Save It For The Bedroom, Part One [Linkin Park]

NOW.1

'How was it?'2

The handcuffs have got your wrists so tight together that your shoulders are yanked back and your chest is pushed out. It's painful. He's got a hand running through the short crop of fuzz that currently consists of your hair. The cold is starting to get to you, too. He's left the windows open and the curtains are billowing around. This stool is uncomfortable. You lick your lips and manage to reply, 'Amazing.'3

'Good.' His hand tightens in your hair and he kneels down, eye level with you. 'Did you touch yourself before he came?'4

The instinct is to lie, but you know better. Often, telling the truth reaps rewards of sorts; although you've always much preferred the rewards you get when you do as you're told. Phoenix lets you call the shots sometimes, when you do everything right. 'Yes,' you eventually answer, and your head is slammed against the wall.5

'What did I tell you, Chester?' Phoenix demands, towering over you. You slump down against the wall, coughing and wincing from the awkward way you're sat, and squint up at him.6

'You told me not to touch myself.'7

'What part of that don't you understand?' You slide to the floor and he puts a foot on your head, the heavy boots that he knows you like wearing. He puts pressure down and snaps, 'Answer me.'8

You can't because you're trying your hardest not to show how turned on being dominated this way is making you. Of course he already knows; but weakness, that's punished. That's why he's punishing for you for not doing what he said. Weakness.9

***10

THEN.11

'Look, it's perfectly safe. I'm being honest with you, Mike, I want this.'12

The skeptical expression on Mike's face is one that will haunt you for years, because it's extremely, extremely frustrating. You're knelt on the floor in front of him, and he's sat back in the hotel chair. He's got his arms self-consciously (and for that matter, stubbornly) crossed over his bare chest. 'I don't want to hit you.'13

'But I want you to. Come on,' you whine at him, taking his hands. He yanks them back so he can cover himself up. 'If it hurts me, then I'll tell you, you know what the safeword is. Please, Mike. I want you to. You'd probably like it! God knows I've deserved at least one smack in the mouth.'14

'Look, I don't want to alright, and you always pressing the subject like this is a fucking mood killer. Give me my shirt back.' You scowl and reach over to the bed and throw the shirt at him, grabbing your own and tugging it over your head.15

'I'm always complying your artsy chocolate paint games, Mike,' you snap. 'When are you going to do something for me, huh? I mean, come on. I'm sure if it wouldn't kill me to lick actual paint off your stomach, you'd ask me to.'16

'Where are you going?' Mike objects, and as you pull your shoes on, he sits up. You stand up straight and head for the door. 'Chester!'17

'I'm going to find someone who will play out a fantasy or two with me.'18

You stalk off down the corridor and down to the hotel bar. You love Mike, you really do, but in your six month relationship with him, the most exciting thing you've done is when Mike decided he wanted to try anal beads, and only one bead in, Mike got all squeamish and horrified and demanded you pull it out and throw it away.19

You're more than aware that really, you shouldn't, but all the same as you sit down on a bar stool, you wave to the bartender and order in a vodka and coke. Just as it's pushed into your hand and the money is demanded, hot breath swills down your neck and a deep murmur of a voice says, 'I don't want you to drink that.'20

'And just who are you to tell me what I can and can't drink?' You're immediately on the defensive and shove the money into the bartender's hand, swiveling to see the stranger. '...Phoenix? What are you playing at?'21

Phoenix shrugs. He looks a little down, and you feel bad for snapping. He eventually pulls an answer out, 'I overheard you and Mike.'22

You'd forgotten he was in the hotel room next to you. It doesn't make you any less upset that he overheard. 'Eavesdropping, were we?'23

Phoenix acts like he never heard that, and puts a hand out, onto your waist. 'I can do that stuff for you. The things that Mike won't do.'24

Now you're just nervous. You want to get away, and go back to Mike, and the safety of his loving embrace and arms and adorable stubbornness. You put your drink down, having decided that you no longer want it, and push Phoenix's hand away. You tell him, 'I love Mike.' Then you're making the walk back to the hotel room already.25

In the months that come, you'll wonder how things would've gone if you've accepted Phoenix's offer. Would anything really be that different?26

After the show the next night, Mike's feeling good and the buzzing energy he has is rebounding off him and into you. It's a fantastic energy. This night, it's going to be a good one, you know it.27

Mike confirms it when he shoves you into the hotel shower fully clothed and is mouthing desperately at your neck, kissing and licking as his hand reaches and slaps the shower on. You can tell he's been hard a while from the way he's absolutely gagging for it, fumbling and ripping at your clothes. 28

People don't realise how much strength Mike actually has, particularly when he's pumped full of adrenaline and lust. He's got enough that he's capable of fucking you against the shower wall like now, with your legs wrapped tightly around his waist and his mouth continually working at your neck between his moans.29

Mike's nothing like unfulfilling. You'd never say that. He's just never been fulfilling enough. You're not so much into the bondage side of play, but you like being hit. You like erotic asphyxiation and being handcuffed, and you especially love it if your partner's idea of "gentle sex", is your hair balled up in their fist whilst they fuck you in an alley or somewhere very, very similar.30

But Mike's so soft and gentle and loving, and this is the roughest he ever gets with you. You appreciate how sweet he is. You adore that he doesn't want to hit you. You love the way he sets a mood and makes it sensual.31

But you hate his unwillingness to experiment.32

And now, you're bored.33

You grab his hand that's already pressed on your chest and move it up around your throat and try to subtly apply pressure. You're close; sex is always good with Mike. But you just want something to make it mind-blowing. You want something that's going to leave an impression. Something to interest you again.34

