was phenomenal; that people with Mother’s condition not only recovered what they lost, but seemed to become revitalized. 7

I drove her to the clinic and waited in the crowded foyer, occasionally needing to wipe the droll from her face or answer the usual run of questions: Who was I, where was she, and where was her dolly? The last one brought some unwelcome stares, but most understood when I told them that she’d lost her mind to the point that the most she could remember was when she was around five.8

We’d waited for the people to progress through the process, watched people just like me herding the empty shell of a loved one into a sterile room, and then moments later following the same person back out. 9

The treatment had been great; after all, who wouldn’t want their loved one returned to them of full mind and body? The first few weeks were amazing – watching Mother return, her eyes glowing with life, her memories flooding back.10

And then the press releases came, and the announcements that the experimental treatment seemed to be yielding unexpected long-term effects. Two elderly men died in a nursing home, only to scare two interns at the local morgue by sitting up and trying to eat the first thing they saw. Unfortunately for the luckless medical students, their arms proved rather tasty.11

More news reports followed. The genetic manipulation that the medical researchers had done for the treatment had started to unravel. The simple virus that they had ‘reprogrammed’ to attack dead brain cells and encourage unprecedented regrowth and reanimation had spiralled out of control. It still encouraged growth, but the growth exponential and unaffected by death. Implanted in the brain, the virus mutated to ensure that it – and its host – remained alive.12

The virus spread. The two interns soon found that their bodies went into shock and their hearts stopped beating, but their brains remained alive and craved the one thing it needed to survive: the proteins found in human flesh.13

The news bulletins warning the general population came thick and fast, the emails warning of unprecedented devastation circled the globe, and even billboards proclaimed the end of the world.14

Mother seemed to be all right in the first few weeks. She had an increased appreciation for red meat, and for a while, I indulged her. I quite enjoyed the fact that my old strict vegetarian Mother now loved nothing more than to sit down with me and eat a juicy steak. What disturbed me was that she soon out-ate me, and demanded the steaks be less cooked. In the end, she could barely restrain herself when I came home from the butcher’s with packets of glistening red meat.15

I tried to contain her excitement, but after she snarled at me one day, I simply gave up trying. I figured if I could keep her in food, her brain wouldn’t shut her body down, and she wouldn’t turn into one of the mindless automatons that the news reports described.16

I discovered how wrong my reasoning was when I came home one day to find her gnawing on the remains of the next-door neighbor’s beloved Doberman. I don’t know what I found more disconcerting; the fact that she appeared to relish the dog’s hindquarters or the grin of sheer enjoyment that she gave me. Ignoring the blood that dribbled down her chin and onto her best dress, I ushered her back inside before next door could discover that ‘Max’ would no longer be warning his owner of the leaves blowing across the drive.17

Everything remained on track until a few days ago. While she chased a squirrel across the road outside of our house, a furniture removalist truck clipped Mother and killed her. I heard the screech of brakes, but came out far too late.18

Too late for the truck driver.19

Though contorted by the impact, and with bones protruding in unusual alignments, Mother managed to peel herself off the tarmac just as the truck driver ran over to her. She thanked him for his concern by sinking her false teeth into his face. 20

The second-generation virus acted quickly, and I came upon the scene as he dropped to the ground and convulsed. Strangely enough, Mother recognised me and meekly followed me back inside.21

The first thing I did after re-entering the house was to grab Dad’s shot gun. Instead of lunging for me, as she did with the truck driver, Mother just blinked a couple of times and then lumbered around the room aimlessly.22

I found this curious. All of the current news reports suggested that as soon as people came under the full effects of the virus, they lost all recognition of their previous lives, and understood only one thing: the need to eat.23

Mother proved to be an enigma. I reasoned that perhaps it might have been because she’d been a vegetarian her whole life, or that by me continually providing her with food that she wouldn’t turn on me.24

None of these reasons proved to be the case, however. It seemed that though Mother ate increasing amounts of flesh of all descriptions, (I needed to watch her constantly – I let myself get distracted the other day, and found her chewing on the already dead postman), her brain started to shut down again.25

The dementia was back.26

Now it had come to the point that there was no real point in keeping her around. It had become increasingly difficult to go to the shops to get her meat. In fact, doing so pretty much meant a battle for life and death, bearing in mind that the other infected were not as nice about the whole thing as dear old Mum. 27

I considered simply turning her loose with the others, but I didn’t think I could live with that. Only that morning I had let her out for a bit in the backyard and she had spent those three hours walking around in a circle while chewing on her own arm.28

I lifted the shotgun and stood.29

“I’m so sorry, Mother.”30

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 52 of 52

  • KillerQueen
    October 28

    Edit | Reply
    Awh.. The beginning is really strong. It's so sad that the mother had dementia!
    Just a minor error that I picked up: « ...occasionally needing to wipe the droll from... » Should this be « drool »?
    AWH the end really surprised me. It's such a sad story!!! But I guess it's all for the best, her dying. Put her out of her pain and misery. This is a really nice story, and thankyou for entering it. Good luck in my contest, and for the others, if they haven't already been judged. You've done a really great job!


