I'm Not Asking for Much, Just For You to Listen - Chapter 3

Chapter 3
New me, new face1

2

I want to float away. I want to disappear. I can’t help but feel this big hole inside of me. As the days go by the hole gets bigger and bigger, and I lose more of myself. 3

I wonder if he thinks about it. I wonder if he thinks about what he did. I do, I do all the time. But maybe I think about it because what he did, he did to me. And it hurts because he acts like he doesn’t remember. Like the time last time I saw him, it was as though I was speaking another language.
And now. He’s out there living his life while I’ve stop living mine.4

5

I sat there and listened to the noise of cars passing, accompanied by Tanners choice of words.
“We should go.” He suggested. I glanced up at him as I lit my cigarette. I shifted myself on the park bench. My butt was starting to go numb.
“I can’t” I said. He eyed me as I hunched over.
“What?” I said annoyed. He was staring at me.
“Nothing...” He said.
“Well, why not?” I stared at him.
“My mother. She worries a lot.” I let the smoke come out from my mouth. Tanner grabs the cigarette from my hand.
“Why are you smoking?” He places the cigarette by his lips sucking in, and letting all the smoke exit his nose.
“Well, you’re a good role model.” I say smiling.
“It’s cool though.” He states giving me back the cigarette.
“Yeah. I wish I could go. It sounds like it would be fun.” Now he smiles.
“Dude, you’re gonna miss out on a lot of sh!t tonight.” He exclaims.
I nod, “I no, I no.”
“The drinks, the fun, and oh we cannot forget the girls. The lovely, lovely girls.” I laugh. The girls sound fun. For the past two months the girls have been fun.
“As long as you have fun I think I’ll be fine.” He grins.
“Aw. How sweet of you to let me have all the fun.” He said placing his hand on his chest. I get up throwing the cigarette on the ground, stepping on it.
“I’m going.” I say and start walking. He stands there.
“Wow, wait up.” He yells.
“Where are you going?” He questions. I turn my face to look at him.
“Home.” I start walking again as I leave him behind.
“How? By walking?” He catches up to me again.
“Walking? You kidding? You’re driving me home. Now come on, I don’t have that much time. My Mom will be home any second.” I say, and we walk back to his car.6

When I get home my Mom is already there. She’s sitting at the kitchen table. Thinking about what she wants to say to me.
“You’re late.” She states. Her voice aggravated, tense.
“I know, sorry. I was with Tanner. We just got a bite and talked for a while. I guess we talked for a little too long.” I said smiling. I stand there for a while and she doesn’t say anything. The air cool and silent.
“Well, I’m gonna go to bed.” She continues her silence and I leave. When my door closes I lean against it, thinking. Thinking like how my Mother thinks. Thinking about how I have to stop making her worry so much, and then I wonder. I take off my jacket and throw it on the floor. I lie down on my bed. I shouldn’t put strain on my brain. I think that’s the reasoning for me being so stressed all the time 7

The buzzing sound is so loud that I fall from my bed. I sit up, and rub my head. I hit the alarm and brace myself up. Today is Monday. Boo. I wish I had a day off because I need some more sleep. 8

The yellow bus comes and the little boy gets on. The end. Well, not entirely. Tanner gets on and sits with me. When I see his face, I just feel bad. He looks horrible. I don’t think I never seen him look so tired before. And that’s exactly what I tell him. “Oh, thanks. What a friend you are.” He tells me. I laugh, he laughs, and punches me in the arm for laughing. He says that I don’t get to laugh with him. I tell him that’s one of the reasons I didn’t go because if I did I would look like him right now, and feel what he feels like right now. And I could only imagine what he feels like. Then he tells me that it doesn’t matter how he feel now its how he felt last night that matters. I watch him.9

“Really?” I say when we walk off the bus.
“Yeah. It was amazing.”
“See, you had fun.” He nods.
“I wish you were there though.” I let out a sigh, but its quiet and Tanner doesn’t hear it.
“So what did you do at home?” I think about the question.
“Sleep.” He laughs.
“How exciting.” I laugh back, but it’s a weak one.
“Hey, you okay?” I look straight ahead of me where all the people that walk the hallway will be the same thing there are to me now. Nothing.
“Yeah.” I lie.10

Schools almost over and I watch the world outside the window. I hear footsteps in the hallway. My head turns and I look at the door. Someone walks in and goes straight to the teacher. It’s a girl, purple, she has purple converses. She’s drawn on them. There’s teeth on the tip of her shoe, heh. She hears me giggle. 11

She faces me and looks down at her feet, and then she slowly moves her head up. Her eyes meet mine, and for a second I could have swore the world stopped. Her hair dangles in the air as she still stares at me. The teacher calls her name. KC. 12

She turns back. I’m still for a while, but then I go back to my paper. They talk for a good amount of time. Something about not finding the class, she’s obviously new because I’ve never saw her before. 13

“You can have a seat right over there by Caleb.” Ms. Collins says. I don’t hear her move so I turn around and say “That’s me.” She says oh and sits down next to me. I glance over at her. She glances back and I look away. 14

“Hi.” I finally say, still watching the clouds. She doesn’t say anything. I sigh.
“So do you like it so far?” I guess I caught her off guard.
“Huh?” She says. I sigh again and look at her.
“Did you like the school?” I choke on the words when I see her face. She nods and then I say oh.
“I’m K-“
“C. I heard when you guys were talking”
“Oh.” I nod
“It’s okay.” I eye her. She continues on.
“The school, but then again it’s only my first day here. It might get worse later on.” I chuckle. She looks surprised when I do as if I wasn’t suppose to.
“I agree. Don’t stress yourself out. I was new two months ago. I’m perfectly fine.” I assured.
“Well, if you say so, I take your word on it.” I smile.
“I’m not making any promises.” She smiles back.
“I know.” The bell rings and I sit up and start to walk. I stop when KC calls my name.
“Yeah.” I say when she catches up to me. We’re in the middle of the hallway, and people move around us.15

“Could you help me with something?” I raise my eyebrows.
She takes me to her locker.
“Here it is.” I pull my hands out of my pockets, and scratch my head. I move toward her locker. My hands lands on it while the other is on the knob.
“Combo.” I say.
“Um.” I look up at her.
“You do have a combo, right?” I ask.
“Yeah. It’s just I-“ I cut her off.
“I’m not going to remember it. So you don’t have to worry about me stealing things out of your locker.”
“I wasn’t-“ I cut her off again.
“I know. Just letting you know.” I look back and see Tanner with his group, laughing up a storm. He sees me.
“Okay, um, it’s... The words blur out. I can’t hear her with all these loud people.
“Caleb, dude!” Tanner exclaims. KC studies him then me.
“Hey, guys I’ll see you later.” He tells the guys. They say bye and time moves on. Tanner winks at me. He’s getting the wrong idea.
“Sup, dude?” I shake my head.
“Nothing, really.” I admit.
“Really?” He observes KC. I roll my eyes.
I give him a look and insist it’s nothing. I tell him to get lost, and he tells me to stop being a fagg0t. I really want to punch him right now. He leaves and KC stands there.
“Your combo.” I repeat.
“10-24-45.” I do it, and it opens.
Thanks she says. I lean against a locker beside hers, with my arms crossed, watching her place her supplies delicately inside. She stands up and closes her locker shut.
“Thank you, again.” I put on a grin.
“No problem. See you tomorrow.”
“Bye, Caleb.” She spoke quietly.
Bye.16