He moves his hand away.35

'Please,' you whimper. 'Mike, please, just this once.'36

'No,' Mike hisses angrily. 'I am not going to do that for you. I don't care how much you want it. I'm not strangling you.' After that he moans and you remember Phoenix's offer. Something inside you snaps. You're sick of this. You're sick of Mike just using your ass your his pleasure and giving you practically nothing in return. You're absolutely sick of licking chocolate from chest; it's enough to ruin your love of the sweet for a lifetime.37

You push at Mike and yelp as you're separated from him and fall to the floor. He looks all shocked, still half-clothed and soaking wet and clearly interrupted.38

You strip the rest of your clothes and change into dry ones, and leave, slamming the hotel door behind you. You take five steps down the hall until you're outside Phoenix's door. You stare at it nervously for a few seconds. Then you knock.39

***40

NOW.41

'Answer me,' Phoenix presses the boot down harder on your head. Barely you manage to whisper to him, but he leans down, and says, 'I didn't hear that. What have I told you about speaking up?'42

'That I must always be clear and firm about what I want and what I say and that if I'm not, I'm stuck with being bored,' you gasp. 'I - I couldn't help myself! I w-was w-watching M-Mike like you told me to, and he was sat there and I couldn't stop myself, I needed to just ease off how desperate I was!'43

'Are you sorry, Chester?' The pressure on your head eases a little bit.44

'Yes,' you moan, pressing your face against the floor. 'I'm so sorry.' You were, in a way. You hated letting Phoenix down. You felt terrible for touching yourself. The instruction had been simple; get Mike to jerk himself off whilst you watch. Don't touch yourself. Only come when and because Mike's giving you a blow job.45

It was a difficult task. Ever since you'd first been with Phoenix, it was just your secret affair, but he managed to find ways to excite things with Mike, too. You did almost anything Phoenix asked of you. You'd never used the safeword. He knew exactly how much you wanted, how much you could take.46

He set you things to do with Mike, always things that he could hear - like when they had neighbouring rooms in a hotel. Sometimes, Phoenix asked for you to do things on the bus. You know Phoenix loves to listen, and if he can, watch.47

'I forgive you,' he mutters. You wriggle to see him walk away and you immediately panic. Thankfully, all he does is close the windows before he comes back. As he hoists you to your feet before slamming your head backwards into the wall again - making a hanging frame of some award about Linkin Park's first album shake - you realise, you would do anything he asks you.48

***49

THEN.50

Phoenix's hand caresses your back very, very briefly before you go onstage, and in your ear he whispers, 'It's a big show tonight. Do you know how Mike usually is after shows like this?'51

'He usually gets really tired,' you shrug, 'and then he goes to sleep really quickly.' Your heart beats a little faster. You hope that Phoenix is going to invite you to his room.52

'Well keep him awake tonight,' Phoenix commands. He acts so different with you, his voice is low and always thick and it really makes you wish he could take you right then and there. 'Comply to his every single wish, but make sure you have sex on the bed. Be loud. I want to listen to you when you come. Make sure he's asleep afterwards, then come see me.'53

You nod, and then you're rushed onstage by the security. The fans scream and the lights go up and you launch into the first song, but all you can think is about tonight; doing exactly what Phoenix wants. Then going to see him.
You don't recall it being part of the agreement when you first went to Phoenix's room that he could set you things to do. Maybe you're secretly submissive by nature, you suppose, though, because you're perfectly willing.54

So when, after the show, Mike kisses you apologetically on the cheek and hugs you, and says that he's sorry for all the fights you've been having over the past few weeks, and that tonight, 'I'd really love to just watch a movie with you tonight.'55

You nod comfortingly and kiss him on the lips, and you both politely ask to leave out meeting fans. Out the corner of your eye, you see Phoenix brushing off the opportunity too. He glances at you and smiles. It sends a shiver down your spine and your heart skips a beat. Right now, you want to run over to Phoenix and kiss him, but instead you kiss Mike and tell him, 'Can we skip the movie?' You slide a hand down his chest and it stops at his belt. 'I want you to take me to bed.'56

You love the look of happiness that appears on his face. You have to admit, you have been distant from him lately and you've missed him. Phoenix has been such a distraction. You feel bad, because you know Mike loves you so much and that's the only reason he refuses to do the kinky stuff with you. He hates the idea of hurting you.57

'Are you okay, Chester?' You're drawn back from your thoughts when Mike cups your chin and looks at you with a gorgeous concern in his eyes. You realise you're still stood in the hallway backstage and from the expression on Mike's face you've been lost in thought for some time. 58

'I'm fine,' you insist softly, kissing him with all the regret you feel for letting Phoenix get to you the way he has. You decide you're not going to go back to Phoenix tonight. You're going to stay with Mike all night, and be a proper boyfriend. Mike smiles at you, and takes your hand.59

'Come on, then,' he says. 'You want me to take you to bed. We can't stand here all night.' He starts to lead you out, and you manage to catch up with Joe. 'Hey. We're going to take a taxi back to the hotel. We don't feel much like partying tonight.'60

'Oh, alright. Phoenix just left too.'61

You try to ignore that as you remember that Phoenix is going to be listening whilst you're having sex with Mike. Rob pops out up out of nowhere, though, and is a very, very welcome distraction. 'Not partying? Sure. Maybe not in public, but there's a party in your pants!'62

Mike laughs and breaks away from you to grab Rob in a headlock and nookie him. The first thing you notice is that it's unlike Mike to do that sort of thing. The second thing you notice is the affectionate look he glances you whilst he's doing it. It strikes your heartstrings and tugs them and makes you feel absolutely awful. 'Shut up, Rob,' Mike declares.63

Mike knows you're feeling in an odd mood and is over-playing so that you don't get questioned about it and coerced into partying to make you feel better. 'Ngh! Gerroff, Shin,' Rob complains. You laugh, because you can't believe how drunk Rob is already. Mike shoves him away and returns to you, kissing you on the lips gently.64