  • Lost Soul 12 silver member
    October 23

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering my contest! This looks like a kind of scary/humorous story! *chills*

    Shotgun??!! Dang! Oh, she has dementia? Oh... This actually seems like a tragic talk, but I'm only on Paragraph eight, so I might be wrong.

    Oh my god! The entire Pargraph nine was heart-wrenchingly heartbreaking! Oh my!

    WTF! Tasty arms?? Ahh! I see where the humor comes in! Oh, I get the beginning now! I see!

    Um, she ushered her zombie mother that just a Doberman in the house without the fear of getten eaten? LOLZ!!

    Paragraph 19: LMAO! Eww, 'unusual alignments'??!! *threw up in my mouth a little*

    Paragraph 21 was good!

    Oh, I like the twist where she kind of knows her mother! Awwwww!

    The ending of Paragraph 27 was funny/dark!

    On a whole, this was a pretty dang good story! Bravo

  • Adinatak
    June 18

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    Well that was very dark and wonderful, I'm not sure how funny it was supposed to be, but even so it was a great story.


  • SageSyren Greeters member
    May 16

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    I can see why you've received so many trophies This was a welly written story. Thanks for entering and good luck.
    Brooke


  • Dual.Of.Fireflies
    May 3

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    EEWW!

    Thank you so much for putting this picture in my head! (NOT!)
    I loved it, the thought of how this person cared so much for her mom AND the people around them. I read the whole thing with my mouth open from the Doberman part to the ending. I LOVED it!


  • Cupcake14
    April 29

    Edit | Reply
    I've already commented on this.
    Thank you, and best of luck in my contest! I'm not adding any finalists till the contest is over.


  • Bella Corday
    April 23

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    I loved this piece. You set the mood perfectly and what followed was magnificent. I'm not usually a fan of zombie stories. I think they all ripped of I Am Legend, but this one was really good. Thanks for sharing.


  • Juniper Cran
    April 22

    Edit | Reply
    I liked this alot
    its kind of like when Shawn had to shoot his mum in the pub in Shawn of the dead. But this was so much more emotional and entertaining.

  • TheDecree
    March 25

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    So wickedly dark, and very interesting from begining to end. Also, very well written. Everyone turning rabid all around except for the mother but I guess she was a burden to have. lol

    It's more like a horror than comedy, though. But really well done (:

    Good luck in the contest!


  • Maggie Kay
    March 21

    Edit | Reply
    Im the begining i was really interested wanting to no what was going on. Why the shot gun? it really got me thinking
    ANd the side effects sound weird haha eating the first thing they saw lol arms haha i found that funni
    EATING THE NEIGHBOURS DOG WOW!
    and attacking the truck driver amazed me 0_0 and the post man.
    What a great ending tho
    this made me laugh alot and i really really liked it
    thanks for entering


  • IceIceBaby
    March 20
    Edit | Reply
    Ahhh Thats sad!!!!!!!!!! Gawd that was freaky!!!!! Good write, though


  • Savage
    March 7

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    Wow, it was kind of like I Am Legend redone. Which is... creepy. You did a thoroughly goosebumpily thrilling piece of work here, an amazing job that sticks in your mind for as long as it takes to forget it () The last line was a really good finishing sentence.


  • Holey Pastry
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    Woah. that was... I have no idea what else to say but wow. I liked it though so don't worry. I've never actually read a zombie like story... it reminds me of Resident evil (which is good)

    You have a good flow to your story, something not a lot of people have. Good job and the best of luck in my contest!

    <3 H.P.


  • SoundInkMusic
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    A morbidly humorous satire; very well told. Zombies seem to be a pretty popular topic in horror stories - but they can be ever so entertaining if used cleverly This pulled me in from the start, and proved to be a really enjoyable read on the whole.

    Thank you for entering, and best of luck with the contest.


