A Fool For Believing

I look up at the night sky and see the thousands of stars staring back at me. I think of you……and I fall apart. Why do my insides burn for you? What have you done that’s been so great for me? Damn it! Why don’t I know these things!? Every night I look up, and every night, still, I think of you. And my world comes crashing down again and again and again. A never-ending cycle of pain and heartbreak and torture.1

I loved you. I loved you like no one before. You were my First Love. And you just had to go and kill that didn’t you? I dream of you at night, and I wake up in tears. Every inch of me aches when you’re in my head, which is every other second of the day by the way. I don’t think you quite understand the magnitude of this situation. I really don’t think you do.2

What kind of person does that? I’m sure there were other ways of breaking the news to me than through a spontaneous text message. That’s just really low. I thought you loved me too. So shouldn’t you at least have the decency to call me or tell me in person? I guess not. I guess you didn’t really love me. I guess I just wasted all my time and energy on you for no apparent reason. I guess I’m just a fool for believing that you and I could ever be together.3

I also guess you’re just a jerk for the way you treat me. You never talk to me anymore. You don’t acknowledge my presence anymore. You look right through me when we pass in the halls. And it hurts. My heart shrieks each time it happens. And I hate myself for that. Because seeing you is a constant reminder that I pretty much set myself up for failure. 4

We had something, or so I thought, and it just came crashing down into the landscape around me. How depressing. How morbid. How tragic. How so totally my life since as far back as I could possibly remember. But why should this time be any different? Why should you magically fall in love with me and love freely? Never in my life has it ever been that close. And to just have it all slip away is a pretty cruel joke. But that’s my life. It didn’t change. And yet I still didn’t see it coming.