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I awoke to a dazed, familiar, yet bloody face, staring down at me. It was still dark, but I could tell that it was a vampires face. I have to say I gave a small scream, and covered my neck with one hand, while making a fist with the other. I knew that I couldn't do anything against a vampire with just my fists and feet, but was perpared to try for my life. but something stopped me. It was a vampire's face, no dout, yet held an expression that I had never seen a vampire wear. It was of love.
"Vicky?" I whispered. are you alright?"
"Just tired." he replied.
there was an odd pause, before I smiled at him, "Thanks for fighting them. Can I return the favor by healing you with my herbs?"
"No" Vicky said. "The vampires would notice for sure..." His voice trailed off. I stood up to peer at his scares, it was dark but I could faintly make out deep dark lines across his skin.
"Vicky!" I nearly screamed. "These scares could kill you!" "Hope, I'm immortal now."
"I know" I said, "but these will scar you for life, and beyond. if we don't hurry."
Vicky seemed to turn even whiter under the blood, and gashes. "Please let me at least help you a bit?" I pleaded "I beg you."
Vicky nodded, and then winced, as his neck moved. "If you must."2
A minute later, I ran into the part of the woods where the Emberaria plant, which numbs pain, and the Quayo plant, which heals wounds, from the inside grows.
As soon as I found them, I hurried back to Vicky. I found him collapsed on the stump, snoring slightly. I walked towards him. I was smiling, But worry lines creased my forehead all the same.
I removed his shirt, and peered at his skin, looking for more wounds, and my smile vanished. The moonlight reflected against his white skin. His chest was covered in gashes, blood, and torn skin. My mouth fell open.The pain he must be in... I thought.
first, I carried him, yes, carried him, to a near by cave, out of the sun.
Then, I mashed the Emberaria plant into a pulp, which I spread across his chest.
Vicky's eyes flew open, and he screamed in agony. I winced, knowing how it felt.
the Emberaria plant, numbs pain, but has a slight side effect. For the first twenty minutes of so, the user will be in complete and total, agony. Then he will feel nothing. I couldn't bear to watch him scream and writhe in agony before me.
So I busied myself by making a fire, three more small pointed wooden sticks, and a small tasteless dinner for myself.
Halfway through my chores Vicky's screams stopped, but I still felt the guilt of hurting him, even though it was for his own good. 3
So the day went, and I did my best to care for him, after all, he had saved me. What I knew of plants, I Had learned mostly from before the world became ruled by vampires. As I sat on a sunny rock, watching the sun set, feeling water trickle down my bare back, as I had just taken a bath, my thoughts wandered back to when I was a normal kid. 4
I lived with my mother, Susan, she worked at a stop and shop. And got payed about five dollars an hour. We lived in a little apartment, on a dark street, in London. Life went quickly for my mother. She died at age 30.
I was 10 then. I was then an orphan. I didn't tell anyone. I knew that i would be put in an orphanage. From stories that I read, and movies I had watched, such as Oliver, Annie, and others. I gathered that the streets were better. Luckily I only had to live like that for a year.
Why? Victor Vamper became president. He's a vampire. He bit everyone, luring them with his beauty. And then they bit everyone. He banned all books about vampires, so people couldn't learn how to kill them. Before long almost everyone was a vampire. How did me and Vicky escape for so long? I, lived on the street, starving, and weak, where no one ever came. Vicky, lived the same way, but he was hiding from his father, Victor Vamper. 5
I remembered when me and Batrayio were together. He really was a nice guy. I remembered when me, Vicky, and Batrayio were the only humans left. Then, Batrayio, being the show off I'm-three-years-older- then-you-are-so-HA guy he is. Tried to take on four vampires alone. Me and Vicky, both being 11 then, and very good friends, ran and hid.6
When Batrayio came back, he had only a few scares. I was utterly amazed. Vicky was smart enough to think he was a vampire now, but wouldn't admit he was, and had lost. Thats when I fell in love with Batrayio. He came back hero, beautiul, glorious, strong, and with the deepest gold flecked eyes I had ever seen. I was young and foolish, and fell for him,into his deep black heart. Until he cornered Vicky alone one day, and now Vicky's a vampire. 7
I started to cry. Then, with tears in my eyes, I got dressed, and started a fire, grabbed my wooden poles, and sat next to Vicky, hopping the vampires wouldn't come.
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Comments
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Paragraph 5,6, 23: Scares=scars
Vicky's being Vamper's son is a really good twist
You should totally keep writing this story. I like it. A good way to make the chapters longer is by adding more detail. Sometimes details that probably won't affect the story is good. Sometimes too much takes away from the story. Find out where to draw the line and you've got a good start.
(i.e "I removed his 'torn' shirt, looking for more wounds, and my smile vanished. His chest was covered in 'deep' gashes, 'filled of' blood, and torn skin. My mouth fell open.The pain he must be in... I thought.")
It's really good though. You've got me hooked already