'Time to leave,' he whispers, and Mike pulls at your belt line, brushing his fingers just above your crotch. He leans in as if to kiss you and instead kisses your neck below your jaw, one hand on your hip and the one that had been playing at your belt goes up your shirt and sends a shiver down your spine. 65

'Hey! No public canoodling!' Moment ruined, courtesy of Rob Bourdon. Good, really, because you were just about going to throw Mike onto the floor and have him right there. Rob bustles in the middle of them and wraps an arm around your waist. 'Not unless I'm involved,' he purrs.66

'Where's Brad? Why aren't you annoying him?' Mike rose an eyebrow at Rob and pushed him away. 'Get off my boyfriend.' The protective edge to his voice doesn't help your desire to fuck Mike right now. You wrap you arms around his neck and kiss him, pressing your body to him tightly. Rob gets the message at last and vanishes off, dragging Joe with him.67

'I love you,' you gasp before kissing him again. Mike wraps his arms around your lower back and is too busy kissing you back, so you break away just to hear him say it as you nip at his neck. His reply is 'I love you too', drenched in desire. Then he reluctantly pulls you away so that he can call a taxi, and you're both slowly making your way out to the front of the venue.68

A few fans attack you almost instantly, and one girl seems really curious about your relationship with Mike, unlike the other fans who seem to be pretending that Mike's arm isn't wrapped around your waist and that is hand isn't on your hip. 'How long have you and Mike been together?'69

'Nearly seven months now,' you answer.70

'It's funny, you know, me and my friend Cait have always been like, weird long-time fans of Bennoda - I'm sorry, is that really creepy?' She giggles nervously.71

'Not at all, I'm just worried that all the fans knew I loved him before I did,' is your reply, with the perfect genuine smile you've mastered. Mike's hand leaves your hip and you glance to the side to watch him as he steadies a fan's shaking hand to sign their copy of Collision Course.72

You do find it creepy, actually, although once upon a time you did read fanfiction - Bennoda stories were the fantasies you didn't have to imagine - back when you first fell in love with Mike and you were incredibly depressed that he apparantly didn't love you. Until Mike divorced Anna. Mike was as faithful as a labrador... which makes you feel even more guilty when you think about it for too long.73

'Aw, it was obvious, we knew you'd find each-other eventually.' The girl pats you on the shoulder.74

'What's this?' Mike returns, brushing aside some fans to continue being your adorable, faithful boyfriend. It bites you how perfect he is aside from his stubbornness, it really does, simply because you're not the perfect that for him, you would like to be.75

'She was... uh... what's your name?' You peer at the strange Bennoda fangirl and she supplies her name helpfully. 'Cindy here was just telling me how it was fate for us to be together.' You flash him a cheesy smile which earns you a long, slow kiss that you lean into. The taxi is taking its time, but the traffic around the venue is backed up because of all the people attempting to leave at once. Not that many people seem to have realised that both Linkin Park's singers are stood right there. You're kind of grateful for that; you just want to get back to the hotel with Mike.76

Mike turns his head to the girl and listens to what she's saying, but you're staring at Mike and wondering how in hell you ever cheated on him with Phoenix. 77

'That's true, there is a lot of stigma because of who we are and the fact we've chosen to be public about this. What do you think, Chester?'78

'Sorry, what?' You come out of your daze and kiss him quickly before he explains what Cindy was going on about. She looks a little hurt upon the realisation that you haven't been listening.79

'Cindy was just telling me that she thinks there's a lot of backlash and we've lost fans because of our relationship. I was asking what you thought.' Mike's smiling. God, his smile is so gentle. Why did you cheat on him? Stupid Chester...80

'I think that the true fans have looked past it, and it's the true fans that we want anyway, not the fans who will abandon listening to our music because of our sexuality.' Your answer pleases Cindy and she opens her mouth to talk, but you've spotted the taxi that's pulling up and you elbow Mike gently. 'I'm really sorry, Cindy, our cab is here. We have to go now.' You like this fan, though, so you tell her, 'Are you coming to any more shows soon?'81

'Yeah,' she beams. 'I'm coming to tomorrow night's show, too.'82

'Really?' Mike catches your drift. 'You're going to be really tired. Why don't you bring your friend Cait, and after the show, we'll talk to you out by the buses. That sound good?'83

'Really? Wow! That sounds fantastic! Thank you so much!' Whilst she's getting over her excitement, you wave to her, and drag Mike by the hand to the taxi. Fans realise you're actually here at that point and start yelling your names, but soon enough, you're in the back of a taxi and you can't stop yourself from kissing Mike up and down his neck and you can't resist stroking up his leg and dancing your hand over his crotch teasingly until he actually forces your hand to stay there, pressing his over your own.84

The driver is a woman, and she either hasn't noticed or doesn't care about the two rock stars in the backseat of her cab making out like a pair of horny teenagers.85

You love the way the steadily growing bulge in his jeans feels under your hand and the way he groans softly between kisses. The way his hips arch forward ever so slightly, and he pants softly, 'We should stop.'86

'Why?' You raise an eyebrow and kiss him again and he doesn't answer, just reaches and undoes the button of your pants and slides the zipper down, easing his hand into your boxers before he wraps his hand around your cock. You choke up. This was daring; there was groping in the back of a taxi, and there was a handjob in a back of a taxi. For very, very obvious reasons, one was more risky than the other.87

Something inside you breaks. Mike was trying to make things exciting. Mike was trying to make up for not wanting to hurt you.88

You shove your despairing guilt aside and cover your mouth with your free hand, letting your moans fall out muffled against it as Mike runs his hand up and down your length. Well, shit. This was very new, and the fact that Mike was doing this explicitly to make you happy, and the fact this was in the back of a taxi and the fact that you were going to come in your pants... It was lewd and dirty. And you loved it.89