  • Owen Aero
    March 3

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    Very good stuff. The story took a different turn than I thought it would, judging from the first paragraph. Sitting on the toilet, looking at mother... Wow, this story could have been so much creepier than it was.
    Thanks for entering, and good luck in the contest.

  • SilentMoonDance
    February 27

    Edit | Reply

    Nice...

    This was a totally creepy, eerie and somewhat gory story. I loved it! The entire concept was completely original and very interesting. An epidemic of virus-infected, zombie-like mutations consuming every piece of uncooked meat--and even human meat--was unnerving, (not really my type of genre) but this was really great. The fact that the main character's mother was given treatment for her dementia, resulting in an infection that caused her to have an affinity towards the living, was even creepier! He had no choice but to put an end to his mother's life, otherwise, she'd probably try to eat her too! One of my favorite parts was the incident between the mother and the truck driver...frightening!

    Great write and good luck in my contest!


  • MoraKpon
    February 20

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    Very good!

    I like how you developed the story. It feels nice to have a reason as to why the people became infected, instead of most stories, where the infection is just implied, or it just happened suddenly.

  • VariousSingularity
    February 17

    Edit | Reply
    The humor in this is fantastic! Great, great write.

    "Only that morning I had let her out for a bit in the backyard and she had spent those three hours walking around in a circle while chewing on her own arm."--That really killed me. Fantastically hilarious...

    Hmm...It's a shame I don't have anything else to say.

    *shrugs*

    Great write.


  • Clary--Selene--Tayy gold member
    February 7

    Edit | Reply

    hm...

    very nice, very interesting and i am very happy that you entered this contest congradulations you are a finlist in my contest. be sure to put another story in my next contest next month!


  • Melli
    December 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Jeesh.

    You havw a few things you need to edit.

    For one, paagraph 'Mother dearest again lost focus and began clicking her set of falsies in her mouth and rocking side-to-side in the doorway.' I think you need a comma right after mother dearest or again.

    But gosh, I really loved this. I think It flowed pretty well, though your writing style wasn't my favorite, it was still pretty good. It was just the same old idea, but thats okay. What else can you do with zombies? It's a great read, thats for sure. It was sad, in a way, how he had to kill his own morther, but that I suppose thats just how things go sometimes. haha. Great world we're living into today, shooting our own mother and that sort. haah . So yeah I also loved how you had the "zombie" Mom not turn out her child. finalist list! awesome job.

    KEEP WRITING!!!

    -Melli<33

  • daftweejimmy gold member
    November 24, 2008

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    Very droll.......

    .....and quite a nice poke at our willingness to hope for cures that can't be delivered without side effects. I'm not usually a fan of this sort of thing, but the humour was of the slow release kind, clues coming thick and fat after the initial diagnosis, and I rather enjoyed the black humour of whether to turn her loose or put her down. Very humanitarian of you!


  • amanda vampiress silver member
    November 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You did a very good job with this story. It was well thought out, and well written. I love the attention to detail and description that you payed with every line. The plot was rather interesting, especially the part about the virus. The was dark and humorous, as well as slightly gory. Yet, it was not so gory that I would loose my lunch. I enjoyed reading your story very much so!

    I thought the ending was rather creative as well. You kind of left it open for the mind to wander, yet solidified the thought that the mom would die because the daughter stood up with the gun and apologized. Bravo, and thank you for entering.


  • SimplyTaylor
    November 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    By no means am I well versed on zombies, but I do have a question begging to be addressed by the end of reading this thrilling story.

    "It still encouraged growth, but the growth exponential and unaffected by death."

    That being the case, would a gunshot wound really kill her as implied?

  • Cupcake14
    November 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Ha Ha Ha! I didn't have any idea that this was a zombie story, but this was. A really good one, I must say. Seriously, it was hilarious, from his mother's submissive tendencies when it came to him, to the 'next door' comment(Though why a dog would be irritated with leaves blowing across the drive, I don't know). This was a pretty nice, if not gory story.


  • JessiesDaughter silver member
    November 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Loved the dark humor. Mama was a bad dude!

    My favorite line, "...that ‘Max’ would no longer be warning his owner of the leaves blowing across the drive"

    I am not usually a fan of this genre but you kdp my interest with a good plot and interesting characters. Thanks!

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.


  • dyslexic writer gold member
    November 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Good

    I'm glad that the sun is out! LOL

    You did a nice job in writing this piece. I nornmaly don't read these types of stories. But I like the idea about the virus which kept me reading.

