Bad Dreams

1

It was 1739 in England. A small town called Hellsville was silent. The full moon reflected into a dark lake. A wolf howled and in the distance and echo. The houses creaked in the wind and another howl came from the hills.2

Sasha moned." Are we nearly there yet". Sasha was sat with her headphones, streatching her feet across the car seats. Sasha read the sign on the side of the road," Hellsville". "Strange" she thought. Her Dad spoke to her," Did you know, Our house is ment to be haunted by a werewolf spiritfrom 1739." Sasha laughed. Her dad spoke again,"Here we are then." as he pulled up beside an old wooden rickity house.3

The next day,after she had upacked her stuff, she caught the bus toher new school. It was a red brick school, with big Victorian doors and windows. On a sign it read:4

Hellsville Junior School5

Always Be Aware For The 6

Most Unpredictable 7

"Hmm, thats strange." she thought as she walked through the great big oak doors. That first day, Sasha had only made one friend, a girl the same age as her, with glasses, and red curly hair. Her name was Anne. Anne loved to spend time in the library, since she was very brainy. During the day, Anne and Sasha became firm friends. Sasha asked wether Anne could come for tea. " Yes, I just need to finish some school work in the library." They laughed. When the bell rang for hometime, Sasha hurried home to prepare dinner and Anne stayed in the Library.8

It was 6 o clock and Anne was due. Sasha was incredibly tired from preparing dinner and her parents were at work. The full moon shined through the window and Sasha became very tyred as the moonlight shone on her. And she drifted of to sleep...9

"Help, Help! Please don`t! Help!" A screem echoed through a large room with lots of bookshelves in. Anne was sceeming. Blood gushed onto the floor. There was a large thump and a pair of pink FCUK glasses hit the tiles and smashed. The room became silent, apart from a wolf like howl.10

Sasha woke up screeming, hot, sweating and scared. She looked at her watch. It was 8:30! It was almost time for school. She got ready fast. But her dream spooked her so much she dicided to go into shool before lass had started. Sasha went down the dusty hallways. She opened the library doors. They creaked. Sashas eyes fell to the floor. There was Anne, but like she had appeared in her dream.Dead. There was pawprints made of blood. Anne her only friend here, had been bruttily murdered, by a beast.11

Sasha ran to a teacher. She told her everything. Sasha was so stressed over her discovery that she was given the day off. But she told no one about her dream. Her Dad comforted her, but nothing could get the image out of her head, her friend, a bloody mess on the floor.12

Over the next couple of weeks, their was more dreams, and every morning after those dreams, one of her school chums were found dead, brutaly murdered. And next to the body, wee always pawprints of blood.13

Sasha could take the dreams no longer. She forced her self to stay awake every single night, but then she fell asleep at school. At night she sat in front of a mirror, and splashed herself with water everytime she fell asleep.14

But one dark night, the full moon shone through the window. Sasha looked at herself in the mirror, but suddenly small puffs of dark brown hair grew on her face. Her teeth turned to fangs and saliver dribbled out of her mouth. She grew in hight and for nails she got claws.15

She had been possesed by the old Wearwolf spirit. She screamed. She ran out into the street, while she still could control herself. She ran to the black lake, where she stepped into the murky waters. Sashas finale thoughts were " I killed my friends, so I deserve to die!" and she dissapered beaneth the waters.16

If you walk near the black Lake in Hellsville, you can hear a distant howling of a spirit, in the dark murky waters.17

A contest entry

WoT dO u ThInK??????????

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Comments


  • Toxic Paradox
    December 8, 2008

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    Hi, I came across this story as we have both entered the same contest, so I thought it was only fair that I give you some feedback.

    I see from the comments underneath that you have had some criticism about this story, concerning grammar etc.

    While I agree that there are issues concerning spelling and grammar, I feel that these issues can be picked up by usng a spell check or by getting a friend to look through this for you - so don't worry too much.

    My main concern is that this seems more like the barest bones of story - it could probably use fleshing out more in order to create an emotional response in the reader. If you decide you would like to go over this in the future, I would suggest expanding on the explanations, describe the first meeting with Anne, use more description etc.


    These are only suggestions of course, feel free to ignore me =)


  • Len Shadow
    December 7, 2008

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    "And next to the body, wee always pawprints of blood." I think that there may be some sort of error here, it doesn't make much sense.
    Other than that, it wasreally good!


  • Forgotten Anomaly
    December 6, 2008

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    I'd strongly recomend going through and cleaning up the spelling and grammar errors, there are a lot of them here and it makes the story quite hard to follow. Between the first and second paragraph you make a time leap of a couple hundred years but don't put anything in to transition it, I'd recomend fixing that so that it doesn't seem so confusing. Otherwise the stories fairly good, I like the plot. Most of your errors are grammarical and can be easily fixed. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.


  • amanda vampiress silver member
    November 11, 2008

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    This was actually pretty good. I did find it interesting that in the first half of the story there were a good number of grammar, tenses, and spelling mistakes. Also some of it was a bit confusing in parts, but that would only be because of the errors. The second half of the story however, everything flowed very nicely, there were no grammar, tense, or spelling mistakes.

    The plot of the story, was unique in its own way. I've never read a story consisting of a werewolf spirit, so that was pretty cool. Character development was good. I could feel her shock, or anticipation as I read the story. Over all, this was a good read, and I'm glad that you entered this in the contest. Keep up the good work, and keep writing!