I felt the blood rushing through my body. It was as if it had exploded from my heart and was sent out to burn all my veins like lava from a volcano. On the inside, I was feeling every emotion known to man. The anger was first and foremost though. It was boiling inside of me, taking over my thoughts and movements. This was going to happen. There was no stopping it now. 1
Peering across the street, I could see straight into the Crescent Moon Bar. The floor length windows provided a wonderful view of the bartenders, and one in particular caught my eye. In reality though, I had seen this beauty many times before. Her dark hair fell in wisps just above her shoulders. A razor cut, how ironic. 2
I watched as she made small talk with one of the regulars, a pudgy girl with straw like blonde hair and greasy skin that was covered in thick make up. I could tell she wished the girl would leave her alone. 3
‘Ah, an air of superiority, just as I suspected’, I thought, as I began to take the first steps across the street. 4
Taking a quick glance at my reflection in the window, I walked into the women’s only bar. Various faces turned and looked my way, including the bartender who took a quick up and down look before meeting my eyes and smiling her most perfect smile. Hook…line…and soon sinker.5
I didn’t walk immediately over to the bar. I wanted to test the bartender to see if my first instincts were true. Had a little spark really ignited? I would find out soon enough.6
Making my way through the crowd, I chose a table in the corner where I could see and be seen. A tall woman with short black hair and sharp features quickly moved in.7
“Mind if I buy you a drink?” the tall woman asked, her voice gruff and low.8
“Not at all,” I said, smiling at her. “A beer would be nice.” I held no interest for this woman. I just needed her to set the trap.9
The tall woman came back a moment later with two beers in her hand. 10
“Mind if I join you?” she said, gesturing towards the empty seat.11
“Please do,” I said, giving her another smile. This was almost too easy really. 12
Practice before the real deal.13
“My name is Jamie,” the tall woman said.14
“Nice to meet you, Jamie. My name is Chris,” I said, as I peered over Jamie’s head sneaking peeks at the bartender. 15
I wanted to know if she was watching, wishing it was her I was flirting with. I needed her to not only notice me but to also want me. That was the most important thing. 16
I let things go easy with Jamie. We talked, we flirted. The bartender kept looking at us with a slight frown on her face. It was all going according to plan. Finally I let her off the hook. I met her eyes across the room and smiled at her. Jamie had no clue that the smile wasn’t for her. 17
I excused myself and made my way to the bathroom, making sure I caught the bartender’s eye. Another smile, both from me to her and her to me. Yes, it was working.18
The bathroom was a small three stall room with a row of a two sinks. The walls were painted in bold geometric shapes which practically screamed at you through the harsh fluorescent light. 19
I walked over to one of the sinks and set my purse down. I stared at my own reflection questioning myself. Could I really do this? Would it bring me what I truly need? The answers flooded my mind like a rushing wave. Yes, I could in fact do this and it would bring me everything I needed. 20
At that moment, I heard the door creak open. I turned to see the bartender flashing that brilliant smile at me.21
“I was hoping to find you in here,” she purred, as she walked over beside me.22
“I was hoping you would too,” I said, turning around and leaning against the counter. 23
She moved in closer, pushing her knee between my legs. She was aggressive and I loved it, more than I thought I would. Putting one hand on the small of my back, she reached up and touched my face with the other. Such soft hands. 24
Taking a bit of control back, I leaned in first to kiss her. Our lips touched softly at first, then the heat set in and I pulled her hard against me. Parting her lips with my tongue, I made her open up to me. Her hands were drifting playfully all over my body. She rubbed down my arms, let her nails scrape down my back, then she reached down to my knee and began to push my skirt up. I grabbed her hand and pulled away from her.25
“What’s wrong?” she asked, breathing heavily.26
“Nothing’s wrong. I just don’t want to do this here,” I said, a slight pout forming on my lips. Damn, I was good.27
“Well then, how about we get out of here and head over to my place? It’s only a couple blocks away,” she said, grabbing my hand. 28
“Sounds good to me,” I answered, looking her straight in the eyes. “Why don’t you meet me out front? I’ll be there in just a minute.”29
The corners of her mouth turned down a bit trying to fake a frown. I saw right through it though and she knew it. It quickly turned back to a smile as she let go of my hand and turned to walk out the door.30
I turned around and gazed at myself in the mirror. It seemed for a moment I saw someone else looking back at me. She seemed almost…innocent. That was one thing I defiantly wouldn’t be after tonight. 31
Giving myself a quick once over, I walked out of the bathroom and through the bar. Jamie stopped me right before I reached the front door.32
“There you are. I was wondering where you’d got off to,” she said, putting her arm around my waist.33
“I need to go now. It was nice meeting you,” I said, squirming out of her grasp and out the front door.34
The bartender was there waiting for me. I plastered the mask back onto my face. The one that said it was alright to be with me. I’m not a threat. I’ll make you feel good tonight. I took her hand in mine and we started walking towards her apartment, towards destiny and my revenge.35
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Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Vicious and evil
The way you have the main character lure the bartender in is disturbing. It reminds me of a few of your other stories too. Its got that creepy I'm going to destroy you and you are my plaything feel to it. Also the hint of possible guilt makes it extra creepy, cause it shows that the person is actually a person, just really crazy person.

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Wow!
I love how you ended that! I really cant wait to see what happens in the next chapter now! So much detail and well thought out.
I'm liking it!beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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I like the intensity of the story in the first person. It really increases the tension. Love the way it hangs the reader out to want to read on. Only criticism--too short for a first chapter. Write on.
JJ

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Wow, i was really hooked with the first paragraph, there was a lot of detail there. Really good, I totally didn't get that Chris was a girl and not a guy at first either... that was interesting. I assumed everyone in the all girls bar was staring because he was in fact a guy, guess she just looks really good. And the ending is really catchy. I really want to know what she's getting revenge for and how she's going to do it. Great job!

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Awesomeness. Lots of twists that caught me off guard, and all in the first chapter. I was thrown off in the at first I thought the main character was a man then boom it's a girl. Maybe a little sexual exploration? haha but then revenge is mentioned, and leaves me wanting more. Hope to get a chance to read the next chapter.


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