    I like your details too, and your balance here too.

    Editing notes:

    Watch out using the word had over again in the same pargraph.

    When the new treatment (had been offered), as (it had) to hundreds of thousands of other people for a range of degenerative ills, I (had jumped) at the opportunity. They (had told) us that the success rate was phenomenal; that people with Mother’s condition not only recovered what they lost, but seemed to become revitalized.

    (had been offered)
    delete had been

    (it had)
    change had to gave

    (had jumped)
    delete had

    (had told)
    delete had

    Lynn



    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


    • UrbanRealist
      November 20, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your comments. That particular paragraph you refer to is written in past perfect tense, and as opposed to simple past tense requires the additional 'had's' to read correctly.

      • dyslexic writer gold member
        November 21, 2008
        Edit | Reply

        I don't understand

        I try to pass on knowlegde that I have learned.
        I been taught using to many hads in a prgraph makes the writer's voice passtive.

        I come across things, I let the writer know, that person can make the choice to fix it or not.

        • UrbanRealist
          November 21, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          Again - passive voice here is allowable considering that I have used first person point of view in the subjective narrative - this character is relating a past event while in past tense - therefore making the tense past perfect tense. Your suggestions - though offered in a kindly fashion - are incorrect.

          I would suggest that you learn grammar and apply it yourself - especially in writing your own comments - before offering editing style comments for others.

          • dyslexic writer gold member
            November 21, 2008
            Edit | Reply
            I'm dyslexic, and find this statement bit rude.

            "I would suggest that you learn grammar and apply it yourself - especially in writing your own comments - before offering editing style comments for others."

            I admit I struggle in Grammar, that is no secret.

            May I ask, if someone stops reviewing because the grammar is lacking, how can that person grow as a writer and a reviewer?

            Not everyone has the same level of education for different reasons.

            Why, didn't you just say the paragraph that I mention, was part of the background info the first time?

            You're right the hads are needed there to make it fit into the story.

            Let me say, I really enjoyed your story, you can make your words leap and straight into the reader's mind.


  • dreamshell
    November 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A nice, intimate zombie story here. You threw in some wonderful mentions of classic zombie predation, but what really sticks in my mind is the beginning, particularly the bit about how the narrator goes to the clinic in hopes of helping out their mother. I think that's something most people can connect with easily and it adds another layer to the genre.

    Although, I must admit, being a rabid pro-science nut, I am a bit let down that it's essentially medicine that does the world in. That adds yet another layer, though, I suppose. You try and do something good and things just get worse...

    Wow. XD Dismal, man.


  • Awais Ahmad
    November 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Good

    Very interesting keep doing well

    beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.


  • gerifitzsimmons Greeters member
    November 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Come on guys--read and enjoy this *clappy*

    Sorry, been here and done this--can't rate again.

    Geri


  • mordaky
    November 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    lol i find that interesting


  • Ssmm silver member
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    BA!!!! well written all around. liked the jab at dogs there. can't say i've read many zombie stories, but i've watched a few of the flicks. as for the gun, is it a pump gun? if so, it would probably be a Remington 870, one of the most prolific shotguns in the world, and not for nothing. it's a miraculous thing, reliable as hell.

    anyways, good work!


  • WritersEffigy gold member
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the part about the doberman not warning its owners about blowing leaves.
    F-in dogs.
    Very well written, very different. I think its funny that it started with the senior citizens and love the main characters narration. Very dissattached.
    Also, image of old woman hungrily chasing squirrel=funny.


    • JimZombie gold member
      November 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I agree, those were two parts that made me puff out a chuckle, particularly the first instance you point out.

  • SageSyren Greeters member
    November 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    'She turned her head toward me and grunted. The milky-white membrane that stretched over her normally pristine blue eyes disconcerted me for a moment, but after seeing them like that for maybe the third time now, it didn’t disturb me nearly as much as it did the first time.' This whole paragraph contradicted itself. You said it upset the character and then changed it at the end of the paragraph. This is confusing to the reader.

    P5 Wouldn't dearest be capitalized also? And I don't think you need to have 'side-to-side in the doorway', we already know she is in the doorway.

    Didn't get to finish, but will be back to do so soon.

    Brooke


  • Celestial Rose
    November 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Zombies scare me....*shiver* They're freaky!! Ahhh!! I really don't know what to say to this...I mean, it was a good story and all, I felt sorry for the main character, but zombies still scare me alot...Um...what can I say? I liked your story, but the zombie part made me shiver.

