Mrs McDonald's Murder

Mr McDonald and Mrs McDonald in their living room.1

Mr McDonald : Where shall we go for the weekend honey?2

Mrs McDonald shoots an angry look at him.3

Mr McDonald : What happened honey, you seem angry about something?4

Mrs MC : You think I don't know about you?5

Mr MC : ( very confused ) What do you mean?6

Mrs MC : You are never so nice to me. I know about you. Is it your guilt that is making you be so nice all of a sudden?7

Mr MC : ( exasperated ) Not again honey, how many times should I tell you, I don't have an affair.8

Mrs MC : So you think I am crazy, do you? Tell me where you were last night.9

Mr MC : ( anger rising ) I told you I had work to do. Its the end of the financial year and things have been a little tight.10

Mrs MC : and what about last week. Who was the woman who answered your phone?11

Mr MC : I already told you, I left it on my desk and my secretary answered it.12

Mrs MC : Act all you want, but you can't hide it forever you know.13

Mr McDonald rises, grabs his coat and walks out of the house.14

Mrs MC : You can't run away from the truth Jimmy.15

She screams out before slamming the door shut.16

***17

Three men creep into the dark living room, when one of them stumbles and falls.18

Thief 1 : sssssssssssh!!19

Thief 2 : What are you shushing for, you made all the noise.20

Thief 1 : huh, look who is talking, Who broke my glasses on the way over?21

Thief 2 : You blind bat, you didn't see the door in the supermarket how would that be my fault?22

Thief 3 : ssssssssssh!! why are you shouting.23

Thief 2 : He was the one who started it.24

Thief 1 : Shut up, this is between me and him.25

Thief 3 : Idiots, keep it down. We are here to steal not fight, now keep quiet.26

He listened in the silence for any sign of life in the house.27

Thief 3 : They must have gone out. Good, now James you go upstairs and search for the safe, Willy you search for anything in the study.28

The first thief goes upstairs and the second into the study, while the third one moves around the living room wall where a multitude of paintings and portraits were hanging. He feels around behind the portraits for and sign of hollowness, knocking on them. He suddenly hears clanging from the kitchen. He turns immediately to see Willy coming out with a cookie in his mouth and many others in his hand.29

Leo : ( hitting Willy on his head ) What were you doing in the kitchen?30

Willy : it wasn't my fault, the refrigerator is shaking so much I thought it was going to fall on me, and so I moved away into a shelf and all the plates from there fell down. I am actually lucky to have saved these oatmeal cookies, try them they are nice. 31

Leo : Stop shouting. With the racket you are creating it would be lucky if we can get out of here with even a couple of pounds.32

The creaking front door and the soft sobbing voice of a woman suddenly make them quiet. They freeze for a minute bathed in the sudden light streaming into the dark room as they see Mrs McDonald.33

***34

James hears a sudden clanging and at once hides in the closet. He waits silently for a while after which he draws up enough courage to come out of the closet. He walks to the staircase to see what all the commotion is about when he hears a bang. A spine chilling bang that could only be a gunshot. He runs downstairs immediately to try and bolt out of the house. He enters the living room and to his horror sees blood splatters on the carpet, and Mrs McDonald lying in its midst. He feels himself going numb all of a sudden.35

James : Damn those two. I knew it was a bad idea to get in on this deal. That Leo is such a crazy bugger. 36

He scans the house and finds nobody else around.37

James : damn them. They should have bolted. I guess I get out of here too.38

He starts walking towards the door hastily, when the door bell rings. He freezes with fear. After three more rings he gathers enough courage to walk to the door and open it.39

Inspector : Jimmy?40

James : yes ..... i mean no ....... I mean .... uh ..... how may I help ... you?41

Inspector : Where is Mr McDonald?
James : Yes .... I mean .... no I am his ..... cousin from ...... out of town.42

Ins : Hello. I am Inspector David Humphrey, I just dropped in to check if everything was fine. Is Jimmy here?43

James : No ... and I was just leaving ... for a funeral ... its out of town ... in Arizona.44

Ins : hmmm ... Where can I find jimmy then?45

James : well ... he is .... working late today, you can probably come again ... tomorrow.46

Ins : I see.47

He tries to peer into the house, which is immediately blocked by James.48

Ins : well then I shall be off, thank you Mr ...49

James : jamesssssssson.50

Ins : hmmm thats a lot of ssss.51

James laughs nervously as the Inspector laughs at his own joke.52

Ins : Well thank you James. And have a nice funeral.53

The inspector leaves laughing. James waits for the Inspector to leave and then exhales.54