You kiss Mike and manage, just about, to whisper how much you love him. Your other hand is still massaging his hard-on through the fabric of his jeans; even though you're distracted to the point of insanity, moaning quietly into his mouth, which he seems to enjoy. His hand movements get more and more erratic, and he clearly needs more attention than you're giving him, but at the moment you can't focus on anything but your own pleasure. 90

It almost surprises you when you come - hard into Mike's hand - because it's so good that it shocks the fuck out of you. You're shaking and moaning against Mike's lips for a good length of time after, and he wipes his hand on your boxers before doing up your jeans and hissing your name needfully.91

You do one better than Mike. You undo his pants, and push his boxers away, exposing him completely. The driver still hasn't noticed what you've both been doing. You glance ahead and see the convenient line of traffic. Maybe it wasn't just at the venue, you realise as a police car and an ambulance spin by. I hope Phoenix is okay, you think. You brush that thought aside and return your gaze to Mike, who is giving you an incredulous look and he whispers, 'What are you doing?' He looks desperate, and he wants you to do something. You almost laugh at the side, but the mess he had you in only seconds ago, you daren't. You know he's already close - you somehow managed that much whilst he was driving you insane.92

Glancing at the driver, you grin, and dip your head, loving the way that Mike's breath hitches and he presses a hand tightly over his mouth as you let out a slow, hot breath over the tip of your boyfriend's erection. You tease him like that for a few more breaths before finally wrapping your lips around him. He does his best not to start face-fucking you, but he can't help but buck forward a little. It was probably good you didn't have a weak gag reflex.93

He comes quickly - you had a feeling he would - and despite the bitter taste, you swallow. Hell, you'd hate to make a mess. Suddenly it's his turn to be shaking and whimpering softly whilst you pat him dry and tuck him back away.94

'Hey, what's going on back there?'95

Mike stutters and panics, flushed and unrecovered, but you're quicker. You wipe your mouth and sit up and declare, 'I dropped my wallet.'96

'Hm.' The driver gives you a suspicious glance. You're on the move now, the traffic finally beat, and you know that the hotel is just a few minutes from here. You cuddle up to Mike's side and he puts an arm around you, and the driver returns to doing her job - driving.97

Mike whispers to you, 'I can't believe you just did that.'98

'Did what?' You smirk at him. You lick your lips and kiss him. 'I hope your stamina is good tonight.' You're starting to get uncomfortable - you're warm and sticky, it's a pretty gross feeling - and you figure a shower together will help get Mike back up.99

'You're in a good mood,' he comments, kissing you back eagerly.100

'I've missed you. I've missed being with you. It's been difficult, not talking properly or anything. I'm sorry I had such a hissy fit about the kinky thing,' you reply, hugging him tightly. He shrugs and presses a kiss to the top of your head.101

'No, don't apologize. I should be the sorry one - I'm the one who was so stubborn about everything. I should've at least tried.' You blink at him, failing to understand what he means. Does he mean he wants to - 'But I still don't want to,' he adds hastily. 'I worry about hurting you. I'd father fight with you verbally than hit you and hurt you too badly.'102

'I know. You care too much, Michael Kenji Shinoda. I want you to do those things.' You realise you're going to fight with him again if you keep going on, so you just kiss him again and say, 'Who's paying for the taxi?'103

When you both finally make it to the hotel room, you're shedding your clothes pretty desperately and within seconds you're climbing into the shower. Mike joins you, and you take your sweet time getting clean between kissing him. Your back is pressed against the shower wall, and Mike is pressed equally close to you. He's re-directed the shower head so you don't get cold, and plus the water running over both of you is oddly erotic.104

This is nice; this is far better than when you usually have sex in the shower. You already made it clear you didn't actually want to get fucked in the shower - you're bored of it, at this point. You're just kissing, recovering from the breathless exhilaration of your acts in the car. 105

'Bed,' you eventually tell him, so softly that you barely think he'd hear, but he's close enough, and he pulls away to flick off the water and you step out with him, picking up the fluffy hotel towel and you slowly dry each-other off. You can't remember the last time you were this sensual with him; usually you either argue and then have make-up sex or it's almost hurried. 106

Mike tucks a towel around your waist and then his own, and you lean on the door frame to the bathroom and watch him as he pulls back the sheets of the double bed; he organises the pillows neatly, and makes sure the lower blanket of the sheets is still flat out on the bed. He tucks it under the pillows, then he turns and he gestures to you. You wander over, and he kisses you, and pushes your towel away, then his own. You clamber onto the bed first, sort of in a kneeling position, and he joins you, kissing you and trailing feather-light touches all over your body until you feel weak.107

The only thing that could make this moment better would be if there were scented candles. But the only lights on in the room are the bedside lamps, and that's good enough for you.108

You barely remember moving to lie down, or when or how Mike managed to get some lubricant and apply it before pulling the covers up around you both, or when you parted your legs to let Mike sit between them. Mike kisses you yet again - everything tonight is about the kisses - and you're so lost in to it that you're shocked into a loud moan when he first pushes into you.109

It's amazing. It isn't sex. It is, in all its cheesy glory, it's making love. He kisses you, your forehead, your neck, between soft moans and words about how much he loves you and how brilliant you are. He nips at your neck occasionally, just grazing the skin softly with his teeth.110

When you come, it's together, which you're pretty sure hasn't happened before. Mike cleans you both up, and then you're cuddled up tightly in his arms, and you're both so tired that there's no time for pillow talk before you fall asleep with your head on his chest.111

