Insomnia-pt. 27

We separate into our cars and start driving.  After about two minutes Damien passes Jordan and Alex and motions for them to keep following.  I give Damien directions to the old park that hasn't been used since I was eight.  We stop there and I get out.  Alex and Jordan aren't far behind.1

"Wanna vent?"  Damien suggested.2

I sat down on the damp grass and took off my flip-flops.  I stood up, the feeling of the grass underneath my feet tickling me slightly.  I felt my anger boil up inside me and I walk around in circles, breathing heavily and muttering to myself.  3

I start pacing back and forth and I see the tree, that's when it hits the hardest.  I growl in frustration, that growl turns into a scream and I punch the tree as hard as I can.  I can feel my skin split and I can hear my heart pounding in my ears as I stare at my fist which is already swollen and bleeding.  Strangely I don't feel anything, I'm too mad to feel.4

Alex, Jordan and Damien all stare at me in awe, I can see the fear of having another breakdown flashing in Alex and Jordan's eyes.  I sit down, crossing my legs and staring out at the park, the old decaying sea-saws that hadn't been used in over six years, the swings with the rusted chains and the basketball course that was lifeless.  5

A dull throb starts in my hand and I cradle it, I stand up, a solitary tear floating down my cheek.  I migrate over to Alex, Jordan and Damien and I smile at them.6

"I'm ok.  Don't worry,"  I tell them, shaking my hand and hissing at the pain. 7

"You should get that looked at," Jordan says.8

I shake my head, "I've done worse in my sleep.  I'll just wash it off and bandage it up when I get home.  I'm just too pissed off to go back there right now."  I fume.  9

Damien took my chin between his thumb and forefinger and moved it to the side that I was slapped on.  He looked at the hand print, "she got you good."  He tells me.10

I shake my head out of his grasp and just nod, "oh well.  Tomorrow it'll be like nothing happened.  That's just how my mom works, that's how I work."11

"Yeah, but that's not how we work."  Jordan says, I can see the anger in all their eyes.  12

"Just forget it."  I say, shrugging.  I lift up Damien's left arm and glance at his watch, seven forty-two.  13

"You ok?"  Alex asks, she looks mortified at the fact that she saw my mom slap me.14

"Yeah, I'm fine."  I take in a deep breath, the fresh air calming me down slowly.  "I'm not going to freak out again, don't worry.  Like I said, tomorrow morning, she's going to make me take all my meds and we'll go around acting like it never happened and everything will be back to normal.15

Normal. The word alone was so comforting, yet so foreign.  In the grand scheme of things...did I really know what normal meant?16