All I could focus on was Fenton’s bald head. A cruel joke that stripped away what was left of his dignity; his silky brown mullet.1
Watching in stunned silence, the guard attached the electrodes to his newly shaved scalp. I knew it was necessary so they would make direct contact with his skull; but it left him looking naked and vulnerable.2
A wave of nausea rolled over me and I covered my mouth, gagging. Swallowing hard, I kept it down; not wanting Fenton to see. The knot in the pit of my stomach paled in comparison to the pain and anguish my broken heart felt. My knees went weak as I slipped into my chair feeling faint. Breathing slowly and deeply, I watched my brother, as he starred blankly through the thin Plexiglas window that separated us. 3
Glancing at the clock on the wall, it read 11:50 p.m. Harsh reality gripped me and I couldn’t contain myself. I jumped up crying and screamed, “He’s innocent! He’s innocent! Please don’t…”4
Fenton watched solemnly as I broke down in hysterics; the sense of loss crushing my very soul.5
He strained against the leather straps that held his legs and arms to the chair, as tears began to flow from his empty brown eyes. The guard put a leather strip into Fenton’s mouth as another began squeezing water onto his head with a sponge.6
As they slid the black hood over his head, I threw myself against the window, pounding my fists at the guards about to seal his fate. Frantically I looked from Fenton, to the clock, panic-stricken. 7
A guard rushed me, trying to pull me away from the window as I watched Fenton’s soaked body shaking uncontrollably. ‘Four minutes until….’8
Just then, a guard burst into the observation room, and shouted over my incoherent sobbing, “The judge granted a stay of execution! He’s allowing the DNA evidence!”9
Everyone in the room turned in disbelief. “What did you say?” I questioned, not believing my ears.10
“The judge is allowing the new DNA evidence. Fenton has been granted a new trial,” the guard repeated.11
In shock, I turned to look at Fenton and the guards had already removed the hood and were taking off the electrodes from his head.12
I was again overcome with emotion and began to laugh and cry at the same time. Falling on my knees, I thanked the good Lord above for finally answering my prayer of twenty years. Relief, shock, and paralysis numbed my body as I gazed through the window that separated life and death.13
I saw Fenton crying too. Placing my hand on the glass, I mouthed the words, “I love you. We did it!”14
Fenton broke down as tears streaked his face, nodding his head in reply.15
Although we were unable to hear each other, our hearts spoke volumes through the thick Plexiglas window.16
As I watched the guards continue to undo the buckles on the leather straps, my mind drifted; thinking about the last twenty years Fenton had spent on death row. How our family had suffered as we fought desperately to have his conviction overturned.17
With a sense of elation, I lifted my eyes to the heavens and thanked the good lord above for answering my prayer.18
We knew in our hearts that Fenton wasn’t the only man with that prostitute on that horrific night, twenty years ago and allowing this new DNA evidence we'd surely prove it.19
Fenton's emotionally battered body slumped lifelessly in the chair as the guards worked quickly freeing him from his binds.20
He would make his final walk. Not to his end, but to a new beginning.21
22
Author notes
This story is set in 1965 Kentucky
A contest entry
- Four Minute Warning! by Springs.
410 points, ended November 21, 2008, 9 entries
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What do you think?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Very nice! The description is great and the emotions are so real. Nicely done. Thanks for entering!
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Alright, let's get brutal.
To start, I'm fairly confident that in the state of Kentucky, as well as most other states, only the Governor reserves the right to stay execution in a criminal case, not the judge. Besides, if it had been 20 years since the initial conviction, the judge presiding over that case would most likely be dead or retired. I'm no law scholar, but I also believe that once convicted and sentenced, a case is closed and with the advent of DNA evidence, a case would have to go through a process of being reopened or an appeal of some kind would be set. I don't know. Point is, I recommend doing some research anytime you wanna write a period piece or something that has to do with the justice system.
Other fact checks:
-Only about 4 people have been executed in Kentucky since 1953 and I don't believe any of them were in the 60's.
-DNA evidence was first used in court in 1987.
Now for the meat and potatoes:
This story is too short. It comes off as very rushed and the emotions related appear stock and difficult to empathize with on anything more than a superficial "this is a good episode of CSI" level. I want you to make me feel the main character's pain. I want to feel like I should be fighting to prove this guy's innocence. I'm feeling like a passive observer watching this on TV when I read it.
There is no ending. At some point the story stops being a narrative and seems to become a Popular Science editorial piece about the advancements of DNA technology and your feelings about the death penalty. It's like the character stopped talking and the author stepped in to give us a quick summary and a science lesson. These same ideas could be expressed through the eyes of your character without breaking the narrative style.
At any rate, I really appreciate someone attempting a period piece. It's very rare these days for people to step outside of their own time and what they know. I say keep it up. Just remember to do your research. I also have a soft spot for stories of the South, so I give you some props for that too. -
as I gazed through the window that separated life and death.13 (this is the second time in only a few stanzas that you have used this phrase, you could consider changing it, unless the repetition is designed to create some sort of rhythm??)
Okay, powerful stuff, I still cannot believe a nation as pseudo-advanced as America still allows felons to be executed. It is like teaching your children not to fight by kicking the crack out of them…bizarre and sick that it puts itself forward as the police of the world, and morally superior to all non-western nations…
I like the tension that you have created here, and the line about the shaving of the head making his brother appear vulnerable…
Do instances like this occur on the real death row? I mean, can an individual be saved in the final moments??? Also, do people really go to watch their loved ones being executed still?? That begs more belief than the institution itself…
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You're right *blushes I'll edit that phrase. Thank you for pointing that out. This story is set in 1965 Kentucky and yes people were invited to watch and they did shave the head of the prisoner and soak the pads to make sure contact was quick and lethal. *rolls eyes. I'm not sure what the legislation now is for death row inmates as I am a Canuck and we do not have the death penalty in our country. I do believe there are still many states with that law however. Thank you very much for your comments.
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Good job hooking your reader from the beginning. It was interesting, captivating, and intriguing, and hopefully it worked out in this case.
All the best,
xoxox.
Kevan. -
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Thank you for commenting. I actually saw portrait at the art gallery that inspired me to write this.
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wow, This is awesome. you piqued my interest from the begininng, and held me cativated throughout. Great write!
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Thank you kindly.
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