You can't have been asleep an hour when you wake up because there's a loud banging on the wall adjoining to the next room. You're incredibly annoyed that it's spoiling your sleep and the mood you've created with Mike - the one you simply want to last forever - and you sit up to yell at them to shut the fuck up.112

But then you hear something else. A very loud outcry. A very loud male outcry. Then another. Another, then an aroused, half-moan, half-shout of, 'Phoenix!'113

Your blood runs cold. You'd completely forgotten that Phoenix was next door. You listen hard, and you begin to hear Phoenix's answering moans.114

'Brad...'115

He was fucking Brad. You choke. You stand up and pull on your jeans, and pace the room, trying to think about how much you love Mike and push the sudden jealousy to the back of your mind.116

Mike is out cold on the bed. He looks gorgeous, peaceful.117

You decide not to disturb him. Despite everything that's happened and your secret promise to yourself not to go near Phoenix, you pick up a shirt and pull it on, and you tiptoe out of the room, closing the door softly behind you, not forgetting to pick up the keys to the room as you go. To your surprise, the door to Phoenix's room is slightly open, so you peek through the door.118

Brad's clutching the headboard, knelt up on his knees, moaning like a whore. He's got bruises rising on his back, and your eyes travel down to see blood around Phoenix's fingernails where he's holding on and digging into Brad's hips. Phoenix who is now fucking Brad so hard that you think that Brad's skinny body might break. The way the headboard slams against the wall only adds to how disconcerting the image is. Phoenix thrusts in hard. Brad cuts off his own scream by biting his lip so hard that you see the blood, and Phoenix leans down and bites down on Brad's shoulder. If it hadn't been for your personal experience, you would've thought that Phoenix was raping Brad.119

Phoenix isn't totally selfish. He reaches a hand around, and starts jerking Brad off in time with his thrusts. In the back of your mind, you're completely freaked out. You've done this with Phoenix, the first night that you were with Phoenix he gagged you and fucked you so hard that you bled. And not to mention, he choked you. You told him to do whatever he liked so long as he didn't bruise you.120

You're completely worried by the fact you're watching and not curled up next to Mike like you should be.121

You're even more worried that when Phoenix comes with a shout, and Brad has his own orgasm shortly after, that you've gotten hard.122

There's not much post-sex cuddling. There's a cigarette - you didn't even know that Brad smoked! - and a bit of groping before Brad gets dressed. He smiles at Phoenix, then heads for the door. And you realise, you're trapped. You're in for it. You're discovered.123

The door is flung completely open, and Brad beams at you. 'You're so in the shit.' He grabs your chin and kisses you before stalking off down the corridor. You're amazed he can even walk after the way Phoenix just hammered him (quite literally).124

'Come in, Chester,' Phoenix calls, still naked, the sheets up over his hips. You cautiously step forward and close the door fully behind you. 'I saw you watching.'125

'I'm sorry,' you stutter, hugging yourself fearfully. You don't even know why you're afraid, really. Phoenix wouldn't hurt you. Would he? 'I - I - '126

'You didn't do what I said tonight, Chester. I'm really disappointed in you. That's why I had to call Brad. I was so hard, and so ready to fuck you.' He really does sound disappointed, and it really hurts for some reason. 'Sit down.' Phoenix gestures at the edge of the bed and you obey instantly. 'So I had to fuck Brad instead. But I've had him so often before, Chester, and I was really looking forward to you tonight. I wanted that gorgeous mouth of yours sucking me off.'127

What he says is so appealing that it almost kills you. He reaches out and rubs his hand up the top of your thigh. You don't dare to talk. 'I really hope you understand how disappointed I am. Are you going to make it up to me, Chester?'128

You nod wordlessly. He continues. 'You're going to let me fuck you right now, aren't you, Chester?'129

You nod again. You're so hard it hurts. What the fuck is wrong with you? Everything is so perfect with Mike, but you can't bring yourself to turn Phoenix away. You can't bring yourself to just stop. You want Phoenix to fuck you the way he was fucking Brad.130

'Did you like watching me?' You nod again. 'Brad's very good. He takes it so well.' Another nod. 'Did you like it when he kissed you? You loved it because it was so unexpected... I bet you'd love for him to use those lips on your cock.'131

Phoenix hasn't talked this much to you before; he didn't really appear to be into dirty talk. But apparantly he is, and you're really, really liking it. You choke up and nod again. 'I bet you'd love him to suck you off while I fucked you.'132

Oh dear sweet god. That idea is so good, and it's killing you to think of Mike. 'Take your clothes off, Chester, then come here,' he pats his lap.133

You comply immediately, standing and shedding them onto the floor before straddling Phoenix's lap. 'Dirty whore,' Phoenix sneers. 'Look at you. Look at how hard you are.' He slaps you across the face. It stings and you recoil. 'Filthy fucking whore. You've just had some of the most amazing sex in a long time with your boyfriend and you still come here and watch me fuck Brad, then you're hard thinking about him. Brad's got such a good ass that you never noticed before and he's a good kisser and you wish that he would screw you or suck you off. But right now it's my cock you want. You want me to choke you. You want me to dig my nails into your hips and make you bite your lip so hard that it bleeds. You wished whilst you were watching that you were Brad.' 134

He looks like he's going to kiss you, but instead he kisses your neck, then says in a soft, sultry voice, 'But I can't mark you, Chester, can I? Poor Mike, if I mark you, he'll find out what you've been doing behind his back whilst pretending to be as perfect as he is.'135

You whimper, distraught. You want everything he's just described and you know he's right and that he can't mark you or your relationship with Mike is over. You try to distract yourself from his hands running over your ass and ask, 'Are you and Brad...'136

'No, god no. He's got Rob trailing at his heels all the time, that keeps him entertained.'137

'Rob and Brad are - '138

'Occasional fuck-buddies when Brad's feeling friendly enough. Rob is hopelessly in love with him though.'139