James : I better get rid of the body. The inspector has already seen me, It would be stupid to leave this body and all this blood here.55

He quickly finds some covers and wraps the body in them. He then drags it out to the septic tank.56

James : I better make sure it sinks in.57

He ties a big block of granite garden ornament to Mrs McDonald and throws her in.58

James : good ... now for all the blood.59

He walks into the house and hears running water in the kitchen.60

***61

Willy : does it hurt?62

Leo : of course you idiot, what do you think she kissed me?63

James : hey where the hell were you guys?64

Willy : we were hiding, we heard someone drive up the road, we thought it was the cops.65

James : well it was, and if wasn't for me we would all be caught now.66

Willy : good good.67

James : and don't worry I disposed of the body?68

Leo : What body?69

James : Mrs McDonald. You shot her didn't you?70

Leo : no you idiot, she shot me.71

James : but there was so much of blood around and she was dead in the middle.72

Leo : unconscious you fool. Willy whacked her with a frying pan.73

Willy : yeah, I came in and wham, slammed her ...74

Leo : what did you do man, why do you look so shocked.75

James tells Leo and Willy what he had done.76

Willy : oh shit, come on lets save her.77

Leo : don't be crazy, you whacked her out cold and this idiot drowned her, she is probably dead by now.78

James : in my defense ...79

Leo : shut up James. Lets just get the hell out of here OK.80

The three leave for the door when suddenly the bell rings again. James opens it again and finds the Inspector standing outside.81

Ins : excuse me James, but my car seems to have had a flat, do you mind if I make a call.82

James : I am sorry inspector I am actually in a hurry right now.83

Ins : just for a second James.84

He enters pushing James to a room that is filled with blood splatters. He turns at once towards James when Leo slams him on the head with the frying pan. 85

James : what did you do that for?86

Leo : this is better than spending time in jail, Willy help me pull this chap into the kitchen.87

James : wait Leo I will pull him in, meanwhile you clean the carpets.
They tie the Inspector to the refrigerator and start cleaning the house.88

Willy : bad day, we had nothing in our hands and we almost killed a woman. 89

James : It was an accident, I thought she was already dead.90

Willy : at least you killed her, I am possibly the only person in this world who can't kill a woman.91

James : shut up Willy.92

Leo : shut up you guys.93

Willy : I am hungry. I better see what's in the kitchen.94

He walks into the kitchen. And a series of heavy bangs follow. Leo and James rush into the kitchen and find the floor covered with utensils. They see the refrigerator flat on the floor and the inspectors legs sticking out from under it. Positively smashed to death by its weight.95

Willy : oh oh!96

The light from the next door porch is turned on.97

Leo : run.98

All three bolt out and see a car standing on the curb. They get inside the cars. Leo pulls out the ignition and turns it on using a pen knife. The blue station wagon speeds down the street.99

< flash back >100

After huffing off from the fight with his wife, Mr McDonald walks off into the street and lights a cigarette. He pulls out his cellular phone and calls David his friend and inspector in the local police.101

David : hey jimmy.102

Mr MC : I'm going to kill her Davey. She is impossible to live with.103

David : what happened now, is she still fixed on the “you are having an affair” drill.104

Mr MC : You won't believe what she talks about Davey. 105

David : hey it's OK jimmy, say what, let's go off to the bar in an hour. I will come over to your place.106

Mr MC : not possible David. I have a lot to do at work. In fact I am thinking of going down there right now. It seems a far better place than with this devil.107

David : OK jimmy, just give it some time, I am pretty sure she will see the light...108


Mr MC : alright David. I have to leave, she is calling for me from inside. I guess we will take a drive and it will become alright.109

Mr McDonald disconnects the phone and turns to his sobbing wife. They both get into the car, as they always do after their fights. He drives silently to the river and parks the car by the bank. The beauty of the entire river is shattered by a loud bang of a gunshot. Mrs McDonald drives back home, alone and sobbing, she opens the door and finds two strangers in her kitchen. She fires her gun again and this time misses her target and gets the shoulder, and then darkness.110

< present day >111

James : slow down Leo.112

Leo : shut up.113

Willy : hey I think we have a police car tailing us.114

Leo : OK keep cool.115

Leo pulls over and leans out.116

Leo : how can I help you officer.117

Officer : there is something falling out of your boot.118

Leo : thank you officer.119

He signals James to close the boot. The officer walks beside him. James tries to close it but cannot get it closed.120

Officer : here let me help ...121

so saying the officer opens the boot to slam it shut and finds the body of Mr McDonald, shot through his head.122