  • gerifitzsimmons Greeters member
    November 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I sure don’t want to meet your mama.


    certainly glad the sun is up and I’m not on my way to bed.

    Your abilities to construct a plot, people it with interesting characters and carry the idea to a completion are obvious well developed. While the narrator carries the story and ‘tells’ rather than ‘shows’ the activity taking place, I didn’t find it boring. In fact I do believe it is one of the scariest tales I have ever encountered. The slightly humorous voice of this beleaguered son, is perfect to carry this plot.

    Since I’m not positive which of my organs took the worst hit, my stomach or my brain, I’ll just congratulate you on doing a heck of job on both . I sure don’t want to meet your mama.

    I see you have entered several contests with this unusual tale of Zombies. Since this fits their prompts perfectly, I do wish you the best of luck.

    Geri

    beginning: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.

  • JimZombie gold member
    November 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like how you have taken up the theme of genetic tampering (for the good) in a fashion quite similar to the recent I Am Legend. That said, you have deftly blended your zombie fiction from various schools. I like how you have presented some physiology of the transformation but you haven't gone overboard in trying to rationalise it.

    I thought the story itself was executed very effectively. I enjoyed that you focused on this individual situation and the broader deteriorating situation was put at a distance. I felt this was instrumental in forming a believable and authentic story.

    The one major criticism I hold relates to your use of humour. Perhaps it is just the way I approached this story but your use of satire, though quite apparent (and very dark), is rather flat.

    In all, great work!


  • Hybrid Dragon
    November 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Nice work

    You have put a highly unique perspective into the end of the world: the whole world was crumbling away, and your protagonist finds some of the things their 'dear mother' does to be unusual and not so disturbing, nice job, loved the humour of it all.


  • sodancewithsoda silver member
    November 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    ack

    I had an idea it might have been a zombie story, but I read on, hoping I would have been wrong (I hate zombies..), but wah..

    They scare me. The thought that it might just come real (because most science fiction movies ARE based on stuff, exaggerated or otherwise). I try to veer away from topics similar to this, because I am a scaredycat.

    But you gave your protagonist a believable character (and his struggles is something people can be empathic for), and in doing so, it gave your story a heart.. I hope this won't ever happen to anyone, and that this will remain a "movie myth" - still, your story provided a rational explanation for zombies. Gawd, maybe some "cure" like this MIGHT be the real start of the zombie thing x.x

    Thanks for sharing this.


  • Forgotten Anomaly
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I am by no means a fan of Zombie stories/movies but I rather liked this. The whole thing about the virus starting in old-people is kinda desterbing yet funny all at the same time. I like that you had his mother be different and it wasn't a 'kill the mother in self-defence' type thing. I only spotted a couple errors but didn't think to track them. Overall a wonderful story. Well done.


  • Bells Kelly
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    sort of reminesant of Resident evil and a couple of other zombie movies.
    good job though
    cheers
    Hunter~


  • ainshbu
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    okay this is sick in the good way it's like shaun of the dead, i am legend, and 28 days later. this is crazy funny too. it's written with a certain flow and sentence after sentence i want to go and read more!


  • Rosemary silver member
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Good Story

    I'm not really into Zombie stories, but the way you told it made it interesting and quite possible. Nice writing.


  • killwhatyouadore
    November 12, 2008

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    wow this is the BEST story that i have ever read...please keep writing! very inspiring..in a morbid sort of way


  • Tiger-Lily
    November 12, 2008

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    Wow, this is so Dawn of the Dead/I Am Legend...with a brilliant twist. I hate that her mom might die, but love that she's different. Brilliant start but then, I wasn't rally expecting it to be bad.

    Great work.

    -HT

  • jmcherrygirl15
    November 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I have to comment again! I enjoyed this story even more the second time! I love this story so much! I am so touched by every single paragraph. Don't stop writing, and don't stop believing! I would buy this story in a bookstore, so keep going, and I know you will get published!

  • jmcherrygirl15
    November 12, 2008

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    Oh my God. This story is incredible! I can't believe how much you described each moment. I loved the very last part: "I'm so sorry, Mother." It says so much in just a little sentence. I felt so emotional because the fact that she had to die to keep others alive was said and weird and terrifying. Well done! If your other stories are this good, keep them coming!


  • WaterBottle
    November 12, 2008

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    Wow!

    Very sad and weird at the same time. Dementia is horrible, but your spin on it is plain spooky.....the mother chewing on the dog....creepy.Great story!=)=)

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