'I...' You don't understand how on earth this has gotten so complicated. 'Who's Joe fucking?' You comment scornfully.140

'Mike, of course.'141

You feel sick. 'What?'142

'Well, he wishes. Mike really is the perfect boyfriend, you know.' Phoenix smirks. You want to hit him but you know it's far from your place.143

Instead, he hits you and repeats, 'You're such a fucking dirty, disgusting whore.' He grabs your ass and squeezes tightly. 'I don't understand how you fuck so many people and still keep so tight.'144

'I - two! Two people!' You protest, hurt by the accusation. 'You and Mike! That's it in the past few weeks!'145

'It'll be Brad soon, too,' Phoenix reminds you. 'Now. Do you want to get fucked?'146

'I - I - yes,' you admit shamefully. He hits you again, then grips your cock so tightly that it hurts. You whimper, half in pain and half from the pleasure. Phoenix shoves you down on your back, then sits away. You stare at him in confusion. 'Well go on, then. Hands on the headboard.' He rolls his eyes at you, and then you understand. You put your hands on the headboard and sit on your knees, the same way Brad was.147

A sharp sting suddenly runs through your body and it takes you a moment to realise that Phoenix spanked you. You let out a low gasp. 'Do you like that?' Phoenix murrs. You whimper in response and he smacks you again. This time, it makes you moan. He continues to hit you, over and over in the same place until you're reduced to a shivering wreck. 'You're so nasty...'148

He's clearly had enough of the spanking, because abruptly, he's trailing his tongue from the base of your spine right up your body to the top. 'You taste gorgeous...'149

'Ohfuck!' You slip and fall against the headboard, whimpering, and whilst you're getting over the feel of his tongue going up your spine, you can hear him rustling around. You hope he's getting the lube and the condom; you know he's not cruel enough to do it without lube unless you specifically ask for it.150

You were right. He was getting prepared. You steady yourself on the headboard, and when you can feel him pressing against you, teasing you, you decide to take control. Just slightly. You push your hips backwards sharply and moan. He spanks the other cheek and growls something that you're too drunk on the pleasure to hear. Then he really is fucking you the way he did Brad.151

You're so glad that Mike's a heavy sleeper because between every one of your moans, every growl of your name from Phoenix, and the way the headboard really is smacking against the wall, generally you're not being very discreet about this affair.152

Phoenix just keeps talking dirty but you can't hear any of it at all. You're lost in the way it feels when Phoenix slams in and his hips hit against you.153

It feels over too quick. Phoenix comes with a dark, low growl, and you come not long after with a long sobbing moan. You collapse down on the bed and Phoenix moves away. You want to sleep, ugh, so badly you want to sleep. He slaps you on the ass - again! - and tells you, 'Wake up, whore. You better get back to your perfect boyfriend and pretend that you've been there all night.'154

You bite your lip and stand up, sore all over. You manage to pull your jeans on, and your shirt, then you turn to watch Phoenix, who's now just laid out on the bed, his boxers on. 'Well go,' he waves goodbye at you.155

No kiss, then. Why aren't you surprised? You want him to kiss you, you really do. 'Okay,' you say softly, almost sadly for a reason you can't understand why. You turn, and you go, creeping back into the room. Mike is still fast asleep on the bed, although he looks like he's frowning and that bothers you so much. You strip off again and climb into bed, curling up into Mike's arms.156

A small smile curls on his face as if he knows that you've been gone, and he unconsciously kisses your temple. You sob and hug him tightly. 'I'm so sorry, Mike,' you continue to cry. 'I'm so-fucking-sorry.'157

***158

NOW.159

You go home to Mike that night and he's made you a wonderful chicken salad for dinner. As he's putting it out on the table of your shared flat with him, he asks, somewhat sour-sounding, 'Did you have fun at Dave's?'160

'Yeah, I wrote some lyrics and we had a laugh playing Halo. Stop sounding so jealous, Mike. I'm not cheating on you.' Liar.161

'After Brad, I'm not sure if I can believe that.'162

'That was a year ago, Mike!' You glare at him in stereotypical disbelief. You're a cheater and a liar, and you know this, but what can you do but pretend? Brad wasn't supposed to happen, though. 163

You kiss Mike softly on the lips and tell him, 'Let's not fight. I love you.' You sit down at the table and start eating the salad he's prepared.164

Mike sits opposite you. 'I love you too. I'm sorry, you know. It's just hard to get over what you did with him.'165

'I know. But it was one time. And a massive mistake.'166

Mistake my ass.167

***168

THEN.169

When you wake up, rub your eyes and slowly heave yourself into the sitting position, the first thing you hear is, 'Are you okay, baby?'170

You can't remember the last time anyone called you baby. You don't think Mike ever has until now. You don't understand why he's using the term, actually. You stare at Mike. 'I'm fine.'171

'You have tear stains on your face,' Mike points out softly. He's leant against the door frame of the bathroom, a t-shirt in his hand and his bare chest looking quite appealing. You ignore it. For once, you're not going to get guided by your goddamn cock. 'I woke up last night and you were crying in your sleep.'172

'I had nightmares, that's all,' you murmur. 'I'm sorry if I worried you.' Ah. Now you remember. Stumbling in after sex with Phoenix - after watching Phoenix having sex with Brad, of course - and feeling so terribly guilty and crying yourself to sleep next to Mike.173

'It's okay.' Mike approaches you and kisses you before sitting on the bed beside you. 'I thought it might be bad dreams. Are you hungry? I got you some fresh clothes from the bus and we're leaving in an hour. Plenty of time to get some decent food before we're confined to the bus until tonight.'174

'No, I'm good. When did the guys come in last night?'175

'Well, Phoenix came back before us, remember. Brad, I haven't seen him this morning so I have absolutely no idea when he got in - but probably pretty late if he's not up yet.' There's a thud from next door and you sourly realise that Brad's already up, but say nothing. 'Rob looked like hell, and Joe told me they both got in around four am when Joe was physically forced to drag Rob away from the party.'176

You remember what Phoenix said about Rob and Brad last night, and then what Phoenix said about Joe. You can't help but broach the subject. 'Has Joe ever... propositioned you?'177

Mike's face falls. 'Please don't be angry.'178

Your automatic reaction is, 'Oh, my god.'179

'No! I haven't slept with him! But don't be angry with him, he tried to kiss me. How did you find out?'180

'Phoenix let slip when I was talking to him last night before the show,' you shrug. Since when did you become such a casual liar? 'I forgot all about it until now.' At his dubious expression, you insist, 'Really. I did.' You throw the covers off and climb out of the bed, past Mike to look at the clothes he's put out for you. You're reminded again by this how perfect Mike is, and you feel horrible. 'Go downstairs and meet up with the other guys, yeah? I'm gonna take a long shower.'181

'Are you sure you don't want me to wait for you?'182

'I'm sure,' you insist, kissing Mike softly and smiling at him, waving at him as he leaves. You get in the shower, and take a long time about it before climbing back out, intending to pull your clothes on and confront Phoenix about how you really couldn't do that again with him.183

To your shock, Brad is sat on the edge of the bed. You immediately grab a towel and cover yourself up. 'What the hell are you doing in here?'184

'Mike didn't shut the door properly,' he replies chirpily, one hand petting his curls. There's an awkward silent moment, then Brad says seductively, 'Phoenix told me what you want me to do to you.'185

'Haven't you like only just finished having sex with him?'186

'Yeah. That's what got us going in the first place.' There's a strange twinkle in his eye that really bothers you. 'He was telling me how dirty you are.' Dirty. That seems to be cropping up a lot lately. 'He was telling me how you wanted him to do you like he did me. Then he was telling me all about your little fantasy after watching us.'187

'It wasn't a fantasy,' you protest, affronted. 'He just said stuff. And...'188

'And it completely turned you on.' He grins at you.189

'Yeah,' you admit. 'It did. But that doesn't mean it was my fantasy.'190

'Are you sure about that?' Brad gets to his feet and approaches you, and kisses you, and despite every shouting will to push him away, you kiss back and melt into his arms. Brad pulls away with a satisfied smirk. 'You love the way I kiss, don't you? Phoenix told me where else it is that you want my lips...' He starts to stroke at your crotch through the towel, and you finally find the strength to shove him away. He pouts at you. 'What's wrong?'191

'I love Mike,' you protest in a panicked voice. 'I don't want to screw around behind his back anymore. I - I can't do this. Get out, Brad.'192

'But you want to,' and he sounds so convincing that you almost give in.193

But you don't. You shove him in the chest and repeat, 'Get out.' You push him out the hotel room and shut the door. You dress, fast because you're panicking, and then you go straight to Phoenix's room after around ten minutes (when you're sure that Brad is gone). You bash on the door repeatedly, and Phoenix takes his sweet time answering.194

He smiles at you and says, 'Good morning, lover.'195

'Shut the fuck up!' You push past him, into the room. He closes the door behind you. 'I can't do this with you anymore! I just can't. I love Mike, and you getting Brad to hit on me too? What the fuck - '196

'You're fucking hot when you're pissed off at me,' Phoenix interrupts, clearly unfazed.197

You stare blankly at him.198

He crashes into you, shoving you against the wall, pulling what there is of your hair and smothering your neck with bites and he steps back to undo his pants, then undoes yours and forces your pants down and he looks at you with a very irritated "do I have to do all the work" expression.199

You're completely frozen in utter shock, but come back to some kind of reality long enough to lift one foot away from your pants. Apparently that's good enough for Phoenix, who spits unceremoniously in his hand before slathering it over his erection.200

Here's where one of your issues with this comes in. You really fucking hate how quickly Phoenix recovers. Really, he was was, ten, fifteen minutes ago, having sex with Brad?201

Suddenly he's got you up against the wall, and it feels really awkward but when he starts fucking you, all your issues with this position vanish and you realise how strong Phoenix is. Stronger than Mike, because unlike when you have sex in the shower with Mike, against the shower wall, sometimes you think that Mike's thrusts are a bit pathetic. But Phoenix. He's different; every single arch of his hip hits in hard and you're moaning in a similar manner to a porn star.202

You shake a little when you start getting dangerously close to orgasm; and that's when Phoenix's hand closes over your throat and presses down. He eases off his thrusting until your shakes are gone, and when you start to gesture that you are now out of breath, Phoenix starts to fuck you harder than before, which from this position against the wall you didn't think was possible.203

You're close to passing out when you manage to orgasm; Phoenix releases your throat and after a few guttural groans and moans about how tight you are, he shudders and makes a final few thrusts before reaching his own release, sliding to the floor and dragging you with him, riding it out in a few last passionate arches of his hips. You gasp and moan and collapse on his shoulder.204

This feels different. Phoenix is running his hands up and down your back, and you've draped your arms around his neck. You decide you kind of like this different. It doesn't feel as dirty as before.205

Well, until Phoenix returned to normal. 'Cuddling time over. Let's go find your boyfriend before he finds you.' He still won't kiss you even when you're both standing up and you're blushing as you pull up your pants. 'Wait till I tell Brad that you let me fuck you, huh? He'll sure be pleased that you turned him away despite your giant hard on for him, but didn't turn me away.'206

'I do not have a hard on for Brad,' you sulk, trying to re-arrange yourself so that you don't feel as filthy as you are. What was with you and having sex with nearly everyone that offered?207

You both go downstairs, and you try to look pleased to see Mike but you just want to cry and confess everything you've done. You do kiss him with all the apologetic passion that you will never speak, though.208

Phoenix is straight over to Brad, who looks furious when you next glance at him. Phoenix is smirking and whipsering something in Brad's ear, and you get a chill down your spin when Brad smiles wickedly at you. You just wrap yourself close to Mike and convince yourself that it was absolutely the last time.209

Leon, one of the bus drivers, sticks his head in. 'Yo, we're ready to go,' he grunts, then walks back out. 210

You sigh deeply. The buses are split on this tour and you're no longer happy with that arrangement. The bus you're in consists of you, Mike and Brad, and a bus driver. The other bus is obviously Phoenix, Joe and Rob, and there's a third and fourth with the tour staff in. You think this was Mike's idea, to have the split buses like this, "more privacy". You hate the idea now, because at some point you'll be alone with Brad.211

You settle into the bus quickly, on your shared bunk, pulling Mike close and asking him not to leave you. He complies but not for long; he wants to do some writing and have a coffee. You know this means he'll be gone a while, so you desperately cling to his chest. Brad is lurking elsewhere on the bus. Waiting for his chance to pounce, you think. 212

'I wanna write a song about you though, Chaz,' Mike protests. You know this isn't true, it means "just gerroff for a while, Chester", in the nicest possible way. You let got reluctantly and he swings out the bunk. 'I'll be back soon, 'kay?' He smiles and wanders off down the bus.213

You curl up, biting your nails.214

As you predicted, Brad shows up, but just climbs into his bunk and closes the divide. This is worrying rather than relieving, but you roll onto your back and close your own divide and pretend he's not there.215

Sadly, he decides to make it difficult. Your ears are alerted to a low sigh, and then you hear Brad whimper, 'Chester...' You try to ignore it. He does it again, slightly more frantic.216

'You're trying to taunt me into it, Brad, it isn't working,' you hiss at him, scrunching your fists up so that you don't slide a hand down your jeans. You can control your cock. You can.217

'I want to suck you off, Chester, I wanna swallow all of it,' he moans.218

'Who the fuck taught you to talk like that?' You snap, taken aback by his tone.219

'Phoenix did,' he's groaning, and it's painfully obvious by now that he's jerking off. 'But you can shut me up, if you like... you just have to tell me...'220

'Stop it, Brad, please stop it,' you whimper, mostly because you can feel your resolve fading and know that you either right now have the chance to get a blowjob from a very fucking attractive guitarist, maybe even full-on sex, or you have to stick with your very loving but very boring boyfriend. The desire to be faithful for once is strong, but the image of Brad... Don't think that. If you think too much about that then you're going to give in. Would it kill you not to do this for once? Phoenix is right. You really are a whore.221

'Don't you want to make me come, Chester? I guess you really don't want me to give you the blowjob of a lifetime...'222

'Oh fuck yes.' The words are out before you've really thought them out, and you're out of your bunk and climbing into Brad's, kissing him hard and replacing his hand with yours, absolutely loving the way the guitarist takes in a deep breath and is actually surprised by your decision. It's awkward because of the lack of space, but you manage to wind up underneath Brad and he's crouched around your hips, your shirt riding up and he tongues at your stomach, licking his way downwards, undoing your pants and pulling them away with your boxers. 223

Brad stops and his eyes meet yours, and he grins teasingly at you whilst you're busy writhing and complaining that Brad needed to get a move on. So naturally, Brad props himself on his elbows and just smiles lazily at you, and comments, 'I could sit here all day.'224

'You fucker,' you snarl, tangling a hand in his curls and pulling tightly. 'If you're not going to suck my dick then just fucking fuck me!' You're completely bewildered by how much you want Brad to just touch you, and that it didn't matter how. At this point he could ask for you to call him "daddy" and you'd do it with complete enthusiasm. 225

Brad kisses you at that, messy and rough and then he bites down on your neck so hard that you're sure it's going to leave a mark - but you'll just brush it off and joke that Brad attacked you. In a way he did.226

You drag him away from your neck and repeat your demand to him. Brad examines your face for several moments that seem to drag on forever. Finally, he kisses you, then tells you, 'I can blow you another time.'227

The prospect of this happening again is fairly exciting; for you, at the moment, Brad feels like the perfect combination between Mike and Phoenix. A medium between crazy wonderful and crazy fucking loopy. You push his pants down just low enough and kick your own off. Brad reaches up to the netting in the roof of the bunk; he retrieves a tube of lubricant, squeezes a just-less-than-generous load into his hand and you distract yourself from the stuff that Brad smears over both you and him by biting down on Brad's shoulder. He pushes into you slowly, then he pulls out and immediately sets a steady pace between kissing and biting your neck. 228

You think it's a little boring, at first, but then he starts doing you hard and you're moaning like some kind of pornstar. In your ears, it sounds completely fake, but your heart and head knows it's real because Brad's thrusts keep pushing against your prostate and you lewdly dare to wrap your legs around his waist, drawing him in deeper. 229

It doesn't take all that long before you're crying out how close you are, and it sends you almost over the edge when Brad grunts and pushes into you a final time before he comes. You gasp, you cry out, you arch up against him and he uses his hand to drive you over the edge.230

Only you never make it and you never come because the divide is drawn back and Mike is staring at you incredulously. 'Oh shit,' you gasp. Mike's eyes are wide, and horrified, and hurt. You feel frozen in place with Brad there - Brad's hand wrapped around your cock and he's still inside you and your legs are still wrapped around his waist.231

And in this situation, it's very, very difficult to say that it isn't what it is looks like, because it most certainly is. Brad sort of stares between you and Mike. Mike finds his voice and says weakly, 'Oh, shit, indeed.'232